-"Sometimes, it's hard to hold on, so hard to hold onto my dreams."-

Fallout: Part 5

Jet pushed past his fear, past the screaming part of his brain that told him not to go near this thing. He needed to warn them, he needed to tell them that it wasn't safe. He had no idea what this thing was capable of, how easily it could reach out past his body and hurt the ones who would indefinitely sleep at his bedside. He cursed several times when it forced him back but on the fourth attempt he felt control again, he'd pulled the monster thin enough in that spot to be able to reach his motor functions again.

Everything was blurry and he could feel the monster scratching at his mind, pulling him and trying to drag him away. His back was turned to it so he couldn't see it but he felt the stabs of pain that shook him. He remembered screaming, or thinking he was screaming he couldn't really tell what was happening. But that didn't matter because he could see something other than black, the dimly lit room that must have been an infirmary. He tried to move and nothing reacted properly, he felt like a fish out of water. He could see Sam right next to him and tried to grab his shirt, something.

Jet got lucky; he managed enough function through the pain to pull himself to Sam. He tried immediately to speak but he felt the disconnection again, fazing in and out and disrupting him. He couldn't even bring himself to breathe properly, was this it? Was this all he could do? Jet strained to push again but the monster was starting to encase him, he could feel the space of his mind again like he was just pressed against a wall trying to get someone to hear him.

"It's okay, you're safe." Sam had said what he'd been scared to hear. They had absolutely no idea; they didn't know that everyone in that room might be in danger. He pushed again and tried to scream that Sam was wrong but it wasn't coming.

"NO!" He hurt himself trying to shout as loud as he could but all that his body managed to do was look scared, Jet cried out in frustration against the dark substance trying to take over again. He shook his head and beat on the wall, tearing some of it away to get back in there. He could hear Dean talking now, trying to tell him to sleep or some bullshit. He wanted to say more, he needed to but he just couldn't through to them. "No…" He whimpered defeated as the creature's malleable body crept up around the sides of his head, "Help me."

-"It isn't always what it seems when you're face to face with me"-

Daylight came and went and all that Sam and Dean had to show for it were sore backs from sleeping on shitty furniture. Dean had seen several different people come and go, the infirmary saw more bloody patients than anyone else and he had to wonder why that was. He was told that there were land mines all over the place, especially on the roads and anyone who wandered out and didn't pay attention was attacked by mutants or raiders. Dean wanted to get out of that reality any time, he hated the thought of accidentally walking into something like that. He'd seen Castiel, that guy was considered a top raider and he looked like a tough little piece as it was. Vicious, angry, and the worst kind of person.

Jet hadn't woken up again and the other Jet came by every now and then if he wasn't busy. It was a long day and Dean was getting antsy. What if his Cas had stepped on a landmine? Were the people he was travelling with kind? Would they carry him back or leave him there to die? What if he hadn't even come across the other Sam and Dean or he had and they just shot him for not being the same Castiel? Dean was worrying himself sick and it really didn't help that Sam was looking just as awful while trying to figure out what was wrong with Jet.

"This isn't like him… Something's really wrong, Dean. Why would he have asked for help?"

"We don't know that's what he was going to say." Dean pointed out, "Calm down."

"But Cas said he was trying to say help." Sam insisted, looking over at Dean angrily. "You can't tell me that doesn't count for something?"

"He heard the same gasp we heard, he's just guessing. It doesn't mean Jet was asking for help and even if he was maybe he's just scared."

"Jet doesn't get scared." Sam looked back the guy he'd been nursing, trying to forget the fear he did see. He didn't want to believe that Jet was afraid.

"Even Jet gets scared, Sammy. Hell, especially him. Do you know how often he worried about us? About you? When you were sick he'd stop by all the time, whenever he had a chance he'd go up and see you. Most of the time you were sleeping so I doubt you remember."

