Dear Raylan

Despite Nate's seemingly unflappability, Winona hadn't fared so well. They had moved into her nearly empty house as she couldn't manage to stay in home where her safety had been so compromised. Nate could see her distancing herself and wondered if his father had picked up on it as well. It was becoming all too clear that this second attempt at a working relationship was failing miserably. The love was there, but other details that surround daily life screamed out in incompatibility. Winona had learned long ago she could not change the lawman and had come to realize she couldn't survive the lifestyle he insisted on being a part of. Seeing Nate involved in this world and his reaction to the violence and disaster around him, only served to reinforce the fact that she would not allow her child to be drawn into this relentless evil. And with that in mind she kissed Nate's head gently as he slept, waved a silent goodbye, locked the door behind her and never looked back.

Raylan struggled with the lock and then promptly knocked some large item crashing to the ground. He flinched as the noise resonated across the room. He looked towards the stairs half expecting Winona to come creeping down and give him what-for about his late nights. But no such thing happened so he continued on to the kitchen. The glow from the light over the sink cast its rays over the counter pointing out a piece of paper that had been torn from one of Nate's notebooks. Raylan hoped that Nate had left him a note declaring he needed a permission slip signed or some money, but in his heart he knew what that paper held. He picked it up, willing his hands to stay steady and read Winona's crisp script. After he read it, he set it back down and swallowed. It turned out Nate had been right all along; it hadn't worked out the first time so why did they think it would work out this time. Suddenly Raylan sprinted for the stairs. Of course Nate was still here, she wouldn't have taken him, she had no rights to him, but still –

He opened the door quickly and was relieved to see the mound that made up his son in the middle of the bed. He walked over and looked down at the sleeping form and felt like a failure. The only reason his son didn't leave him was because he was simply too young and had no means to do so. He went to bed wondering what else he could screw up.

As he lay alone in the bed that he had so very recently shared with Winona, he realized that none of this was really a surprise. Despite moving into this oversized house and searching for a new place they could call their own; Raylan hadn't given up the rental house. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind he couldn't let go of that safety net, fearing it would all fall part at some point. After the shooting, Winona had stated that there was no way she could stay in the house where she had watched a man murdered, his blood staining the carpet leaving a constant reminder of the violence that not only seemed to follow Raylan but head him off at the pass as well. It didn't help that Nate was not only unfazed, but was quick to let Winona know that Fletcher Nix was actually the fourth to be shot at the house and the third to die. It was mere minutes later that her bag was packed and she was sitting in the car waiting for them to follow. With sleep still far out on the fringes, Raylan wondered how the hell he had gotten to this place in his life and why he had felt the need to drag his son with him.

Trooper Tom's slip of the tongue about finding Winona near Louisville must have been fate as it was the exact map that Raylan had needed to find her. He should have figured it out; she was gone but not all that well hidden.

"Can I speak with Winona please," Raylan asked as soon as the door opened.

Gail, Winona's sister looked less than pleased at the man who showed up on her doorstep. "What makes you think she's here?"

"It's official business."

"You always take your kid on official business?" she asked looking at Nate.

"The drive gave us time to bond, a single parent has to eke out every moment they can," Raylan said smiling. "Besides he's my personal GPS."

Before Gail could protest again Winona declared it was fine that they come inside. Gail unhappily stepped aside allowing the Givens entry. "Nate, why don't we see if I have anything in the kitchen that might interest you," Gail said.

Nate looked at Raylan, his brows furrowed, unsure of what he should do. "Go on son, I'll find you in a few minutes." Nate wordlessly trailed Gail into the kitchen.

"What are you doing here?" Winona asked. "I left you a letter." She asked after leading Raylan into the living room.

"Yeah, two very terse sentences, neither one giving me much satisfaction."

"Raylan I love you and I will always love you, but it is never going to work. I can't live with you and I can't change you."

"May I remind you, that you are pregnant," Raylan said crossing the room.

"I'm well aware of that, and that is what motivated me. Don't get me wrong Raylan we'll make it work it somehow. I don't want to take this child from you, but I can't bring a baby into this mess. Look, Nadine took Nate and left."

"It does seem to be a theme," Raylan stated.

"You have several men in your house, Nate even witnessed it. He has even shot a man for Gods' sake, which is not normal! When that man was in the house that night I was so scared that when he asked me to count down I couldn't think clearly enough to recall my numbers. But Nate didn't hesitate, he showed as much anxiety as a typical child would watching TV. And Raylan that scared the hell out of me; that he is so resigned to this life that he doesn't even know how to be scared anymore."

