TRIGGER WARNINGS: CONTAINS DISCUSSION OF TEEN DATING VIOLENCE. NOT BLAINE FRIENDLY.
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
You tell anyone who'll listen, but you feel ignored...
Nothing's really making any sense anymore
- Talk by Coldplay
Monday morning is cold and rainy. It fits Kurt's mood after the argument on the phone with Blaine the night before.
I'm so glad we're back together, Kurt. I don't ever want to lose you again.
But Blaine I…
No, no, you don't have to say anything Kurt. I know you're sorry too. I know you just needed some time and I'm so grateful you've taken me back.
Blaine I…
Kurt I have another call, hold on…
Hey Seb! We're all set for next weekend. I found my ID and I got us a room…
This. Is. Kurt.
Shit. Kurt.….no….I….
You know what Blaine, you enjoy your night. And please listen carefully. You are I are not back together. What happened after the wedding was a mistake. So go ahead, fuck Sebastian. Fuck whoever the hell you want, because I am done with you.
But Kurt….
Goodbye Blaine.
Kurt had tried to explain the whole thing to Rachel, he really tried, but she wouldn't listen to him either. The conversation was quickly turned around to her need to gossip about who had hooked up at the wedding.
And then Rachel was lecturing him, saying "you have to choose Kurt, or someone's going to get hurt," and "is that really the kind of person you want to be?" until Kurt had just escaped to bed with a cup of tea and a book.
As he read the same page over and over, he thought, that while Blaine and Rachel were jumping to conclusions and not listening to him, the worst part was that Kurt had been so drunk he couldn't even remember making the choice to sleep with Blaine or what they had actually done in bed together.
He really needed someone to talk to.
So here it was, Monday morning, and he was walking into his Intro to Shakespeare class. He spotted Adam's friend Tommy waving enthusiastically from a spot near the window.
"Over here Kurt! I saved you a seat!"
Could this day get any worse?
"Good morning," Tommy said in a rough voice before taking a sip of his coffee. "How lovely to see you again."
"Hey Tommy," mumbled Kurt with a scowl.
"Good morning, class," the professor began.
"That's debatable," Kurt muttered. Tommy laughed.
"Now listen up. Auditions have been announced for A Midsummer Night's Dream, so today we will be paring up and working on dialogue from the show. Your homework this week will be practicing your roles and then presenting in class on Friday. Tommy, you are working with Kurt Hummel."
Tommy beamed as the instructor read off the list of the other pairs. And then Tommy immediately pulled out his phone to friend Kurt on Facebook.
Kurt, meanwhile, sent a text to Adam.
Tommy just friended me. He's my partner for a scene in class. Help!
Rehearsing the lines was fun and soon Kurt was lost in Shakespeare's challenging and beautiful and funny words. The period flew by.
As they walked out after class, Tommy put his arm around Kurt with a hand on his lower back.
"We are going to have so much fun together," said Tommy.
His hand started to slide lower onto Kurt's ass.
"Don't touch me," said Kurt icily, removing the offending hand and tossing it away, as he headed toward the bathroom.
This guy just doesn't know how to quit.
In the bathroom, Kurt's stomach was in knots and he went into the stall to sit down.
That's when he saw the box of flyers on the back of the door. He picked one up and started reading it.
Do you feel unsafe around your partner?
Does your partner act jealous or accuse you of cheating?
Do you show signs of injury?
Absent mindedly rubbing the small bruises on his arms that he'd been hiding under his long sleeves, Kurt kept reading.
Does you partner blame you for problems in your relationship?
Does your partner blame their alcohol or drug use for their behavior?
Does your partner violate your privacy by going through your phone or email?
These may be signs that you are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship.
You have a right to a healthy relationship.
The PATVPN (Performing Arts Teen Violence Prevention Network) is here to help. We are a collective of certified counselors at performing arts high schools and colleges in NY, NY. Our phone hotline is free and confidential to students of any age, race, sexual identity or orientation or immigration status. If you are having an actual emergency, please call 911.
Kurt couldn't breathe.
I want you so bad, Kurt.
I'm just trying to be spontaneous and fun!
Who's Chandler?
I'm sorry. I was drunk.
I was lonely and you weren't there.
This song is for anyone who's ever been cheated on.
His mind was spinning. Kurt put his head in his hands and started to cry behind the locked bathroom stall door.
Until his phone went off.
The sound snapped Kurt out of his emotional state, enough so he could leave the stall and wash up. He washed his hands and splashed some cold water on his face. Drying his hands carefully, he pulled out his phone to read what turned out to be a Facebook notification.
Tommy Albright: Hey Kurt! Great meeting Adam's new man-candy. Thought you might enjoy this photo of Adam in last year's production of The Taming of the Shrew. Isn't he dreamy?
It was an incredibly flattering picture of Adam, crouched on the stage, performing a scene while he held hands with a girl with long wavy dark blond hair. Adam's hair was messy, his lips looked full and kissable, and he was shirtless, showing every beautiful curve of his defined chest and shoulder muscles, his long neck, and his powerful arms. Whoever that actress was, Kurt thought, she was lucky to be up close and personal with all that perfection.
