Empty. Hollow. Broken. That's what she felt like. Daryl was doing his best to cope with her nearly catatonic condition and she appreciated it, she really did. She just…didn't know what else to feel like. She'd seen what Maggie had been like after coming back from Woodberry after the Governor had made her take off her shirt and bra. But this was…worse. She felt bad comparing herself with Maggie, especially since she knew Maggie had been put through hell. It wasn't fair to her sister to belittle what she'd been through. She knew that. She also felt bad about being such a burden to Daryl. He was trying his best, he really was, and she knew that, but she couldn't help herself.
Every time Daryl wasn't within her sigh her chest closed up, she couldn't breathe, and a panic settled over her like a wet blanket, clinging to her skin and making her body freeze up. Every time he mentioned leaving the safety of the cabin she would start shaking as fear claimed her mind and soul. She was trying to be strong. Maybe if they weren't stuck in the zombie apocalypse things could be different. She could lock herself in her room and cry if she needed to. She could skip meals until the thought of food didn't even appeal to her anymore. But she didn't have that luxury right now. She had to stay strong, she had to survive. We don't get to get upset. Her own words echoed louder and louder in her head every day. She was trying, she really was.
She walked into the kitchen where Daryl was packing up their things and what remaining food they had left. They were leaving today, he wanted to get as far away from this place as he could, and she had to agree with him. Staying here, being this close to where everything went bad, it only made things harder for her. She turned away from him and walked back to the piano. It was a shame that it would probably never be played again. She sat down at the bench and lifted the cover off the keys, her fingers lightly dragging over the smooth white spruce. Without thinking she mindlessly started playing. It was a slow, soft, sad tune, it matched her mood perfectly, and as the thunder rumbled overhead, she thought maybe the universe was sympathizing with her as well.
"Son of a bitch!" Beth jumped hearing Daryl swear from the kitchen. Fear and panic started to wrap around her like the mist in a fog and blindly she pulled her knife from its sheathe and ran to the kitchen. He was staring out of the window as the rain poured down harder than it had in a long time. He threw the cup he'd been using against the wall, the china shattering as it made contact with the drywall. Beth couldn't stop the whimper that left her lips as she flinched and curled in on herself, her arms wrapping around her body. Daryl spun and looked at her, his face turning horrified. "Shit, Beth…"
She shook her head. "I'm sorry," she whimpered, trying to fight the tears that were already starting to leak from her eyes. She hated looking so weak, so vulnerable in front of him. If there was anyone in the world she wanted to be strong for, it was him. She clung to his shirt when his arms wrapped around her and pulled her close to his body. He held her, let her cry into his chest, rubbed her back. He was getting better at the consoling, but that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted to get over this, to be strong and the more she thought about it, the angrier she got until she shoved him away. "No!"
He looked at her, confusion lining his blue eyes. "Beth, I ain't gonna hurt you," he said, easing towards her again.
"I know that!" she snapped, her fingers tangling in her hair and pulling as she started to pace. She groaned out in frustration and slammed her fist down on the table. "I need to be stronger than this," she was talking mainly to herself at this point. "I can't keep moping around like a bird with a broken wing!" Her breathing was labored and her knees felt weak. She should have known better, she wasn't sleeping and she wasn't eating enough for an emotional outburst like this. Daryl caught her as she rocked back on her feet, the dizziness causing her to stumble back.
"Ain't like ya got a choice," he mumbled, scooping her up in his arms and carrying her upstairs. He laid her out in the bed but as he pulled way Beth gripped his shirt.
"I need you to do something for me," she whispered. He looked at her, waiting for whatever she was about to say. She wasn't sure she could get it out. She pulled herself up onto her knees and licked her lips. Nerves were flooding through her like a wild fire and her stomach clenched with fear. She was about to do something potentially stupid, she didn't even know if it would help, or if Daryl would even help her with it. Without waiting for her mind to change, or for her nerves to get the better of her, she gripped his vest and pulled him close, sealing her lips over his. She felt him tense under her and flinched at the fear of rejection as he pulled away from her.
"What the hell are you doing?" He backed up as far as he could, until his back hit the wall.
She felt the tears pricking her eyes and a sob shook her body. "Daryl, please, I need to feel something other than fear. I need…I need someone who cares about me to hold me and show me what it's mean to feel like." Her eyes were shut tight. She couldn't bear to look at him. "I need to feel like someone actually gives a damn."
She jumped when she felt Daryl's hands on her face, wiping away the tears. "Are you sure this'll help?"
Beth shook her head. "I don't know, but…at least it's something."
