The Past Will Haunt You…this is the official final installment of The End of Innocence.
Thanks to everyone who has read my story, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Next week I will post a very short missive of Raylan's thoughts as he sat and stared at Arlo's grave last week. If anybody has any prompts for me with Nate and Raylan just PM me
If inspiration hits me I will add one shots as I have time.
Suddenly a second cloud of dust was kicked up as another car screeched to a halt next to Cade's. "Damn, I knew you'd bring trouble boy," Seth said trying to see what was behind the dust.
"Guess your dad got my message," Cade told Nate.
"You called him?" Nate asked incredulously.
"You texted me," Cade reminded.
"Touché," Nate replied.
"I just happened to be at Fort Campbell for a week of training, and then borrowed this motor pool car just to get here before you did anything stupid, but I guess I was too late." He said looking stern.
Raylan was storming up the incline with Tim on his heels. He looked even more pissed than Cade. He tipped his hat at Bonnie and then headed for his son. Cade stepped in-between them. "We were just leaving."
"Shouldn't need to leave because he shouldn't be here," Raylan glared at his son.
"Can I just have a minute Dad, please," he added, as Raylan looked at him shocked.
He thought about it for a moment and eventually nodded in agreement, figuring he might as well let Nate finish this once and for all. He along with the increased population stepped away, Bonnie smiling at the marshal.
Nate turned and looked at his grandfather in the eye. "Can we just drop all the pretense for a moment? You're a bad guy, a man who my mother fled, who my uncle fled. But you saved my life and that won't change. We have somebody in common that we both loved very much and she is gone now. But that relationship will never change. Now you can tell me how worthless I am so that I won't ever want to come back, and I can respect that, but once again it was done out of love. You're lifestyle choices aren't ones I respect or can accept, but that doesn't change who you are to me. You lost her but you are pushing me away for my own protection and I can appreciate it." Nate said, his eyes getting moist. "You knew we were in Lexington, but left us alone and I don't really believe you would have killed my father years ago, because you would have never hurt my mother that deeply. I will leave here and not come back, granting everyone their wish, but I just needed to have this moment. I needed to see this part of her." Nate looked back at his father. "It may cost me dearly, but this was something I just had to do or I would have never been satisfied."
Seth couldn't believe it, but at that moment he wanted more than anything to embrace his grandson. He couldn't recall the last time he had felt this way. Here was this boy, making more sense than anyone he had ever known and he had told him to leave and never come back. But love can make people do some very strange things. His blue eyes threatened to lose the tears that had collected. Nate had instantly seen right through him and he had never felt closer to anyone than he did at that moment as the two mourned what they no longer had; a mother and a daughter. He licked his lips then bit the lower one as the tear finally outgrew its mooring and slid down his cheek. He grabbed his grandson and hugged him fiercely.
Raylan stood there in disbelief; he would have sooner expected a herd of flying pigs or the even the space shuttle to land at his feet than this uncharted grand display of affection. He admired his son's ability to bring out emotions in one of the most severe people he had ever known. Despite seeing a shadow of a soft side, Raylan still had no doubt of what this man was capable of. Nate may not want to believe that Seth could have carried out Raylan's assassination, but the marshal had no doubt of its sincerity.
The two parted and shared one last look. Nate then went over and hugged his grandmother. She unlike her husband made no effort to hide her emotions as she reluctantly let Nate go. With goodbyes said and done, Raylan had Tim take Nate down to the cars. Cade stayed back with Raylan for the moment.
Cade turned to his parents. "He's an amazing kid and I'm sorry you will never know him. Nadie would be so proud of him, she loved him more than anything. I'm doing well and have enjoyed my life and I appreciate you just leaving me be. Ma, I'll call you sometime," he promised.
Bonnie smiled and pulled her son into an embrace, her tears once again flowing. She held her youngest son as long as she dared before releasing him. Cade shook his father's hand and then made his way down to where Nate and Tim were waiting.
Nate had been looking up the hill where a boy had ducked out from behind a tree. He looked to be around Nate's age and was wearing the very same t-shirt that had been sent in the mail. The two cousins locked eyes and gave small waves to one another.
"I wonder why he isn't in school?" Nate asked nobody in particular.
"Don't know," Tim answered absentmindedly as he continued to look around. The home was a good size with a wraparound porch and several outbuildings dotting the surrounding terrain. There were no other homes in sight but he was sure they weren't far. The land was a tricky drive that took longer than expected as Raylan had to stop and retrace his steps a few times. All the roads looked alike and it was only after the landmark you were looking for never materialized that it became apparent you were in the wrong place.
