Me: *in official sounding voice* "Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times. Do not stop to take pictures – 1 of 5 Airlines will not be responsible for any deaths or injuries that may occur from close proximity to the War Of The Guardians. Please enjoy the ride."
Provided by Rubes99, and a disclaimer that I could not have put better myself... Oh, and please refrain from insulting Vader, as he is currently in a very bad mood with one Mr Han Solo for getting his son, Luke, addicted to a coruscantian version of Poker.
Vader: I AM NOT IN A BAD MOOD! BUT THAT SLIMY, NO GOOD, CHEATING SWINDLER OF A NERFHERDER IS A BAD INFLUENCE!
Me:*wincing* Okay, okay... I've said I'll talk to him,haven't I?
Vader: TALK!? THAT IGNORANT BUFFOON WON'T LISTEN!
Han: Yo, who irritated the big black hunk of leather?
Me: *glares at Han* First, it was you and your goddamn gambling addiction. Second, don't insult him. I mean it... *warning glare*
Han: *ignores the warning* Why, what ya gonna do Princess?
Me: *scowls at the name, and turns to an already seething Vader* Did you know Han is dating your daughter? Asked her to marry him and everything...
Vader: *freezes*
Han:*gasping as though he thought I would never be evil enough to call his bluff and backing away*
Vader: ...What? *deceptively calm*
Me: *now in an evil mode* Yup. Oh, and she said yes. Can you imagine Leia marrying Solo? Wow... They could even have kids and-
Vader: NO! *runs after Han, who's legged it from the room*
Me: *flopping back into my comfy swivel chair and getting on with my plan* Ah, I love the scent of evil in the morning...
Anyway, thanks to projecter, 0FrozenFire0, Rychan, Fireena, Akira-Wolfe, Death's Silent Approach, singing in the jukebox, Blooliar and 1captain obvious for the faves and/or follows!
Enjoy the chapter guys! Oh, and a awful lot of the following pranks were provided by DARKLOVEFORFANFICTION, as well as loads of support in reviews, so a quick shout out to you DLFF! This one's for you!
And several different pranks were inspired by MEC, a guest reviewer who should really get an account because I don't think FF would ever be the same again, Lol :D And another guest reviewer called isa who also gave me some ideas, so a shout out to you as well!
*suddenly hears the whizzing of a lightsaber and blaster rounds being fired and face-palms* Men... I gotta go guys, enjoy the chapter! *runs out drawing my own light saber*
Jack landed at the Pole to find himself facing the other four guardians.
Shady had played messenger that morning, and had carried to Jack the declaration of war...
So, of course, he had immediately skipped off to see just what on Moon they thought they were doing. But, from their expressions, he assumed they were serious about this whole thing...
Hmm... Ah well, he had to give them a chance at least...
"One warning. Withdraw, and I won't end up turning your entire world upside down..."
They all shook their heads, and Jack sighed.
"Very well... You can't blame me for anything that happens next..."
With that, he shot them a snappy salute, threw a smoke bomb to the floor and vanished, literally, in a puff of smoke.
When it cleared, the guardians looked to North, who flexed his fingers.
"Right. And so it begins..."
Jack, half an hour later, finally heard the guardians coming into earshot and looked back to admire his work. He then scribbled a quick note, before grabbing an orb and leaping through a portal to his place, watching as it closed a matter of seconds before the guardians rounded the corner...
All four of them stared, astounded, at the room they had just entered.
North's study was... well.
Everything had been glued to the ceiling in the exact position it would have been on the floor... Heck, even the pencils had been glued in their pots.
North grabbed the short note, and scanned it, reading out loud.
I told you I would turn your world upside down...
North clenched his jaw as he called several yeti's to sort it out, and spent the entire time glaring at them suspiciously... Jack had to have had help...
Sandy, deciding that this was actually really funny, span himself upside down and sat himself in North's chair, grinning at the other three guardians, and making miniature dream sand elves to bounce around on the ceiling, which, as much as she tried not to, sent Tooth into a fit of giggling.
Luckily for Phil, none of the guardians noticed the smirk he gave as he entered.
