Mayor Mare rarely summoned the citizens of Ponyville to a meeting, so naturally everypony was filling the town hall.
"We have important guests staying here on their way to Canterlot," she explained, "and as such I will allow our scholar Twilight Sparkle to elucidate."
"In public?" This quip was followed by a yelp as somepony kicked the wit.
Twilight herself ignored this repartee and stepped up to the front of the dais, bearing just a single document decorated with the royal seal. That got everypony's attention. Normally she did a little juggling act with a stack of papers. Whoever these ponies were, they were clearly Very Important Indeed.
"Yesterday," the unicorn known as the Element of Magic began, "Princess Celestia received a messenger from the Shetlands, which lie about four day's travel away on hoof, or roughly twenty hours nonstop flying in a straight line." [1]
"Twenty hours?" Rainbow Dash snorted, "I could fly that in half the time!"
Twilight looked over at her friend and Element of Loyalty. "I'm sure you could," she said dryly, causing a little ripple of laughter to spread throughout the crowd. "Anyway...
"Citizens of Ponyville!" Twilight read, "Heed unto the decree of the Royal Princesses Celestia and Luna of Equestria! In days four the newly appointed Laird of the Shetlands will arrive in Ponyville on his way unto Canterlot, to present himself and take his oath of fealty.
"It is the desire of the Princesses that all citizens welcome the Laird, and his retinue, with every and all hospitality that is due unto them, and offer the hoof of friendship in the spirit of harmony.
"Thus decree our Royal Highnesses of Equestria!"
Twilight rolled the scroll up with a snap and put it to one side. Then she braced herself for the inevitable.
"PARTY!" A pink blur of exuberance shot about nine feet into the air and crashed down right in front of Twilight, resolving itself into the Element of Laughter. "When are they coming? What's their favourite food? Do you think they'll like cupcakes? How about streamers and oh oh OH! How about –"
Twilight just rolled her eyes and ignored the hyperactive mare bouncing like a ping-pong ball around her and shaking the dais. "Relax Pinkie! We have three days to prepare before they arrive!"
"Three days?" Pinkie's eyes shone with ideas and made several of the more quiet ponies in the audience shudder.
"Apparently there's about thirty-odd ponies in the Laird's party," Twilight added, "so we'll need to... uh, is Bellhop here?"
A distinguished if slightly portly grey pony with a neatly parted mane and a waistcoat raised a forehoof. "Over here ma'am."
"Thanks... have you got room in the hotel for a party of, uh, let's say thirty-six?"
Bellhop looked thoughtful. "In three days' time? I believe so, but I'll need to check the register."
"I'll help with decorations," Rarity declared.
"I'll bring the apples," Applejack chimed in.
This started off a cascade of ponies offering their help and services, and Twilight couldn't help smiling as her adopted home town began living up to its name as the Home of Harmony.
Behind her Pinkie stopped, one ear twitching rapidly. She blinked, wondering what on earth could have set her Pinkie sense off. Then she shrugged. New ponies were coming! And that meant a party! And she had three whole days to give them the best Pinkie Pie party ever!
"Okay, okay!" Twilight called out, stamping her hooves for order. "I'm going to find out about what these Shetland ponies are like, so we can really make them feel at home!"
Twilight cantered into the library, calling for Spike. The baby dragon roused from his nap, but didn't register what the noise was until he trudged downstairs, knuckling his eyes to find Twilight waiting for him.
"Wha'sup Twi'? I was sleepin'," he mumbled, struggling to reach full wakefulness.
"Snap out of it Spike! I need all the books we have on Shetland ponies. There's a whole lot of 'em coming in three days and they'll be staying here before going to Canterlot," Twilight ordered in her 'yay study' voice, her magic already yanking books out of the S shelves. "So... Shetland: A History... Scenes from a Shetland Fling, that'll be helpful... Shetlander: There Can Be Only One? What's that doing in here? That should be in fiction! C'mon Spike, help me here!"
The little dragon shook his head, recognising the signs of Twilight in full research mania.
About an hour later, Twilight was happily nose-deep in a book (When the Heather Blooms Among the Sickle Rocks, an account of life in a Shetland family), with two respectable stacks of sturdy books either side of her. Then again, Equestrian books, being commonly manipulated by lips and hooves, need to be sturdy, since they would disintegrate rather quickly if they were not.
