Hello, my lovely readers. I am exhausted. How are all of you doing? It's time for another lively chapter of IWtbeA. I hope you enjoy and if you have time please check out The New Old Fashioned Way, my first TVD/TO crossover event. It's really up this time. I promise! Enjoy this chapter!
Chapter 20: Baby Talk
"So, let me get this straight, you," Rebekah pointed a newly manicured fingernail at Caroline, "want to have offspring, with my brother?" Currently Rebekah, Caroline, Elena and Bonnie were all sitting on Elena's four poster bed in the Boarding House. They had a reprieve from chateau Lunatic as Damon had to begin to refer to it while the boys were having a night out on their own. "Is that why, as Kol would put it, there are such horrid noises coming out of Nik's bedroom lately?"
Giggling, Caroline began to apply a coat of blood red polish to Elena's pinky toe. "Maybe?" She replied with a huge smile.
"Oh, no. Too much information." Bonnie told them, clapping her hands over her ears.
Rebekah rolled her eyes. "Sorry, witch. Would you like the women to go have this conversation in the other room?"
Elena began to laugh. She had to admit that she liked hanging out with the Original bitch as she had fondly nicknamed her. "Okay, Care. So, how good is the sex? On a scale of one to ten?" Folding her arms behind her head, she leaned against the headboard awaiting an answer.
At that moment her phone rang in her pocket. Rolling her eyes, she pulled it out and then grinned. Turning it on speaker phone, she called out a cheery greeting. "Hello, boys. How are things on your side?"
"Fabulous," Kol shouted in the background. "We're doing body shots at the local college using sorority sisters."
"Klaus had better not be doing that." Caroline shouted, leaning over the phone.
"No, he's not, Blondie. What have you done to the guy? He's no fun at all. Hell, even Elijah has gone ahead and joined the fun," Damon called to the baby vampire.
Elena grinned. "So, Caroline was about to tell us how good or bad Klaus is in bed. My guess is a minus five."
"Oh!" Caroline yelled at Elena. "That is so not true. Klaus is like a thousand-"
"Yes, he is," Kol called.
"That's a rating," Caroline retorted. "On a scale of one to ten Klaus is a thousand in bed!" she shouted into the phone.
"Ah," Elena began to laugh. "Klaus just sent a winky face and said something about rewarding you for good behavior when he sees you tonight. I wonder what that could mean." Shaking her head, Elena laid the phone aside and got up. "I'm going to get some drinks."
"Uh huh," Caroline grunted as she grabbed the cell and began to text rapidly. "Damon, don't respond to that," Caroline shrieked.
"You scream like a girl," Damon shrieked back at her as Elena wandered downstairs.
Downstaiors, Elena began to raid the liquor cabinet and then went into the kitchen for ice. She could hear Rebekah saying something before cranking the music up upstairs. Closing the door to the fridge and turning around she was startled to see Damon standing in the doorway. "Hey, weren't you just at a sorority party?"
Damon cocked his head. "Nope. I left early 'cause those guys are boring. I just wanted to come home and spend time with my favorite girl."
Pouring a glass of bourbon, Elena brought it to her lips as Damon strolled over to her. Taking the glass in his hand, he took a gulp before placing it to the side. Pushing Elena back against the refrigerator, he began to kiss her. Jerking her upward, he pulled her legs apart. "Elena," He murmured in her ear, reaching down to unzip his pants.
Frowning, Elena thought about how he said her name before she grabbed the tumbler and smashed it into his face. "Ow. Elena what the hell?" he cried.
"Dominic," Elena growled at her sire.
Smirking, Dominic tipped his head to the side. "Oh, Elena, don't be that way. I know you miss me as much I missed you. Let me remind you of how much you used to want me."
"You know what they say, Dominic. Fool me once shame on me. Fool me twice shame on you." Elena raced toward the entryway just as Dominic grabbed her by the waist and jerked her to the floor. "Get off of me," Elena shouted at him trying to wriggle away.
"What happened to my sweet little Elena who would come to my bed so easily?" Dominic ran his hands down her body. "I know you remember how good we were together. You just need a reminder."
Suddenly Dominic was being lifted off Elena and landed against the wall across the room. Sitting up, he glared at the vampire who had interrupted him. "If it isn't the reason I ended up in this place to begin with," he snarled.
"Domonic," Rebekah greeted him, sneering. "Nik, was right, you really are useless."
"Oh, really?" Dominic began to chuckle. "You should have heard what your beloved brother said about you when your back was turned. Oh, wait I know: Bait."
Snarling Rebekah sped across the room to meet empty air. "Bye, ladies. Oh, and tell Klaus I hope he's enjoying my present." Dominic called as he flashed out of the house.
