A/N: Hello! what, an update so soon? well, I'm trying to be more responsible. I mean, I am a grown up now, with a job, taxes, and everything. It stinks. You know what else stinks? a lot of stuff. Don't expect me to sort it out; people get offended when I express what I think sucks.
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Chapter 17: The Great Deadpool
Robin gave the newcomer a careful look, as he sat there, goofy yet menacing.
He judged the man's weight, height, build, relative strength, his combat readiness. Robin had learned from the greatest fighters on the planet, and some beyond; sizing up an opponent was something he was quite good at.
So as Robin examined this new threat, it was with growing unease, and that should worry you, reader.
The man in red swung his leg over the horse's back, and hopped to the ground. Another sword, both were katana, was slung over his back, and it wobbled as he walked. He stood there, staring at the three teens before him, shoulders back, head high.
Then, as though something occurred to him, he slouched, and looked between them. "Wait, aren't there five of you?"
"Who are you dude?" Cyborg asked, tempted to lower his canon. The man in red meanwhile scratched his head and looked, as much as he could, like he was talking to himself. Of course, this was just a vague impression, given that they could see nothing of his actual face.
"Man in red," Starfire broke the relative silence, "you have threatened us, why? And who are you?"
The man stopped his reverie and returned to the moment. "Wait, you don't know who I am?"
They all shook their heads negative.
"Seriously? I'm internet famous. Everyone knows who I am. Even that narrow minded elitist goof writing this." The man looked generally surprised, and he sheathed his sword, and sounding on the verge of tears continued, "Do you mean to say you've never heard of... Deadpool?"
Cyborg recognized the name, but the others were still clueless. The man, Deadpool, sighed mightily and dragged his hands down his face and groaned to the sky, "Gah! You had to make it difficult didn't you? Couldn't have had them all read marvel comics could you?"
"Marvel comics... Deadpool... Are you that crazy guy in the X-men comics?" Cyborg asked, remembering bits of Beast Boy's comics collected. To be honest, the cybernetic teen didn't like comics, he preferred films. Now that he thought about it, he did seem to remember him from that one movie, "And weren't you in..."
"No, don't even mention that movie to me," Deadpool exclaimed, and put a hand on his chin. "Alright, here's the basics; I am a super cool, sexy, immortal, enormously more awesome Slade."
"Slade?" Robin perked up, hand going to his belt, the compartment containing birdarangs.
Deadpool looked over toward the fourth wall, and rolled his eyes, "This guy, obsessed."
"What do you know about Slade?" Robin demanded, and Starfire felt the urge to punch the red man. She had made such progress with her boyfriend, now he'd be seeing the penultimate villain behind every petty theft for weeks.
Deadpool explained, "I am Wade Wilson, parody of Slade Wilson. Allegedly. Oh, and I've come to kick your asses and prove that I'm better that your cyclopean mercenary."
With that he drew his katanas, startling the teens, whose guards had fallen considerably. With a cartoonish laugh, he leapt at them, hoping the author would be able to achieve some kind of decent fight scene.
Cyborg was first to react, his arm having remained in the firing position. The stream of compressed sound caught Deadpool center mass, launching him backwards, though he continued his swing, catching the two birdarangs Robin sent his way in their path.
He struck a concrete block and immediately ducked, a starbolt smashing into the grey surface above him. Sheathing one sword he drew one of the pistols at his hips, not mentioned before as the author forgot. Flicking a switch he set it to fully automatic, and fired half-hazardly at Starfire.
The alien didn't try to dodge, the bullets crumpling as they struck her tough, Tameranian skin; they stung, and some might bruise, but she was safe. She sent an eye-blast toward Deadpool in retaliation, but the Merc with the Mouth (tm?) was already gone, exchanging rapid blows with Robin.
Robin had flown towards the man with a flying kick, sending an explosive disc ahead of him. As Deadpool swung his sword to take off the Boy Wonder's leg the disk struck his hand, and blew the sword clean out of its grip.