Spike meanwhile had retrieved Poor Daft Ned and Other Shetland Folk Songs from her discards pile and was leafing through it, giggling slightly at some of the verses. He turned several pages at once and blinked.
"Hey Twilight, who's Epona and Ek – uh, Equus?"
"Huh?" Twilight blinked at him.
"There's a song in here that mentions them a lot, and they kinda sound like the Princesses. Making waters flow and the sun rise and stuff."
"Oh. Oh!" Now she remembered. "Epona and Equus are really old legends, as in... really old. Even before the Titans. Ponies used to worship them as gods in the old days, before the windigoes came.
"According to the legends, Epona and Equus were the first real Equestrians... no wait a minute." Twilight shook her head, trying to remember. "Epona and Equus were supposed to have brought Equestria forth from the Shadow; sired the first Equestrians; created the sun and moon; fought off Them From Outside time and again; and, well, all that legendary stuff.
"Some ponies think that the princesses are the direct line of Epona and Equus, but," and the unicorn shrugged, "nopony's able to prove that."
She decided not to mention that there were still ponies that worshipped Epona and Equus here and there, but they were few, far between, considered eccentric at best and barbaric at worst, and carefully watched. Twilight herself felt no impulse to religious observance, not when she had learnt at the hooves of Princess Celestia herself. And Celestia raised the sun every morning, and lowered it every night, and more importantly was a real pony you could see, hear, smell and touch, as opposed to beings of pure myth and legend that you only learned about third-hand from somepony's interpretation of somepony else's book which had probably been transcribed from yet another pony's oral (and no doubt garbled) retelling.
As far as Twilight was concerned, she'd rather get the answer directly from the alicorn's mouth.
"Hey wait a minute. You mean like that cult that made so much scandal?"
Twilight winced.
Years ago, some loco-in-the-coco had read his holy books a little too closely and decided that he was the reincarnation of Equus. Nothing wrong with that a little rest (with plenty of medication, counselling, and some burly ponies in white coats) couldn't fix, but somehow he'd convinced several others as well. It also brought him to Canterlot's attention, but they dismissed him and his herd as just a group of harmless kooks.
Then they discovered he was keeping a stud. [2]
Equine though they might be, Equestrians are a mostly monogamous species, and considered such harems as barbaric. Apparently this Equus-wannabe believed that any one of his mare followers would reveal herself as Epona by birthing a 'child of the gods'. Which meant no moon tea for the mares, and no plot for any stallion who wasn't the leader, and rather a lot of foals that weren't particularly well cared for since they were just foals and not the child of the gods he was expecting.
When it comes to foals, Equestrians are even less tolerant of 'barbarism'. A rather public defection was followed by the cult attempting to isolate itself from everypony else, which only served to increase the attention focussed on it.
The combination of sexual tension, too many mouths to feed and paranoia soon caused the herd to collapse spectacularly. Apparently the foals were adopted out as far away as Appleloosa...
In fact, its fall was presented to Twilight Sparkle as a textbook example of the life cycle of charismatic cults, and according to her tutor at the time, an object lesson in what happens when you get caught up in 'barbaric old ideas from antiquity'.
"Ah..." she finally said at last, "Most of them... are more sensible." Time to change the subject. "Does that book say anything about Shetland music?"
Spike blinked and showed her the cover.
"That's great Spike," she said, her magic tugging the book from the little dragon's grasp, "I can give that to Fluttershy, and this one to Rarity, and..."
In Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie's head was turning back and forth so fast between the icing she was making (and testing), and the latest batch of cupcakes in the oven, that it was a wonder it didn't unscrew completely and fall off. This gave her voice a rather strange quality as she sang her latest hit.
There's Shetlanders comin'!
There's Shetlanders a-comin'!
All Ponyville's a-hummin'
'Cos the Shetlanders' are comin!
Do you think that they like cupcakes?
Or maybe they like fudge?
With pink or purple frosting?
Whichever! I won't grudge!
Twilight braced herself as she pushed the door open, the bell tinkling and causing the energetic little mare to spin around and give her friend a high note at point blank range. Given that there was a dividing wall, Carrot Cake manning the counter, the counter in question, and two other long-suffering patrons in between her and Twilight, this was quite an impressive feat. Unless you were a Ponyville resident.
"Shortbread!" was the first word that managed to leave Twilight's mouth.
