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Kaito stared at Gakupo as if he were an alien, as the violette pulled his head reluctantly away from Kaito's plush lips. The long-haired male Vocaloid let his eyes trail down Kaito's neck, to his collarbone, lingering there as the flesh teased him, then continuing their trek down Kaito's clothed chest, to his belly, to Kaito's arms. Kaito's face cringed as Gakupo clearly stared at Kaito's bare stumps.
Gakupo reached his hand back out, pulling one of Kaito's arms towards him, slightly unbalancing the disturbed blue-haired Vocaloid. With his other hand, he brushed Kaito's bangs away from his face, looking into the bluenette's face with an expression that Kaito couldn't get a read on. Cupping Kaito's face in his smooth, warm palm.
Kaito closed his eyes against the touch, the longing feeling of wanting comfort returning to torture the bluenette. Kaito's lips trembled slightly, and he couldn't stop himself from pressing his cheek gently into Gakupo's hand. He felt the edge of tears prick his blue eyes.
"You don't owe me anything, you know," Gakupo said quietly. Kaito was regarding his face seriously as he listened to his words, but the bluenette's eyes were still partially closed, his head tilted slightly to the side, to press into Gakupo's hand.
"I'm not going to stop being your friend, Kaito. But you should know this; that I think you are beautiful. I do," Gakupo repeated before Kaito's frown could contradict him. "I don't know why... and you don't have to return these feelings but, Kaito, I..." Gakupo's eyes stared directly into Kaito's.
"I like you, Kaito," Gakupo finished his sentence in a whisper. "Maybe that's why this is okay. But, I don't think you're thinking straight. You don't owe me anything. You don't need to feel pressured to do things like this with me, from now on." Gakupo released Kaito's cheek from his hand.
Kaito's eyes were shimmering with rising tears, his face serious. Kaito's cheek felt cold where Gakupo's hand had left it. Kaito raised one of his arm stubs towards his cheek, forgetting once again that he had no hands to touch that cold place with to warm it again.
Gakupo brought Kaito's other stump to his lips, Kaito's eyes widening as he did so. The violette placed a gentle, soft kiss on the end of Kaito's arm, tasting the slight medicinal flavor of antiseptic. Kaito's tears broke free and began spilling down his cheeks as he felt the light touch. Gakupo looked back up, a hurt sort of smile in his purple eyes as he told Kaito once again, "Beautiful."
Kaito bowed his head suddenly, overcome by emotion, as tears fell down his face. Gakupo released his arm, pulled Kaito in for a hug. The warmth, the pressure, the feel of Gakupo's body next to Kaito's was wonderful. It felt like home.
Kaito rubbed his face against the crook of Gakupo's shoulder and let out his tears quietly, letting the long-haired male Vocaloid hold him as he let his feelings out wetly.
"I'm here," Gakupo's soft voice came, once again, and Kaito's heart ached towards the violette. It took everything Kaito had to move slightly apart from that wonderful embrace, but he did so anyways, turning his teary blue eyes towards Gakupo's concerned purple ones. Kaito lowered his eyelids slightly and looked at Gakupo.
Slowly, letting Gakupo have the time to reject him, Kaito moved his face closer to Gakupo's, opening his lips slightly, and touching against Gakupo's mouth once again. The violette's own eyes closed slightly at the touch, a look of his own longing breaking free to show on his face.
Kaito closed his eyes the rest of the way, the image of Gakupo's expression burned into his mind's eye, and he pressed his lips more firmly against Gakupo's. Feeling his closeness, smelling his scent surrounding Kaito. Feeling Gakupo's warm arms embracing him tighter once again. Trying to embrace the violette back, as well as Kaito was able to, without hands to aid him.
It felt good. It felt so good. Soft, kind, wonderful. Comforting, intimate, friendly. Kaito's heart was feeling soothed, a sensation that seemed related somehow to happiness filling his chest, as he was allowed the intimacy of the embrace that included both hug and kiss. Kaito sighed slightly when Gakupo's lips moved slightly away from his, but the violette didn't pull away far, instead trailing his lips to the edge of Kaito's mouth and kissing there, next.
Then, the edge of Kaito's jawline. Upon Kaito's neck just under his ear. Gentle kisses at each place. Against Kaito's jugular vein. Gakupo couldn't resist taking a little taste of the soft flesh there, and licked the tip of his tongue against Kaito's neck. The bluenette shivered, tried to hold Gakupo's head closer to him by wrapping the insides of his elbows around the purple-haired Vocaloid's head.
