AN
Hey guys, I'm back! Longer than I expected because of school, but you guys know how it is.
Disclaimer-I own nothing.
No Escape
Chapter 19
Rukia watched Ichigo slip into the bathroom, and she knew by the way he moved so furtively that he wasn't coming back to bed with her.
Her chest tightened as her bathroom door clicked shut, but she refused to give in to the urge to cry. Or run after him.
She'd always known he would leave, and no matter how good the sex had been, it changed nothing. It was best if she got used to the idea of him going sooner rather than later.
Besides, if he'd stayed, she'd want him again. And if he was here, she might just take what she wanted and wake her son up with noises he should never have to associate with her.
So, even though her body felt sated and heavy, she dragged her butt out of bed and put on some pajamas before Ichigo could come back, see her naked, and change her mind.
And he could. She had no doubt about that. The man could read the nutritional label on a cereal box and make her hot. He'd nearly killed her with pleasure, and she was already considering the possibility of convincing him to do it again.
She slid her shirt over her head, and when she looked up, he was in her bathroom doorway, leaning against the opening. He was shirtless, and she stopped dead in her tracks, unable to do anything but stare and soak in the sight of his body. He had a sprinkling of hair across his pecs that narrowed and led her eyes down to where it disappeared under the waistband of his jeans.
At least he was wearing pants. That should have given her some advantage in resisting him, but instead, she found herself wondering how long it would take her to get him naked again-just like she wanted.
"You look tired," he said.
"I am." But she'd find the energy to stay awake if it meant she got to touch him again.
"You should go back to sleep." Without him. She saw that truth in his eyes.
"I will. What about you?" she asked.
"It's still early. I'm going to work on the security system and hang out until Kon is back from Ririn's. I'll be careful not to wake you."
"Are you sure you don't want to sleep a bit?" she asked. It would have felt good to curl up with him for a while and soak up his heat.
"Maybe later." He walked past her and pulled down the blankets on her bed. "Want me to climb in and warm it up for you?" he asked.
"I might not ever let you get out if you do," she teased.
Ichigo looked away before she could see his reaction, but he was silent, which made her wonder if she'd said something wrong. She knew he wasn't the type to be tied down to one woman, but he'd always been able to take a joke. She wasn't sure what to think.
Rukia slid under the blankets and accepted Ichigo's good-night kiss to her forehead. She felt insecure now, like she'd made some irreparable mistake. He started to walk away, and she knew she'd never be able to sleep if she was worried about what he was thinking.
She grabbed his hand before he could get away. "Ichigo, I didn't mean anything by that."
He looked at her and his eyes were a dark chocolate, almost black. "I know you didn't."
"Then why do you look so freaked out?"
His jaw bulged as if he was angry. "As much as I wish it was different, I can't be the kind of man you need. You want stability for a family, for the children you plan to bring into your home."
"How did you know that's what I planned?"
"Bunk beds and kid-sized furniture in the guest room. Ads for swing sets and toys cut out of the paper. Brand-new child locks on all the cabinets and drawers with dangerous stuff in them. You're preparing for a family."
Rukia nodded. "As soon as I know it's safe, I want to bring two more foster children into my home."
He was silent for a long moment, and when he spoke, his tone was one of bleak acceptance. "I can't be a father."
"I'm not asking you to be. I didn't ask you to come here, and I certainly know better than to depend on you or cling to you. I'm a big girl, Ichigo. I knew the score the moment you stepped through my door."
"I wish I was so certain. A part of me is tempted to stick around and see where this goes."
Whoa! That sounded suspiciously like he meant he wanted to try having a relationship with her. That didn't sound like the carefree Ichigo she thought she knew.
His thumb stroked the back of her hand. "But it's different when kids are involved. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment."
That little bubble of joy at the thought she and Ichigo could try to stay together burst. He was just like all the other men she knew. None of them wanted to be saddled with someone else's kids. None of them wanted to stay.
Anger sharpened her words. "No one's asking you for any kind of commitment. We had sex. It was great sex, but I'm not some little girl who can't separate a romp in the sheets from a real relationship. You don't have to be worried."
"I've never once worried that you would try to hold on to me. In fact, it's just the opposite. We share a past, and you know what a rare and valuable thing that is for us. Maybe I'm the one who wants to cling a little."
Rukia blinked twice before she could speak. "You do?"
Ichigo gave a casual shrug, but his tight jaw told her just how serious he really was. "Maybe."