"So how mad is he?" Nate asked not taking his eyes off his cousin.
"Your dad? Oh he is pissed, I would so not want to be you. In fact I'm kind of scared of getting back in the car or what I might witness before he drops me off."
"Thanks for the support," Nate said his heart hammering in his chest. He hadn't seen his dad this upset in his young life but actually he could understand it and certainly couldn't blame the man. But still, he was in no hurry to feel the certain wrath that was to come.
Cade finally arrived and followed Nate's eyes to his cousin. He nodded his head towards his other nephew, who returned the gesture and then turned and jogged off. "Boy this is about the stupidest stunt ever," he yelled turning his attention back to Nate.
Nate nodded slightly feeling the doom close in around him. "Sorry," he whispered.
"Oh you will be, Raylan will make sure of that. In fact I'm ready to haul your ass around back of this car and exact my pound of flesh."
"I won't stop you," Tim said putting his hands up.
Raylan and Seth were having some final words which ended with a handshake. Raylan once again tipped his hat to Bonnie and turned heading back towards the cars. Nate bit his lower lip as he could see the anger not only on his father's face but in his gait.
"Do you want to tell me what in the hell you were thinking," Raylan said, the anger so apparent, his words had to fight their way out. He was towering over Nate, his eyes dark and penetrating.
Tim and Cade just stood there, unsure of their role in this developing family drama. They both believed that Nate had crossed a line and put himself and others in danger with this stunt, but weren't sure if they wanted the drama to develop right here.
"Raylan, I have to get this car back to the base, I'm just glad I was close. I wasn't looking forward to this training but I'm sure glad for it now. Anyway, all I told them was that I had a family emergency and would be back as soon as possible."
"Thank you for coming up and helping out. I'm grateful for your intervention and phone call," Raylan said.
"I wish you could be stationed at Fort Knox or Fort Campbell," Nate said shaking his head at the irony of the one base sharing the family name.
"Me too, maybe next time," he said winking. "Raylan, even though he deserves it, don't kill him, but you have my blessing and encouragement to give him a good old fashioned Kentucky ass whippin'."
"Duly noted," Raylan said shaking Cade's hand.
Nate recalled his conversation with Boyd in the car and gave an involuntary shudder. He looked over at Tim who just shook his head.
Cade walked back to the car where Nate jogged after him. "I'm sorry," he said hugging the man who was the first to step in on his behalf.
"I know you are, but you are too smart to pull something like this. I'm disappointed in you Nate, deeply disappointed and I'm telling you right now that if for whatever bizarre reason your daddy doesn't take care of this I will. Am I clear?"
"Yes sir, I understand, but I have a feeling it will be taken care of," Nate said turning his head towards his father.
"I'm sure it will be too, as it should be. You listen to him and accept whatever he hands out, cause boy you deserve it. Let your acceptance of your punishment define you, not this escapade."
"Kay," Nate said quietly waiting, wanting to say something more.
Cade smiled knowing what the boy wanted to ask. "You want to know what I was talking about before don't you?" Cade asked, knowing his nephew was wondering what the definition of a good old fashioned Kentucky punishment was.
"Kind of."
"Well look up there," Cade said pointing to Raylan who was stripping a branch that he just pulled from a nearby tree. Nate again, recalled the conversation with Boyd earlier and swallowed. "You'll survive it, we all did."
"Is he going to do it here?" Nate asked with panic creeping into his voice.
"I doubt it, just preparing, there are no better trees for discipline than the ones around here, believe me I ought to know. I think I've pulled branches off nearly all of them. I have a strong feeling Raylan is familiar as well, having chosen quite a few in his day. You did wrong Nathaniel and now you have to accept the consequences, do you understand that?"
"I'm beginning to."
"Now get on back up there and I'll call you in a couple of days." Cade said as he climbed in his car.
Nate looked at his uncle and asked, "How come you didn't tell us you would be this close?"
"Because when we have training, it's very intense and we don't have time for visits. There was no point in letting you know."
"Oh, okay. What are you training for?"
"Rappelling, you just never know when you might need to rappel down from a helicopter."
"Oh," Nate repeated. "I guess I'll see ya."
"Yes you will," Cade said with a wink. He then shut his door and started the car.
Tim took a look at the narrow limb that Raylan was pulling the last leaves off of. "Ouch," he winced.
"That's the goal. I've felt my fair share the sting."
"And now you will pass it down to the next generation," Tim said.
"Not a fan?"
"Not saying that at all, you do what needs done. I was a perfect child so I never had to face such fury," he said smiling.