With a sigh Daryl nodded his head. "Alright," he whispered, leaning in. Beth's eyes fluttered shut as he kissed her. It was different than it had been with Jimmy or Zach. It made butterflies flutter in her stomach as a warm heat spread through her. It made her nerves dance like flames in the wind. His big hands on her face made her feel safe as his lips danced across hers. It was soft, sweet, and Beth wanted to hope that was passion she was feeling, but she wasn't going to read too much into it. He was doing this to help her, not because they loved each other. Love was for a world they didn't live in anymore. It wasn't like she thought kissing Daryl would feel like. She thought he'd be rough, but he was the opposite, gentle, sweet, caring.
His hands slowly slipped from her face down to her neck, then her shoulders, moving past her arms to her hips, holding her to him as she knelt on the bed. He pressed closer, kissing her all the while as he eased her down onto the bed, slowly lying beside her. He was trying not to freak her out, and for that, Beth was thankful. He was taking things slow, keeping his touches light, giving her every opportunity to stop him if she wanted. But she didn't want him to stop. She wanted to feel something other than fear, and as their lungs burned for air, and Daryl moved his lips from hers, down across her neck, his scruff lightly scratching her in a delicious way, she was feeling much more than fear.
Arousal started to spike within her and she arched under his hand as it slowly eased its way down her side to her hip, pulling her tighter against him. Beth wrapped her arms around his neck, gently pulling until he was hovering over her. Daryl stared down at her, his weight braced on his legs as he straddled her waist. He kept eye contact with her as his hands went to her shirt, gently, slowly pushing it up her body. A light blush covered her face as he pulled it off of her. Her first instinct was to hide her body, but she took a deep breath and pushed the fear away, hiding it. She needed to stay in this moment with Daryl. She couldn't think about what had happened to her. He was going to wash it away. As he reached around behind her to unlatch her bra and draw the straps down her arms before pulling it off and dropping it on the floor with her shirt, his eyes never left hers. It made her feel safe, she felt like she could trust him. He moved slowly still, his hands asking for permission as they slowly eased up her ribcage to just under her breasts.
She didn't want to risk speaking. Not in this moment when touch meant so much more than word ever would. She gave her permission by arching into his hands, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down to kiss him again. He read her like a book or well-seasoned lover and gently cupped her breasts in his hands. Beth moaned, her body reacting to his touch, arching into his big palms as they encompassed her skin. She was hot and needy; she needed more of his touch. His lips danced down her jawline to her neck and to her collar bone.
Beth gasped when she felt his teeth nip lightly at her skin, her body arched under his when he lightly pinched her nipples, drawing them to hard peaks. "Daryl," she whispered. He was driving her crazy. Nothing she was feeling felt like it had when she'd been held prisoner, it felt different, better.
He looked up at her, freezing and tensing up. "Do you need me to stop?"
Beth's heart melted at the concern in his eyes. He was doing everything he could for her, everything she asked. She shook her head, a small smile on her lips. "No, I need more."
He nodded his head, and she didn't miss the like smirk on his face as he bowed his head, his long dark chair covering his eyes as his lips wrapped around one of her nipples. Her back bowed as pleasure shot through her, fanning the flames of her pleasure to near intolerable levels. She ground her hips against his. She needed more, her body was screaming for more. She heard him groan above her, his hips pressing back into hers. Beth felt the hard length of him through their jeans and fear shot through her like a bullet.
She tensed up, a cold settling in over her. Daryl froze above her, immediately pulling his hips away from hers and lying beside her instead of on top of her. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head. "I-I'm fine," she lied.
And Daryl called her on it. "Bullshit," he moved back, stopped touching her completely. "Talk to me Beth, I can't help ya if ya don't."
She bit her lip. "Just…I felt you pressin' against me and it made me remember…" She refused to cry. "I don't want you to stop just…go slow and don't stop."
He sighed, but nodded his head. Slowly he straddled her waist again and kissed her breastbone, slowly kissing lower. It tickled, but in a good way, as he kissed his way down her belly. Beth gasped and arched when he dipped his tongue into her bellybutton and her hands shot to his hair, tangling in the mess. She felt the pressure of her jeans loosen as he popped the button from the fly and eased the zipper down, dragging his knuckles down her skin. The head flared inside of her again taking over the fear and the pain.
Beth lifted her hips for him as he slowly pulled her jeans and panties down her long legs, pulling her socks off with them when he got to her ankles. A blush settled over her face and she wasn't sure why. Daryl had seen her naked before, but this was…different. She wasn't bound and gagged. He was kissing his way up from his ankle to her inner thigh and she desperately wished she'd saved the few disposable razors they'd found on a run. With a gentle force he pushed her thighs apart and settled his weight between her legs, wrapping his arms around her hips. She knew what he was about to do, but she'd never had a man do it, she was nervous, but when she thought about it, she was nervous in a good way.