Hmm, it felt good to be on the winning side for a change...
As soon as he heard the tell tale sound of hissing, he quickly backed out, very casual like, and grinned as he thought of what was coming next.
Bunny was quick to pick up on the hissing, and, before he could alert the guardians, the door had swung closed and some slightly visible gas started leaking into the room.
As soon as it hit Sandy, who was closest to the cannisters, he started laughing, and Bunny cursed.
"LAUGHING GAS!"
But there was nothing they could do about it. And, by the time Phil had opened the door, the guardians were all rolling abut on the floor, laughing their heads off.
It took nearly two hours for the effects to wear off properly, at which time they had already set about arming themselves.
There was no way they were letting Jack get away with that...
Jack, at his own home, was doing the exact same thing.
Now dressed in his ninja outfit, with a black zip-up hoody over the top for 'rolling up sleeves' purposes, his staff-wrapped firmly and cleanly in black cloth- on his back, some of his exploding shruikans in wrist and leg holders, twin, adjustable blasters in holsters on his thighs, a slingshot jammed through the holder on his belt, ammunition belts, comfortably wrapped around his waist, and a backpack-a twist of magic making it hold more than he had thought possible- filled with various things for pranks he had actually planned.
Everything had been spray painted black, to blend in with his outfit, and he did the same to his hair before pulling his hood up and opening another portal to the Pole.
He leapt through immediately clambering up to the higher beams across the ceiling in the huge workshop where he had appeared, and scanning the area.
Thankfully the guardians, who had just entered he room, were more focused on the portal and had not seen him. He grinned as Tooth's voice echoed upwards in a very good imitation of an eerie tone.
"He's heeeeeeere..."
As one, the four of them- all armed to various degrees with blasters and weapons and all wearing varying amounts of armour- split up and dove behind four different pillars.
Then North gave a whistle and Jack blinked, cursing, as Shady, Aspen, Clover, Lily and Gale appeared, likewise armed, and dove behind even more of the ridiculously well placed pillars around the room.
He'd have thought they'd know better than this...
He silently scribbled a quick note, screwed it up, and used his slingshot to fire it at Aspen, who picked it up, read it, and showed it to the others with a gulp.
Will you never learn...?
They all shared looks, and Jack gave a grudging nod of approval when they all nodded, before returning to their posts.
Now, Jack would have loved to stay there and have an all out battle, but he had rooms to rig and pranks to set up and he did not have all day to do so...
So, unfortunately, this would have to be a sneak attack... Or rather, a game of sneak out of the room without being noticed by the nine eagle eyed opponents.
Thankful that he had arranged his gear so that it did not hamper his movements or make a sound, Jack took a chance and leapt to another beam.
Then he waited... before leaping to another.
Damn! He could swear Tooth caught sight of him then...
True enough, she silently gestured to the beam he was pressed against, and he sighed as she cautiously floated up.
But, if their attention was all on her, then surely it would be fairly easy to...
He took his chance, and span himself around to the other side of the pillar he was leaning against, before- thankful that he had gripping gloves- quickly and easily climbing down
He made sure to keep behind the pillar the entire time, and quickly reached the bottom, taking his chance as Tooth gave a disappointed sigh and flew back down, to dive behind a work-bench.
Then he peered over the top, and mentally groaned as they all split up to search.
Lily and Gale were heading towards him, and he grinned as he found a small niche under the window ledge.
He had long since discovered that there was a small space under most windows-heck, he and Phil had worked on hollowing some of them out properly, with fake wall panels and everything, so he could fill a few with paint bombs and various other pranking ammunition- and quickly pulled the fake wall panel out, sliding inside, and pulling the panel back.
Then he held his breath, listening for what was going on.
Lily and Gale soon gave up searching, and Jack allowed himself a sigh.
If only he was in the next window space along. They had pulled the floor out from underneath it to leave a space-for someone as small as Jack-to be able to crawl in the space between the floor and the ceiling of the next floor down.
He had been surprised to find the Pole was built this way, but it did make for a sturdier structure and the Monastery had the same kind of thing...
