Talking to the Moon
I don't own anything in the HPverse, it all belongs to JKR
Chapter 2: Expecting
It is weird that people still call her Tonks even though she is now a Lupin? Considering the alternative Tonks didn't mind.
What was her mother thinking when she named her Nymphadora? Tonks had long given up the trying to find out what her mother's state of mind at the time was.. But now, Tonks placed a hand over her stomach, now that she was pregnant herself all the old questions were popping into her own head. She thought about what she would name her own kid. Anything relating to stars, constellations, or fairies was definitely out.
It was too soon of course for her to even be thinking about names. Most people waited until they at least knew the sex of the baby.
Tonks wiped her cheek was was surprised to find wetness there. This wasn't how she imagined it happening. She wasn't supposed to be doing this alone.
Wiping away more tears as they fell Tonks thought back to the day Remus proposed. He told her that he couldn't run away from her anymore and he didn't even know why he had tried. They got married the very next day. She was happy, he was happy, they were happy.
She should have seen the signs. She did see the signs, she just chose to ignore them. They didn't wait until their wedding night so it shouldn't have been much of a shock when she found out she was pregnant. Perhaps Remus thought he wouldn't be able to father children because of his condition, but neither one of them thought to use contraceptives. Tonks didn't want to believe the signs at first, but it wasn't like she could blame two miss periods on stress. She had been stressed every since the return of the one who calls himself the dark lord and that never caused her to miss her period before. So she took her suspicions to her parents. Her mum got her a test and the results were confirmed. Tonks remembered being nervous, she wasn't sure how to tell Remus, but it wasn't something she could hide from him. And she didn't want to hide it from him.
After Tonks told Remus that she was pregnant there was a change in him. Tonks figured it was because of the war. She had thought they had gotten past the point of keeping secrets and playing it safe. She knew the risks of being with a werewolf.
It was so stupid of him. And just like a man to up and leave instead of staying to talk things through.
She knew he'd be back though. The ones we love always have a way of coming back to us. Dumbledore said that or something like it once.
Suddenly she couldn't breathe. Thinking about all that was lost had her rushing to the window. She pushed them open and took a deep breath.
When she was young she used to climb onto the roof with her father and he'd make up stories about the clouds and the stars.
Wispy clouds barely covered the cursed moon. The full moon shone brightly casting Tonks room into the light. How long had she been in this room? A week? Two? Had it really been that long? It seemed like it had been a lifetime since Remus left. A lifetime of loneliness and boredom.
Feeling nostalgic Tonks climbed out the window. She wasn't as small as she used to be, but that didn't stop her. She sat cross legged and summoned a blanket to fight off the chills.
Oh how she missed her father. He left to avoid being rounded up by snatchers. Remus left the very next day. It was all too much for Tonks to take. So much for being the brave girl. She always considered herself brave, but maybe it was the hormones that made her feel so….so desolate, so hopeless... The two men she loved the most in the world were out there in the world with no way for her to contact them or know that they were safe. That was the thing wasn't it? None of them were truly safe.
Her mother was constantly worrying about her. Telling her that the stress was no good for the baby. Tonks knew that. It wasn't like she could not worry. There was a war going on.
The problem was that she needed something to do. Something to ease her mind. Going into work was out. The death eaters, specifically her aunt Bellatrix, had it out for her. She couldn't go into public without risking her life and the life of her unborn child. Now that she was immobile, staying behind, there wasn't much she could do for the Order. Or she should say what's left of the Order.
"Trust Harry" was the last Orders Dumbledore ever gave. Hard to do when he's not around. With most members dead or dying, there was no order of things.
Tonks wished there was something she could do. She wasn't a quitter. She didn't quit Auror training despite the fact that people were constantly suggesting she change fields. She didn't give up on Remus when he was being reluctant. And even though she knew war time wasn't the best time to have a baby she knew she wouldn't quit on him or her either.
This war changed people. Or maybe it bought out people's true forms. It didn't matter though, because Tonks knew no matter what happens in the future she would never give up. She would raise her baby in a safe place. Remus would come back. Her father would come back. Everything will right itself. It might not happen tonight or tomorrow, but it would happen one day.
Tonks wasn't going to sit on the sidelines that wasn't the kind of person she is. Sitting and waiting isn't her thing. Tonight she would sit here watching the moon, hoping that Remus is safe wherever he is. And tomorrow she will leave this room. She'll check in with her mum and with the other members of the Order. She would do whatever she could do to insure that the world would be a better place by the time her baby was ready to be born.