The first swipe of his tongue was expected, but it still made her jump, her body rolling into his mouth as it passed over her swollen clit and a lustful moan escaped her lips as her eyes rolled into the back of her head. White hot pleasure shot through her like lightning, igniting every nerve ending in her body and her head swam. Daryl moaned and the vibrations traveled right up her spine and nailed her in the back of her head.
"You've gotta be the sweetest damn thing left on this planet," he mumbled, looking up at her through those thick lashes and shaggy hair. Beth's stomach flip-flopped and bit her lip. That had to be the sexiest damn thing she'd ever seen. He dipped his head again and Beth got lost in the pleasure he was giving her. She could feel the tight coil tightening in her belly with her impending orgasm. He lapped at her slowly at first, but he picked up the pace, dragging his tongue from her clenching opening, begging for something to fill it, up to her clit, curving his tongue to flick it on every pass, faster and faster.
The further he pushed her towards her orgasm the tighter she pulled on his hair, her legs tightening around his shoulders, her body rolling into the rhythm and pace he set. She was nearly there, her legs shaking with the force of the orgasm that was barreling down on her. "Come for me, sweetheart," Daryl ordered and the low octave and rough edge of his voice sent her crashing over the edge. Beth cried out as she contracted around empty space, her back arched off the bed, her muscles shook, and her fingers tightened so tightly in his hair she was worried about pulling it out for a split second.
He kept licking at her, slowly, softly, until she came down from the high. As she tried to get her breathing under control he slowly kissed his way back up her stomach, between her breasts, across her collar bone to her neck and up to her ear. He was panting nearly as hard as she was. Beth opened her eyes and looked at him. Daryl's eyes were dark, glazed over with lust for her. "How was that?" he asked, the back of his knuckles lightly skimming over her arm, giving her goose bumps.
"Perfect," she answered, her arms wrapped around him and pulled him into a kiss. She tasted herself on him and thought it was sexy as hell. She moaned into his mouth, her hands going to his shirt and pushing it, and his vest off his shoulders, but he stopped her. "Daryl, please I—"
He shushed her. "Don't worry, I'm not done with you," he whispered against her lips. "But the shirt stays on." He released her wrists and started unbuttoning his jeans, kicking them and his boxers and socks off. Beth risked a glance down at him and bit her lip. None of the men at the camp had been that big, neither had Jimmy or Zach. She was momentarily worried he wouldn't fit without tearing her apart. "Ready?" Beth nodded her head and wrapped her legs around his waist, her hands skimming up under his shirt, feeling all lean muscles contracting and jumping under her touch.
Daryl slowly started to ease into her and god, it had been too damn long for Beth since a man had held her like this; since someone had loved her the way he was. He was so gentle with her, so loving. Nothing like she thought it was going to be. She expected him to be rough, but this was so much better, this is what she needed. Once he was seated fully inside of her, he waited, giving her body time to adjust to the new intrusion, but she didn't need much time, he'd worked her up to a near frenzy.
The rhythm he set was slow, at first; it was just a gentle rocking of his hips while his lips kissed a hot trail up and down her neck. Beth moved her hips with him, rocking her body with his. But, she knew as well as he did it wouldn't last. It'd been too long for both of them, neither one of them was going to last long, and that was okay with her. "You're so damn tight," he whispered in her ear. Beth pushed away the memories of the men at the camp telling her that, she refused to go back there, she stayed in this moment with him, her arms and legs wrapping tighter around him, her eyes shutting tight.
The moment she knew things picked up was when Daryl pulled nearly all the way out of her before slamming back in. His pace quickened and his breathing picked up. Beth moaned, cried out his name, throwing her head back as the pleasure intensified inside of her. He lowered his weight from his hands so he was nearly lying on top of her, his arms wrapped around her, one around her waist, the other around her upper back, holding her close to him. Beth realized he wasn't just having sex with her; he was making love to her.
Emotions swamped her faster than she could process them and tears stung her eyes. Her fingers dug into the angle wings on the back of his vest as he warned her that he was going to come. She cried out as another orgasm hit her, exploding with brilliant colors behind her shut eyes and the tears that leaked down her face. Daryl, panting, sweating, fell down beside her so he didn't crush her with his weight and pulled her into him, rubbing her back as she couldn't fight the emotions anymore and cried. She knew he thought it was because of the memories, because of what she'd been through, but she was too exhausted, emotionally and physically, to correct him. She curled into his body, holding onto him. Sleep was tugging at her, cloaking her in darkness as the exhaustion won over. "I love you," she whispered out before slipping into the black.