A/N: Warning, contains some mentions of suicide.

"Marisa," Callen called but there was no answer.

"I'll check her room," Sara spoke. "She's not in her room."

"She's not in the bathroom either."

They searched the entire house but Marisa was nowhere to be found.

"Where is she?" Sara asked worried.

"I don't know. Maybe she went for a walk."

Callen called her phone but it went straight to voicemail.

"Her car is gone too." Sara said.

"Where the hell is she? And why is her phone off?"

Callen called Eric.

"Hey Callen," Eric answered his phone.

"Hey Eric, are you still in OPS?"

"Yes I am, why?"

"Can you see if you can find Marisa?"

"Is something wrong?"

"She's not at home and her phone is turned off. I just wanna make sure she's okay."

"Alright, I'll check…. I can't track her on her phone or on her car, she must have disabled them."

"Damn it. What about Kaleidoscope? Can you use that to find her car?"

"Uhm should I? What if Hetty finds out?"

"Just do it Eric, I'll deal with Hetty if she gets mad."

"Alright, I've got Kaleidoscope looking for it. Will let you know if it gets a hit."

"Thanks Eric." Callen disconnected the call. "I'm gonna go see if I can find her. You stay here in case she comes home." Callen saw the worry in Sara's eyes. "Don't worry Sara, I'm sure she's fine."

Callen gave her a kiss before he left to find Marisa. He just hoped Marisa would be alright.

…

Marisa drove her car to the ocean. She parked it and went to the railing to look out over the ocean. She looked down, the waves were crashing against the rocks. It was about 16 feet down. She looked out over the ocean. She thought about everything that had happened lately. Why did that have to happen to her? She was still struggling to deal with it. She couldn't shake the feeling of their touches and them inside of her. How was she ever going to deal with it? It hurt so much, she still felt the pain. She wondered if the pain would ever go away. She looked down. Suddenly she thought about jumping down. She didn't know if she could live with this pain. Tears formed in her eyes. How could she ever live with this? It would be easy to just jump so the pain would go away.

She stood there for a while just looking at the crashing waves. She climbed over the railing. She held herself with her arms behind her to her railing as she leaned forward.

…..

Callen pulled up and saw Marisa standing on the edge on the other side of the railing. He ran up to her.

"Marisa," Callen spoke, trying not to scare her.

Marisa turned her head around. "Dad, what are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you. What are you doing?"

"I…. I….." Marisa wasn't sure what to say. "I was just enjoying the view."

"Do you think you can do that from this side of the railing?"

Marisa looked down. What was she thinking? Slowly she turned around to climb back over the railing. Suddenly she lost her footing and slipped. Callen saw her slip and quickly grabbed her arms. Marisa was hanging down the side of the rocks. Callen's hands were the only thing stopping her from falling.

"Dad, help me," Marisa yelled.

"I've got you, I'm not letting go."

Callen tried to pull her back up. Marisa tried to get her feet against the rocks. A little later Callen had pulled her up and he held her tight in his arms.

"I'm sorry dad," Marisa sobbed.

"It's okay sweetie, I've got you. It's gonna be alright."

"I'm sorry dad. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's okay sweetie, we'll get through this, just promise me you won't do anything like this again."

"I promise dad."

"Come on, let's get you home."

Callen got her in his car and drove home. On the ride home Marisa fell asleep. Callen carried her to her bedroom.

"Oh my god, is she okay?" Sara spoke as Callen walked in with Marisa in his arms.

"Yeah, she just fell asleep."

Callen put her in bed, took her shoes off and put the covers over her. He gave her a soft kiss on her head before going back to Sara.

"Where did you find her?"

"She was looking out over the ocean."

Sara could tell by his face that this wasn't all. "What's wrong?"

Callen wasn't sure how to tell her this. "When I got there, she was on the other side of the railing. I think she was thinking about jumping."

"What?" Sara replied shocked as she put a hand in front of her mouth and sat down on the couch. "Why would she do that?"

"I don't know. I just think the pain and hurt got the worst of her and she saw no way out."

"Oh my god. Why would she do this, instead of coming to us?"

"I don't know. I'm gonna call Nate, have him come talk to her."

