Back at my flat I opened the door and walked in leaving Jonny to follow me. By the time I sat down on the settee Jonny had kicked his shoes off and placed them neatly by the door. It is the first time that I have sat down all day and been free to think. The jock sits down next to me but I don't notice, I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that I barely hear him offer me a drink. I sit there for what seems like forever thinking about the days events: the meeting, the video call and the car journey. It all gets a bit overwhelming. Jonny places a mug of tea in my hand. "Jonny" I stammer "I can't do this its all going a bit quick."
I search his face for a reaction, with a sigh he eventually shouted "you just can't do it can you? You can't cope with commitment."
The tears well up, I'm too hurt to hold them back. "its just too much with the CDH and this as well, its too fast."
"nothings ever good enough for you is it?!" Jonny shouted in my face before slamming the mug on the coffee table and storming out of the house.
I stand up to try and hold him back but I feel dizzy, everything blacks out. I call after him but nobody comes. Soon I wake up and look at the clock, 11:42. I heave myself up onto the sofa and drag my feet up to my bed. Without even bothering to get changed I flop on my bed and lie there watching the ceiling. I begin to sing "They passed me by, all of those great romances
You were, I felt, robbing me of my rightful chances
My picture clear, everything seemed so easy
And so I dealt you the blow
One of us had to go"
Jonny Mac was also lay on his bed singing "Now it's different, I want you to know
One of us is crying
One of us is lying
In his lonely bed
Staring at the ceiling
Wishing he was somewhere else instead"
"One of us is lonely
One of us is only
Waiting for a call
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid feeling small
Wishing she had never left at all
I saw myself as a concealed attraction
I felt you kept me away from the heat and the action
Just like a child, stubborn and misconceiving
That's how I started the show
One of us had to go
Now I've changed and I want you to know"
"One of us is crying
One of us is lying
In his lonely bed
Staring at the ceiling
Wishing he was somewhere else instead
One of us is lonely
One of us is only
Waiting for a call
Sorry for himself, feeling stupid feeling small
Wishing he had never left at all
Never left at all"
"Staring at the ceiling
Wishing she was somewhere else instead
One of us is lonely
One of us is only
Waiting for a call" I felt a single tear stream from my eye as I realized how realistic this song is. I can't go through this alone, I need somebody to help me but I can't ask for help. That is just stupid. I managed this long alone why would I need help now. Joseph left me and now Jonny has stormed out on me. I shouldn't ask for help I'd just ruin everything. I already have.
Maybe I should go and check on her Jonny began to think, but she would just push me away now. I shouldn't have stormed off I should have stayed to hear her out. It's just getting so annoying playing these games. I want her to be mine all the time not just when it suits her. I lay wide awake all night. Thinking.
I really tried my hardest, maybe he just isn't right for me. I was thinking as I heaved myself up from the bed. Suddenly a key turned in the lock.