"I'm sorry, Ichigo. I won't change my life plans for a maybe. Hell, I wouldn't even change my plans if you were on your knees with a diamond ring in your hands. I know what I want to do with my life, and I'll find a man who shares my dreams or I'll do it alone."
Ichigo's eyes went wide, and he looked a little sick. "God, Rukia! Is that what you thought I meant? I'd never ask you to change for me! What you're doing is too important. That's not what I meant at all!"
"Then what did you mean?"
"I just wanted you to know that this thing between us can't go any farther. It would never work out. I wanted you to know that I knew it, too. That way, if I do cling a little, at least we'll both know where we stand."
She knew exactly where she stood. Alone.
No. Not alone. She'd have her kids, and that would be more than enough for her. If she found a man someday, it would be a blessing, but if not, she'd be fine. Better than fine.
Sex with Ichigo had taken the edge off her inconvenient hormones, and all she needed now was a good night's sleep. After that, she'd be good as new, ready to face her life and figure out how she was going to manage to hold on to her career and keep the people she loved safe.
No problem.
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Ichigo had just sat down to eat reheated takeout when Kon came home. There was pep in Kon's step that hadn't been there before and the flush of infatuation on his cheeks. He tossed his backpack on the floor and went straight for the refrigerator.
"How'd the tutoring go?" asked Ichigo.
"Great. She's smarter than she thinks she is. She just needed someone to explain it to her so she'd understand."
"And that someone was you, huh?"
"Yep."
Rukia's untouched plate was still sitting on the table. "If you're hungry, you can eat Rukia's dinner. She went to bed."
Kon's head popped up over the refrigerator door and his eyes were bright with concern. "She okay?"
"Yeah. Just tired."
Kon grabbed the plate and slid it into the microwave. "No kidding. I was only listening when her car crashed, and I'll probably sleep until noon tomorrow."
Ichigo grunted. "If you're like most young men, sleeping until noon is the norm."
Kon sat down across the table and started shoveling food into his mouth. "Not for me," he said around a bite of eggroll. "Saturday morning study group."
Ichigo gave him a sympathetic wince. "You really are putting in the hours. Is it helping."
Kon shrugged as if he didn't care, but the tension flowing through his body told Ichigo his nonchalance was a lie.
"You said you already know the answers to the test, they just don't come out when you get nervous."
"Yeah. So?"
"So, if you already know the answers, then why do you keep going over them again? That's not your problem."
"And you know what my proble is?"
"Sure do. Performance anxiety."
Kon scowled. "Isn't that what guys call it when they can't get it up?"
Ichigo held back his laugh, but he was sure he'd damaged something internally in the effort. "Yeah, I've heard it called that, too, but that's not what I'm talking about."
"Good. 'Cause there's nothing wrong with my-"
"Dude! Don't wanna know! Can we focus on something other than sex for a minute here?"
Kon lifted a brow. "I'm seventeen. What do you think?"
Ichigo did laugh then. He couldn't help it. "Right. I'll make this quick. I think I know how to help you."
Kon looked skeptical, but interest lighted his eyes and Ichigo had his full attention.
"Have you ever done practice questions outside of the actual test?"
"Yeah. Sure."
"How did you do?"
"Fine. I aced them."
"But during the actual test, you get nervous, right?"
"Yeah. So what?" He was getting defensive, and that wasn't going to do either of them any good.
"Everyone gets nervous, man. It's just one of those normal body reactions. The trick is to keep it from messing you up."
"How do you do that?"
"You learn to control your body better. You keep your breathing slow and steady, which helps keep your pulse down. If you don't have a ton of adrenaline pumping into your system, you can concentrate better."
Kon shook his head, giving Ichigo a disgusted sneer. "Yeah, right. That shit doesn't work."
"Sure it does. It's how I became a sniper."
Kon's eyes flew wide. "You were a sniper?!"
"Sure was."
"That's so cool! Do you have your gun here with you?"
He did, but there was no way Ichigo was going to let on. His rifle was tucked away in his trunk, inside a locked box only his fingerprints or a diamond-tipped saw blade could open. That box was bolted to the frame of his Mustang, and, God willing, it was going to stay there.
"Focus, Kon. This isn't about weapons. It's about you passing your test so you can get into a good college and make something out of your life."
Kon put his fork down, even though the plate was only half-empty. "I'm listening."
And he was. Ichigo could see him listening with every part of his body, poised on the edge of his chair, ready to do whatever it took. Doing well on this test was important to him, and Ichigo was going to see to it that he did everything he could to help Kon succeed.
Maybe he did have something to offer Kon, after all. It wasn't much, but it was something.