"I think that's a good idea," Sara replied with tears in her eyes.

Callen pulled her to him. "Don't worry Sara, we'll get her through this. I'm not gonna let anything happen to her."

Callen called Nate and he promised he'd stop by the next morning. When Callen woke up the next morning Marisa was still asleep. Just as Callen and Sara had to leave for work Nate stood at the door.

"Hey Nate, thanks for coming," Callen greeted him.

"No problem. This is what I do."

"She's still asleep."

"Alright, I'll talk to her when she wakes up."

"Thanks Nate."

Callen and Sara left for work. About an hour later Marisa woke up. She dressed herself and went to the kitchen. She walked into the living room and saw Nate sitting there.

"Nate? What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

"Your dad left me in just before he went to work. He told me what happened last night."

"I don't need a shrink, okay."

"Apparently you do. Why don't you tell me what happened last night?"

Marisa sighed as she sat down on the chair. "I don't know. I was getting tired of sitting inside, so I took my car and drove to the ocean. I looked out over the railing at the ocean and down the side of the rocks. Before I knew it I was on the other side of the railing."

"What were you thinking?"

"I looked down at the crashing waves and all of sudden the pain and hurt became too much and I thought about jumping. I don't know why I thought that, I just did."

"I realize what you're going through is tough but suicide is never the answer."

"I know, I don't know what I was thinking."

"Would you have jumped if Callen hadn't been there?"

"I don't know. I wanted to, but I don't know if I actually could."

"Maybe you need to go to a support group. It can help to talk about someone you don't know about this."

"I don't know. Maybe."

"I know a great support group here in LA. You can check it out. It's this afternoon." Nate handed her the flyer. Marisa took it and looked at it. "You've gotta get help for this Marisa. You can't keep living like this. You can always call me if you need to talk."

"Thank you Nate."

"I really suggest you go to this meeting. It can help you."

Nate left and Marisa looked at the flyer. Maybe this was a good idea. The meeting was at 2pm. It was now 11am.

…

At lunch time Callen called Marisa.

"Hey dad," Marisa spoke as she answered the phone.

"Hey Marisa, how are you?"

"I'm better."

"Did you talk to Nate?"

"Yes I did. He suggested that I should go to a support group. Maybe it's a good idea."

"I think it can help you."

"Yeah I think I'm gonna go check it out this afternoon."

"That's good. I've gotta go, just wanted to check in on you."

"Don't worry dad, I'm good."

"Alright." Callen hung up the phone.

At 2pm Marisa was at the building where they were holding the meeting. She took a deep breath before walking into the room. She sat down on one of the chairs and listened to the others.

"I see we have a new face," the therapist said. "Would you like to introduce yourself?" He pointed at Marisa.

Marisa stood up. "I'm Marisa and I've been raped."

"Hello Marisa," the others replied.

"Could you tell us what happened Marisa?"

Marisa thought about what she could say. She couldn't tell everything.

"I was kidnapped and two men raped me. And lately I almost committed suicide."

"Do you know why you were taken?"

"It's classified. I'm a Federal Agent."

"I see. Well the most important thing to know is that it's not your fault that this happened. It could have happened to anyone. You are not to blame."

"I just feel so gross. I can still feel their hands on me and them inside of me."

"That's perfectly normal, everyone here has that. Rachel, could you maybe tell Marisa how you dealt with yours?"

"Yes of course. For a long time I felt guilty and I thought it was my fault I got raped but after coming here I learned it was not my fault. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I was raped by my boyfriend at the time, he had drunk too much. There were two guys, just like with you, he had a friend with him. It took me a long time to get rid of these feelings. For a while I even felt like killing myself. I didn't know how I could live with this, that's why I came here. They got through so I figured I could too. It's hard in the beginning but talking about it and hearing others who had the same experience helped me a lot. After that I was afraid to get close to men. Afraid they would rape me too until I found someone who had been through this as well. We connected and we've been together for 3 years now."

"I don't have a boyfriend. I have no idea how I'm gonna get rid of these feelings. I want to stop feeling their touches and them inside of me. Sometimes I think about just getting drunk and sleeping with a complete stranger but then I get afraid that he might rape me."

