Xigbar wandered around the castle looking for his next victim. He checked to make sure that the paintball gun was ready, and turned the corner and looked up. The sounds of several people walking cut the air like a bullet. He smiled and raised the gun. Vexen and Axel were walking down the hallway together. What were they doing together? Axel hated Vexen or disliked him severely. "So this will help with my problem?" Axel asked.
"Exactly I'm sure that…" Xigbar fired as Vexen opened his mouth, and thanks to his portal Vexen got a mouthful of paint. Axel looked up but had no time to dodge and got covered in multicolored paint. Xigbar laughed as Axel yelled.
"XIGBAR YOU ASSHOLE I'm GOING TO KILL YOU!" Xigbar ran across the ceiling laughing as he listened to Vexen chock. He turned the corner and stayed quite as Axel ran by. He sniggered under his breath as Vexen passed also. He heard something coming and quickly regained his serious air. He was acting as if he were in a war, with no allies and outnumbered one hundred to one. He looked down but saw only Demyx with his stuffed turtle Fred and Alpha the free range toaster. Xigbar lowered the gun. Demyx was the last person he wanted to shoot at this moment. He waited until the humming Demyx was gone before moving along to his next target. Marluxia and Larxene were walking down the hallway holding hands. Xigbar smiled and raised the paintball gun. He was taking a risk when attacking the two of them, but it was something he was willing to take.
He clicked the gun and fired several rounds before pulling out his second paintball gun and firing even more. The hallway went from white to something a three year old would draw when they were holding seven different crayons in their hand. He laughed as he ran and was chased by the two.
"XIGBAR YOUR ASS I MINE!" Larxene snarled as she flew down the hallway along with Marluxia.
"YOU CAN'T CATCH ME COPPERS!" He disappeared into the portal and that was that.
"WHAT?! ME DO THE SHOPPING?! NOW?!" Xigbar yelled at the top of his voice, as Xemnas folded his arms. His arms were at his sides and the paintball guns in his cloak.
"Well yes. You were the one saying that I shouldn't do the shopping because of all the bad things that have happened lately. The toasters and the Broccoli…Everyone else thinks that you can handle this one task." Xemnas smiled and handed Xigbar the book.
"What's this?"
"The list…I expect you here before dinner time no lateness will be excepted and everything on that list has to be bought the right brands and everything." Xemnas then handed Xigbar a bag with almost pulled him to the floor.
"What the hell is in here?"
"The mummy." Xemnas said. "Have fun." He left the room.
"I hate you so damn much Mansex." Xigbar snarled as he pulled the bag on his shoulder. He sighed and looked around. Which sucker would be willing to go with him on this task? "Demyx." Xigbar said flatly.
"So where are we going?" Demyx asked as Xigbar started up the gummi ship and as he pulled on his seat belt.
"Radiant Gardens first. Then we are going to Twilight town." He looked at the list and handed it to Demyx. "Don't lose this." He said as the Gummi ship took off.
"This is the store?" Demyx asked sounding unimpressed as he hugged his turtle even more tightly. Alpha growled at the doors that opened as people passed by.
"And people wonder why the things that we get are defective." Xigbar said as he read the names of the store. Joe's Pawn shop. He shrugged. "Well it's his fault." He walked into the store.
The shopping was easier then Xigbar had expected. The owner had everything ready for them, and even had it delivered to their gummi ship. Alpha however did not like the owner of the store and bit his leg. Xigbar watched as Demyx wrestled the toaster to the ground then apologized to the owner who left swearing.
"Could you at least leave that thing in the ship?" Xigbar said as they made their way to Twilight town.
"No, he gets car sick." Demyx said defensively. Xigbar rolled his eye and looked at his feet. He suddenly realized that he still had his paintball guns. He smiled and pulled one out and shot the toaster. It took a hissy fit and ran in circles hissing angrily trying to find the source of whatever had attacked him. Xigbar laughed but Demyx yelled. "What was that for?! He wasn't doing anything wrong!" Xigbar shrugged and stuck the paintball gun on his belt and walked into the store.
Like before the places had all the things ready for them. On the way back to the World that Never Was Xigbar got thinking. All the things that had started to go wrong all started when Xemnas changed where they got their foods and supplies. He looked in the back of the ship for a brief moment and caught a glimpse of Demyx petting his toaster. What if the shops were deliberately attacking them with these strange creatures and things?
He pushed it to the back of his mind as they approached the world. After unpacking everything and moving it to the kitchen and the departure of Demyx Xigbar was free to explore the bags and the things in them. He was going to check everything to make sure that there was nothing wrong with anything. After an hour and a half of searching Xigbar gave up and began to put everything away. It was not until he was almost complete did something not feel right. He looked around the room, and noticed that the clock had shut off.
That was it? The clock had shut off and gave him an uneasy feeling? He shook his head and turned to the cabinet and froze. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a lone figure. It look like a toaster but it in fact was a toaster oven, and on top of it was a frozen chicken holding a sword.
"You've got to be kidding." He said as more of the strange sword wielding chickens came from the cabinets, and the darkness. "This has become real old." He reached for his guns and fired only to find out that they were his paintball guns. The chicken moved slightly and shook off the paint, then the toaster oven charged.