Sam remembered, it had only been a year ago and really it was the saddest thing he could have tried to think of at that moment. He couldn't forget the times the door opened so quietly it was unnatural, or the heavier footsteps that were slowed to ease the sound they made on the floor. But mostly it was the hand on his forehead, checking his fever and brushing stray hairs away. Dean had always said something, he'd always let Sam know he was there, but Jet never did. He just walked in, checked on him silently and walked out. "That's worrying, fear is different."

"He was terrified that I'd lose you, that we'd both lose you. He was scared I'd lose myself or work myself to the ground. He was scared, Sam. Don't ever take that away from him or think he's some kind of machine because he's not."

Sam was quiet before nodding, "I know… I know who he is, Dean, I just don't want to think that he's scared right now. There's nothing I can do for him."

Dean watched his brother's face for a few seconds, not sure what to say so instead he nodded silently and fiddled with the unimagined stick of his weapon for a few moments. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize…"

"What?"

"How you feel about him." Dean shrugged and looked up at the complete shock on Sam's face. But that wasn't all he saw, there was some kind of dark form coming out of Jet and reaching up for Sam who had been staring at him instead of looking at Jet.

"Dean, I don't-" It grabbed Sam by the face and pulled back, his entire body jerking forward but not able to out match the strength of his assailant.

"SAMMY!" Dean lunged forward and caught his brother's hand but it made no difference other than saving his body from hitting the floor. He watched the strange form take something from Sam; something slipped away and turned off his eyes like a light. Life faded instantly and he crumpled onto the infirmary bed, his hand still in Dean's. "Sam? Sam!" Dean grabbed his brother's shoulders and shook him, gently at first then harder to try and snap him out of it. But there was nothing, no reaction, not even a muscle spasm. Sam wasn't there anymore.

Dean looked at Jet's still form and felt his mouth go dry; his friend was trying to warn them. Something was wrong and Jet wanted to tell him. "Fuck… CAS!" He stood and ran out of the room; leaving his brother and best friend in a state he had no idea how to help with. Knowing magic didn't mean he knew what he was supposed to with it, what was happening or any of that. It all came with experience and Dean didn't know even a quarter of the things that Cas did.

"What are you shouting about?" Castiel looked over when Dean stumbled out of the building, getting his attention but an immediate distressed expression to accompany it.

"Not you." Dean frowned and looked around, "Are they here? Is he with them?"

"They're not here so I don't know." Cas sighed; sounding entirely inconvenienced by what was happening which only pissed Dean off more.

"Listen," Dean snapped and stalked over to the raider until they were face to face, "I don't give a shit if you don't care what's happening to us but I would appreciate it if you didn't sound like we were ruining your life every time you speak."

"Oh? And what do you plan to do about it?" Cas steeled his eyes Dean's way and pushed against him right back, "I don't see a weapon in your hand."

"That's because you don't know what it is," Dean nudged Castiel's belly with the blunt stick he hadn't formed into anything yet, "I'm a dimension travelling high priest that's been all over different worlds and realities and have fought a number of monsters you've never heard of. You really wanna take the chance that I can't think a word that'll blow you apart?"

Castiel didn't move for the longest time, their eyes glaring holes into one another until he finally let up. "Dean's dog ran out an hour ago, he usually only does that when Dean's nearby so they should be here soon."

"Thank you." Dean stepped away and looked back at the medical building, "I found the void creature, it's in my friend."

Cas followed his gaze and shook his head; "I can't help you with that,"

"I know. I can't help either, I need my Cas." Dean liked the sound of that 'my Cas.' He wanted Castiel back, they'd had a moment, they'd been so close and he could almost bring himself to ask but Castiel said they'd talk about it later. He'd never been so afraid that a 'later' would never come. To walk into a new world and find a friend in such a bad condition, he hadn't been aware that they could be really hurt by anything other than the void. That somehow the laws of the world didn't apply to them anymore, when someone from a different reality aimed a gun at him it wouldn't matter. And maybe it didn't but it still mattered if Sam or Jet were injured.

And now they were both unconscious, locked down in some weird way that Dean couldn't fix.

"Well if he's with my Dean then they should be here in a few hours."

"Hours!?" Dean snapped back to look at Castiel who started away from him. "You said the dog ran off when they were nearby!"