"I understand you feel this way but that is not the answer," the therapist spoke.

"I know, I just want to stop feeling them."

"I understand and in time you will. The first step is accepting it and realizing it's not your fault. Only after you do that you can move on."

Marisa listened to what the others had to tell. She recognized a lot in the other stories. Nate was right, this was a good thing for her to do. After an hour the meeting was over. Marisa stayed behind and talked to some of the others. There was a guy there that seemed nice. He walked over to Marisa.

"Hi Marisa, I'm Zac," he introduced himself.

"Hi Zac."

"I'm sorry for what happened to you. You seem like a very sweet person."

"How long ago has it been for you?"

"A year since I was raped. I was raped by a colleague."

"I'm sorry."

"I understand how you feel, I was there too. I almost committed suicide as well and I thought about just having sex with a stranger but I was too scared."

"Sounds familiar."

"Would you maybe like to grab some dinner with me someday?"

"Thank you, that sounds very nice."

"How about this Saturday?"

"Saturday sounds good. Shall I come pick you up?"

"No, I'll meet you at the restaurant."

"Alright. Can I have your phone number? Then I'll text you the address and the time."

Marisa gave him her cell phone number, not her NCIS cell phone but her second cell phone.

"Great, I'll see you Saturday."

"Great."

Marisa stopped by the store on her way home to grab some dinner for tonight. She was busy making in when Callen and Sara stepped in.

"Hi Marisa," Callen called out.

"Hi dad, I'm in the kitchen."

"Mmm, it smells delicious," Callen spoke as he walked into the kitchen.

"It's almost done, can you set the table?"

"Of course."

"So how was the meeting?" Sara asked as they were eating.

"It was good. I think it can really help me."

"That's good," Callen replied.

"I'm actually going out Saturday with one of the guys in the group."

"That's nice. Just be careful."

"I will dad, don't worry."

…

Saturday came around and Marisa was getting ready to go out.

"You look really nice," Sara spoke as she stood in the doorway.

"Thanks mom. I am a little nervous though."

"You're gonna be fine. It's just two people who've been through the same thing having dinner."

"You're right. It's gonna be fine."

"Do you like this guy?"

"I don't know. He seemed nice. We could relate to each other. Maybe it'll be good for me to have a friend who went through the same thing. Not that I don't appreciate having you, it's just….."

"It's weird to talk to your mother about it."

"Yes, it is a little bit. No offense."

"None taken, I don't find it easy to talk to you about it either. But I have your dad to help me get through it. I'm glad you're taking this step."

"Me too. I really feel like it can help."

"I'm proud of you," Sara told her as she gave Marisa a hug. "Have fun tonight."

"Bye dad," Marisa spoke as she walked out.

"Bye Marisa, have fun tonight. And be careful."

"I will dad, don't worry."

Just before 7pm she pulled up to the restaurant parking lot. She walked in and saw Zac sitting there. The hostess grabbed her coat and Marisa walked to Zac.

"Hi Marisa," Zac spoke as he stood up and held out Marisa's chair.

"Hi Zac, thank you," Marisa replied as she sat down.

"I'm glad you came."

"Me too. It'll be good for me to go out again."

They ordered their food and something to drink.

"How have you been?"

"I've been good, I think going to the meeting is really going to help me."

"It helped me. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't joined the group. I found a great sponsor who helped me through it. Have you thought about a sponsor yet?"

"No not yet, do I have to?"

"I think it'll help. A sponsor is there for you when you need to talk someone. He or she has been through the same thing so they know what you're going through."

"Hmm, maybe I will then. So what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a lawyer. I work for the state department."

"That's nice."

"Yeah it's right up your alley right, with you being a Federal Agent."

"Yeah I guess it is."

"Where do you work for? FBI, CIA?"

"It's classified."

"It's classified?"

"Yep."

"Hmm interesting, so you must be in some type of special team then. Do you carry a gun?"

"Yes I do."

"Cool."

"What kind of cases do you mostly deal with?"

"Mostly murder cases. I help put killers behind bars."

"That's a very good job. Do you still work at the same office as…. You know?"

