Author's Note:
Everyone still okay? We all good? Cool, thanks again for reading also please review! Longest running fic, it's word count is getting close to the Angel Training series o_o
Mainline
Castiel, Dean, and John walked out to the road together, met by the sight of Sam sitting with his legs dangling off and Mary right beside him, her arm around his shoulders and tucking him in close. Dean swallowed past the growing lump in his throat and approached them quietly, his gaze met with his mother's as she glanced up at him. He hadn't realized how much older his parents really looked in comparison to how old they should have been. Time between dimensions and worlds changed so much, he didn't think they should have been as old as 60 but there they were, maybe he was just wrong.
"Can I talk to him?" He asked after a moment and she leaned down to whisper something to Sam. Dean took a slow breath when Sam nodded and she gently rubbed his back, a kiss left on his cheek, and departed. She paused on her way by and gave Dean a hug too.
"I'm so sorry, Dean."
He returned the gesture and sighed heavily against her shoulder, "Yeah, me too."
Mary touched his cheek and smiled at him before finally taking her leave, he watched her go for a second before looking down at Sam. "Hey," his little brother muttered, Sam's tone was heavy and a little bitter but Dean couldn't really blame him for that.
"Hey," Dean sat down next to him and let his legs hang off the edge of the mainline too, looking down at the Void below him, "How are you feeling?"
"Like shit." Sam lowered his face into both his hands; his fingers slid up into his hair and pulled it back only for it to fall around his eyes again, "I need a haircut."
Dean shrugged, "I think it looks okay, maybe just part it different, no one says you need bangs." He reached over and ruffled Sam's hair for him, the younger Winchester's head rolling with his leverage like nothing.
"I guess," he replied hesitantly and exhaled in a huff, it almost sounded painful. Dean didn't doubt that it was, Sam had been through a lot already. "What do we do now, Dean?"
"What we've been doing,"
Sam looked at him, his expression still miserable but not nearly as wrecked as before Dean left. Dean tried to offer a smile but it fell again and he reached forward to pull his little brother into a hug. Sam went willingly and dropped against Dean's frame like he'd been waiting far too long for it, "I'm sorry I didn't get him back to you, Sammy." He whispered and squeezed gently, a tear slipping out of his left eye.
"It's not your fault, none of us got him back here." Sam bit his lower lip and tucked his head down as his fingers dug into Dean's coat, "I miss him, Dean. It hurts so much."
"I know, I don't know what to do with the pain either." Dean admitted softly and leaned back to look at Sam's face a little better, surprised to see the amount of anger that was there.
"I want to come with you next time, okay?"
He smiled and glanced toward Cas, his partner quietly conversing with John and Mary, "Cas and I thought the same thing, actually. You shouldn't stay here alone, I'm sorry we left you like that." Dean reached over and pushed Sam's hair away from his face and tried to keep his smile from crumbling, "Is that why you're mad?"
Sam's face lightened up and he shook his head as he pulled away, "No, Dean, I agree with your choice to leave me behind. I needed to get my head on straight."
"Is it?"
"Straight enough." Sam nearly snarled through his teeth as he glared down, "The Void, that awful place and those monsters, I'm going to make them pay for this. But more importantly than that," he turned to Dean again and Dean caught the glimmer of tears in Sam's eyes, "he's still alive, I'm certain that he's down there somewhere."
"Sam-"
"NO! Dean listen to me, remember in Futurum? Do you remember what we saw?"
"Yeah, Jet had that black smoke coming from his face, but Sam Futurum doesn't happen the same way for sure." Dean tried to reason but Sam shook his head harder.
"No not that, when Jet touched the sphere, do you remember after that scene with Cas facing off against him? You and Jet touched the sphere and it was just black, it was the Void and he was there. He screamed at the end but we couldn't see anything. That's where he is, right now Dean. He's there, he's alive, and he's in pain. We have to get down there!" Sam's volume increased and he'd gotten tense, his face frantic and he was unable to control himself as the tears slipped free.
"How?" Dean managed to say, his throat felt thick and his body threatened to cry at any moment but he fought it off like he'd always done in the past. "How do we get down there Sam? How would you even survive it?"
"We find something, I don't know. I think jumping works too, we could just hop off the mainline!"
Dean glanced over to the others where Cas' attention was already caught and he stared their way, "No one's jumping down there," he hissed in a whisper, "we don't know where we'd end up, we don't know how to get back out and have you seen how big it is? The Void is bigger than the mainline; it surrounds all the distances we've ever crossed and then some, Sam! If Jet had just fallen off the road then yeah, I'd dive right down the same spot he fell but that's not what happened here, he was sucked into a monster and spat out in some unknown and completely random location." Dean felt the anger and grief welling inside him, he could see it in Sam and neither of them could stop it from bubbling over.
"You're not even going to try, are you?" Sam snapped, refusing to lower his volume, "Jet's going to die and this time it'll be your fault."
"Sam," Castiel approached them, his voice gentle but stern, "Don't say that, it's completely unfair. Dean's right, we can't just leap into the Void without an idea as to where we're going. We'd die before we found him, and what good would we be to him then? Have patience, Sam." He knelt down and took Sam's hand in his own, "If he's alive we will find him, I promise you that."
"I've heard promises like that before," Sam frowned but didn't pull away, he gripped Castiel's hand tightly and sighed, "but not from you, so I'll do my best to believe it's true, Cas."
"Thank you," Cas hugged him and lightly pecked the side of his head, "Don't be so hard on your brother, okay?"
Sam looked up at Dean sorrowfully and nodded, "I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean it…"
Dean nodded, his expression a mixture of masked pain and false relief, "I know, Sam." He pulled both Sam and Cas into a hug, not letting go for some time.