A strange feeling swelled inside Ichigo as he quickly determined the best way to help Kon with what he knew. He wasn't sure what this feeling was, but he liked it. Later, maybe he'd try to figure it out, but for now, it was enough to know that he could help Rukia's son.
"What do I do?" asked Kon.
"First, you need to learn how to breathe."
"Breathe? I kinda got that one down."
Ichigo shook his head. "Not really. You'll see what I mean in a minute. Just hang in there, okay?"
"If it will help me nail the SAT's, I'll stand on my head and gargle peanut butter."
Ichigo's mouth quirked up into a grin. "If you did that, chances are you'd die. Don't get ahead of yourself. That's lesson two."
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Kiyone felt the rush of victory course through her system. She'd done it. She'd figured out how to get that metal rod out of the toilet, and now it was clutched in her hand, hidden under her body, waiting for her husband's killer to come back.
She lay on the bed, forcing herself to stay still and feign sleep. The squeak of floorboards overhead warned her that he was back. He'd be coming for her soon, and when he did, she'd ram her hard-won weapon into his eye and shove it into his brain until the fucker died twitching.
Her hand sweated around the lever attached to the rod, making her grip slippery. She wished she could have wrapped the washcloth around it, but she needed that to hide the hole left in the toilet tank. If he saw that, he'd know what she was doing.
Kiyone's fingers tightened, and she swore to herself she would not let the thing slip. She was only going to have one chance at killing him. She was pretty sure he'd never give her another. If she failed, he'd kill her just as he'd killed Sentaro.
Big, bumbling, goofy Sentaro. He was gone. She'd never again feel the warmth of his touch or hear his deep, booming laugh. How was she going to live without him?
Kiyone scrubbed the tears from her eyes and gritted her teeth. She wasn't going to think about that now. For now, it was enough that she needed to kill this man for what he'd done to Sentaro. After he was dead, then she'd let herself fall apart, but not now.
The light switched on in her prison cell and Kiyone's body tensed. She tried to keep her breathing slow and even, praying he'd believe she was sleeping. He'd woken her before so she could eat. She was sure he'd reach down and shake her shoulder again.
Only this time, she'd plunge that rod into his eye!
The lock grated open, the knob turned, the door swung out, and his heavy footsteps landed on the concrete floor, getting closer.
"Time to eat," he said. "Wake up."
She stayed still and breathed. Through a tiny crack between her eyelids, she saw his shadow fall over her body.
Revulsion coursed through her that even that much of him had touched her. And yet she waited for his hand to shake her shoulder, knowing she had no choice but to let him touch her even more.
When he did, when Kiyone felt his beefy hand make contact, she lunged with her hidden weapon, crying out with every bit of anger and fear and grief she had within her. Her aim was good, and the rod was headed right for his eye. Then a split second later, she flew across the room and slammed hard against the wall.
"Bitch!" he shouted.
Kiyone's head spun, and it was hard to keep her eyes open. Pain pounded against her skull, making it hard to think.
Lying on the floor at his feet, the metal rod gleamed. There was no blood. She hadn't even grazed him.
His brown eyes blazed with anger, and he reached down, grabbing her around the throat. He lifted her up the wall, choking off her air.
Kiyone kicked and flailed, but it did no good. He didn't let go. She tried to pry his fingers away, but he was too strong.
His eyes bulged with rage, and spittle leaked out from between his clenched teeth. "I try to help you and this is what you do?" His grip tightened. "Ungrateful bitch!"
Thick gray fog closed around her vision, and she knew this was the end. He was going to kill her. Right here, right now.
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Renji let Kiyone go and she crumpled to the floor in a sprawling heap.
Anger sliced through his veins with every heartbeat, making his body throb.
She'd tried to kill him. He'd kept her alive, cozy and warm in her very own special place, and she'd tried to kill him in return.
Ungrateful bitch, just like all the rest.
Her chest rose and fell as she breathed. He hadn't killed her in his rage, though it had been a close thing. Another few seconds and it would have been over. She would have pushed him over the edge and made him kill her too soon.
He had special plans for her. A job only she could do.
Renji picked up Kiyone's fragile body and laid her on the cot. She'd lost weight since she'd been here, but it was her own fault. He had to keep her quiet. Asleep.
If he hadn't been sure of that before, he was now.
Renji measured out a bigger dose of tranquilizer than he'd been giving her and shoved the needle into her arm. She wasn't going to be giving him any more trouble. Not for a long time.
