''Give me all your fives.''

Kaiji let out a small groan, making him slightly cringe from the pain it caused, and threw his last two cards down on the bed. I grabbed them with a small chuckle and put them, together with my own two cards, down on the small table and next to my other stacks.

''I win again.'' I grinned as him, savoring my win and seeing the grumpy expression it had caused him to have.

''You're cheating. There's no way you win three times in a row when you used to be horrible at playing cards.'' He grumbled, obviously not satisfied with my victory.

''Quit being such a sore loser.'' I chuckled and collected all the cards. ''And how is it even possible to cheat in fish?''

''How am I supposed to know? You're the one doing it.'' He sulked and I stifled a laugh.

It had been two weeks since he had been through surgery and, to everyone's relief, he was getting better quickly. I had been visiting him every day, still feeling incredibly relieved that he was okay, and despite being limited by his wound, we managed to find some ways to pass the time. For once since I first saw him again, we were finally back to talk about trivial things and just enjoy each other's company. Despite it being nice, it was still making me feel miserable whenever I got home to my quiet apartment and yet another day had passed where I couldn't find the courage to tell him. As the days passed, I was starting to convince myself to wait until he had fully recovered, even as I knew deep down that I probably wouldn't be able to do it then.

I was fighting a hopeless battle with myself, desperately trying to utter the words several times but each time I held my tongue. I was too afraid to lose him again and even just the thought of rejection would ruin my day.

''Want to play another game?'' I asked while mixing the cards.

''Nah… I'm done. I want to get out of here soon though.'' His glance moved to the window as he spoke and I felt my smile falter.

He had always been restless. I knew it had been bad enough for him when he had to watch over me and now he was stuck in an even more locked position. Sure, he was allowed to walk around after the first week and the doctors had made sure that his wound wouldn't reopen, but I knew he missed training and pushing his body.

''Want to go outside?''

''Hell yeah.'' He grinned and looked at me, effectively making my heart clench and bringing the smile back on my face.

''Alright, I'll go talk to your nurse.'' I chuckled and got up, listening to him groan behind me. I knew he hated that he had to ask for permission whenever he wanted something, but since his health was in question, I tried to scold him every time he acted like a sulky five year old.

Ten minutes later, we were sitting in what resembled a park behind the hospital. The weather was still warm but you could feel how fall was approaching slowly. I let out a sigh and leaned back on the bench we were sitting on. My glance moved to Kaiji, who had so far been silent, and I studied his solemn expression. I followed his glance to the nearby field where kids were playing with a ball. I stayed silent while watching the kids and wondered what he was thinking about.

If I had never left, maybe we could have had a child around the same age as those…

I felt my body tense up and my face flush once I realized what exactly I was thinking. I took a sharp breath, hoping to push those silly thoughts away while getting a hold of myself.

''You're quiet…'' I mumbled, mostly as an excuse to think of something else.

''Oh, yeah… Sorry.'' He murmured and looked down.

''Is something wrong?'' I leaned forwards and peeked up at his face. Our eyes met and for a second, I caught my breath. He blinked a couple of times before he seemed to relax and found a small smile.

''What's with you. You look like a teenager.'' He chuckled and I sat back up.

''I do not!'' I grumbled and eyed him. In the end, I couldn't stop myself from returning the smile. ''It's just unusual for you to be quiet.''

He cast his eyes down while a small smile replaced his current one. ''Jeez, you know me too well…'' He smiled and kept his eyes down.

''You know me pretty well too.'' I hummed and kept my eyes on him. ''So? What's wrong?''

''I don't know.'' He mumbled and ran his hand through is hair, his cheeks turning slightly red. ''I just, you know, want to say thanks for showing up here every day. It's so boring when you're not there.'' He mumbled the last part and I felt my heart stop for a second.

I exhaled softly and watched him as he struggled with his own embarrassment. ''It's somewhat my fault you're in here, so of course I'm going to show up each day. And honestly, it's pretty boring at my apartment as well. It's only the regulars at the book shop and I won't have any students coming by until the finals are over'' I smiled and started to watch the children playing again. ''Any word on when you're getting discharged?''

''Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. The nurse said I can go home tomorrow this morning.'' He grinned and we both looked at each other.

''You forgot to tell me something that important?'' I sulked at him but I couldn't keep up with feeling displeased when he was grinning at me like that. ''Idiot.'' I murmured.

''Sorry.''

