"What about when you get mad?" Idina has calmed down some, though she remains sitting on James' lap, exhausted from the toll of life and the tears.
"What do you mean? What do I have to be mad at you for?" James innocent confusion closes Idina's eyes against more tears. A flame of anger rises in James, not towards Idina, but towards whoever tried their very hardest to break such a beautiful spirit. From what he's seen they very nearly succeeded.
"I'm so screwed up. I can't get a hold of myself, can't get over whatever this is, and it hurts the people around me. I try so hard not to, but sometimes I hurt people anyways, by accident or careless mistake or by somebody going where they don't belong, but regardless of the way people are hurt and it's my fault. And then people get mad, and they say things they don't mean and it hurts so freaking bad and the whole darned cycle starts again." By the end Idina's voice has risen from a hushed broken whisper to a louder, frustrated, almost hysterical tone. She falls back onto James' chest, once more giving in to tears. Who knew one person could cry so much? For someone who rarely cries, Idina feels much like a broken water spicket recently. She guesses one would become so after such physical and emotional exhaustion, but nevertheless feels weak for crying so much.
"Dee...who did this to you?" James sits back in confusion, more than just angry at whoever is responsible, if there even is one person.
"I did. No one is to blame but me." Idina's answer is solemn and resigned, sounding as though it's been thought over more than once before reaching such a false conclusion.
"Beautiful, this isn't your fault. You've done nothing wrong." James' tender reply sends Idina into hysterics again.
"I've done nothing wrong? I've done everything wrong! It's always my fault! And I'm not beautiful. I'm a screwed up freaking mess. And don't try to tell me that I'm not because I won't believe you. I'll try and try to believe you but it won't work. And then you'll say it over and over again and I still won't believe you and you'll do get mad because I might never believe you and you'll think I want to stay stuck in this mess but I don't! I hate who I've become. And you probably do to. But what's one more person?" The end trails off as Idina speaks more to herself than to James.
James listens to what she says. None of this is new. All of it has been said directly to her or put in her mind by someone else. But who?