"Oh shit." Xigbar yelled as he ran. He shoved Xemnas out of the way as he ran by. He looked into the kitchen and followed Xigbar.
"What the hell did you get?!" He yelled at Xigbar.
"Exactly what you wanted me to get!" They turned the corner to find Vexen and Axel. "Vexen when this is over you are DEAD!" Xigbar yelled as he ran passed. Axel and Vexen looked at each other then saw what was after them. Demyx was walking ahead when they turned the corner. He was singing "I like my Sitar."
"Demyx grab the Toaster and Run!" Xemnas yelled. Demyx turned and Xigbar grabbed him around the middle and Alpha by the cord tail.
"Holy Crap! Chickens ridding Toaster Ovens. Hey look they're eating Vexen." They turned a corner and Xigbar put Demyx and Alpha down and peered around the corner.
"I think we lost them…" He sighed and sat down on the floor. "God damn things! I check the bags and they still came out of nowhere." He looked at Xemnas and pointed at him savagely. "it's because you buy at crap store that these things are happening." Xemnas turned away without saying a word.
Xigbar left Xemnas in the hallway with Demyx. He needed to get his guns, but the hallway was crawling with Toaster Ovens, and they both knew that Alpha stood no chance against those genetically modified toaster things. Xigbar looked down the hallway and ran straight for the stretch of wall in which the door was half way up. He tossed Demyx and Alpha up, then walked up the wall and closed his door. He left Demyx in the chaos mess of doors and stairs as he searched for his guns.
"AH HA!" He yelled. "Found them…Oh a Laser light…I can tease Saix with this later." He jumped down and landed next to Demyx, and pointed the light in front of Alpha. The toaster went wild as it tried to eat and attack the light. Xigbar laughed slightly as the toaster spun in circles.
"Okay that enough stop teasing my toaster." Demyx said hitting Xigbar in the arm.
"Sorry Dude."
The three wandered down the hallway, Demyx armed with a bucket of water, Alpha seven of his toaster buddies and Xigbar with his guns, including the paintball ones. They made their way to the kitchen where they found the Toaster Ovens guarding Vexen who was hanging upside down. Xigbar sniggered and looked at the toasters. He pointed the laser light at one of the Toaster ovens and they started to attack each other. After a five minute wait they passed the destruction metal. Xigbar aimed one of his guns at the rope that Tied Vexen up and shot it, then Demyx him and the toasters watched him fall then left.
In the kitchen the chickens were mobilizing. They had captured Larxene, Saix, Roxas, Lexaeus. "Looks like they have half of us." Demyx watched one of the chickens stab another and he screamed. Xigbar began to shoot, but they were like Shadows. For everyone he killed twenty took its. He fled along with the toasters and Demyx was captured.
Xigbar met the left over members in the game room. "What is going on? They can't be killed." Luxord said as he walked in circles. Xemnas said nothing as he watched Luxord. Marluxia jumped up.
"I'll kill them." He said raising his scythe.
"Have fun." Xigbar said bitterly. "I couldn't kill them. You won't have much luck."
"What about the toasters?" Zexion asked in a curious manor.
"You kidding? Those things out ran me." Xigbar said in a n irritated voice. He stood up and paced around the room. "Chickens…" He muttered. There was a sudden beeping noise and the intercom came on.
"Hello Organization thirteen. This is you Savory Master General Teriyaki Chicken. As you probably know I have half of you members here with me. Victory for you is inevitable. Surrender now and we promise to kill you quickly and painlessly."
Xigbar turned to the others with a discussed look. "We are being ordered around by frozen chickens. He shook his head. "That's it." He said grabbing Alpha and another toaster. "I'm getting the rest of the toasters."
Xigbar lead the toasters down the hallway as he held Fred the turtle high in the air. Since the discovery that they liked Broccoli they had begun to bread rapidly, and now they had at least five hundred toasters. When they entered the hallway that lead to the kitchen Xigbar found nearly a hundred sword wielding chickens waiting for them. He lowered the turtle, and pulled out the laser light, walked up on a wall and pointed it at one of the chickens. The toasters charged, and had no mercy for the frozen food.
Xigbar made his way to the ceiling as he lead the toasters into the kitchen with his laser light. He watched the destruction then met something disturbing. Saix broke from his chains and dived at the light. "DOT!" He yelled. "DOT DOT DOT DDDOOOTTTTTTTT!" he jumped around following the dot along with the toasters. The toaster ovens were easily taken over and torn to pieces, and soon there was nothing left of the chickens or the toaster ovens.
"Well." Xigbar said as all the toasters laid down for a nap. "Now we know that they will eat anything." He kept the light just out of Saix's reach.
"DDDOOOOOOOOOTTTTT!" He yelled as he tried to climb up the wall.
Veroxen:… Saix and laser lights lol. Once again the inspiration for this chapter came from my friend Joe when he wrote "I am your Savory Master Teriyaki." Thank you Joe. My friends definitely think I'm off my medicine when I wrote these. My little brother is going in for surgery, and I'm on edge and these make him laugh and ask what the hell is wrong with me.
I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did I could torture Vexen with my toasters, and shot people in random hallways with Xigbar. Xiggy lol.
EXTRA NOTE: Wow...this is old. Anyways like the I said in the second chapter didn't read through it and will come back later to do some revision and updates when and if I have time.