''Hey, why don't you come by my place for dinner then? You still have some stuff there and we can celebrate it.'' I smiled, knowing I would hate myself for the suggestion later when it would hurt having him so close.

''Oh, no more hospital food.'' He sighed and closed his eyes while letting his head fall backwards. ''Sounds great. I'm expecting a perfect meal already.'' He grinned and peeked at me.

''Hey, don't set some insanely high expectations for it!'' I groaned before laughing.

Our conversation turned to consisting of mostly teasing each other and unserious subjects. It was nice just to sit and laugh with him but the solemn expression I had seen him wear earlier was still on my mind. I was offered a brief moment where my attention was drawn elsewhere and during that time, I completely forgot all about it.

''Oh, there you are!''

We both looked up as we noticed someone talking to us. I stared at the woman for a few seconds before I realized who she was and then proceeded to nearly jump off the bench.

''Mom?!''

''What? Mrs. Wood?'' Kaiji choked out behind me and followed me up with an utterly confused expression.

''W-what are you doing here?'' I asked, absolutely confused and horrified because of her presence. I didn't need her to ask stupid questions now where she knew exactly how I still felt about him. I was close to panicking while getting flustered but I forced myself to take a deep breath. I wasn't about to screw everything up now.

''You told me last night that you were visiting Kaiji today and I'm rather certain that I told you, that I might come as well if I had time.'' She smiled at me before moving her glance to Kaiji. ''Hello, Kaiji, it's been a while.'' She waved at him while tilting her head a bit to the right, like she always did, and smiled.

''It most definitely has.'' Kaiji returned the smile, a bit flustered as well, but he seemed calmer than me.

I looked down while frowning; I could not remember hearing her say those words but then again, I had been doing other things while she was talking. I let out a small sigh and closed my eyes momentarily while mentally making a note of listening to everything she says next time.

''Oh, don't make that face, Lena, I'll have to go soon. I just wanted to thank Kaiji.'' She smiled knowingly.

I returned the smile a bit bashful but let my glance move to Kaiji when he stirred beside me and looked rather confused.

''Thank me for what?'' He eyed her suspiciously and it only made my mother laugh faintly.

''You're just like I remember you.'' She laughed and looked at him softly. ''Your boss called me and explained everything about the situation. We weren't told much and then Lena started acting all strange, so we knew something was wrong but we didn't want to impose.''

''I instructed Lena not to tell you. Involving you could result in you being in danger as well.'' Kaiji hummed and offered a small, apologetic smile. ''So her acting strange is partly my fault.''

Oh, you have no idea, I thought to myself while grimacing shortly.

''Yes, I imagined you had some kind of part in it.'' She chuckled and I sent a half glare her way. ''Nonetheless, thank you for helping and protecting her. I already knew she was in capable and trustworthy hands but this just proofs it.'' My glance moved to Kaiji and I watched as his face turned gradually redder by each second. ''You've grown a lot, Kaiji, and I'm not just talking about height and muscle mass.'' She chuckled, possibly from seeing his face turn red, but it was obvious that she meant what she said.

Flustered, his glance fell down while he scratched his neck self-consciously. He was looking for words and surely too flustered to think of anything else, he mumbled a low thanks.

I let out a slight huff while she chuckled at his bashful reaction and started to say her goodbyes. I was relived once she had turned around and started walking, at least she hadn't said anything completely obvious about my secret but my relief was short. When I noticed that she turned around, I felt my pulse quicken, despite knowing that it was surely nothing.

''I hope you get better quickly, Kaiji, I'm still depending on you to take care of my daughter.'' She grinned and waved shortly before beginning to talk again.

She left me and Kaiji standing in an awkward silence. I wanted to yell something, curse at her, but my lips pressed into a thin line while I felt my face turn red. Neither of us said a word as we watched her walk away and it wasn't until she was fully out of sight that Kaiji turned his head and looked at me. Despite not really wanting to, I turned my head as well and our awkward gazes met. The silence continued as we simply looked at the other's embarrassed expression while trying to find something to say.

I knew it was a rare occasion to see him this flustered and I was fully intending to savor that extraordinary sight. Not that he wouldn't blush in any other embarrassing situation but his cheeks and even the tip of his ears were bright red. I could easily imagine how his face had to be burning that very moment. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and I wanted to be cause of his face turning this red.