Then he hmmed... If he could get there, he wouldn't have to worry about sneaking out.
He could simply shuffle under the floor and make his way towards the panelled ceiling of the storage room below, on the far side of the room.
Then he could just dislodge a couple of the panels, drop through, set about preparing his traps and pranks, then saunter to the kitchen, grab a cookie and waltz out again...
Hmm, that sounded good...
He quietly shoved the false wall panel away again, rolled out, and peered around the room to see that they had grouped together and were now all heading this way.
He rolled to the next window, slid inside the compartment, replaced the panel and sighed as he dislodged his bag, which had got caught on one of the beams beneath the floor.
Why was there not such a thing as a shrink-ray or... something?
He shoved it ahead of him as he crawled to the other side of the room, grinning as he heard the panic that started above him.
Bunny's ears twitched, and he suddenly jumped, before pressing his ear to the floor.
Damn it, the damned ankle biter couldn't have... But he had...
No! He was not allowed to admire the damn Winter Spirit!
"North! He's under the floor!"
North froze, as they all did as they took that in, before he exploded.
"NO! HE CANNOT BE! HE CANNOT HAVE INFILTRATED VERY FOUNDATIONS OF POLE!"
With that, he started running in random circles, even as Tooth and Sandy quickly leapt into the air and the others leapt onto tables and stools.
Clover sighed.
"Great. We're in a war against someone who has managed to infiltrate the very structure of one of the most secure complexes in the entire spirit world. Who's idea was this anyway?"
As one, they all pointed to the, still running in random patterns, North.
Then Bunny blinked.
"Err... guys? I can't hear him any more..."
Sure enough, everything had gone silent, and North face planted the workbench.
"He could be anywhere on lower floor now..."
The all shared looks, before racing for the door and the stairs.
_
Jack grinned as he dropped into the store room.
Right, first things first...
He replaced the stocks of paint bombs with ones that would explode with colourful powder when someone tried to throw them. They looked identical, which was a bonus.
He then ran to the kitchen and replaced all of the cooking spices with curry spices, and spiked all of the eggnog with extra hot tobasco sauce.
Before grabbing a cookie and munching on it as he ran to the training room.
Where he had been preparing for something like this for a while now.
He took away one of the panels, where he and Phil had placed mechanisms to make it a trap door, and filled the resulting hole in the floor with a mixture of goo and slime-which he had kept in a nearby cupboard- before replacing the floor panel and double checking the trip wire.
Then he ran to the room where the sleigh was and rigged buckets of glue and feathers to fall, before icing the floor over. He made it slippery, but thing, so they would not see it before they slipped over on it.
With that, grinned and used the sleigh runway as his own personal slide, shooting into the air before zooming to the Tooth Palace.
No doubt they would rig some traps at his own home, but not before he had turned theirs into he very epitome of a humiliating trap...
He covered the floor of the entrance hall, in the palace, with soapy water. Mainly because it was slippy as hell and turned anythign furry into a puff-ball...
He pitied Bunny, that's all he could say.
Then he rigged a few bucket over doorway traps-because who didn't like a classic?- before tying up a tarpaulin on the ceiling of Tooth's living/meeting room and filling the flat surface it created with glitter and confetti. This one was mainly focused on Clover and Lily, who hated anything ruining their hair... And glitter never came out.
Then he stuffed a couple of air horns under some of the cushions on the chairs, which would go off as soon as someone sat on them, and stood back to admire his handiwork.
Then, deciding he didn't want to do too much damage, at the moment anyway, and shooting the fairies one of his heartbreakingly big puppy eye looks to get them to keep his presence there a secret, he flew to the Warren.
There, he rigged wire traps between the trees, placed trip wires next to the river-because, he reasoned, if they didn't come into play during this particuar war, they would eventually- and replaced the top layer of carrots in Bunny's stores with hollowed out ones that contained the hottest chilli's he had been able to get his hands on.
He also took the precaution of mixing some of the remaining tobasco sauce into the water bottles, secure in the knowledge that anyone who was so desperate for water wouldn't be checking for the slightly odd colouring before-hand.