Raylan's eyes got wide as he didn't believe a word his partner said. "Then tell me what the secret is."
"You're holding the secret, you can just ask my old man. I wasn't perfect at first, it took some time and encouragement, but by the time I left for the Army I had just about had it down." Tim said smiling.
Nate shuffled back to Raylan and Tim holding his head down so he didn't have to make eye contact. "Well we're done here, Nate get in the car," Raylan said, some of the bite now gone from his words.
They all took their respective spots in the car where Nate buckled up and then focused on the scenery outside his window. "Anything to say for yourself?" Raylan asked.
"Sorry," Nate mumbled again.
"Sorry for what? Sorry for dragging your uncle away from his job? Sorry for having me leave work and drag Tim into our family spectacle? Sorry for possibly putting everyone in danger? Which one is it Nathaniel?"
Nate hesitated looking at his father who was glaring at him in the rearview. "All of it I guess."
"Here, why don't you hold on tight to this for me. Keep it safe, cause we'll be needing it later," Raylan said passing the switch back to his son.
Nate took the slender green stick and set it down on the seat next to him pushing it to the other side of the car as if it would bite, and he supposed it would in due time. The drive seemed to take forever, even longer than the ride down which had seemed endless at the time. Nate concentrated on looking out his window while Tim played a game on his phone pretending he wasn't enveloped in all the tension that surrounded him, while Raylan concentrated on the road and glaring in the rearview mirror from time to time. He was gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles seemed to become permanently white.
Finally they made it back to Lexington and the federal building where Tim, ever so gratefully, got out of the car. He slammed the door and winked at Nate before the car roared off down the street.
"Are we going home?" Nate asked tired of the silence.
"Got any other place you need to be?" Raylan replied, his eyes flickering up to the mirror.
"No sir, just asking is all."
"You still got my stick?"
"Yeah it's here," Nate said pulling it towards him. It felt so light yet he knew it would pack a mean punch. Unless his dad was just putting on a show and it was simply a prop that wouldn't be used. But somehow he doubted it, besides, who was he kidding, he deserved every lick. He couldn't believe Cade had declared there was a family emergency and had come to help him, but he was grateful he had. Without the intervention he wasn't sure if it might not have gone a totally different way.
Raylan had watched his son as the boy appeared to be in deep thought. He wondered what was going on in Nate's head; he wish he knew as maybe it would help understand what had spurred this reckless field trip. He really had no idea what he was going to say to him, but he was sure he could handle it, the trick would not to look into those brown eyes and cave.
The car followed the well-worn path to the house. Raylan got out and stretched not realizing how tense he had been over the last few hours. He stretched his back and arms as Nate tread his way to the front door. "You forgot something," Raylan reminded.
Nate looked momentarily confused but then realized what his father was speaking of and slowly made his way back to the car. He looked through the window into the backseat, the switch looking so innocent but mocking him all the same. He lifted up the handle and pulled the door towards him moving his body around the black panel and reaching inside to grab what he had been instructed to. He slammed the door and held the slim branch in his hand as he met his father at the open front door.
They went inside where Nate walked through the living room and was heading towards his bedroom, the switch still tucked in his left hand. "Where are you going?" Raylan barked.
"My room," Nate answered a hint of hope in his voice. Hoping if he could get to his room he would be safe.
"I don't think so kiddo, have a seat," he said pointing to the couch.
Nate took a tick longer to move than Raylan wanted causing him to yell out to move it. Nate jerked in response to his father's order and quickly turned and planted himself onto the couch. He had been trying to decide how he wanted to play this, and common sense would say to use lots of yes sirs and no sirs and apologize many times. But he still had so many questions and feared the topic would never be allowed to see the light of day ever again.
"Let's start by you telling me what the hell you were thinking," Raylan said as he took his hat off and set it down on the coffee table that he was currently using as seat. He sat on the sturdy table looking at his son who was trying to sink down into the couch. "Well?" he repeated his eyebrows raised up.
"I don't know, I just needed to know where she came from. It's like her dad came out of nowhere and helped save me. Suddenly there was whole 'nother branch in my family tree and I wanted to be a part of it."
"But you were told to stay away, why didn't you?"
Nate shrugged his shoulders. "I tried, but it was all I could think about. I needed to touch base with them."
"And I told you no and with good reason."
"But you wouldn't tell me that reason."
"I wouldn't tell you?" Raylan questioned. "I explained to you what they were capable of, what the family business was. What about them being in the gun business indicated that you should go running to them?"