''Come on… don't stare at me like that.'' He mumbled, still awfully flustered, while he looked away from me and ran a hand through his hair.

I felt my eyes widen when I realized how obvious I had been staring at him. My pulse quickened slightly out of embarrassment while my mouth fell open, trying to find any words but I couldn't think of any. As a result, I cast my eyes down, warmth bubbling in my cheeks, and frowned slightly.

Stop being so careless.

''Sorry…'' I breathed and closed my eyes briefly.

You can't screw this up now.

I ran a hand through my hair while thinking of something to say, something trivial, anything that could make me think of something else. I felt lucky when he asked if we should go back inside once I couldn't come up with anything. I looked at his broad back as we walked.

How long was I supposed to keep my feelings hidden from him?

The solemn expression I had witnessed on his face that afternoon kept haunting my thoughts the following days. I had thought of multiple reasons for him to wear such an expression like that but almost everyone ended up with me being the reason, and not in a good way. Maybe he really had grown tired of me because of the past month? I had really just been nothing but a burden after all, so it seemed like the most reasonable explanation. I told myself not to be foolish and to stop expecting things when I had no clue as to why he had looked like that. It wasn't easy though. It was hard to keep him out of my thoughts and I had reached the point where I knew, that I either had to learn to live with it and hope for the best or simply tell him.

The last option scared me like a child in a horror house.

I took a moment to calm down and closed my eyes. I was sitting on the floor of my bookstore with two large boxes of mixed books. I eyed one of them, quickly reading some of the titles before letting my eyes return to the ones in my lap. The store I usually ordered from had messed up and now I had to make some kind of sense of the content.

''Bird Watching Tips? What…?'' I mumbled, completely confused as to why this had somehow ended up here when I had ordered mostly fiction. I let out a heavy sigh and slumped my shoulders, feeling rather defeated. ''This is complete nonsense.'' I groaned while softly letting the book hit my forehead. ''As if worrying about the mess with Kaiji isn't enough…'' I sighed and put the book down.

I stood up and picked up a couple of books along the order list, before I started to move in-between the bookshelves. The store wasn't big but my grandmother had always made sure to provide a long range of different genres and I had promised myself not to change that. While I stood among the bookshelves, I heard the little bell by the door chime. I peeked out from my hiding spot to greet the costumer but once I saw who it was, I felt my smile waver out of surprise.

''Kaiji?!'' I stumbled forwards and into his view while calling out his name. ''You're early. Like, way too early.'' I smiled a bit nervous and clutched the books against my chest.

My smile faltered again as I noticed the expression on his face. He was breathing quickly and looked rather upset about something. His glance flickered to me as soon as he saw me and he moved further into the store. I didn't know what to say as I watched him walk towards me rather quickly and I felt my body tense up.

''What's wrong?'' I asked, now worried that something important was wrong.

''I-I know, I just had to-no, it doesn't matter.'' He spoke quickly, stumbling across words and interrupting himself. ''Look, I went by the police station-''

''What? Kaiji, you just got discharged! You're supposed to take it easy and rest, not work!'' I scolded him and frowned.

''I wasn't there to work, I was-.'' He stopped himself and sighed, looking as if he was trying to gain some control of his current state. He took a deep breath and seemed to somewhat calm down again but a faint, red hue crept across his cheeks as well. ''I have to talk to you about something.'' His eyes met mine again and I felt my body go completely rigid.

''… okay.'' I got myself to finally utter something after a short silence and somehow managed to nod.

''I-uh, I listened to the tape…'' He mumbled, suddenly looking flustered, and his eyes fell down while he scratched his neck.

I knew him well enough to know that he was nervous, based on the way he would scratch his neck and avoid my eyes. Knowing this definitively didn't help me relax.

''What tape?'' I asked in confusion and watched as his eyes flickered to me before he seemed to force himself to fully look at me again.

''Remember the watch?''

''The watch? What wa-'' I stopped speaking the instant I realized what he was talking about. The two books I had been holding fell to the ground with a loud thud.

''You can't die, Kaiji! We're not done yet!''

''Please don't die on me. I love you too much for you to die!''

My eyes gradually widened while I remembered what I had said back then and I felt my face beginning to burn. Oh no. He knew. My hand moved up and covered my mouth while I felt my shoulders shake faintly, the recorder must have activated when I had pressed all the buttons in panic. I closed my eyes while trying to cope with the situation and somehow figure out what to do next.

