This takes place at the end of the finale as Raylan sits outside trying to make sense of his life.

Deep In Thought

Raylan sighed as he returned to his chair outside after watching Nate sand the mud where he had patched the hole in the wall. A simple hole in the wall or more correctly what the wall had hidden behind it was the reason this whole Drew Thompson/Nicky Augustine saga had come about, and with it plenty of death and destruction. It's not like father and son hadn't been down a treacherous road before, but this time, it involved Winona and the child they hadn't even had the decency to meet yet. This life was hard enough, but Raylan couldn't seem to leave it, even when his own family had been at risk.

Nate had been staying at Winona's for a few days. It was spring break, she needed the nursery painted and Raylan needed child care, and despite his son's protests the arrangement had worked out well, until Augustine's henchmen showed up. Walking into that room to see his ex-wife, unborn child and son held at gunpoint nearly ripped his gut out. Winona had looked properly frightened while Nate only looked slightly annoyed. He wasn't sure which expression had been harder to stomach.

When he disarmed and shot the first man, Nate had flown across the room with speed that Raylan thought he was no longer capable of. The boy proved to be a great distraction and made the next kill almost too easy for the marshal. Then in an odd show of force Winona managed to get the loose gun that had landed on the floor and together the couple shot and killed the last man. When the dust had settled Raylan looked over to see Nate pouting. Fearing he had gotten hurt, he went over and squatted down next his son and looked him over. Relief pour over him when he came to realize Nate was merely upset that he didn't get to shoot anybody.

His son's mood only worsened when he too, was shipped off with Winona to a safe place while Raylan went off unbeknownst to Art, to get Nicky forever out of the picture. Raylan wanted this kill all to himself, after all he had let Seth Campbell finish off Quarles, the man that was about to victimize his child in ways that nobody should ever have to deal with. Raylan still hadn't quite reconciled himself with how all that had gone down. He hadn't even fired a shot and then was forced to lie about the whole thing; it just didn't sit well.

He knew he couldn't go off all halfcocked. Losing his job just wasn't an option, because everybody knew it was more than just a job, it was his identity, the very life-force that flowed through his veins. Without it, he couldn't face the future, fatherhood or any other important role in life. He had to come up with a plan. He knew he was capable, Nate hadn't gotten all of his brains from his mother, some of the boys' intellect had been drawn from the paternal side of the equation as well.

He knew it was like a game of chess, he just needed to slip in and say check, leaving Augustine smiling thinking he was going to be the one to say checkmate. It had only taken one phone call, his suspension and absolutely no desire to turn around to accomplish what was needed. One more threat had been terminated; unfortunately the list of those who wanted to harm him had grown, meaning that there would most likely be more to come. These threats were no longer just coming for him; they were coming for those he loved. Quarles wanted not only for Raylan to suffer, but he had wanted Nate all for himself, if they were mutually exclusive all the better for him. And now, now the circle had grown to include Winona and daughter who had been taken hostage even before she was born. Raylan imagined that Nate was jealous of her feat, beating him by years.

He couldn't quit, but how could he continue? He could just see Nate moving around in the house. How could he not love his family more, how could he betray them and their safety for a job? How could he continue on this path, but at the same time how could he not?

Nate stepped out of the house and saw his father nursing a beer as he gazed at Arlo's grave. He had a pretty good idea of what was going through his father's head. He knew Raylan was torn between the two worlds that meant so much to him and with no way to unite them. He had to watch Winona leave once again despite her admission that she loved him.

Nate was aware that his father's life had ever been easy and Raylan probably would have had no idea what to do if it was. He knew he would never be quite be big enough to fill the void that had been left, first by his mother and then by Winona, but he was surely going to try his best. Raylan had proved to him over and over that he wasn't perfect but was truly committed to being the best father he knew how to be and Nate only wanted to return the favor.

"Come see how it looks Dad?" Nate called out.

"I'm sure it's great son." Raylan replied remaining seated.

Nate looked over at his grandfather's fresh grave. He remembered two months ago when his buddy, Jack's grandfather died and how sad his friend had been. That was normal, but here he stood in his father's childhood home, staring at the final resting place of man he barely knew. He just couldn't understand how each of his parents had survived their dismal upbringing to make their own way in the world. But now that Raylan was back in the area, he hadn't been able, even with his shiny five pointed star, to resist the pull of Harlan and all that came with it.

Nate wandered towards his father whose gaze was firmly planted on that fresh grave. "It's okay if you're sad," he said. "I know he was a terrible dad, a crappy grandfather and a lousy person in general, but he was still your father."

Raylan was somewhat taken aback by what is son had just said. It was true his emotions were in turmoil with everything that had just happened, including Arlo's death. He wasn't even sure what he thought about anything at the moment.

"I bet it was hard for you when your mom died. I know I was really sad for me when my mom died and I have you instead of Arlo to take care of me."

Raylan looked up at his son who was standing next to him. He squinted in the sun and with a tight smile and nodded. "It was very hard; she was my one link to normalcy. I hated what she had to put up with and hoped that she was finally at peace. But I was also so angry that she left me."

"Yeah, me too," Nate whispered speaking of his own loss. "She would be proud of you, your mom."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Raylan replied.

"She would be I'm sure of it. Dad—''

"Yeah kiddo?"

"I don't want you to leave me."

"I have no plans to."

"But you have to promise me to be careful."

"I'm always careful."

"Were you scared when you came into the nursery and saw those guys?"

"I was scared that you or Winona would get hurt."

"That's how I feel about you all the time."

"Where is all of this coming from?"

"Because, you're always shooting people, one day they might shoot you. I mean it has happened once, it could happen again, but be worse." Nate explained his face a veil of concern.

"I promise you that I will always be careful, I'm not ready to die, not yet." Raylan assured.

"Are you sure, I mean really, really sure? I don't think Arlo or Mom was ready either but it happened."

"I'm better with a gun and I'm always ready."

"Okay, are you a little bit sad that Arlo died?"

"A little bit I suppose."

"Now you're an orphan."

"I guess I hadn't thought of that, I guess I am," Raylan said drawing a deep breath. "Come here," Raylan said reaching out to his son. Nate stepped closer to his father and Raylan pulled him into his lap and wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly.

"I won't leave you," Nate whispered as Raylan buried his head into Nate's chest hiding the tear that had finally escaped.