The picture was tagged with the names Erin McGowan, Adam Crawford and Kurt Hummel. And apparently it was public, because soon everyone and their mother was commenting on it.
Noah "Puck" Puckerman: Get it Hummel!
Sebastian Smythe: Christ, Hummel, I see NY has been good to you. Good for you.
Britanny S. Pierce: He's so pretty!
Erin McGowan: That's my baby!
Winston Chang: Yum! Thanks Tommy. I miss Shrew! (sobs)
Santana Lopez: And that, my friends, is how you upgrade from the hobbit.
The photo had 24 "likes" by the time Kurt logged off.
You're enjoying this aren't you, he texted to Adam
I have no idea what you're talking about, young sir.
Kurt smiled a little and headed for home.
That night was a little rough for Kurt. He hid the flyer from the bathroom in a small zippered section inside his messenger bag, and tried to put it out of his mind so he could get some homework done. Fortunately Rachel was so busy screeching out show tunes that she didn't have time to harass him. He just told her he had a lot of work to do and hid in his room.
He didn't sleep very well.
Tuesday afternoon he headed for Apples rehearsal. It was fun and light and just what Kurt needed to take his mind off that flyer sitting in his bag. Some of the kids were singing a Linkin Park mashup when he walked in, and then once the meeting started for real the Sondheim discussion begins.
Afterwards Kurt asked Adam if he could stay behind and talk, privately.
Adam's face fell.
"Of course, love. I have a key for one of the classrooms near the auditorium. No one will bother us.
Is this about Blaine?" Adam asked, looking wary.
"Yes. No. This has been a hard week.
Adam, some of the stuff I need to talk about is kind of serious and personal, is that okay with you?"
"Of course Kurt," Adam answered gently. "You can tell me anything."
Kurt bit his lip nervously and then took a deep breath and began.
"It's been a hard week. Tommy is perving on me, and I had a big fight with Blaine Sunday night, and I'm worried about my dad's health…."
"What did Tommy do?" Adam interrupted, his face stern.
"He grabbed my ass. I stopped him. But that's not what I want to talk about."
He pulled out the flyer and haned it to Adam. His hand was shaking.
"I found this in a bathroom yesterday."
Adam looked down at the flyer and his face suddenly looked so, so sad.
"Kurt are you okay? Did something happen at the wedding?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure.
I can't remember that night. Seeing that flyer brought up a lot of stuff for me that I've never really thought about before.
I mean Blaine never hurt me…well he did hold me by my arms really hard when he was drunk once….and sometimes he can be a little…I don't know….maybe controlling?
And when I got back from Ohio this weekend, I found bruises on my arms.
Can I show you?"
Adam nods, his expression heartbroken, and full of compassion.
Kurt pushes up his sleeves and holds his arms out to Adam, and then he continued.
"I don't know if I'm making too much out of this you know? I'm thinking about calling but I'm just not sure. What do you think, Adam?"
"I think it's a really smart idea to get help. I've gotten therapy myself in the past. It made me a better man."
"Really?"
"Yeah, my mum is wonderful, but my family's pretty messed up on my Dad's side. He's kind of a madman. It's good for my acting too, that I went digging around in all that dark stuff. Helps me to go deeper into the heavy dramatic roles.
But enough about me…. please go on."
"Yeah. So about us…."
Here it comes, thought Adam.
"I….I adore you. You're honestly my favorite person right now.
And I love spending time with you, going on dates with you…holding you.. kissing you…..
but honestly, with the way my head and my heart are so messed up right now….that's really all I can offer you.
And I totally understand if that's not enough."
"Kurt, that is more than enough. And I think it's very wise of you to set some boundaries for yourself. Very grownup. I mean not that you're not a grownup…."
"It's fine. This baby face fools everyone. Honestly, I've had to grow up really fast in a lot of ways.
So do you still want to go on dates with me, even if it's casual?"
"I really do, Kurt," answered Adam. "And we should keep the lines of communication open. Sorry, I sound like a therapist now."
Kurt chuckled. "Just so we're clear…we're free to see other people, right? Because I don't want to hold you back while I figure myself out, and there's no way I can make any promises to anyone right now."
"Agreed," said Adam.
"Thank you Adam. I'm sorry to dump all this on you. I'm trying this new thing called being honest about my feelings," Kurt said a little bitterly.
"And now I really need to go."
"Goodbye love," said Adam, bending to kiss Kurt on the cheek ."And thank you for sharing your story with me. You're very brave. And you mean a lot to me. To all of us. Remember that you matter, okay?"
Thinking of Burt, Kurt gave Adam a quick cheek kiss of his own, adjusted his messenger bag, and walked toward the exit and left the building.
Burt. That was who Kurt needed to talk to. It was time to finally tell his dad the truth about everything that had gone down between him and Blaine.
But first he needed to send an email to Blaine.
Stop. I need you to stop calling me. I am not going to listen to your lies anymore, so stop contacting me. Any voicemail, message or email you send me will be deleted.
Back in his bedroom in Ohio, Blaine threw his phone across the room. Just before it hit the wall, it lit up with a text from Sebastian.
Author's note: I researched several websites about domestic violence and dating violence for the contents of my fictional flyer. The content comes from real professional sources. Later I plan to post references.