The foot struck shoulder, sending the two into a tumble, and they came up swinging, Robin fast and coordinated, Deadpool fighting like a caricature of a boxer. Robin deflected his fists and landed savage strikes on the other, who grunted and groaned, before ducking and rolling, as another sonic blast tore through the space, striking Deadpool in the face.
Deadpool stayed standing, amazingly, though he was shaken, and he whistled, before drawing both pistols and firing madly at Cyborg.
Starfire came to his rescue, flinging starbolts at the mutant. Deadpool felt a couple land, shaking him and leaving first degree burns even through his costume. He responded by turning a gun her way, while Cyborg turned his face away to protect its organic parts.
Robin came back, landing a brutal jab to his spine before grabbing his hands and drawing them behind his back. Deadpool whined as his guns dropped, and he struggled against his new bonds.
"Jeeze, you'd think you had a thing for me, Robypoo," Deadpool grunted, and swung his head back. The blow struck Robin full in the face, a wet crunch belaying the breakage of his nose.
Starfire screamed and flew in, delivering a super strong fist to the mouthy man's face. Another crunch spoke of a broken cheekbone, at the least, and the man laughed. He laughed at her, and Starfire felt anger like she hadn't known in some time rise in her chest.
She raised her fist again, but Cyborg touched her elbow. She gave him a look, and the man shook his head, so she merely sighed and lowered her hand.
"Is that all? You pansies!" Deadpool grunted, trying to get air to his restricted lungs; Robin was holding him rather tightly, arms behind his back and foot on his back.
Robin pulled even harder. "Where is Control Freak?"
Deadpool laughed again, despite the obvious pain he was experiencing. "How should I know? That fat blob can teleport, dumbass."
Bones creaked as Robin pressed his foot down, "Then tell me what you do know,"
"Well, since you asked," exclamation of pain, "girl guides are no longer selling thin mints in my area. It sucks." Exclamation of pain, "Star Wars seven looks less good than it should," exclamation of pain, "oh, and how could I forget..."
Deadpool suddenly jerked forward, much to Robin's shock, and he heard and felt the man's shoulders crack, whether broken or dislocated he let go. Deadpool flopped forwards like a gutted fish before wiggling back to his knees.
He flexed his arms, and with sickening snaps they returned to their position, and he chuckled, "I heal real fast,"
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Beast Boy was in heaven... figuratively speaking, of course. He stared, mouth agape, at the space around him as the Doctor fiddled with stuff.
Raven gave him a quick elbow to the gut to wake him up, "Beast Boy, pay attention,"
"Now, I have no idea where your friends are, they could be here..." the Doctor stopped and turned to the two, clapping his hands together, "they might be dead. Who knows."
Raven gave the man a frown, "They're not dead,"
The Doctor raised a thin brow in response, and Beast Boy finally found his voice, "She can sense stuff."
A smile broke the man's face, and he muttered "fascinating," before Raven continued. "I can feel them; they are here, but I can't seem to pinpoint them. Something is interfering, some kind of... psychic energy. It's everywhere here."
Remembering his own history with psychics, Beast Boy gave her a worried look, which she returned with a frown.
"Well, let's go for a flight then, shall we?" the Doctor turned back to the ships scattered controls and seemingly arbitrarily hit stuff.
Beast Boy watched him briefly before turning to Raven, "Can you believe it? The Doctor,"
Raven gave him an unenthusiastic nod, and closed her eyes, stretching out with her soul self, reading the auras around her. Beast Boy however was not satisfied, and as the TARDIS lurched into the air, he touched her arm.
It was an innocent touch, just a finger or two brushing her forearm, but it still made her jump. Her brow furled, but she kept her eyes stubbornly closed. "What?" she asked through clenched teeth.
"You seem... off. Are you okay?" that surprised her, though she didn't know why. The boy had a way of telling when she was stressed, even if it usually was taken as an invitation to push her buttons.
She opened one eye partially, giving the green boy a stoically uninterested appraisal, "I'm fine..."
