Rose was leaning against the sink in the kitchen, with a frown on her face. She had started to show, and now things were different. It had been five months since she left John, and she only had four months left in her pregnancy.
Jack barely had time to be with her. John ended up coming over sometimes. But he never spoke to her, just watched the house, watched outside. Never looking at her. She thought it was weird, since she was pregnant with his child. But then she would remember that he didn't want it.
She was finding out today if she was having a boy or a girl. She couldn't wait, really. She wanted to start buying baby clothes as soon as possible. The doctor told her she was nesting, and that it was perfectly normal to feel like nothing is ready for the baby.
But Jack had spent all yesterday and night searching for Mickey. She didn't really understand why they were so worried, until Jack explained that he was wanted for a string of murders. She gulped and told him to be safe. But now it was time for her to go visit the doctors.
She didn't have the heart to wake up Jack, so she waited it out, to see if he would wake up on his own. When it was closer to her appointment time, she felt disappointed, she knew she shouldn't have. But she did. She was going to have to face all the mothers to be in the waiting room, and nobody was going to be there to hold her hand.
Or to tell her it was okay. She bit her bottom lip, nervousness echoing off her body in waves. She could do this, even if she was doing it alone. Rose went back up to their room, and started to dig through her clothing, she finally settled with dark low rise skinny jeans, which would sit comfortably against her stomach and a light purple tank top.
She freshen up her makeup and ran a brush through her hair, before grabbing her car keys and giving Jack a small kiss on the forehead. With determination she walked out the door and got into her car. She turned on the radio, wishing that Jack was there to help with her nervousness. But she was brave, she had proven that.
A commercial came on, saying there was a new resort open called Bad Wolf Bay. She smirked and thought about visiting after she had given birth. Finally she made it to her doctors and was surprisingly called back early. Her doctor smiled at her, and she already knew the routine they had. She lifted up her shirt just enough that he could squirt the gel on her stomach.
"Well mom, are you ready to find the gender?" He asked, Rose didn't want to find out without Jack, but this was the whole point of the appointment, so Rose nodded her head and waited for what he was going to say. "Well Rose. It looks like you're having a girl." She smiled at the thought. Her baby girl was growing of her. "Thank you." She told him with a small voice. He only smiled in return.
He printed out the ultrasound for her, and had put 'It's a girl!' on it. She only laughed when he handed it to her. She checked the time, and saw it was only 2PM. She knew Jack wouldn't wake up until she had enough time to go shopping.
She ended up back at the baby store, and started to pick out tons of outfits. Rose noticed after, that she had basically bought out their whole newborn girl section. She went to pay and felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She turned around and saw that woman again, River. But she wasn't alone; there was a tall black man next to her. She figured this was Mickey, and if this was Mickey then she didn't want to be around him. She got out of line and went to look at the baby toys, hoping she was coy enough to send John a text.
They kept following her around, and nerves were on edge. She didn't know why they wanted her. From what Jack said, River had left John. She shouldn't even know Rose existed. 10 minutes later, and trying her best to look busy, John busted into the store. His eyes narrowing at that the fact that Mickey was so close to Rose.
He walked up to her, he masked his face. But she could tell this was the oncoming storm. He hands automatically when to her stomach. She didn't feel weird about it, but she didn't feel totally conformable either. River and Mickey were still standing behind them. When River cleared her throat, John glared at her.
"Why the fuck are you stalking her?" He snarled out. Rose, who was currently scared out of her mind moved closer to John, who put her behind him. His hand still grasping hers. River, whose face had turned a shade of dark red, was grasping for the right words but before she could speak John was already talking.
"You're going to leave her the fuck alone." Then he turned to Mickey, "If I find you anywhere close to her again, I'll kill you." He's words spoke nothing but promises. Turning away from the couple, he started to grab Rose to move away from the couple. She didn't know who they were, but she didn't want to stick around and find out.
They had gotten to the checkout, John was still fuming, and Rose didn't have the slightest clue on how to calm him down. She couldn't kiss him, not really. She couldn't talk to him, and the look in his eye screamed danger. Rose bit her bottom lip, thinking how she could help him, before feeling her baby start to kick. She smiled softly, before grabbing John's hands, letting them sit on her stomach.
