Author's Note:

I MADE THE MISTAKE OF LISTENING TO COLDPLAY'S 'THE SCIENTIST' WHILE WRITING THIS AND I AM FUCKING CRYING OVER HERE!

Okay I'm done but seriously wtf am I doing to myself

Also I added two chapters in a row last time, I hope none of you missed chapter 70 –where they ran into another Rift

Mainline

Sam had been quiet for hours, maybe days, Dean didn't know what to say to him. Dean didn't know what to say period. Castiel would sit at Sam's side, try to coax him to speak or even whisper but Sam would just look at Cas with those eyes, that puppy-dog look that broke them in two each time. Dean would try to sit with Sam but they'd do it in silence, neither said anything and maybe that was better.

John and Mary stayed with them; they stood their ground at their sons' sides despite the violent reaction it might provoke from one of them. Abandonment for all the world saving glory bullshit that they'd all spouted once before.

"It's not worth it." Sam finally said days later. Days of silence and pained crying came out in the words 'it's not worth it.' Castiel went to his side immediately and sat down, Dean wandered closer but felt Sam shouldn't be crowded like that, like he wanted to do.

"Not worth what, Sam?" Mary tried to ask soothingly and Sam looked at them all, his expression hadn't changed past the grief.

"Him. It wasn't worth his life. I should never have come with…" He looked down at the mainline road, at the Void below them.

"It's not your fault, Sam." Castiel whispered and rubbed his back gently, "Jet did what he did, you can't blame yourself."

"But he didn't want this. He didn't want to go down like that, to be sucked into some monster." Sam continued to glare down at the darkness of the Void. "You said that the vacuo has a connection to the Void, does that mean Jet ended up down there somewhere? Can we reach him?"

"No, Sam." Castiel's tone remained soft as he tried to refuse the suggestion, "I did say that they are connected and yes, if Jet ended up anywhere it'd be inside the Void, but he'd be so far deep in there. It's an enormous space, do you remember trying to lower yourselves down to In Somniantes? You couldn't take the pressure and that was at the edge. Jet's deep inside, I'm… I'm afraid he's… he's not coming back, Sam."

Sam shoved Castiel away, "Don't say that to me."

"You need to hear it," Cas insisted gently though he did give Sam a bit of space, "Sam, we're all hurt, we all loved him but he's not coming back."

Sam was quiet and shook his head, "No… he will…"

Dean bit his lip and looked over the edge of the roadway, "You mean the second vision?"

"That black mist… it's the Void that seeps out of his face," Sam covered his face with his hands and brought his knees up as his body started to shake again, "That awful smile and his voice will be so twisted. He's alive and he's in pain." Sam sobbed out the words, a wretched and strained tone barely understood by the others. "JET!"

Sam sat down with Dean and his parents, he felt sick. His head swarmed with memories and ideas of what his boyfriend was going through, what Jet could possibly have done to deserve that. In the meantime he heard his parents explaining what they'd been up to, the different points of the mainline that they'd been to and the different worlds they'd visited. He didn't care.

Sam heard them but he didn't listen, nothing remained in his head. He just saw Jet.

I love you.

Sam closed his eyes and pinched his brow.

What the hell are you going to do when one of those comes at you?

I'll fight it

You? A weakened version of that thing did this to me, did that to Dean's neck. You aren't either one of us, Sam.

Sam wiped his eyes and tried to pay attention to what his parents were saying, what they'd gone through after being hurdled into the crazy world of monsters and the Void. It sounded similar to their story, just fumbling around trying to figure out what the hell to do and where to go next.

Sam lost them again, he remembered Jet's face, burning hot, cheeks flushed and sweat beading on his forehead as he moaned.

Just because you're being quiet I'm going to make you scream, Jet.

Sam remembered Jet was nervous, he was scared but he didn't want to admit it. It hurt to think about. Sam ran his hands into his hair and pulled on it until his head to follow lest he yank it right out.

"Sam?" Dean touched him and Sam thought maybe something broke.

I said Sam's going with. The point I was making is that Dean can't protect him, doesn't mean I can't.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Sam and pulled him close. Sam could feel how wet his face was, it was starting to soak his shirt.

I love you. I love you, Jet.

Sam, you… you mean that?

Jet cried that night.

Sam heard a distant wailing sound. It sounded like him. His ears weren't working right; everything was muffled but Jet's voice.

Jet, are you okay?

I love you too.

I know you do.

After everything

I can hear your heart beating.

After they'd fought together

Weird, this isn't really my body.

Lived together

No, I mean every time my name is mentioned or my face shows up in your memories.

This was how they ended?

-a heartbeat echoes-

Yeah, I hear it too.

Sam collapsed.

Castiel stood on the mainline's road quietly, staring off at the worlds and their fires, his mind racing and going nowhere all at the same time. They'd been standing around doing nothing for so much time it made him feel sick to think about it. Mary walked up beside him and looked at his strained expression carefully.