Beast Boy would not be denied, and stepped closer, a few short, barely audible sniffs accompanying the move. "You don't seem fine. You seem worried,"
"Stress. It hasn't exactly been an easy day, in case you've forgotten."
"No, that's not it, you're worried about something particular, I noticed it this morning, and yesterday. All week really."
Raven felt her heart race, and wondered how much of it he could hear. "I haven't been worried." She felt her skin flush as she heard another concealed sniff from the other, knowing it was his way of lie detecting. "Tired."
"This is the first big thing in a month Rae, come on," he whispered, face now so close to hers she could feel the heat from his skin, and feel his breath, even though her eyes were still stubbornly shut.
"Don't call me that," She whispered in return, for some reason not wanting to be louder than him.
"Raven... I can tell when you're lying..." she had no idea, but Beast Boy was very nearly touching her lips at this point, with his own. Something felt off, and he was worried for her, and he was distracted by everything, and just moved, letting his instincts take over as he questioned the half demon. He just wanted to help her, to take away the worry...
"There they are!"
The Doctor's voice startled them, making both jump rather awkwardly away from one another. Beast Boy turned to the man, noting with relief that he hadn't seen anything, gaze fixed on the screen before him.
Raven however had eyes only for Beast Boy, whose face had a brownish hue, denoting a blush, and a fierce one at that. Why would he be blushing? Unless...
Beast Boy turned back to her, and grabbed her hand, "C'mon Rae, the Doctor found them,"
She nodded and let him pull her along, coming to the screen alongside the aforementioned time traveller. On the screen was a dusty and batted scene, where a man in red and black fought against her friends, and from their battered state, she assumed the stranger was winning.
"Deadpool?" Beast Boy wondered, and clenched his fists, "Control Freak..."
The Doctor moved past them to the door, and opened it, "Well then, come one, do the hero thing,"
Raven steeled herself and followed Beast Boy, as the two approached the door. They looked out and saw that they were actually in the air, a good thirty feet or so above the skirmish. "Can't we get any closer?" Beast Boy asked, but the Doctor shook his head, "Fighting isn't really my thing," he gave the pair a sorrowful look, "at least not this kind."
Beast Boy shrugged, and jumped. Raven stopped, hands on the frame, "Will you help at all?"
The man looked slightly taken aback, and frowned, "I am helping, have helped,"
Raven sighed, and the man added, "Yes, I'll be there."
She raised her gaze, and found a Beast Boy like grin on his face once again, "I'll get you out, Raven. Don't worry."
As she nodded and made her leap, he added, just out of earshot, "And for the love of time, kiss the damned fool!"
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Beast Boy morphed into an eagle as soon as he was out of the ship, and dove straight down. He didn't have too much space to work with, but he reached an impressive speed before morphing into rhinoceros at the last moment.
The heavy green beast landed atop a completely unprepared Deadpool, and Beast Boy was met with a cheer from his fellow Titans, at least Starfire and Cyborg. All he got from Robin was a satisfied grin.
The booyah, however, was cut short, as a sudden pain in the rhino's bottom caused him to morph back into a human, and leap up, hands grasping his butt.
Deadpool, significantly flatter than before, laughed wetly, a small knife held in one working hand. "There you are, the teenage mutant veggie eater,"
"What are you doing Wade?" Beast Boy demanded, still rubbing his posterior. The other Titans rallied behind him, Cyborg replying "He says he's a better Slade, and wants to prove it by, well,"
"Kicking your collective asses," Deadpool continued, body already healed.
Beast Boy shook his head, "But where's the money in it?"
Deadpool stopped in mid jump, before stroking an invisible beard in thought. "Y'know, that's a good question, I guess I'm getting paid in fame this time, though I must say, this venue is hardly a widely respected one,"
As the man talked, Raven was descending, taking stock of the situation as she fell. She stopped a foot above the ground behind this 'Deadpool', powers holding her aloof. She quietly called forth her soul self, manifesting it in pools of black aura, engulfing some rubble.
