A Book Without Words
So I read two of your comments, and yup, you guys wanted bloopers, so here they come! Oh, and there will be pairings in this story (of course), but you'll just have to read to find out! Surprises are surprises ;) Oh, remember: more reviews, follows, favorites, and I will upload faster!
"Will you stop with your fretting and stand still, Rin Kagamine?!" Yup, the big day finally came. I will be officially married to Kaito Shion in approximately…fifteen minutes and fifty-eight seconds. Hence my excitement to frustrate Miku-sama to the max while she's trying to piece together my expensive ten-thousand dollar wedding dress. Which I would so trade for my boyish garments right now. At least they don't give me a bad itch. I'm not sure what's worse; getting married to a guy I met a month ago, who's a total yawn by the way, or being forced to wear this feathery-looking dress that is very, very tight. As much as I hate the dress, I'm loathing the wedding much more; I mean, I'm still sixteen years old, for goodness sakes! And Kaito…he's…just intolerable. Goodness sakes, I met this guy about a month ago, and he's acting as if we're suddenly a love-dovey couple not one day after my father announced that we both converse and get to know each other. He's parading me with stupid, fluffy feathers, bouquets, ribbons, and this one time, he even threw two doves into the air to show how 'romantic' it was. Not to mention those doves fell dead right after he tossed them into the air, considering he kept them caged for two weeks without food or water. I mean, what kind of guy am I getting married to?! But, besides him, I guess…there's still my own internal feelings. I…don't want to get married to him; not just because he's a clueless, brainless idiot, but more because…he doesn't understand me. If I told him about all the conflicts I had to face upon growing up and accepting rules from my father after my mother left, he would just do what most people do; he'd basically comfort me with a few sentences and then he'd forget all about it five minutes later. And all those years I've spent alone, without my father, my mother, Miku, or even my other friends, there were times when I just wanted to run away. I wanted to run away from myself, because I was scared of myself; I was scared of the person I was. To most people, I'm not normal. In many ways, I'm very different; I'm not ladylike, which is a very big thing, at least apparently to everyone else, I know how to fight, also not very ladylike and not to mention people freak out whenever I'm alone with them, and there's the thing with running off into the woods. Most of the townsfolk find this behavior of mine extremely abnormal, for very few men have dared to venture out into the forest, for fear of losing their way home, much less a scrawny, teenager like me. Kaito doesn't understand any of those kinds of things…and I highly doubt he will if I told him about it. And…I want to marry someone who understands me, who accepts me the way I am; who sees the real me.
"Miku…" Rin trailed, her excitement degenerating as she stared blankly at the plain wall before her, her eyes watching but not seeing.
"Hmm?" Despite the drawbacks of having Miku as her adopted sister or friend, there were many good qualities about the older female that Rin was fond of. Miku was the type of friend that was willing to lend an ear and her heart; she knew what it was like feel lost, to feel isolated off from everyone else. If Rin had a choice, perhaps she would've chosen Miku over Kaito as her fiancé. But then again, that would cause even more chaos and outrage, considering she lived in a society where homosexuality, incest, and bisexuality were thought of as immoral and sinful. Then again, Rin knew her feelings for Miku were anything but romantic; she thought of Miku as an older sister and a friend, but never as a lover, though she would honestly make a better companion for her than Kaito.
"…I don't want to get married. I'm too young." Is that the only reason for my feelings…?
"That's what everyone says, yet look how many sixteen-year olds like you get married every day. It's not like it's anything new…" But…you forgot something, Miku; I'm different and I always will be. If I wasn't the daughter of a mayor, I don't even know what my fate would be right now. Yet everyone says how lucky I am. …Am I? Am I really as lucky as I appear to be? Sure, I may have many material goods, but am I really so fortunate as everyone says I am? I mean, look at Miku; sure, she may not have as much riches in her life as I do, but she has more freedom. That is what I long for the most; freedom. Sometimes I feel as if I'm not even alive; as if all this time, I'm only living a dream…one in which I will never wake up. "Yoo-hoo, Rinny? Still with me here, kiddo?"
"Ah—yes, Miku-sama?"
"Hey, are you sure you're okay? C'mon, stop spacing out and come back with me here. You know your Miku-sama still needs her annoying, lovable Rinny-chan!" Rin laughed lightly, forcing herself to be happy, not for Kaito, but rather for Miku. She would hate for the older woman to become too concerned with her all the time; Miku had already supported her and been by her side for such a long time and she didn't want to overwhelm the older female with her complicated feelings too much.