"So it's settled, Sam's coming with?" Castiel asked after pulling away, looking between the brothers with some light heartedness. Dean wondered where he could have possibly gotten it from but he didn't ask.
"Yeah, looks that way." Sam pulled himself up and stepped away from the edge he'd been contemplating leaping off of for a day or two. "Hope that's okay with you."
"I wouldn't have it any other way, welcome back Sam." Cas clapped him on the shoulder and looked over at John and Mary, "We're moving on, you two coming?"
John glanced at his wife for a second then back at them, "Of course, but I think we should pick a different world to help, it seems redundant to send two teams into just one."
Dean and Sam both looked instantly heartbroken and Cas couldn't bear to look at them that way for much longer, "Why? You just got here." Dean protested first.
"And once the worlds are saved we can spend all the time we have left together," Mary smiled sweetly and went to her boys' to offer some comfort - they took it willingly. "You two have gotten so big and so strong, I couldn't be prouder of you." She kissed each of them, "Your father and I need to do our part, we don't have the same heavy responsibility that you do but we can't slack off either. Everyone needs to be giving their all on this, that means us too."
"We understand, mom," Sam hugged her tighter and held it for a few seconds, "Thank you."
"We love you," Dean's expression was tight but it remained sturdy, he looked over at his dad who seemed to wear the same face as his own; trying not to cry about something. "Come back to us, okay?"
"I'll do my best, boys." John hugged them too and just like they'd arrived they went on their way, completely seamless. Dean watched the world they'd disappeared into for some time before he looked at Cas and Sam again, Sam hadn't turned away yet but Cas was looking at him.
"You'll have more time to talk to them later," Cas whispered and took both of their hands in his, it'd been a long time since he stood alone with just the Winchesters, he wasn't sure he liked it as much. "Are you two okay?"
"No," Sam pulled away and walked down the road toward one of the worlds with a desperately coloured flame. "But I'm working on it."
Dean bit the inside of his cheek lightly and shrugged as he held Cas' gaze, "I guess I'm in the same boat."
"It'll be alright, one way or another we'll get past this." Cas followed after Sam and Dean took up the rear, he saw two people ahead of him and it still pained him to know that if he turned around he wouldn't see a third. Jet might never come back to them and that was how they handled it, sitting alone, not talking about it and basically saying 'let's work, we'll get over it.'
Jet deserved better than that.
"Can I… Can I say something about him?" Dean called ahead to them to stop their pace and Sam almost didn't, he hesitated but turned around all the same.
"Of course," Cas smiled solemnly and nodded his head in Dean's direction.
"We should all… say something." Dean continued after swallowing past the lump in this throat that hadn't left since the vacuo incident. "Jet was my best friend, he was part of our family and we should all pay some respects to him, not sweep him under a proverbial rug of 'maybe he's alive' or 'work until the pain goes away.' I ain't having that, none of it okay? Jet's strong but all of this," he waved his arms in a grand gesture toward the world around them, "is so much bigger than him, than any of us. I'm not giving up on him; I would rather die than give up on a man who never gave up on me when I needed him. But he might not come back, not the same if he does. I loved him, I love both of you, and I'm hurting." Dean's jaw trembled and he nodded to try and reassure himself, "It hurts real bad but I want to make it clear I'm not moving on to forget him, to ignore the pain or any of that crap. I'm gonna do it for him, because he'd do it for me."
Sam and Cas both had tears on their faces and Dean was certain he did too, "That was beautiful, Dean." Cas spoke first, his tone shook but his voice didn't break, "I've never known someone like Jet but for him to become so close to the both of you, to be what he has been to you, I have so much respect for him. I've always fought this war in an empty mindset, grieving alone and broken up inside, I was hollow. Meeting the three of you has saved me from myself and filled me with a purpose, if I can dedicate even what's left of this battle to him and to you two it'd be the least I can do to repay that debt."
"How did you manage to go on that long?" Sam cracked and wiped the tears from his eyes, "After losing what you thought was the love of your life, how did you do it?"
Cas lowered his gaze and shook his head, "I don't know, Sam. After finding myself again with you three I can't fathom what I had been. But you won't have to do it alone, we're right here."
Sam bit his lip and nodded, his eyes shifted toward Dean then over the edge back into the Void, "I don't think he's dead, I refuse to believe that until I've seen or heard some proof. Jet never gave up on me, on any of us, but he had a bad habit of giving up on himself. He's was so stupid for coming with but so was I, I don't even know why he would have. He didn't owe us anything, he didn't have anything to do with this crazy world jumping and monster fighting but he wanted to stay with us. He wanted to keep me safe but he's gone," Sam grimaced and threw his arms down in a fit, "Jet's gone and what am I supposed to do without him? Who's going to keep me safe now, Jet!?" He shouted into the abyss around them, "You're lost and I can't fucking save you!"
Dean stepped closer but Cas lifted a hand to him and shook his head, "He needs to let this out, give him a moment."
"Fuck you, Jet! Fuck you for leaving, fuck you for pretending it'd be okay, and fuck you for always trying to fucking save me! I don't need saving! I have like five people saying they're going to protect me, I'm fine, I'm handled, even though I can take care of myself now I have a legion of helpers but you didn't! You were the one I was worried about, you dumbass!" Sam barely took a breath and when he did it was to shout, no words or anything just a scream into the air in frustration. "Get back here so I can punch you for being so fucking stupid!"
Sam's fit ended when his arms hung limp at his sides and he rolled his head back to stare up for some form of higher power, no help in sight. Dean went to him then and pulled him into another hug, this time he didn't budge and just held on. No words were exchanged when Castiel joined them; silence surrounded them for an uncounted number of minutes. It remained that way as they walked into the next portal, it didn't make a difference one way or the other but they held hands again on the way through.