Her uneaten food was strewn across the room, though she could scarcely afford to miss another meal.
Renji didn't care. He was past caring anymore. All he really wanted to do was put a gun to his head and end it now. He was tired of working so hard not to get caught and then still worrying that it wasn't enough. He knew it was selfish to want to end his nightmare without helping his brothers and sisters first, but God help him, some days it hardly seemed worth the effort. None of the people he'd freed seemed thankful for his aid. They hadn't wanted to die, but then again, neither did Renji. He wanted to live free of his nightmares. He wanted to sleep without feeling the sickly weight of Aizen's body pressing him into a musty mattress. He wanted to remember a childhood without fear and pain. But he couldn't have any of those things, and he wasn't strong enough to continue living with the weight of so much sickness hanging around his neck. It had to end. Soon. He wasn't going to make it much longer.
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Ichigo held out until just after midnight before he finally gave up the fight. He needed to be with Rukia. Needed to hold her in his arms and watch her sleep. Needed to know she was safe.
Kon had turned the music down about an hour ago, just like he did every night before he went to sleep. Out of respect for Rukia, Ichigo waited until he was sure Kon wouldn't know before he crept downstairs and into her room.
The room was dark, but a soft glow from a night-light in the bathroom made it possible for him to see his way to her bed.
She slept on one side of the double bed, as if she'd gotten used to sharing it with someone. That notion grated against him, turning his stomach. He wasn't normally a possessive man, but he didn't like picturing Rukia with another man. It made him a selfish bastard, because he should care only that she was happy, but he couldn't help it.
Her breathing was deep and even, and none of the faint noises he made opening and closing her bedroom door caused her to stir.
Slowly, he eased himself onto her bed, trying to shift her as little as possible. She let out a sleepy sigh but settled again without waking.
Ichigo was fully clothed and forced himself to stay on top of the covers rather than snuggling under them with her. He didn't trust himself not to take advantage, so he'd also left all the condoms in his room, ensuring he wouldn't do anything she might regret.
All he wanted to do was hold her. He didn't even know why. Normally, he extracted himself from a woman's bed as quickly and painlessly as possible. But not with Rukia. With her it was different. Maybe it was because they were friends. He wasn't sure, but he didn't question it. For once, he just let himself enjoy the feeling of holding a woman close without the intent of seducing her.
He moved his body so he was tucked behind her, the blanket and all their clothing between them. It wasn't as nice as it would have been with both of them naked, but it was nice enough that he wasn't complaining. His hand found a comfortable resting place on the curve of her hip, and he buried his nose in her hair, breathing in the floral scent of her shampoo.
This was it, he decided. This was what both Uryu and Chad had found that he hadn't. There was always a slow burn of attraction when he was near Rukia, but there was more, too. He wasn't here for the sex. In fact, he'd come here knowing that there would be no sex involved whatsoever. But still he'd come. For Rukia.
Maybe he loved her. He couldn't be sure, because he'd never really felt it before. Sure, he'd loved his mom, and he'd lay down his life for his friends any day of the week, but romantic love? He'd never felt it.
But he'd seen it. He'd seen it every time Uryu looked at Nemu and every time Chad touched Tatsuki. What they had was real. Lasting. The kind of thing that fairy tales were built on.
And that was the real problem. He wasn't a fairy-tale kind of guy. He was broken. Warped. More than a little tarnished. His dad had fucked with his mind and crippled him for anything even resembling a normal family. He could never be what Rukia wanted. What she deserved. So even if he did love her, he couldn't stay. In fact, if he really loved her, he'd make sure the idea of him staying never even crossed her mind.
He couldn't be her Prince Charming, so he had to be a man and step aside so she could find the man who could be.
Rukia shifted in her sleep, and Ichigo realized he'd been gripping her too hard. He eased off but couldn't bring himself to move away. Not yet.
She didn't even know he was here, so it couldn't possibly hurt her if he stayed. He might pay for his weakness later, but she wouldn't, and that's what really mattered.
Ichigo set his internal alarm clock for two hours and let himself drift off to sleep holding Rukia. It was the one and only time he'd allow himself the pleasure, so he soaked it up, let it fill up the empty places inside him that had been hollow for so long.
Right before he drifted off, he realized that he'd never be full. He could hold Rukia for a lifetime and still not get enough of her. He never should have come here and gotten a taste of what he couldn't have, but it was too late for that. He might as well enjoy it while he could.
AN
FINALLY. I'M EXHAUSTED. A lot happened and some of you might be confused but don't worry. People will get their acts together eventually. Review, if you please!