"I mean, really, everyone on fanfiction already knows who I am, heck, even that Wompa guy, DC fan all the way, knows who-"
The mutant's rant was cut short as he was suddenly struck by barrage after barrage of black engulfed stones. The other Titans sprung into action, though at the moment their primary aim was to get out of Raven's line of fire.
Deadpool turned to her and shouted as a huge chunk of cement hurled him into the air. Starfire riddled him with bolts while he was in the air, and Beast Boy morphed into an Elephant, catching the flailing fool in his trunk and slamming him face first into the dirt.
Deadpool was hardly finished though, and through sand at the giant green creature's eyes. Beast Boy grunted and let go of Deadpool, morphing back to human to clear his sight.
Cyborg came in next, huge and heavy limbs swinging. Deadpool dodged a few swings and caught his arm, swinging around it to land on the man's back. "Hey," was all Cyborg got out before Deadpool started tearing at exposed circuits and panels.
Starfire came in with another eyeblast, this one launching Deadpool off of Cyborg and into Robin's staff. The mutant felt the pole jab into his spine and used it to propel a spin. He turned and grabbed Robin's head, and pulled it down as he brought a knee up, catching the young man square in the forehead.
Turning to Starfire, Deadpool whistled, "Damn girl, if I wasn't a registered sex offender," before drawing a long gun from his belt. He fired it straight for her, and though she dipped below it, the flare/explosive it fired burst inches from her head, sending her with force into the ground.
Beast Boy came in as a guerilla, and Raven sliced away with debris and her own aura constructs. Deadpool made quick work of Beast Boy, giving the green ape a forceful kick in the... manly area, and threw a knife at Raven.
Raven caught the blade with her power, but it was just a distraction, as Deadpool ran toward her, picking up one of his fallen swords on the way. He swung at her wildly and unpredictably, taxing her shields as she desperately raised and dissolved them to keep him at bay.
Beast Boy apparently saw this, and morphed through his pain into a cheetah. As he leapt for the mutant he roared, and Deadpool whipped his head around.
A green maw full of teeth headed his way, Deadpool did what anyone would do; he pissed himself. Then he raised his sword, and as he did so felt those powerful jaws clamp into his clavicle and back, teeth just missing his jugular.
Raven watched in horror as Deadpool raised his sword, seemingly in slow motion. Beast Boy's mouth was inches from the man when she saw... felt... the blade enter him.
The silver sword sprouted from his back like some sick mockery of a sapling, and as the two collapsed the saw that it had passed through his ribcage, the left side. Raven raced to his side as the cheetah returned to a human being, sword still passing right through him.
She rolled him slightly, and was met with a gush of hot, hot blood, landing on her hunched chest and seeping downward. Beginning to panic, she reached for her powers, for her healing, but she knew it would be too late. Raven lay him on his side, and cupped his face in her hands, "Beast Boy," she tried not to shout, and failed, "Beast Boy, stay with me,"
Fast fading green eyes watched her through heavy lids, as he whispered, "Look at that Rae, all those video games were bad for me..."
Raven saw those same eyes, so full of life, fade, and roll back, as the stream of blood slowed along with the failing heart behind it. She pushed herself, pulling on reserves she didn't know she had, cold blue light radiating from her fingertips as she channelled her power directly into his self.
"Well hot stuff, looks like you'll need another beastly bedmate," Deadpool laughed, and Raven closed her eyes, hot tears, hot like the blood covering her, streaming down pale cheeks.
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A/N: what?! I killed Beast Boy?! well, you'll have to wait until the next chapter to find out. I realized these author's notes were a little jarring, so I've decided to mark them with the A/N thingy, along with the line break. I appreciate any and all feedback and I love you all, and trust me, I won't leave you hanging for long. I think.
Ps, thanks to Soul Raider 116 for mentioning Ninja Turtles, I was not aware that Greg Cipes played Mikey. I have yet to check it out but I will when I have a chance, I have some fond memories of the heroes in a half shell. Deadpool made a joke about the turtles in your honour.