"He does have my genes; I tend to remain calm in difficult situations. Look if I could box him up, put him in one of those safes behind a painting on the wall and leave him there until the world was safe I would, but then I would never see him again." Raylan paused debating about his next sentence. He sighed and looked back over at Winona. "Listen, Nate is afraid that you left because of him, he is blaming himself."

"It is not his fault and I will be happy to tell him that, but he is one of the reasons I left. He provided a look into the future that I don't want for my child."

Raylan stood quietly chewing on his lips unsure of what to say. "Did you take that money from the evidence locker?" He figured his opening line to Gail wouldn't be a total lie if he brought up the subject of the missing money from the lock-up.

"What? No of course I didn't."

"Don't lie to me," Raylan warned.

"I'm not lying; I haven't even looked at it since we put it back in there. I'm telling you the truth. Look I'm not talking about it anymore let me go talk to Nate for a minute please."

"Sure, just send him out to the car when you're done," Raylan said as he headed to the front door realizing there wasn't much more to say.

Nate was in the kitchen pushing an oatmeal cookie around a plate and nursing a glass of milk. Gail was busy sudsing up dishes that were already clean. Winona tossed her head to indicate that she wanted to be alone with Nate; her sister dried her hands on a dish towel and quietly left the room.

"Hey kiddo how are you?"

"How am I supposed to be; your leaving has made him impossible to live with," Nate explained.

"That bad?"

"He's been thinking about you a lot, even wanted to take a few days off."

"Really, I'm touched, I guess. What's he been doing?"

"Drawn into Harlan crap, usually he can't wait to get knee deep down there but not this time. All he wanted to do was find you. He really does love you; this is all my fault."

"Oh no, Nate none of this is your fault or anybody's fault. Sometimes relationships get so complicated that they have to end. I love your father; I truly do, but…"

"But you don't love his lifestyle."

"Right, why do you think my leaving is your fault?"

"Because through me you see the future."

"Wow kid, you never fail to blow me away with your insight."

"I know our lives aren't easy and I guess sometimes my dad can bring out the worst in people."

"Yes but he can also bring out the best as well."

"I always blamed myself for you leaving him the first time," Nate said staring down at his half eaten cookie.

"Now, why on earth would you do that?" she asked.

"I figured he spent a lot of his weekends and days off with me and didn't leave you much time."

"We had time together; his hours were much more regular in Georgia. I did miss him when he was gone, but I loved the fact that he was spending time with you."

"Plus it was because of me that he left the safety of Glynco and went back into the trenches. And moved near my mother," Nate said looking at Winona for a reaction. Her face was a bit strained but still mostly impassive. "But I suppose it took the pressure off of you having kids," Nate said with a sigh.

"Yeah, well I suppose it did. Things went wrong in our marriage and it wasn't anybody's fault but our own. And that goes for this time as well."

When did you decide it was over? It was a few weeks ago wasn't it?"

"You are perceptive."

"You became distant, you seemed resigned to everything, stopped fighting for him to change or go to Glynco. I could hear it in your voice and I could see it on your face."

"Well you are right, and please don't take this the wrong way," she began questioning the wisdom of what she was going to tell him. "That night that Fletcher Nix was in the house; that was the night I realized it would never work."

"Why?"

"I was so scared, you remember I couldn't even count, that you had to do it?"

"Yeah, no big deal."

"That's just it Nate, it is a big deal when there is a man in your house with a gun. But it wasn't for you or for Raylan and that in itself is a problem. But there was something else that night."

"What?" Nate asked looking Winona in the eyes.

"You looked at the scene in front of you, took in all the details just as Raylan knew you would, then he looked at you and though it was nearly imperceptible you gave him a heads-up that something was off with the little game of grab of the gun. It was nearly undetectable but I saw the slightest tip-off, invisible to anyone who didn't know you well. But it was more than enough for Raylan to know something was off. It probably saved his life and for that I'm grateful, but Nate somehow you have been indoctrinated into this insanely dangerous lifestyle and I just can't bring a baby into that…to turn into that."

"I act the way I do because I have his genes in me, and no matter where you live or where you go; your child will have those genes as well. You can't run from this Winona, not totally."

"Well I can control some things. You weren't facing armed intruders before you came back to Kentucky."

"True, but my mother was still shot to death which had nothing to do with my father. Life happens and it isn't always good, but we can do the best we can for ourselves and those we love. I better go. It was nice seeing you," Nate said sliding off the chair and walking to the front door.

Winona heard the door open and close. "Smart kid," Gail said as she reentered the room.

"Yes he is," Winona concurred.