"Mm," Gakupo murmured appreciatively. The feelings of having the bluenette in his willing embrace was heady, heady. Gakupo wondered whether his reasoning capabilities were being compromised, whether he, and Kaito, would regret this, later on. But right now, Kaito was shivering, and it wasn't from fear. Gakupo watched the bluenette's face as he moved his head farther down, teasing his lips and tongue down his neck, to his collarbone.
"Let me take this off," Gakupo said breathlessly to the blue-haired Vocaloid. Kaito lifted his arms and let Gakupo take his shirt carefully off. Gakupo's eyes roamed the smooth, pale expanse of Kaito's soft, slightly muscular chest. His memories of touching Kaito in the shower reminded him of just how soft the Vocaloid's body was, how good that skin felt underneath Gakupo's fingers and palms.
"You're so sexy," Gakupo complimented Kaito. The bluenette blushed at the words, looking a little uncomfortable. But he moved his head forward, mirroring Gakupo, as Gakupo leaned his own head forward again to kiss Kaito's soft, sweet lips once again.
Kaito's breath caught in his throat as Gakupo opened his mouth slightly to lick against Kaito's lips. Another shiver ran down the bluenette's torso at the sensation. His nerves were on fire; everything felt insanely sensitive. Every place that Gakupo touched throbbed, but it wasn't an unpleasant sensation, at all.
Trepidly, as if fearing a reprimand, Kaito opened his own mouth slightly, touching Gakupo's tongue with his own, and feeling a little embarassed as Gakupo's tongue became more bold, licking against Kaito's tongue strongly. There was a flavor in Kaito's mouth as Gakupo kissed him deeply, and it didn't taste like food. Kaito wondered if this flavor was Gakupo's flavor, and he felt a pleasant tension in his stomach as the thought occurred to him.
Gakupo's hands were trailing down Kaito's nude chest, stomach, ribs, as the pair of male Vocaloids continued their intimate kiss. Gakupo pressed his thumbs against Kaito's pink little nipples as his fingers felt the nubs and slightly different texture. Kaito made a soft sound, and Gakupo hoped it was approval, as he rubbed his thumbs around in little circles, adding a little pressure, then pinching them lightly, one at a time, before rubbing again.
Gakupo broke free from the kiss, panting very lightly, his eyes alight as they watched Kaito's face, seeing that there was pleasure on the normally despondant male's face. The expression was so attractive; Gakupo could feel his now very-awake erection throbbing as he stared at Kaito with glazed eyes.
"Is that okay?" Kaito's soft question caught Gakupo's attention. "I've... never..."
Gakupo stared back at Kaito, realization dawning upon him. "Was that your first kiss?" It seemed ridiculous, impossible, but Kaito smiled a little hesitantly, saying, "Yeah," and anxiety joined the look of pleasure on Kaito's face.
Gakupo regarded Kaito with a growing look of seriousness, not wanting to ask, but feeling like he needed to know. "Your Master didn't kiss you?"
Kaito's eyes flinched at the word "Master" as it fell out of Gakupo's mouth. The smile disappeared utterly from his face. "No." Was the short reply. Kaito looked back downwards, feeling suddenly uncomfortable and dirty again.
"Good," Gakupo said suddenly into the silence, and Kaito raised his eyes from under his lashes to regard the violette. "He doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve any of what he took from you."
Gakupo's anger widened Kaito's eyes. Gakupo noticed the change in the bluenette's expression, and tried to smooth out his voice and features, to hide the anger against Kaito's Master that had been simmering to a low boil. Gakupo touched against Kaito's cheek with his hand again, and continued to speak, this time softly, determined not to frighten the bluenette.
"I'm glad I was your first time, Kaito," Gakupo spoke the words, and to the violette's surprise, the bluenette's eyes widened even wider. Gakupo cocked his head, fighting a frown of concern. "What is it?"
"Is that what it means?" Kaito asked, his eyes serious, as if it was an important question to the bluenette.
"I don't think I understand your question," Gakupo said, frowning slightly despite himself. Kaito looked away for a brief moment, then met Gakupo's eyes again, still serious.
"Master said... when he came back, he would 'take the rest of my first times.' It was just before Rin found me and, we escaped. Is that what it means?" Kaito explained.
Gakupo was going to kill the man. Tie him up, beat him with a rusty metal pipe, until his kidneys burst and he vomited blood through his nose, choking to death on the vicious fluid. Gakupo took a deep breath, steadying himself, before he answered Kaito.
"Your Master is a sick man. What he was referring to, he was twisting those words. Your 'firsts' are related to romance, to a relationship with someone who... who loves you," Gakupo almost choked on the words, he almost couldn't keep his fury in check. "What he did to you, was a grotesque mockery of what you deserve to have in a loving relationship. He might have pushed inside of you Kaito, but I wouldn't consider that to be your 'first' of anything except for rape."