He knew now, or at least to some extent, so no matter what, there was no going back. This was my personal point of no return and despite it seeing as a possible way to avoid some damage, I wasn't about to fall to my knees and cry. I took a deep breath before opening my eyes again when I had gathered enough courage. I forced myself to look at him, determination helping a great deal.

Say it. For the love of God say it and get it over with.

I had to swallow when I saw the look in his eyes. For once, I couldn't read his stormy eyes and it sent a chill down my spine. I felt my skin tingle; I was really about to do this with absolutely no idea about the outcome. I would be an understatement to say that I was scared. I was absolutely terrified of his reaction, terrified of ruining everything that we had and we were but I knew I couldn't live on like this. Besides, now where he already knew it to some extent, it would be thoughtless not to use the situation as a spring board.

''I…'' I started but paused when I realized how weak my voice was and how much it shook. I pressed my lips together in stubbornness before taking a quick, deep breath.

Say it.

''I still…'' I tried again, biting my lip when I again fell silent and balled my hands into fists in frustration. ''.. love you.'' It came out as a faint whisper and my body shook as badly as my voice.

Louder.

''I still love you.'' I let out a breath of relief once I had finally said it. ''It's been ten years and I've never gotten over you.'' I kept my eyes locked with his as I spoke. Finally getting things said. ''Ever since I came back, you've been everything I could think about. It's been a dance between heaven and hell since you got back in my life.'' I took a deep breath. ''I want you back. I want us back. I want to marry you, I want to have kids with you, I want to wake up next to you every day and I want to grow old with you. I want the ten years without you back and relive them with you by my side. I know I'm being selfish right now and if you don't think we can-''

''I never said we couldn't.''

I fell silent, completely dumbstruck by the words he had just interrupted me with, and simply stared at him. His eyes locked mine in a serious glance but there was something else I couldn't quite explain. I had to swallow before I could even find any words to say.

''So, you're saying…?'' I murmured, afraid to really ask him what those words had meant.

''Forever and always, right?'' He smiled.

He looked like a teenager then, his hand awkwardly reaching for mine while his cheeks would turn red any second now. He took a step closer to me, now looking like the man he was again as his eyes had mine locked. I could see the determination in them and instead of waiting for me, he found my hand and used it to pull me closer to him. I didn't say anything as I had no words to explain the significance of the situation, the pure rush of relief and happiness I felt welling up inside me. My hand gave his a squeeze while the other grabbed his shirt, urging him to lean down to me.

Then, in the middle of the quiet bookstore, our lips met for the first time in ten years.

''Next time, don't wait for me to get shot before you say something.'' He breathed before his lips found mine again.

''Next time, you confess first then, instead of waiting for me to say everything.'' I mumbled when his lips had left mine put I made sure they were quickly reunited again.

I kissed him hard.

Both my hands moved up to frame his face while I kissed him so hard it made my head swirl. Such a bastard, making me says all those things while he merely got away with a short sentence and a smile. It wasn't enough. His arms moved around me and pulled me up against him. He responded to my demanding kiss with an equal amount of want and his embrace around me tightened. Once our lips finally parted, we were both breathing quickly.

''I was so scared of losing you.'' He whispered while leaning his forehead against mine. ''All the times I was close to losing you.'' His voice shook and he squeezed his eyes shut. I could tell how hard this was for him to say just by hearing his voice and as a reaction; I let my fingers move along his jaw line and then cheekbones, gently caressing them. ''Seeing the knife and then… then the gun… I was so scared.''

''It's okay. I know the feeling.'' I murmured while recalling all he blood.

He stayed silent while moving his head. His cheek pressed against the side of my head and he took a deep breath. ''Don't ever leave me again.'' It was a faint whisper but it was enough for me to completely melt. ''And if you do, I swear to God I'll track you down and bring you back. Alright?'' I nodded with a smile and closed my eyes. ''Good… good…'' He breathed and turned his head, his lips brushing against mine. ''I love you.'' He murmured before he let our lips meet again, much more tender and intimate this time.

''I never thought I would hear you say that again.'' I smiled, keeping my eyes closed in case I couldn't keep a few stray tears back. ''I was so scared that it was just me still having these feelings. I was so sure you would reject me.'' I laughed softly, hoping to hide how my voice was shaking from exposing my stored away thoughts.