Rebekah would have followed him if Elena didn't stop her. "Bekah, don't. Let's just get back to ladies' night." Elena began to pick up bottles as a frowning Rebekah picked up the bucket of ice and tray of glasses.
Walking back into her bedroom, Elena ran a hand through her hair. "So, where were we?"
"Caroline was going to explain her crazy plan to pop out little Klauses." Bonnie announced, reaching out and grabbing a bottle. "And in order to do that and not go screaming off into the night, I am going to need to be drunk."
Shaking her head, Rebekah handed Bonnie a glass. "I don't know why you want to have my brother's child. How do you know it won't turn out worse than he is?"
"Children represent hope." Caroline explained while pouring herself a drink. "It's a big part of being human. If something could spark that part of Klaus maybe he can stop being such a ruthless bastard."
"Don't say the B word around Klaus," Rebekah told Caroline shaking her head.
"Why?" Elena inquired, refilling her glass.
"Klaus is not my father's son." Rebekah told them quietly.
"What?" Caroline asked, her mouth wide open.
Rebekah stared at her. "Close it before something gets thrown in it."
Elena began to laugh and high fived Rebekah. "That wasn't very nice." Caroline snapped.
"Welcome to the big bad world of being a vampire, honey." Elena drawled. "There are not very many nice things out there in our world."
"Sure there are," Rebekah replied. "You can drink as much as you want. Have amazing sex. Never age. Never die."
"Never be at peace. Never see loved ones who weren't supernatural when you pass over. Never get to stay in one place for too long." Elena ticked off on her fingers.
"You get to watch any humans, who you have befriended die," Rebekah added.
"Never get sick. That's a plus." Elena told them. "Who here hates the common cold?" She raised her hand. So did Bonnie and Caroline.
"I forgot what it was like to have a cold." Rebekah told them, her face scrunched up in thought.
"See. There are plus sides." Elena nodded.
"And if you're an Original almost nothing can kill you." Rebekah told them.
"Really?" Bonnie asked.
"Yes." Nodding slowly, Rebekah grinned broadly. "I thought you lot were dull. But after enough drinks you're fairly tolerable."
"Bitch," Bonnie snapped back and then her eyes went wide before a nervous laugh came out. Rebekah just sat there and stared at Bonnie for a moment before she began to laugh as well.
"You're also scary as hell," Bonnie added.
Tossing her hair, Rebekah smiled. "Thank you, Bonnie I learned that look from Nik."
"Oh, let's practice our Klaus impressions and show them to the guys when they come over," Caroline exclaimed. Leaping off the bed, she began to practice her best Klaus walk.
Shaking her head, Rebekah got up. "No. Caroline that is not Nik. That is Damon. You have to move your arms more. Like this," Rebekah began to walk around the room swinging her arms at her sides. "And a little more movement in the hips. There. Now, stretch your legs a little more to cover more space like you think you are Godzilla or some such nonsense. There. That's it."
Getting up, Elena was the next to show off her best Klaus stride. Moving back and forth throughout the room, she thought the whole idea was hysterical and couldn't wait to see Klaus' face. But what was more amusing was Rebekah's instructing Bonnie telling her perhaps she was too short to perfect the Klaus walk.
"Maybe you should go with the Damon walk." Rebekah got up and started imitating Damon. Soon they were imitating everyone they knew and each other.
"I do not walk like that!" Rebekah yelled at Elena.
"You do," Caroline shouted.
"I do not," Rebekah insisted.
"She's walking like some kind of strumpet," Rebekah protested.
"Strumpet," Kol yelled over the speaker phone on Caroline's cell.
"Damn you," Rebekah shouted, looking around before she saw the phone.
Caroline sped over to the phone and snatched it up. "Baby, we have a surprise for you when you get here." She cooed into the phone.
"Baby?" Elijah replied and all the girls began to laugh.
Caroline looked confused. "Hey, Elijah, I thought Klaus was on the phone… or Kol."
"Oh, no. Klaus' allowing the sorority sisters to do body shots off him now." Elijah informed her.
"He what?" Caroline jumped to her feet on the bed. "I will stake his manwhory ass."
"You owe me a hundred dineros," Damon told Kol.
"I thought it was pesos," Kol replied, cheerily. "And a pair of Miss Bennett's undergarments I have acquired through one Jeremy Gilbert."
"What?" Bonnie screamed, staring at the phone in horror.
"Boys just want to have fun," Klaus sang into the phone causing Rebekah to snort.
"You sound like a pig," Elena yelled.
"Do not," Rebekah yelled back and snorted again.
"Bekah is a pig," Kol sang.