Kaito's eyes grew darker and darker as Gakupo continued to speak. His face was very still, and the bluenette asked, "Do you still think I'm not dirty?"
Gakupo stared. He wanted to say no, wanted to say no, but... the rage was still just beneath the surface. Kaito's Master HAD dirtied the sweet blue-haired Vocaloid. Had stolen something from him, had damaged him, and badly. But it wasn't Kaito's fault, and even if Kaito had been dirtied, it didn't take anything away from his beauty, his kindhearted, good-natured personality. Kaito's hurting blue eyes looked directly at Gakupo's.
It didn't change the fact that Gakupo now held Kaito in his heart, regardless of anything so simple as how many complete limbs Kaito had, or whether violence had been done against him.
"You're right, Kaito," Gakupo said finally. Kaito closed his eyes, holding the words close to him, as if being proved right in his thoughts. "Your Master dirtied you, and right now, all I want to do is wash you clean. The dirt is the violence, though. It's not your body that's dirty. It's what that man did to you. It's the memory of how he hurt you. That's why I'm angry. Your Master did something terrible to you, Kaito. But it can't take away who you are. You're still Kaito."
"How am I supposed to clean away something like that?" Kaito's voice asked painfully, quietly. "How am I supposed to not remember? You say it's not my body that's dirty, but that's all I feel."
"All you can really do is try to make new, good memories, I guess," Gakupo's voice betrayed some of his dubiousness. "Make new memories, until they overtake the bad ones. Make so many good, new memories, that your damn Master chokes to death on them."
"...I don't know how to do that," Kaito replied, just as quietly. Gakupo's face softened at the bluenette's words. He hesitated before he answered.
"Do you want me to help you start? No pressure, no demands. You can say no, and it won't change our friendship. Kaito... do... you want me to take your 'real' first time?" Gakupo asked, the rage in his heart not the cause of why it was beating so fast.
This was insanity. This was wrong. Wasn't it? But Gakupo believed every word he had just spoken. It was really Kaito's decision, in the end.
"Will it hurt?" Kaito asked after a second, looking into Gakupo's eyes unflinchingly. Gakupo shook his head.
"No. It won't hurt. Not with someone you... someone who likes you. I'll be very careful. I'd be lying if I said it definitely won't feel weird, or at least a little uncomfortable, at first though. I mean, it's a kind of an intimate thing, after all," Gakupo explained, feeling somewhat awkward, but longing towards the bluenette.
"Please... help me feel clean again," Kaito asked softly. "If it's really okay for you to touch this body... if you're really okay with it, Gakupo, I... I want to be closer to you. I... I want your touches... your hands are always... so soft. They're kind hands. Please."
Gakupo's heart tugged in his chest, and his lower stomach clenched almost painfully from Kaito's words.
"Are you sure you won't hate me tomorrow, if we do this together right now?" Gakupo couldn't stop from asking. He looked down and away as a small part of his mind screamed for him to think about what he was about to do.
A small miracle happened, for Kaito's face appeared right in front of Gakupo's eyes, and there was a very, very small smile on his lips, as he stared into Gakupo's eyes. "I promise I won't. I... like you too, you know."
Gakupo's heart could have stopped, he could have died right there, and had no regrets in his life.
The violette pressed his lips hungrily back against Kaito's lightly smiling ones, and his chest filled with a strange sensation that felt a little like agony, and a little bit like heaven.
...
I intended this chapter to have lemon, not shounen-ai. What happened.
THE HELL IS THIS SAPPY CRAP?! *RAGES*
Kaito: Oh, oh no. No no, Master calm down, calm down!
I HAVE TO WRITE SOMETHING HORRIBLE, VICIOUS, HORRIBLE AND VIOLENT. GET THIS SAPPY TASTE OUT OF MY MOUTH RIGHT N-
Kaito: *kisses*
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...
...
So, where were we on this fic?
Kaito: My kisses have magical powers. *smooches the sky, and a rainbow appears*
Damnit, stop that right now. Those kisses are mine. *sulks*
Kaito: *smoooooches the sky, a million rainbows appear*
The heck are you, Rainbow Brite?
Kaito: *GRIN* Maybe.
Fine, then we can dress you like her.
Kaito: o.o NOOOOOO! *quickly hides*
... *screams in rage* You locking doors, Joseph?!
Kaito: Um, no, I'm actually just hiding under the table. Sorry. *awkward little smile* Can I have a hug?
Oh. Okay. *hugs happily* All is right with the world.
Kaito: *tries to breathe* yeah, yeah, that's... can't breathe...
Your Master loves you, Kaito. *smiles happily and squeezes even tighter*
Kaito: Eep. DX