She could feel his anger melt away when she did this. He took two deep calming breaths before looking down at the cart. "Are we having a girl?" His voice strung tight with emotion. She didn't want to answer him, but she knew this was also his baby, so she pulled out the picture of the baby, where it said 'It's a girl!' on the bottom.
John didn't say anything, but he didn't give her back the picture. When they got up to pay, Rose went to reach for her wallet, but John had already beaten her to it. Paying for everything, even if Rose had gone a little crazy on the shopping. They walked back to Rose's car, while she unlocked the trunk. He started to throw everything in there.
"Can I come back with you? I just don't want you to lift all of this heavy stuff." He told her, honestly leaking off in waves. Rose gave him a nervous smile before muttering sure. She got in the passenger's seat, already knowing that he wanted to drive.
He was nervous that River and Mickey how found her. But if this was going to help him calm down, then she could deal with awkward it was. They didn't talk for a while, before John pulled over on the side of the road. Tears rimming his eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry I said I didn't want this baby. I do, I never wanted you to have an abortion." He told her, tears leaking down his cheeks. Rose wanted to reach out and touch him, but she knew he needed to finish telling her this before anything else. "The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person Rose. But I want to be different for you, different for our daughter."
It hit her like a ton of bricks, all at once. This is what he wanted. He wanted their baby. He wanted to be a part of their baby's life. She started to space out, thinking about what he said, before he started to speak again. "Rose, I'm so sorry, I really am. But up until this point in my life, it has always been about me. When River took our child, I felt like I had nothing left, but to focus on me. But now we're going to have a baby. This little baby who is made out of skin, bones, blood and organs. Our baby and her little heartbeat."
She needed time, she couldn't do this right now, not with him, not in this car that felt hot and stuffy. "Can you just take me home, John?" Rose asked in a small voice, she knew he would feel rejected, but she needed to go home. She needed to remember that she was with Jack now, and she needed to remember all the things he said about their baby.
But all she could think about was his lips pressed against her, biting her bottom lip. Rose shook her head. No she needed clean thoughts around him; she couldn't get this get out of control. Not when there were so many things different now.
As she expected he had sulked the whole ride home. But Rose needed time, if he was serious about fixing this. Then she just needed time, she couldn't deal with this anymore. She needed a break away from John and probably Jack. Oh her poor sweet little Jack, he has always given her more than she needed and here she was thinking about fucking his boss.
She knew Jack was beautiful, and he could light up her whole body with one smile. She knew that he was sweet, like candy. And knew where all the sweet spots on her body were. Jack was light, like an angel.
But then there was John. John was dark; he was hard, rough, unkind most of the time. And my god, it made her dripping wet to think about how protective he had been with her the first time they had sex. Rose knew she couldn't make her mind now. Not right at this second. So when they got to the house, she threw open the door, and walked inside, not even bothering to say to Jack who was in the kitchen getting a glass of OJ.
She rushed to her room, thinking about how much her life had changed the last couple of months. She had a new job, fucked her boss, got pregnant, and couldn't do her job anymore. And at some point she was addicted to pills. 'What a beautiful fucking way to start this year' she thought bitterly to herself, before tugging off her skinny jeans and tank top. Opting for a pair of black yoga shorts and a black tank top with strawberries on it.
She flopped on the bed, and curled up on her right side. Her whole world was different, and there wasn't anything she could do to change it. She was going to have her daughter and her mother was never going to know. She was going to give birth, and her best mate wouldn't be there. Nothing was the same and it was unfair. But Rose knew she had done this to herself. And that she was an adult.
She had to face her actions, no matter how much it hurt her. She sighed, before sitting up. Running her fingers through her hair, frowning when she saw her hair was turning light brown. She knew this was going to happen, Jack had told her again and again that she couldn't dye her hair while pregnant.
She wanted to smack him, she knew you could dye your hair while you're pregnant, but the only person who she could think of who could help her hated her guts. Her mom. Rose felt the tears behind her eyelids swell up. She wasn't going to cry about her mom. She wasn't going to do this to herself anymore. But she couldn't help but feel her heart break for her mom. She was really all alone now.
