Chapter 35 - Relinquish

Dawn was breaking over the distant horizon, early morning sunlight bathing the snow-capped landscape in brilliant shades of pink. Beneath a cloud of down, Leah lay curled into Matt's side, watching the golden colors of sunrise through the window.

Sleep had not come easily, her mind consumed by the events of the last few days. It had taken weeks to come to grips with Matt's lineage, even more to curb the sting of betrayal she felt after hearing the truth of his life. Deep in her heart, Leah knew a part of that had to do with Sam. So many years gone by and yet she still could feel the touch of his lips on her skin.

Since the day Sam left her crushed on the steps her mother's porch, Leah held all men at arms length, perfecting the art of being alone. Even now, she could still recall the sting of tears and the twisting knife in her heart when Sam Uley pressed the small engagement ring into her palm, asking her to keep the memory of their love because he could not. For days she had raged, begging for answers that he could not give. In those fleeting moments when her resolve weakened, Leah would remember his back retreating into the forest.

It was a bright sunny day when she caught him with Emily. The two making love in the green grass near a secluded lake in the forest. A place she knew well. A place where Leah had given herself to him. It was the worst kind of betrayal.

What Sam did not know, what nobody could understand was that Leah felt wasted. Used and worthless. Being tossed aside for another woman, feeling somehow inept in her own skin, useless and clumsy, was not something she could suffer again. In the space of five seconds, Sam and the damned wolf had taken every single one of her girlish dreams. One look. One look was all that it took and he'd thrown it all away without a fight. Leah hated him, hated Emily, hated the pack for not understanding the pain she suffered. But anger was only a mask to hide the pain of a bruised heart.

No sooner had Sam left her behind, Leah's father passed away. Frightened by the astounding transformation of his own daughter into the wolf, he'd died before her eyes while she found herself trapped in the minds of six unsympathetic men, helpless to control it. The guilt she carried, the hatred in her heart, anger at what was supposed to be embraced as a mighty gift from the spirits above endeared her to no-one.

All men left. It was what she knew, what she felt, what she'd been shown. Leah Clearwater had been abandoned in every way a person can be.

Somewhere out of the wreckage, an odd friendship had formed. Bella alone understood. Although Leah could not wrap her brain around being attracted to a vampire, she knew all too well the feeling of love and the swift devastation of unyielding heartbreak. Healing was something the two of them did together. Just as Leah suffered the pain of seeing Sam every day, Bella had been forced to live with a physical piece of Edward Cullen beneath her skin. Leah wasn't sure which of them got the better end of the stick.

When she and Matt had returned from their exhausting journey, they had lingered in the doorway under the moonlight, much in the way new lovers do when faced with the decision of the direction the night would lead. Always on guard, Leah scanned the trees, seeing the glow of a wolf's eyes in the dark. Sam looked at her with peace and in that moment, the broken pieces of her soul had healed. After all these years, she had finally been able to let her first love go.

The question of where this healing of the soul would take her weighed heavily on Leah's mind.

Over the past year, the feelings she had for Matt were acceptable because of the ability to justify that relationship with him of any kind was not a remote possibility. Not even a blip on the radar. The revelation that sexual orientation made no difference to the Fae both frightened and excited her. He'd stated this was the lifestyle he'd chosen for this experience on earth. Still, there were moments when he looked at her, times that he brushed past her or leaned closely next to her at work, that she could hardly breathe, believing that maybe, just maybe, he felt something too.

Now, as the two of them lay next to each other, arms and legs entwined as one while the world was cloaked in silence, the realization of what they had done together the night before and the events which had occurred were real... and so were her feelings.

Never before had she felt the same intensity with a man. Not the strangers she'd bedded in an effort to forget, nor Sam's arms wrapped around her when she was still just a girl. This was different from all of it. Matt kissed her with a sort of reverence behind the stain of desire coating his body with lust. They had made love though the night, binding their souls just as surely as they joined their all too willing bodies.

Matt's eyes never left hers when he slipped inside, save to press his lips against hers in a tender kiss. Beneath his body, Leah felt whole. Trapped by his heated gaze, she again saw the vision laid forth by Máire in the rippling waters. A life, children, hopes and dreams... all she had once despaired as lost was now within her grasp.

Somewhere between feathered kisses and recognizing that the sensation of his desire matched her own, Leah relinquished her fears and opened herself up to the possibility of love.

The feel of him pressed so tightly to her, the unknown strength of his body while they moved as one caused the ground beneath them to quake. Carnal and heady, the scent of his skin washed over her, igniting her passion with a slow-burning flame. As he made love to her, Matt embedded himself on her heart and mind.

Their union rose in a deafening crescendo of sensual delight, bodies pulsating with the need to satiate each others desire for simple affection. Even as the quiet moans of ecstasy slipped past her lips, Leah could not help but wonder if the man whose future was her destiny was the one pushing her over the edge of desire. If perhaps, after all this time, a man that she could love and trust unconditionally had finally come into her life.