"Ooh..." Pinkie's neck seemed to elongate like something out of a cartoon as she stuck her head into the kitchen briefly, then turned back to Twilight again. "Nopey-dope on shortbread today, but we've got some super-fresh cupcakes comin' up any minute!"
"Two pieces of the fudge please," one of the customers asked Carrot Cake, ignoring Pinkie completely.
"No, no!" Twilight shook herself, trying to pull her thoughts back into order. "Shetlanders love shortbread. I brought you some recipes."
"Recipes?" Pinkie blinked, "Ooh, I think we've already got one for shortbread – whoop!"
For a moment she stretched into a pink blur that snapped into the kitchen like a rubber band, followed by the sound of the oven opening and closing. Oh, her cupcakes, right.
"There we are," Carrot pushed the bagged fudge towards his customer, also ignoring Pinkie completely, "Four bits please."
"Sorry 'bout that!" Twilight sighed; for no obvious reason Pinkie had looped around the bakery and come in the front door as well, somehow without ringing the bell.
"Yeah, well, I also brought recipes for sticky gingerbread loaf –"
Pinkie's delighted squeal made a tray of custard squares shudder visibly.
"Pardon me," asked the satisfied customer, bag in mouth, as he made his way past the two Elements Incarnate, otherwise ignoring them completely.
"Oatmeal cookies, oat cakes, and –" Twilight broke off as she spotted a particular item on display. "Oh great, you do sponge cake? Apparently Shetlander's love 'em!"
"YAYYY!" Several trays of produce rattled alarmingly at Pinkie's expression of delight, or maybe from her bouncing up and down. "That's great I'll get to baking some right away they're just gonna love 'em I know –"
"Can I have one of the spinach, onion and cheese pies please?" the other customer asked Carrot, ignoring Pinkie completely.
"Okay, okay!" The unicorn levitated several papers out of her saddlebags; Pinkie grabbed them in her lips and actually dangled for a moment before Twilight could release her magic. "Look, I need to see Rarity and Rainbow next, then... uh..."
"There you go, three bits," Carrot rang up the sale, ignoring Pinkie completely.
"Okey-dokey-lokey!" Pinkie mumbled around the sheets before simply bouncing into the kitchen, causing the customer to flinch slightly and Carrot to flick an ear.
"Oats, you said?" Carrot asked Twilight with an air of professional curiosity, "I'll make a note to order extra."
"Thanks Mr Cake," Twilight nodded, "Hope Pinkie hasn't been too excited."
Carrot Cake just shook his head and chuckled. "Oh, the missus and I are used to it by now. You know that. Oh – are you going to see Applejack? Because if so..."
"Cider?" Applejack blinked at Twlight. "Well, y'all are lookin' hot and bothered."
"No, no!" Twilight shook her head. "It's for when the Shetlanders arrive. It's not just that they'll be thirsty after travelling all day, but... apparently they're very fond of a stiff drink." She frowned. "Or three. Or five."
"The night stuff huh?" The earth pony nodded in understanding and turned towards the shed where the brewing was done, stroking her cheek thoughtfully. "We've got about two dozen barrels of night cider at the moment, but I'd say only fifteen're at the drinkable stage, the rest are too young, but hey, how much of that can a pony drink anyway?" [3]
Twilight frowned, trying to remember what she'd read. "Um... we're expecting drinking contests."
"Drinkin' contests? What the hay kinda folk are these Shetland types anyway?"
"Apparently they work hard and, uh, play hard too. At their festivals, there's a lot of eating, drinking, singing and, uh, showing off how tough and strong they are." Twilight decided not to mention that the singing was often the prelude to all-out brawling. Especially when the song was 'Poor Daft Ned' or 'Poor Blind Nell'. It depended on the inventiveness of the singers, how long before somepony slipped another's name into the lyrics, and how long before said pony noticed and started swinging.
"Who is it?" Rarity called as she heard somepony entering Carousel Corner.
"It's me," Twilight responded, "I've got a book of Shetland dress you might be interested in."
Rarity's face lit up. "Well of course I'm interested!" she cried, looking over at the large volume her friend was levitating, then moving several bolts of cloth aside on a table. "Bring it over here, dear, and let's have a look... Hmm, Clan Dress and Tartans of the Shetlands..."