"We've put it together, John and I." She said softly, to try and keep from spooking him. He wasn't really that twitchy so it was a successful attempt.

"What'd you figure out?"

"Who you and Dean are meant to be, I never imagined my sons would get involved in this…" She smiled and ran her hand up through her hair to shake it out. "With the prophesy in our heads John and I thought for a bit that maybe it was us, but others woke up around the same time and even after, so we knew it couldn't be us."

"You didn't stop to think going back was a good idea? To check and make sure that the world was safe and that your sons were alive?" Cas looked at her solemnly, he felt Dean and Sam's pain each time they mentioned the death of their parents and to see those same parents alive… well it just made him want to ream something out.

"I don't have an excuse that makes sense to me anymore," Mary sighed and shook her head, "I wanted to go back but every time I saw a new monster, a new way for someone to die or a world to rot… I knew I had to keep my boys safe out here, to keep their world turning. And maybe it just had to be done without me in it, that's all."

Castiel stopped asking her about it, she was hurt by her own actions, she never got to watch her boys grow up, to hold them and see their accomplishments and lives flourish. She'd gotten her punishment and the looks on her kids' faces now, when they saw her and tried to smile properly, was the lasting damage. Cas didn't need to add to all that. "I'm sorry your choices weren't easy to make."

"Same to you, Castiel. And I'd like to thank you for taking care of them."

"I didn't take care of all of them," Cas grimaced and looked over to Sam who had been awake but only stared down into the abyss below.

"You did everything you could have." She hesitated but touched his shoulder carefully, "Sam will never blame you, and none of us will either. No one here is to blame for anything that's happened, no matter how much one person says 'I shouldn't have let them go.'"

"I told them," Cas snarled, his nose scrunched and eyes angry, "I told them it was dangerous." He couldn't help but remember that stupid smile on Jet's face, "You protected Sam but who's protecting you?" He shouted at nothing, "I told you! I told you it'd end this way, goddamn it!"

Mary waited quietly as Castiel blasted a few rays of light down off the mainline, his shout echoing into silence. He stood seething and looked up at her, his face slowly relaxing. "I don't know what to say to you," he told her after a few seconds and she only nodded.

"I know, Castiel, and you don't have to say anything to me, that's not why I'm here."

"Why are you here then?"

She looked back toward Dean who stood next to John, both silently exchanging glances and looking over at Castiel after his outburst. "Dean tells me you're the love of his life, I thought I'd see how you were doing."

Cas softened a bit more and his shoulders relaxed, "I'm sorry you have to see me this way."

"Don't be, you're a very lovely young man, I'm sorry for your loss."

He looked at her wounded expression and knew his must match, "Didn't you know him?"

"Jet was a special boy, he came over a lot and I am very sorry to hear he's…" She took a second and Cas realized just how much it did affect her. Jet wasn't some random guy their kids knew, he really was part of their family, right down to the core. "He deserved something better than a vacuo."

"I agree." Cas glared down just like they'd all been doing for the past few days, maybe a week, he wasn't counting anymore. "That's why I want to avenge him, we need to start working again."

"I think Sam should sit this out for now," Mary admitted and glanced worriedly at her youngest, "I'll stay back with him, will you look after my boys when you're out there?"

"Of course I will," Cas smiled at her, he hesitated but decided that a hug was necessary.

They'd entered the world a long time ago, he wasn't paying attention to when but he stood back when it'd happened. He stood with his mom, her hand in his as they waited on the mainline. Dean, Castiel, and his dad all disappeared to deal with something. Sam didn't care what.

He stared over the mainline's road like he'd been doing for hours, days, weeks, he didn't keep track of the time. It all moved so slowly now and at the same time too fast. It never stopped, it didn't quit even after Jet was… The world should have stopped for him. Sam's did.

Mary pet his hair gently and he looked at her. "I want to go back…" he said softly.

"Back where, Sam?" Mary smiled quietly at him; he noticed she had a pretty smile.

"Back to the beginning… I want to see him, I want… I need…" Sam wiped his eyes and looked down again, "I need to see him."

Mary was silent for some time until she finally spoke again, "I think it'd be best if you didn't."

"Why? It'll just be for a moment, that's all." His eyes watered again and he barely managed to keep himself together. Mary hugged him but those weren't the arms he wanted, no one's ever would be again.

"Sam, Jet can't tell you this himself but he wants you to be happy." She whispered and he flinched at her words. "He loved you, didn't he?"

"He did." Sam's voice broke.

"Then show him how strong that love makes you, remember him but don't follow him now."

Sam curled against his mother and cried like he used to, when a nightmare would destroy his dreams and he'd wake screaming in the middle of the night. But that nightmare wasn't going anywhere now, he'd be stuck with it and have to live with that feeling in his chest like a weight and a hole where Jet should have been. "I miss him." He sobbed desperately and wished more than anything it'd stop.

"I know you do," Mary soothed and kissed his forehead.