"They sent me a t-shirt; I just wanted to be a part of something." Nate shrugged.
"Something your mother worked very hard to get you away from, yet you spit on her memory and defied her and me."
"I didn't spit on her memory," Nate defended.
"Yes you did," Raylan said leaning in towards his son. "This is the last thing she would have wanted, yet you showed her memory no respect, and you showed me no respect. You just went off and did whatever the hell you wanted. As hard as it may be sometimes you just have to do what you're told whether you like it or not. Now I want you to look at me son," he said waiting as Nate continued to look at the floor. "Look at me son."
Nate raised his head, his brain spinning from his father's words. "But you don't always do what you're told."
"I'm an adult and am allowed to make the decisions I feel are best. But I have to deal with consequences just as you have to."
"Like being sent back to Kentucky for killing that guy in Miami," Nate asked.
"All you need to know is that right now in your stage of life there is no democracy, you accept what I tell you and you do it, no questions asked. Well actually you can ask me questions but you still abide by the rules I give you."
"What if they don't make sense, like keeping me away from my family?"
"Nathaniel, I am your family. You and me are a unit. The Campbell's are involved in things that I don't want you to even know about much less be a part of. Don't you trust me? Don't you think I have your best interests at heart?"
"I trust you," Nate admitted.
"Then what the hell is your problem?"
"I hate not knowing things."
"Well then here you go, your cousin Cale wanted to send you a shirt so he did. You two are three months apart in age and I have a feeling he wanted to connect with you to escape what you so enthusiastically jumped in to. Seth, along with your uncles have been locked up more than they have been on the outside, they kill people, extort people and are just plain cruel and dishonest. Is that what you want to be a part of?"
"No, I guess not. Dad," Nate said looking up at Raylan his eyes soft, "did Seth really want to kill you?"
"I believe he would do anything to get what he wants, and if he felt my death would help with that, then yes I do believe it."
"And that's why Mom left, to protect you?"
"Seth generally gets what he wants," Raylan said dryly.
"But why would he save me only to hurt me, why do you think I would have been in danger by going down there?"
"You play by his rules; he doesn't like surprises because he isn't in charge. Nate, he has been known to protect and save people, only so he could kill them himself. It's all about control – you took his control away today. It threw him for a loop and we were concerned about exactly where he would land when he fell from that loop. He is unstable and capable of being very brutal – kind of like a wild animal, you just never know what you're going to get." Raylan shifted his weight and looked at his son who was chewing on the information he had just received. Finally he broke the brief silence and asked, "I need to know who took you down there?"
Nate looked a bit surprised with the question. He had forgotten that his father would be curious about his mode of transportation. "A friend of mine from school, his brother took me," Nate lied.
Raylan was unsuccessful at preventing a smile. "Who is your friend?"
"Jeff, his brother works down there so he really knows the roads."
Raylan shook his head. "For a really smart kid you are being really stupid. Did you forget that you had no idea where the Campbell's lived? If you didn't know then how could you have given directions? Their place is hard to find, I had to backtrack more than once so don't give me this bullshit that a friend took you there, it had to be somebody familiar with not only Harlan County but where the Campbell compound is. Now let's try this again, who took you?"
"I can't say," Nate said.
Raylan stood up, unsure what he was going to do when his phone rang. He looked at the display and pushed the answer button. The conversation was quickly ended as he put off the questions a fellow marshal was asking until tomorrow. But as he clicked the end button his phone gave him a clue. "Now who would you know that would not only be willing to take you down to Harlan but would know where your grandparents live," he said as scanned his address book. "Dammit, Boyd Crowder, of course." He said answering his own question. "What the hell were you thinking, calling Boyd to drive you?"
"I didn't have a lot of choices," Nate admitted.
"I wouldn't consider him a wise choice. It wasn't all that long ago I found you behind a locked door with a gun all because the very same Boyd Crowder was in the front yard. Now what changed?"
"Nothing really, desperation I guess."
"Well Mr. Crowder and I will be having a talk," Raylan said angrily.
"Don't tell I told you, I said I wouldn't."
"I don't think you are in the position to demand anything young man. Do you want to know what bothers me the most about all this?" Raylan asked sitting back down, picking up his hat and fiddling with it in his hands.
"What?" Nate asked quietly.
"Your selfishness, what you did was purely selfish. It was all about you and you gave no consideration to anybody else around you, and that includes the Campbell's."