Mind too awake to sleep, she carefully slid away from Matt's warmth not wanting to wake him. The kitchen had been issuing the seductive aroma of coffee, pulling her from the bed.

While she poured a cup, Leah stared out the window, thinking of the other thing they must do today. The small clink of metal against the porcelain mug would not let her forget. The ring on her finger practically shouted Bella's name.

How could they explain this to her? By now, Jacob would have told her about Matt. But, finding out that they were family... Isabella Swan was good with weird, but one thing she could never tolerate was a lie. That's what Matt had done from the day they met. He'd lied. There was no two ways about it.

Matt had known she was a wolf and what's more, he knew that Bella knew. Yet, he still had not said a word.

"I know what you're thinking." Leah turned, hearing his gravelly voice, thick with sleep. He lingered in the doorway, leaning against the wood frame, bare chested and clad only in a pair of boxer briefs that left nothing to the imagination. In that second, the only thought in her mind was to drag him back to bed, climb on top of him and spend the rest of the day there. No other man had satisfied her the way he did last night. Judging by the morning wood concealed in those tight boxers, he probably wouldn't be opposed, she thought.

"Another fairy trick?" she laughed, thinking the sound of her voice was hollow and diffused. Leah's nerves felt like live wires, ready to ignite from the sexual tension brewing in the room.

"No," he replied, pushing off the doorway. The muscles of his back rippled as he crossed the cold tile floor to pour his own cup. "You want to know why I kept it a secret, all of it."

Leah said nothing, peering at him over the top of her mug. Not even when stepped toward her, reaching out and gently caressing her cheek with the back of his hand. Nothing could make her lips form the words. Instead, she inhaled the heady aroma of coffee, shielding herself from the intense desire to kiss him.

Sighing heavily with regret over the many things weighing down his shoulders, he wanted her to understand. "I was going to wait, tell her today when we go over there, but I want you to know." He locked his gaze on her, the truth of it written in his eyes. "I need you to know."

"You don't owe me an explanation." The words were not intended to hurt, but were a direct product of isolation, a force of habit born from too many years of loneliness and sorrow. Leah was used to being kept in the dark and sometimes, the secrets men kept were best not revealed.

"I know, but I want to give you one. I want you to understand." Matt closed his eyes for a minute, recalling the first time his grandmother came to him in a dream. "Before I came back this time, Máire charged me with a sacred duty. To take care of her granddaughter, my cousin. Being asked to do this is not something our people take lightly. We are clan. That alone would have been enough for me to protect her. But Bella, she's family. Family that I never knew existed until then."

"So, I waited, knowing that I wouldn't have to seek her out. Already she was passing the gallery on a daily walk for coffee or enroute to campus. Our kind are naturally drawn to each other. It's a calling in our blood, part of the magic that binds us together. I didn't know what kind of danger she might be in. I only knew what Máire revealed to me. I prepared myself for battle. What I didn't expect was you." Pausing, Matt tried to find the right words to make Leah understand how he felt. "You strode into the gallery that night, turning my world upside down. I needed to get close to Bella, but you were always there, part of that package. I would have loved and adored you both even if there was nothing else."

"I have never known everything, only what Máire chose to share with me. After meeting her, you know that she can be rather secretive. I was told Bella had been pulled into the supernatural world by vampires, which is a natural danger to those of our kind who cannot mask themselves from their presence. She asked me to get Bella to return home. I had no idea Jacob had anything to do with it other than for protection. You were with her, so for the time being, I figured it was safe. Had I known more, I would have tossed you both over my shoulders and dragged you back here, damn the consequences."

Squeezing his hand in a gesture of affection, she smiled and said, "It doesn't matter now. We're here and that's what counts," willing herself to believe it.

"Leah, the future is subjective. It's not one of my gifts, but I saw the same things as you in that water. Even if I want to stay with you, I don't know if it's supposed to be me in your life," he stated, choosing his words with care. "I... there are things in your tribe that are a sacred calling. Things that involve my people. It's so much to explain and better left for Máire. It's a part of her story."

"I spoke with Old Quil after that night you stopped me from shifting at work. He told me that as a young man, one of our ancestors appeared before him. That she gave him the power to become a shaman. Is that why you're here?" she questioned. "To gift one of our people?"

Matt looked her square in the eyes, determined to answer with the truth. She had the right to know. "I think it's supposed to be you," he stated. "When one of us gives over our powers, we have only enough magic left to help us return to Tír na nÓg. We can't stay or we'll die as humans do, only much sooner. We're left weak as a newborn child and unprotected from other supernatural creatures."

The pangs of regret sliced at her heart, forcing the old wounds to bleed open at the seams. "So this thing, between you and me," she gestured, "it can't go anywhere."

Matt's gut wrenched with sadness, reluctant to be just another man who destroyed the beauty of the girl in front of him.

"I think... I think it's supposed to be you."

Silence descended in Leah's small kitchen, neither one knowing quite what to say.