"Yeah…I just spaced out for a second there. Everything's fine."
"Hey, listen to me." Rin forced a cheesy smile at the older female, trying to reassure her that she was fine and was as goofy as ever. Miku rolled her eyes and continued, "Hey, I'm being serious here, Rin. …Look, I know you're freaked out about this wedding. And yes, even though your face is telling me that you're not upset about this whole engagement, your eyes clearly aren't saying the same thing. I mean, trust me, I understand how you're feeling right now. If my parents forced me to get married to some random guy, I'd probably throw a tantrum fit and run away, just like you did when you first found out about your betrothal with your fiancé. I believe that's pretty normal for a teenager at your age; we're still young and we still have so much more time to keep living life as a single, carefree person without having to deal with the pressures of marriage. But do know that if Kaito Shion ever tries cause harm to you, or neglect his attention to you, that you will come to me. And you will tell me how I should beat the living daylights out of that guy, because trust me, I will do it for you, whether or not he is your husband."
"…Bwahahahahaha!" Is Miku-sama serious?!
"Wha-hey! I'm being serious here, Rin!" Well, that answers my question. "Because…it doesn't matter if he's your husband, it doesn't matter if he's man of high status; what matters is morality and how well he displays it. I don't care if he 'loves' you in the future; if he hurts you, then he's wrong. And no matter how many times he apologizes, it's still wrong. Just because he belongs to a high social status, it still does not mean that he is a man of high ethics. I don't care if he's the only 'prince' in this town and I don't care if he's rich or not; if he doesn't love you and treasure you, then what good are all those 'qualities' of his? All his money and all of his treasures cannot buy love from the heart and it never will. Even if he's the only man in these nearby towns to have fortune, he is still rather unfortunate in many ways."
"…W-what do you mean, he's still rather unfortunate? Doesn't he already have what most people want; money?"
"Maybe so, but he is still unfortunate because he doesn't have what most people have; a sense of morality and heart. I have to admit, that Kaito Shion is playing a rather impressive act for the last several weeks."
"You mean…all this time, he's been only acting? He doesn't really want to get married with me?"
"No. I've had my suspicions with that man not long after we met him, but it didn't take me long to realize that he does not wish to get married to you nor is he excited to be."
"But didn't that man act like a lovesick puppy every time he saw me?"
"Yeah, but it's really just an act. If you actually paid close attention to his emotions, you would be able to tell. And to be honest, I'd say he loathes this marriage."
"Huh, I guess that baboon really does put on a good act."
"Be careful of people like him; no matter how convincing they appear, they're lying. Maybe they'll smile and kindly shower you with gifts and greetings, but they are acting and lying beneath that facade of theirs. Those kinds of people…are dangerous. Because you don't know what their true motives are and you don't know who they are. They could even be your best friend, your family, or even that 'innocent' acquaintance you had recently met in the village. Therefore, you do not know who the real person behind that masquerade is; you don't know if that person is a serial killer, a rapist, a thief, or anything else for that matter. I've known people like that before. Even the most unlikeliest person that we would ever consider to do such a thing could be the first person who's willing to kill us when we turn our backs on them. That person can be anybody; they can be our closest friend, they can be the 'nicest' person in the town, or they could even be one of our own blood and kind. And honestly, there are times when I feel like I cannot even trust myself to make mistakes and errors on the simplest things, so how can I expect someone else to do better than I myself can?"
"I know. Miku-sama, thank you for—" KOK! KOK!
"Come in."
"Miss Kagamine, it is time," Gakupo Kamui announced, bowing politely as he entered the room upon rapping on the door on the door. "My apologies, Miss, if I had interrupted your conversation, but it is time for the wedding to begin."
"Thank you, Mr. Kamui. We will be arriving shortly," Miku bowed in return towards Gakupo, before addressing him politely to leave. Just then did Rin realize that her dress was fully pieced together; a beautiful, shining dress that gleamed as the mirror reflected the image. It was breathtaking and it was that kind of wedding gown that Rin wished she would wear in her future wedding, in which she was, but it could never make her smile. Not as long she was engaged to Kaito.