"You can say it, where I was raped. No I don't. I filed charges against her, she got send to jail for 2 years and she was fired. But I couldn't just keep working there. It kept reminding me of that awful time."

"I understand. I never wanna go back to the place I was raped."

"What happened to the guys that raped you?"

"They are dead."

"Dead? Seriously?"

"Yep, they were killed when the others came to rescue me."

"It must be nice being a Federal Agent."

"It has it's moments. But I wouldn't give it up for anything else. This is who I am."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't see myself as anything else then a lawyer."

Marisa's phone chirped. It was Callen.

'Is everything okay?'

'Yes dad, everything is fine. Don't worry.'

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah that was just my dad checking in."

"That's nice of him."

"Yeah, he really is a nice guy, I'm glad I found him."

"What do you mean found him? Didn't he raise you?"

"Nope, I was adopted. I really had a nice adoptive family but I'm glad I have my dad now."

"What about your mom?"

"That's a long and complicated story. Maybe I'll tell you that sometimes."

"I'd like to hear that," Zac replied with a smile and Marisa smiled back at him.

They had a very lovely evening. Marisa really liked hanging out with him. He really seemed like a sweet guy. She thought about maybe asking him to be her sponsor. She felt like she had a connection with him.

"I really had a good time," Marisa told him as they walked to their cars.

"Me too, I would like to do this again."

"Me too. It's good for me to be out again and have some social interaction with someone other than my shrink or my mom and dad."

"Haha yeah I can understand. You're seeing a shrink?"

"Yeah, mandatory according to my boss. He actually suggested I went to a support group."

"Smart guy. I'm really glad you came tonight. I really enjoyed myself. It's been a while for me too since I went out with someone. I guess after what happened I was afraid to get close to people again."

"I understand. I have that too."

"It's nice to find someone who understands you."

"Yeah it does. It's good to know that I'm not the only one."

"Yeah it is. Would you maybe like to come with me so we can talk some more?"

"I don't know. I don't really know you all that well."

"I understand, but I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise. I just feel we have a connection and I'd like to talk to you some more."

Marisa doubted her decision. She had just met him. How did she know he wasn't going to hurt her? Sure he told her that he was raped but what if that was just a lie to get her to go home with him so he could rape her.

"Come on Marisa, be strong, show some courage. Not everyone is bad," She told herself.

"Alright, maybe one drink won't hurt."

"Great, this is my address. I'll see you there."

They got into their cars. Marisa pulled her phone out and sent a quick text to Callen.

'Hey dad, I'm gonna go with Zac for a while. This is his address. I'll text you so you know everything's okay.'

'Alright sweetie, just be careful.'

'I will dad, don't worry. I can take care of myself.'

"Everything okay?" Sara asked as Callen put his phone away.

"Yeah, it was just Marisa saying she was going to be home a bit later. They were going somewhere else after the restaurant."

"Oh okay."

"Don't worry. She can take care of herself."

"I know, I just hope this guy is who he says he is."

"He is, I did some checking on him. Marisa gave me his name and number and checked on him. He's a lawyer. I asked Deeks about him and he said that Zac is a good guy. They went to law school together. They are still in touch with each other."

"Does Marisa know this?"

"Yes, I emailed her what I found."

"Alright then."

Marisa pulled up outside his house. Zac was waiting for her. He took her inside. He poured some soda in for them.

"Thank you. You really have a nice house."

"Thank you. I like it here."

They talked for about 2 more hours. It was 12am now.

"I should be getting home," Marisa spoke.

"I had a really good time."

"So did I. I hope we can do this again sometime soon."

"Me too. Maybe next weekend."

"Sounds good."

"Great, I'll make some reservations for us."

Before Marisa stood up Zac moved closer to her. Before Marisa knew it he had his hand on her cheek and he kissed her. The kiss felt really good. Marisa wanted to stop but she couldn't. Before she knew it she was kissing him back. It felt so good. Zac pushed her down on the couch. Marisa wondered if she should stop him. She knew if she didn't stop they would probably end up sleeping together. She didn't know if she was ready for that. But then again she needed to stop feeling them.