Disclaimer: I don't own YYH or the characters
Thank you to my reviewers, both anonymous and known.
It's been a really long time since I updated this one, and I really hope you like it. I have another chapter written, and about 5 chapters remaining after that one (just need to write those). Almost there :D
The three days Kuwabara had been there couldn't go by quick enough for the fire demon. Where he had begun to see Shizuru's apartment as his home, his desire to keep his presence there a secret made him feel like he had to hide in his own home. It kept him on edge, but he refused to tell Shizuru that because she would have just said to let her tell her brother. Hiei kept telling her "no" and then after Kuwabara left for school she had demanded to know why he would rather hide then tell her brother there was nothing going on. He had been so frustrated for days, and then having the added stress of being scolded like a child didn't help.
"I just don't see why it's a big deal," Shizuru said forcefully. "It's not like there's anything going on between us."
"Well, maybe that's what I want!"
Well, there it was. The words couldn't be taken back now that they were out there. Hiei was mentally cursing himself. He had wanted to get Shizuru to shut up and leave him alone. Telling her this was not something he had wanted to do, but he couldn't think of what to say to get her quiet.
She was really quiet now, though, and Hiei wondered if her face held the contempt for him that many others had felt.
But Shizuru wasn't silent because she was angry or held contempt towards him. She was silent because she was shocked. For the longest time, she assumed Hiei was simply happy to have a home. He had always insulted human culture, the Human World itself, but she had realized that he had rarely been insulting her and their home. She had never seen the distinction before. She truly believed he despised all humans, just some less than others.
"Hiei, I-" she started to say before he disappeared from the room. He hadn't looked at her since he made his confession, and that worried her greatly.
How could he have been such an idiot? Hiei could not easily get over what had just transpired. He moved aimlessly in the city trying to make sense of what had caused him to voice his feelings. Eventually, once it started to get dark, his rational mind returned to him. He was Hiei the Imiko; he was a Jaganshi; he was stronger than many; he took what he wanted. If she was, in fact, what he wanted, then why had he run away like a scared child? Once those thoughts entered his head, he stopped running and returned to the apartment. If she was disgusted by his confession, she would have to deal with it, because he was through being nice. He was going to take what he wanted.
When he returned, he expected to find the window locked. He had been planning to smash into the place, but habit caused him to try the window first. The window had still been unlocked. He figured she had simply forgotten to lock it as per usual. There was no way her offer still stood.
The scene in the kitchen proved him wrong.
He had been gone all day; he had made the remark that should have had him forced out of her life if he had not chosen to return and take all he wanted without caring. What sat in front of him made no sense.
Shizuru had made dinner, for herself and for him. Being that it was late, around ten at night, Shizuru should have been in bed, but she was asleep at the table, head using her arms as a pillow while her empty dishes remained in the center of the table and his dinner still remained at his seat.
She had been waiting for him.
Hiei's resolve broke when he realized that she had not wanted him to leave for admitting what he had. Her home was still his home; his words did not bother her. There was no need to take what he wanted, because he already had it, though he had not been aware of that.
"Foolish onna," he muttered under his breath.
Despite her being taller than him, he was easily able to pick her up and bring her to her room without much problem. He set her down on the bed and then got in next to her like he usually did. The whole day had been a confusing for the fire demon. He now understood that he was stuck at a crossroads of his identity, between who he was before attacking Human World and who he could be now that his past could no longer affect him.
It still affected him though.
In the form or nightmares, his past would haunt him, voices taunting him and berating his birth. He had the nightmares back in Mukuro's barracks, when he was weakened, and then again when he was weakened here. They attacked him in his weakest moments; that alone irritated him. Those dreams only made his spirit feel weaker, and then he would retort with anger and violence, something he no longer saw a point in.
He turned over in the bed to look at the sleeping human next to him. She knew that his nightmares were horrible. She had said so, that for it to make him appear as weak as he was, though she didn't word it as such, it must have been horrible. She offered herself as a confidant if he wanted to actually talk about the horrid images. It was a kind offer, but one Hiei refused to cash in on. He didn't want her to know his past. It was bad enough he confessed his feelings towards her. Thinking again that he shouldn't be there, he moved to leave again.
As he turned away and attempted to get out of the bed, he was stopped by someone grabbing his arm. It took him by surprised, and his head quickly turned around. Shizuru was awake and staring at him with slightly pleading eyes, well, more like ordering since her gaze was more commanding. She didn't want him to leave again, maybe thinking he would never come back again when she knew he needed to. Something stirred inside the fire demon when that happened.
Instead of leaving, he lied back down on the bed next to Shizuru and just stared at her like she was doing to him. It was like both parties were observing each other, hoping to gather answers by just staring. Shizuru was the first to make a move, and the move made Hiei's heart race, and that fact that he felt nervousness bothered him.
Shizuru didn't seem to notice his nerves or racing heart as she placed her hand against his cheek and leaned in to kiss him. It wasn't demanding, but soft and sweet. Hiei's eyes widened as his entire being froze from the contact. Never had he let anyone this close to him. It was so much different than being hugged by either Mukuro or the woman who he was currently entwined with.
The human psychic pulled away from him looking slightly confused, making his brow furrow in his own confusion. "Relax," she whispered to him. "I'm not going to hurt you, you know."
She had expected the fire demon to glare at her, call her stupid, and yell at her, but she did not expect the look of shock to appear on his fear as if that had been what he was expecting the entire time. Something made her feel constricted as Hiei's eyes silently asked her if she was being truthful. Relaxing a bit herself, she lied back down and stared at his wide-eyed expression. His eyes questioned hers before he finally let out a long sigh and moved closer to her. It was her turn to freeze when Hiei grabbed her jaw, surprisingly very gently.
His expression was serious, his eyes narrowing as he asked, "Do you trust me?"
Shizuru's expression softened before she smirked and rolled her eyes. "Hiei, if I didn't, you wouldn't be in my bed."
He answered with a nod before he mimicked her previous actions, pressing his lips to hers but with more pressure than she had. Shizuru allowed him to deepen the kiss before both of them stopped registering what was going on. All the two of them knew was that something changed between them after Hiei's confession. What it was, they were yet to find out.
The next morning, Shizuru had woken up first, staring over Hiei's form, both of them covered only by a sheet. She recounted the night's events and pondered on what this meant for them in the future. She had been hurt before by a dark man and, if anything, Hiei was much darker. Still, that didn't bother her. She just wanted to know what she had jumped into, though she was sure she would learn more about him now that they were whatever they were.
Hiei was sleeping on his stomach, his left arm acting as a pillow with his bandaged hand stretched out. Seeing him that way…it was the most peaceful he ever looked while sleeping, and yet it looked so natural. For the first time, her shifting and making slight noise wasn't waking up the fire demon, and so she took advantage of that. She decided to let him sleep, leaving a note for him on her desk letting him know she went to work but that she looked forward to being with him later. He could take that however he wanted, but she was sure she knew as she clothed herself in her robe to start getting ready for her day.