"This is it, isn't it? Does this mean I have to say goodbye to you, Miku-sama?" I don't want to. After this, I'm going to be living with Kaito and…I don't want to say goodbye to Miku. She, who's always been by my side for so long and never complained about it; not even once.
"For now, yes. We have to say goodbye. Good luck, Rin, and I wish you all the best."
"N-no, p-please don't wish me all the best. Because I know I won't feel as if I'm the best. Not if I'm marrying him."
"Rin, you are strong and I promise you that you will make it. I didn't wish to bring this up because…I was afraid you would be furious about this and cause a riot. Your father has planned a honeymoon for the two of you in a week."
"…What does it matter? As long as I'm getting married to Kaito, I'll never feel happy. It doesn't matter how many honeymoons, gifts, or even how many loving feelings Kaito will ever display for me. None of that matters. I can't feel happy, because I don't love him. I can try and try, but I know I'll always end up failing to find myself in love with him. It's like…if I were to try and force myself to enjoy doing something that I loathe, I would never succeed. Because I don't love it; because there is no feeling behind it. Right now, I feel nothing. Because I can't. Because no matter how hard I try to see everything around me, I just can't; I'm blinded by my own emptiness in this marriage. My marriage is a story just waiting to be told, but to me, every page is blank. Because there is nothing there."
"…I understand. But I know the brave Rin-chan can survive throughout this marriage. You will be fine; I have faith in you. Come, we must leave before we are late and before the servants will come escort us to the ballroom," Rin didn't reply; she only stared blankly at the wall before her. So Miku grasped Rin's hand, and without a word, led her down to the crowded ballroom. All the while, there was an eerie silence among them; Miku didn't feel the urge to comfort the younger female for there were times when one needed peace and Rin didn't feel the need to say anything. When they entered the ballroom, Rin automatically allowed a soft smile to tug at her lips, despite the urge to continuously stare blankly at the company that surrounded her on both sides, watching with eager eyes. The sun was steadily shining through the open windows and the ballroom was designed rather elegantly; the walls were decorated with many various, elaborate decorations, the guests were all properly attired in dashing garments, and the huge cake was beautiful; displaying both miniature figures of Kaito and Rin upon the top, with fine, elegant embellishments bestowing the layers. Despite the beautiful arrangement of the old ballroom, Rin couldn't find the heart to smile inside. Because it didn't matter how beautiful her wedding appeared, what mattered was who she was being engaged to. Speaking of which, Kaito stood ahead of her at the finely decorated altar, smiling gently as his eyes followed her every movement. She wonder, just how thrilled was he to be undergoing this marriage with her? Was he ever upset? Did he ever wanted to scream his heart out? Just how did this man feel about this planned marriage? Her father was standing besides Kaito, smiling warmly as if everything was alright. 'You will be fine; I have faith in you.' Miku's words came back to her. Perhaps Miku had faith in her, but did Rin really have faith in herself? She didn't know what it was like to be in a married relationship with another, nor did she ever think that she would have to care for another ten years or so. And what about her father? Did her father really think this whole matrimonial relationship was all that wonderful? Even though this is in my own heart, how come I don't feel a thing about this wedding…? 'I can't feel happy, because I don't love him.' Will my feelings ever change for him? 'I can try and try, but I know I'll always end up failing to find myself in love with him.' Rin reminisced the words she had spoken to Miku earlier. She honestly…felt nothing. No matter what everyone sees, no matter how much I strive to smile, I know I can never feel happiness. I can't force something onto my heart if it continuously becomes rejected. My heart is a box; only the key of the perfect size and design can ever fit through it to unlock it. And Kaito…is not that key. No matter how many times I force that key into my heart, it will never unlock it; I can try and forge it into something else, but that would not make any difference. Even if I change Kaito…even if I somehow start to like him, my heart truly knows that he is not the one fit to unlock my heart. He is not the perfect key.
"We are gathered here today…" Rin paid no heed to the minister announcing his long speech about marriage. Then again, Rin couldn't even care less for the long lectures her father or teachers gave her, much less whatever the minister was rambling about. She tried to keep a straight face and tried her best not to attempt to flee away; seeing a dumbfounded Kaito would be an idea of good joke for her. However, there was little humor in her heart; instead, a rather heavy feeling was weighing down inside her, breaking her internally bit by bit. "…I now pronounce you—" WHAM!