"Dogmeat has a great nose, can sniff Dean out from miles and miles away. It means they're closer than we thought so be happy." Still sounding cold but a little less, maybe he cared to some extent.

Dean stared after the raider's retreating back for a few seconds before running his hands down his face in frustration. He had to just sit and wait, watch the unconscious forms of his brother and best friend and wait. "Lovely…" He groaned, "And who names their dog Dogmeat anyway!?"

-"Like a dagger, you stick me in the heart, and taste the blood from my blade."-

"Dean, something's approaching." Sam warned as they trekked through the dark, his eyes squinting slightly to see it better.

"I see him," Dean smiled and walked ahead, "And I know who it is, too. Hey there boy!" He called in that voice that made Castiel shudder. They'd travelled together for a day or so already and it was just so disturbing for him to hear. All the nightmares he'd ever had about it and now he was literally walking beside Dean as a corpse and somehow he was supposed to just be okay with it.

Cas would give himself a pat on the back; really, because he hadn't done anything he'd regret or get shot for. Another thing that was weird was seeing a dog run up to Dean and lick him, wag its tail and generally be excited about things. Definitely strange to see but Cas didn't really mention how odd. Instead he smiled like Sam and continued walking.

"You have a dog?" He asked as they passed Dean by.

"Yeah," Dean chuckled and pet the large husky before moving to catch up again. "Name's Dogmeat."

Dogmeat, on the other hand, went behind Cas and sniffed his backside, prodding him forward as he did so. Cas, startled, looked back at the overgrown puppy with some disturbance. "He… thinks I'm the other Castiel?"

"Probably," Dean smiled and whistled for Dogmeat to return to him. The dog did so quite obediently which surprised Castiel. He remembered his husband well enough, that guy could only take care of machines and was entirely useless when it came to animals. They never listened to him and when he honestly tried they actually seemed to outright reject him. But not this Dean, he found a little niche and a capability that the others didn't seem to discover.

"I have a theory," Castiel decided to say out loud, getting both Winchesters to look at him, "The Dean's I know have all bee overly macho men who grew up constantly taking care of someone, even in their older years when that someone didn't necessarily need it. Dean, did you take care of a lot of people growing up?"

"Yeah?"

"Alright, but when you were older did you still take care of someone?"

"No, I… I ran into Cas and he took care of me." Dean wasn't sure why he was admitting this to a stranger but it was a Castiel, and this Castiel seemed more open and kind so it couldn't have been that big of a mystery. "The world I grew up in was different than the outside, reality was a bit rougher than I was expecting."

"Well that explains the difference in personality," Castiel smiled a little at him, "You're a little more docile than the others I've met. I mean, you're very rough around the edges and a lot more vicious than any I've met but… it's hard to describe exactly. I can tell that someone took care of you."

"Even if he did a shit job?" Sam laughed, earning himself a glare from his brother.

"Yeah," Castiel nodded quickly, "Even if it was done poorly I can still see he had been cared for during an important time. I'm glad, really. I wish I could say I've done the same for my…" He trailed off as the questions started to flutter to his mind. 'My Dean' were the words he was about to use. Which one was he talking about? Which Dean was his Dean?

"I'm sure you're doing fine with yours," Sam nudged him reassuringly. "Don't get so down on yourself. Dean's easier to take care of than you think."

"Watch it, you two." Dean snarled. "We'll be back in an hour or so how about we make it a peaceful trip?"

"Talking about you being easy isn't peaceful?"

"Sam, I swear to god…"

Cas smiled and continued in silence. He felt strange, when travelling with the others he was the stoic angry one all the time. Look at him now, the one smiling quietly in the back, making some light hearted conversation like Jet might have tried. Or maybe pointing out little things about someone based on their behaviour like Sam always did. They were rubbing off on him more than he'd thought. And while that would have bothered him before it didn't now, just another testament to how much he'd changed.

He couldn't wait until he made it home to them.

-"And when we sleep would you shelter me in your warm and darkened grave?"-