Rose laughed to herself as a thought popped into her head. 'Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.' Rose mused to herself, before getting off the bed and headed down the stairs. She needed to face them both. And she knew she couldn't hide in her room all night. It would only make Jack worry more about her, more than he already needed.
She found Jack and John sitting at the kitchen table, all of the baby stuff sitting inside of the living room. They had their heads down, and were talking in hush tones. Rose could tell Jack was getting angry with John, for whatever reason, until he jumped back and yelled at him, "Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, it has no power over you!" Jack yelled. John had looked broken. So crestfallen. But there wasn't anything she could.
Whatever demons he was fighting tonight, he would have to face them alone. But she couldn't do this, she wasn't ready for this. Rose swallowed her fear, before entering the kitchen. Jack was leaning against the sink. His back turned against Rose and John. She smiled softly at his back. He was trying so hard to make everything okay for everyone. But Rose was worried he was forgetting himself in the mix of everything.
She walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his chest, before giving a soft kiss on his back. She could feel him let out the breath he was holding. She was nervous that John was going to kill Jack, but when she glanced back at him, he had his eyes glued to the ground, tears swimming around in his beautiful eyes, again.
She could fix this, she could go back with him, and they could have a nice little proper family. But she couldn't do that, not now. She needed to know that she could trust John, and he had made that impossible the last couple of months. If he wanted to win her back, or to even get to know their daughter, then he was going to have to stand up.
Stand up and take care of them both. Not just when it was an okay time for him. She wanted to scream at him, to say how much he had hurt her. But she swallowed down her pride. There was obviously something else going on right now, and she wanted to know what it was.
Rose sat down on the kitchen chair, feeling her feet whine with protest of being on her feet so much today, but she ignored it. She needed to know what was going on right now. She waited for Jack to turn around. Finally he did, looking her dead in the eye. Like he knew something was going to change.
And Rose didn't like it, she didn't like it one bit. As it turned out she shouldn't had. They were going to go after Mickey. Rose could feel the fear tighten up in her throat. She couldn't lose them. What if they both died and then Mickey came after her? She wanted to voice her thoughts, but she was scared and couldn't find her voice.
She wanted to ask them if they really wanted to gun down this guy, if they really wanted to put their lives in that much danger. But she ignored her questions, and focused on her breathing. When Rose felt like she couldn't breathe deep enough in, she started to panic.
'This must be what a panic attack feels like.' She mused to herself, while trying to balance herself out. She didn't know how to fix this. She felt like her whole world was closing in on her. She quickly looked down at her feet, but her eyes landed on her stomach. She took both of her hands before grasping her stomach, lightly.
This was her daughter. This was the world her daughter was going to grow up in. She needed to make sure it was safe, no matter what the cost was. Even if that meant she might lose one of them. But she pushed that thought down before slowly rubbing her hand up and down her stomach.
She knew Jack was worried, but she wasn't about to let him start worry about her, they both needed to focus on the plan. They both needed to focus on the fact they could die. They needed to focus on the fact that Rose there, her stomach swelled from the baby.
They needed to focus on life. The life they had all made. She quickly muttered a goodnight to her boys before walking back up to her room. She felt asleep alone with one thought in her head ' Loneliness is the human condition.'
When Rose woke up, she had dry tears sticking to her face. She didn't remember crying last night, so it must have been during a dream. She could feel her baby kick against her bladder and knew it was time to move before she peed on herself. When she was done, she walked back into her room, thinking about what she could wear.
She didn't want anything tight on her body, not today. She ended up throwing a pair of black yoga pants and a white tank top. She looked in the mirror and frowned at what she saw. Rose had dark circles under her eyes. It looked like her body was begging for sleep. But she had already slept for nine hours before.
She chalked it up to being pregnant before moving on to do her make-up. Forgetting her usual makeup look, she dabbed a little bit of lip balm, before moving on. She didn't want to wear much of anything today. She could feel her loneliness gripping at her throat. Tonight was the night they were going to end things once and for all with Mickey.