''Come on, I waited ten years for you. If I hadn't heard that tape…'' He paused and closed his eyes while leaning closer to me again. ''God, I thought I had lost my mind… I listened to it five times before I believed it was real.'' He whispered and let out a soft smile, sounding as if he was smiling in the end. ''I'm never letting you go again.''

I smiled while letting my fingers move from his face to run through his hair, taking in the feeling of his skin, hair, his breath hitting my lips and the way he so desperately kept me close to him. I inhaled his scent, tasted his lips again and listened to his breathing. It was all of him. All I had missed, all I had thought of, dreamt of and all I wanted. It hit me like running straight into a brick wall and I clung to him. My arms moved down to around his neck and I pressed my face against his chest.

It really was him.

He stayed silent while accepting my needy embrace and simply brought his arms around me again. I could feel his breath hit my ear as he leaned his head against mine.

I just wanted to stay like that forever.

In all honesty, maybe it would have been easier to stay like that. As it was now, I kept reliving the embarrassing confession I had made and it effectively made my face burn within seconds. I hadn't spent much time thinking about what would happen after confessing, but I certainly had never imagined it to be like this.

We had moved to my apartment, convinced that everything would be fine, but we were followed by an awkward silence. Truthfully, I had no idea what to say. I felt flustered and unsure of how to act. Having him back after ten years was suddenly a reality but I couldn't find an appropriate reaction. I wanted him close to me again, I wanted to laugh about something ridicules and talk about something completely trivial, but my mind refused to produce any proper words for me. At least he seemed to have the same problem.

I let out a heavy sigh and leaned my head against the kitchen cabinets. I was a fool to think that everything would go back to normal. It had been ten years after all, it would only be unnatural if we had gone straight back to how we used to be. Even so, suddenly being awkward with him was frustrating me to no end. My hands came to a stop in the soapy water while my mind pondered over things. Still, it shouldn't be this awkward, should it?

I sighed again and then felt a pair of arms move around my waist. I hesitated and kept still as he leaned against me, drawing me into his silent embrace. My pulse quickened but I could feel my body gradually relax the longer we stood like this but I had no idea what to say.

''There are so many things I want to tell you but for some reason, I don't know how…'' His voice was close a whisper and right next to my right ear.

I couldn't keep a shudder back and let my hands find his, my fingertips ghosting on top of the back of his hands. ''It's been ten years… It will probably just take a little time to get used to again.'' I mumbled and moved my hands shortly, drying them off in the towel next to me before turning around to face him. A delicate red hue had crawled across his cheeks and his stormy eyes watched me closely. I took a second to just look at him, study how his brows furrowed ever so slightly because I was studying him closely, how his eyes stayed focused on me and his lips moved as he hesitated to speak.

''I just… want you close to me all the time.'' He murmured and shifted slightly, his hands moving up my back, sending another shudder through my body.

''I've got an idea.'' I smiled softly and looked up at him. ''Kiss me. And keep kissing me so my lips will be raw in the morning. We don't have to say anything, I just want to have you close and make-out as we would do when we were teenagers.'' I kept my voice low and let my eyes stay locked with his despite starting to feel embarrassed by my own words. Nonetheless, I had meant every word.

Despite blushing, he did start to smile faintly before leaning closer to me. I held my breath as I waited and closed my eyes, soon enough feeling the much loved sensation of his lips molding against mine. I felt his hands travel from my back and upwards, following my spine slowly, to my face, his hands framing my face as he proceeded to deepen the kiss greatly. I felt whatever frustration I had held on to crumble by each second our lips were connected and my body turned soft. I made a soft exhale once our lips had drawn apart and I slowly opened my eyes to meet his.

''You want to move this to the couch?'' He murmured softly before kissing me softly.

I nodded with a small smile on my lips. Maybe it would take some time to get used to what we were now, or again in some ways, but I was fully intending on savoring it and everything else between us. No matter how long it would take, it was something worth fighting for.

He was something worth fighting for.

''I love you.'' He breathed against my lips.

Thank you for letting me hear those words again.

Thank you.

I've enjoyed writing a much more emotional piece. This hasn't been about developing a plot, but a relationship. I got to play with writing a planned plot in my Kenshi story and this is my take at showing what feelings can do, how much another person can affect you, if you want it or not. It's about realizing that some people will never leave your thoughts and that feelings can survive being hidden away. Sure, there's a plot in it but the important in this was to show a history between two people and how it affects them for the rest of their lives.

The lost lover sometimes returns.