Then he grinned, pulling out the last of the equipment he had for his prepared pranks, namely a variety of spray cans, and started to spray paint a nice Christmasy scene on the side of Bunny's actual home.
Before he threw the spray paints back into the bag, opened up a tunnel and ditched the empty bag at his own place, before rigging safety measures over some of the doorways, like the one to the bedrooms for example, to make sure the guardians stayed where he wanted them to.
To be fair, he was almost hoping they arrived soon for their first shoot out, because he had prepared the sparring hall specifically... Ropes, beams and the climbing frames were all over the place, as were small wooden walls that anyone could dive behind.
He sighed as he lounged back, safe in the knowledge that things were now going to be just the way he liked them...
Completely improvised and on the edge...
Me: Okay, so this one was mainly prep work, and setting things up, but the next will be about how the Guardians and the spirits react to the traps and pranks. Then we'll have a couple of battles, some more pranks... The guardians might even have a chance to prank Jack, you never know... *evil grin*
But, as promised, this is going to be the most action and prank filled arc yet...
*waits for a few seconds, then blinks*
Huh, so I guess it will just be me during this footnote. You'll be glad to know I stopped the boys little battle, and they're now deciding the outcome of their small... disagreement, in a mature, grown up and manly way... Namely, best out of five rock-paper-scissors. Or it was meant to be. Now it's gone up to best out of twenty five because they're ridiculously stubborn. Oh, and I have a hell of a plan for the next couple of footnotes! Mwuahahahahahahaha! But no spoilers now! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and will hopefully be updating soon! Guest review responses are below :D
Vader: *from out of the room* Aha! I win! Again!
Han: *also out of room* Best of 30!
Vader: That's an even number, idiot.
Han: … Best of 31.
Me: *facepalm and eye-roll* See ya guys!
hetalia - "Can you let Jack use his puppy eyed look on Pitch?" Mate, that is sheer, honest to Moon genius! Definitely gonna use it!
Guest- 'Epic' huh? Why thank you. *takes a modest bow* Thank you very much!
MEC-Ah, good... I'll be sure to put Ninja Jack in soon for ya :D
And I love the ice sculpture idea! And a tutu? Seriously, I love you guys... YOUR IDEAS ARE AWESOME! And a moustache... Teeheehee... And don't worry. I already have an idea for Sandy... *evil smirk*
And thank you... thank you very much. It did feel nice to get one over on Crissie and Pitch...
And wow, Vader forgave you? He actually listened? About the first time ever... *grumbles about ex Sith Lords and their authority complex's*
And hmm... More randomness coming up!
Till next time then, Mec!
Rave XX
RobynSmith- Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying! And I'm always up for giving him new skills... Any ideas for one a skill that could scare them out of their wits?
And hmm... I'm pretty sure I've been hyper at about then before... Then again, I'm completely lost on the path of insanity, so its only to be expected, Lol :D
And three nights? Wow... You kept with it that long? One of the greatest compliments I think this fic has ever received :D
Hope you get the chance to review on the later chapters!
And thanks again for reading xx
Candle dark –Huh... *thinks that through* He does a that :D I'll be sure to put him in more often :D Actually, I have a few plans for our Pitchy Witch... *MWUAHAHAHAHAHA* *relaxes back to evil grin* Glad you're enjoying the fic, and until the next time my friend! *vanishes in a puff of smoke, only to peek around the back of my black swivel chair* Damn... I never get the timing right... Ah well, until the next time!
M- Thanks! Glad you think so! :D Hope you enjoy the next few updates as well! xx
Julia- Well, I hope you enjoy the movie! To tell you the truth, I've only seen it once myself... But I still had to write a fic, Lol :D Thanks so much, and I hope you continue to enjoy the fic! :D
Hacker44- Nope, I don't think the word normal can be applied I any way shape or form to anything related to me, Lol :D And rant all you like, it's making me smile like a loon :D Hope you enjoyed the chapter!
isa- Thanks for the ideas! And let's just hope the guardians are in the zone as well, so they aren't annihalated too badly, Lol :D