"What in the world…" Klaus sang.
"Are you drunk?" Caroline shouted into Elijah's ear.
"No. I most certainly am not. Although I truly wish I were." Elijah replied with a deep sigh as Klaus continued to sing.
"I once made out with Klaus for money," Kol called out.
"Oh," Caroline shook her head, trying to get rid of that image.
"I made out with Stefan for free," Damon yelled.
"So?" Elena replied and she remembered they were brothers in his world. "Well, that is disgusting."
"Klaus once mated with a lamppost," Kol told the group.
"How? What? Where?" Everyone yelled.
"Don't know. Don't care. And Yorkshire." Kol replied.
"I love you baby. And if it's quite alright I need you baby. Each and every night…" Klaus sang into the phone.
"I'm sexy and you all know it and I really like to show it," Damon sang into the phone.
"Hey, that's my line," Kol yelled at him. "Oh, and the how was upright position. But it's okay because the lamppost was, too. As for the what I have no recollection."
"Kol, you are crazy," Bonnie yelled over the phone.
"For you, darling I would be anything," Kol cooed to her.
"Oh, dear. Well, you could become a donkey. But you're already a jackass." Rebekah deadpanned with a sigh. Everyone started laughing except for Klaus, who was working toward another song.
"Whiskers on kittens and blue satin sashes…" Klaus sang before Kol smacked him over the head with a beer bottle.
"Shut up, you wanker," Kol screamed. "I hate Julie Andrews. Burn in hell Mary Poppins."
Klaus got up and punched Kol in the mouth. "She reminded me of mother."
"Number one: Mother was a witch. Not to say that I believe that Julie Andrews is above the use of witchcraft. I mean how else do you cause people to continually watch the bloody Sound of Music year after bloody fucking year. She must communicate with the devil."
Klaus flung himself at Kol. "Do not take the name of Julie Andrews in vain." They toppled to the floor and began to beat each other up.
"Okay, this is really ridiculous." Caroline exclaimed in disgust.
"Look at me. I'm Sandra Dee, lousy with virginity," Elena sang, jumping onto the bed.
Klaus' head popped from the floor and he began to sing along. "Won't go to till I'm legally wed, I can't! I'm Sandra Dee!"
"Watch it, hey I'm Doris Day I was not brought up that way," Rebekah sang.
"Won't come across, even Rock Hudson lost his heart to Doris Day," Stefan joined in.
"I don't drink or swear I don't wrap my hair I get ill from one cigarette," Caroline sang along with the others.
"Keep your hands off my silky drawers! Would you pull that crap with Annette?" Bonnie sang directing her part at Kol.
"As for you, Troy Donhaue I know what you want to do?" Damon sang and Elena laughed harder.
"You've got your crust, I'm no object of lust, I'm just Sandra Dee." Klaus sang happily.
"Elvis! Elvis let me be! Keep that pelvis away from me." Rebekah sang and Kol began to laugh.
"Just keep your cool. Now you're starting to drool. Hey fongool, I'm Sandra Dee." Elijah finished the song. He had felt a little left out during this whole bonding session.
"Yes, Lijah. You will from now on be known as Sandra Dee." Kol told his brother clapping him on the shoulder.
"What's new, pussy cat?" Klaus crooned into the phone making Elena and Rebekah fall off the bed, laughing hysterically.
"Oh, dear, Nik said something naughty." Kol shouted. "Now, he must have another drink.
"No!" Elijah shouted. "You remember what happened the last time he got this drunk, Kol."
"What?" Caroline shouted into the phone.
"He bought the Brooklyn Bridge." Kol shouted back.
"Wait. No. You're kidding right? That's a scam. Everyone knows that." Bonnie called to the guys.
"Yes. But Nik bought it anyway. And he's still waiting for it to be delivered. My brother is a very patient man when he wants something." Kol informed them. "Like right now he wants Bonnie to give me phone sex. He'll wait as long it takes."
"Kol you suck," Bonnie shouted.
"Close enough," was Kol's reply.
"Did someone say suck?" Elijah asked.
"Suck what?" Damon asked.
"Oh, I have few ideas," Kol told them.
"Yourself," Rebekah told him.
"I've tried." Kol replied.
"We know," Klaus and Elijah chorused.
"In a drain pipe." Elena told them.
"In a garbage disposal," Bonnie added.
"Ouch," Elena muttered and then giggled.
It was a very long night on both sides of the line.
Thank you everyone who is reading, reviewing faved or followed this story for your support. It mean a lot.
Thank you everyone who reviewed. I would love to list your names as usual and I will for the next chapter but a semester just ended… Let's just say my head is not connected to my body and leave it at that.
Love,
LL