The declaration caught Nate by surprise as he hadn't thought about it in that way, but his father was right, he had only thought of himself. He made this trek purely because he had wanted to and gave no regard to anybody else. He involved his uncle by texting him because he did have concerns and wanted somebody to know his plans, but by doing so he unfairly dragged the man into something he should have never had to deal with. He also involved his grandmother and cousin, allowing them just a glimpse of their lost kin. As Nate thought about this bombshell of reality, Raylan was also lost in his own thoughts.
"Raylan you need to quit being so damn selfish," Nadine was telling him during one visit when Nate was six. A house in the neighborhood had caught fire and been condemned, but despite the keep out and no trespassing signs the kids in the area couldn't help but invite themselves past the boarded up windows and barriers to hang out. The older kids loosened some boards and the younger ones followed their counterparts inside. Nadine had told Nate over and over not to go near the house but she had caught him once and suspected he had been back since then.
"I punished him but obviously it didn't take as I had hoped. Now I know the last thing you want to do on your visit is discipline him but its part of the job."
"I just don't get to see him that often and I don't want him to be mad at me the whole time I'm here," Raylan argued.
"I understand that, but I'm always the bad guy, telling him to finish his homework, eat his vegetables, go to bed and on and on. You come down and it's one big party. So I am asking you to not be so selfish and be his father not his buddy. You need to remind him that you are a parent, his parent and will correct him when he does wrong." Nadine finished.
And in the end Raylan had stepped up and disciplined his son who stayed away from the house until it was finally knocked down. It did take a bit of joy out of their long weekend together, but the boy quickly got over the drama and Raylan felt much better about his place in his son's life. And now he found himself in that place again only on a much grander scale.
He was shaken from his memory as Nate was attempting to give him the switch. "Can it be time?" he asked his face tentative.
"I think we've covered everything. Look Nate the bottom line is, you are a great kid, it's just sometimes you don't make the best choices and our choices are what can make a man great. Remember that it's what you do when nobody is looking that defines you."
Nate nodded his face solemn. "I understand. You said mom had left to protect me, to free me from her past. And it's just that to be truly free, you need to know what you're free from. Now I know because I've seen it for myself."
"You ought to be giving me advice." Raylan answered steering his son towards the dining room table. His mind flashed back to the many punishments that Arlo had handed out over the years, few, if any, out of love. He settled Nate against the table; he grasped the switch so tightly it was biting into the skin on his hand. He looked at his sons' small, fragile frame as he inhaled deeply. He had been in that position so many times in his youth, sometimes deserving, but often times not. There was no doubt that Nate deserved this but suddenly Raylan was unsure. The boy had seemingly learned a powerful lesson and hadn't been satisfied until he had seen what he needed for himself, not accepting merely the words and warnings given to him; did that make him a bad kid? On the contrary it made just what Raylan had always feared – it made his son just like him. Nate was merely following the genetic path laid out before him. He saw a lot of himself in his son and that scared the hell out of him.
Nate turned to look back, wondering what was taking so long when Raylan pulled him all the way around and pulled him into an embrace. He feared the boy might pull away but he not only stood his ground he reciprocated and suddenly he knew they would be okay. "I'm sorry, but I take things head first, I don't scare easy… it's just that I'm second generation." Nate stammered.
"Second generation what?" Raylan asked.
"Second generation you." Nate stated.
"That you are," Raylan concurred, deciding he didn't have to be a second generation Arlo.
"Can we get this over with," Nate asked his big brown eyes almost pleading.
"What you said, about knowing what you had been freed from –
"Yeah?"
"You put it very poignantly and I guess I had never thought of it that way. You are already the man I hope to be."
"You're a good man, don't think that you aren't."
"I do often wonder."
"Why, because everybody keeps leaving you?"
Again Raylan was surprised by his son's maturity and emotional intelligence. "I suppose that might be it."
"I'm not leaving you, I won't leave you. I promise," Nate said just above a whisper. "We have to stick together; we're the only ones who truly understand each other."
Raylan shook his head in disbelief of Nate's wisdom. "I suppose you're right about that."
"So can we do this?" Nate asked nodding towards the switch still in Raylan's hand.
"Do we need to?"
Nate stood, pondering the question for a moment. He bit his lower lip and then looked up into his father's eyes. His face seemed so intent and he finally spoke. "Somewhere, there's a world where everything makes sense." He sighed.
"It certainly isn't this one." Raylan said looking off to the far corner of the room.
"Or maybe it is." Casting aside his sanity along with his well-being he stepped back towards the table. There were at least a hundred other places Nate would rather be, but this was the one place that he needed to be and that is what made him his father's son.
Raylan bit back a smile and nodded, his son's actions once again affirming just how much the two of them were alike.
The End