She knew this was going to be hard on John, but she also knew this was going to be hard on Jack. He was finally getting a chance to kill the man who had killed his little brother. Jack told Rose a couple of weeks ago about it. How she couldn't ever trust them, no matter how nice River seemed. They were a horrible couple, and if they could, they would harm her.
Rose sighed, running her fingers through her hair. This was going to be a long day, and an even longer night. When Rose made it down stairs. Jack and John were sitting on the couch, going over tonight's plans. She didn't want to hear this. She didn't want to think about if one of them didn't come home. She wanted to pretend this wasn't happening.
She ignored them, and went into the kitchen. For the first time in a long while, this no longer felt like her house. Like she was in a stranger's house, and she couldn't help but feel uneasy about everything. She felt like something was going to go wrong. But she rolled her eyes at herself, before grabbing a bottle of water.
Nothing bad was going to happen, not to Jack, not to John. They both needed to be here for the baby, for her. Rose started to feel guilty. She was worried here about their child, and Jack and John were going to go out there… Where they could get hurt.
When they could die. She felt the tears welt up in her eyes again, but she pushed them down. This wasn't about her. This was about changing what was going to happen. She couldn't, no she wouldn't let them see her fear. It wasn't fair.
After swallowing the last of her water, she threw the bottle away before walking into the living room. They had stopped talking about the plans and were currently watching TV. Jack gave her a small smile; it was almost like he was saying sorry. But Rose shook her head. She wasn't going to break down, she wasn't going to cry. She was going to be a strong person, the strong person she knew she could be.
She started to think back about the night when she told John she was pregnant, and how he had rejected her, and told her to abort it. She thought about how hatred cradles you, like you're a small child. But she thought about the love Jack had. How he let her lay down with him. How he stayed with her. How much he loved her.
She thought about how much John loved her, too. How her heartbeat would speed up around him. How he used to be gentle with her. How she loved him. Oh yes, she loved him. She probably would always love him.
But she also loved Jack. And how was she supposed to choose? Her guilt swam around in her chest. It was like her own personal fish was swimming around in her chest, taking little bites. But she had to force the thought down. At least for today.
They all sat around, wasting the day, it made Rose's stomach turn. How were they just sitting here? This could be their last night on earth, alive. And they wanted to waste it, watching movies and buying junk food.
But she didn't say anything, just threw her brownish/blonde hair up in a ponytail, before eating. Finally it was time for them to leave. And Rose didn't want to watch them come out the door. She knew they could either die, or one of them, or maybe they would come back saying that Mickey was dead.
But she didn't want to face it. She didn't want to deal with the loss she could feel sitting heavily in her chest. It was time for them to leave; Jack quickly gave her a small kiss on the corner of her mouth, before promising that he was "Coming back." With a wink he was out the door. Probably so John could say goodbye. She rubbed her stomach. She had so much stress leaning against her right now; she was worried for her daughter.
John softly walked up to her, before leaning his head down, so he was facing her. "Rose, oh my sweet beautiful Rose." He said before grabbing the bottom of her chin. She could feel tears start to rise, but this time she couldn't push them back down. He gave her sad smile, before slowly kissing her. It was different than with Jack, but this was better.
So much better. And she could have sworn that her whole world stopped when they kissed. And sure, it was the same man who had gotten her pregnant. But this was different, because there was a chance that her boys weren't coming back. And there was a chance she'd have to deal with everything on her own.
Finally he lifted himself up before looking at Rose again. "Don't attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you're lonely, Rose Tyler. You're beyond anything anyone can ever offer you." John told her, before stepping out the house.
Rose knew her whole world was about to change. Rose knew there was a chance her child was going to grow up without a father, but wasn't sure if it was going to be John or Jack she lost. She pushed that thought out of her head and tried to focus on the movie they were playing. It wasn't anything good, and she couldn't look at the movie without worrying about them.
She finally turned off the TV, looking at the clock, 3:22AM shined back at her. They had been gone for hours, and she was starting to worry. She didn't know if they were hurt, or if something had gone wrong. She needed to know.
Finally the doorbell rang; she quickly opened to it to find a body on the ground covered in blood. Rose covered her mouth to hide the scream threatening to leave her body.