"Apparently the Shetlanders are grouped into large herds called clans," Twilight explained, "mostly with real old names, like Deargdyer, which means 'Red Dyer'. The head of the clan is called a Thane, and..."
Rarity, used to having things 'Twi-splained' to her, tuned her out as she devoured the pictures of Shetland ponies in their native dress.
Her first reaction was: My goodness, haven't they heard of a brush or comb – or proper grooming? Compared to her fellow Equestrians, the Shetland look seemed to favour long whiskers, rough coats, unshorn fetlocks and the 'windswept and interesting' look for their manes and tails. No wonder they were referred to as 'shaggies'!
After that came: Haven't they heard of coats or pants? The depicted ponies, along with a fine parade of long hairstyles, seemed to tend to cloaks, scarves or blankets. She lingered over one statespony-like gent in a small hat described as a 'tam-o-shanter'; it was charming in a... quaint... kind of way, but at the same time...
"What is with all these dull colours?" she asked rhetorically, "You'd think they'd have something brighter. And all these patterns of red, blue, green..."
"Uh, apparently they're more about utility and warmth," Twilight shrugged, "And each clan has its own tartan, like a sort of... um... like Old Equestrian heraldry I think."
"So much wool... maybe I can work with cotton or... perhaps I can interest them in the brighter shades... but what are these neck pouches? Is that a cutie mark on them?" She frowned at a larger picture of a Shetland sporran, which was indeed a neck pouch. The artist's skill had captured the pattern on the tartan strip on its front, which also boasted a metal badge apparently fastened by small rivets.
"I was thinking you could also get some ideas for decorations from it as well," Twilight chipped in. Rarity's only response was a mumble as she read up on the essential nature of the Shetland sporran.
Shaking her head in amusement, Twilight took herself and the book she had for Rainbow Dash out of Carousel Corner as Rarity levitated a pencil and paper to herself and began brainstorming.
Rainbow Dash considered herself an athlete, and in her eyes that meant making sure she got plenty of rest to ensure she stayed in peak condition. You couldn't make history if you were overstressed after all, and buck whatever Applejack thought.
Her current 'power nap' in a handy tree was cut short by a twig repeatedly poking her in the ear. Flicking said appendage didn't dissuade the twig at all, and the pegasus finally opened an eye and observed the purple glow around the annoying thing. Further investigation revealed that down below, Twilight's horn also shared the glow. The two seemed to be connected.
"I was resting," Rainbow stated in a cranky tone. She most certainly didn't whine.
"Sure you were," Twilight didn't believe her for a minute. "Look, do you want to know how to knock the horseshoes off the Shetlanders when they arrive?"
Rainbow Dash couldn't just descend from the tree, she had to do a little loop along the way. "Do I want to know? Twi', I need to know! I mean, they're gonna meet me in person! The pony who made a Sonic Rainboom twice! In fact, I was just thinking of a routine –"
"Sure you were," Twilight chuckled, lifting Scenes from a Shetland Fling out of her bags, "but here's how Shetlanders play."
"Hmm..." Rainbow looked over Twilight's shoulder as she turned pages. "Dancing, races – ooh, wrestling! – tests of strength, drinking contests? Whoa, what on earth's that pony doing?"
'That pony' was a sturdy Shetland stallion, depicted as standing on his hind legs while balancing a heavy-looking log in his forehooves. This was no mean feat. While Equestrians can stand on their hind legs for a little while, they're not really built for it, so doing so is taxing. Especially when you're holding one end of a log in your forehooves that's about a hoof-and-half thick and about fourteen and a half strides long.
The rest of the sequence showed the pony breaking into a short run, then heaving the log into the air, whence two other ponies measured distances.
"Apparently that's called 'Tossing the Caber'," Twilight observed. "According to this, you're supposed to have it land pointing... oh, my."
"Huh?" Rainbow blinked at Twilight, who was staring at the next page, eyes wide and... blushing? She looked at the paragraph that her unicorn friend was gaping at, and ended up doing the same.
On occasion,, the paragraph read, due to the ferocity of their exertions, a stallion competing at the caber toss may inadvertently let down; but the Shetlanders being a most earthy sort, such display is met not with censure, but by laughter and ribaldry of a most coarse manner. Fellow stallions are wont to join in the rudery also.
Fluttershy was walking into the Everfree Forest for four good reasons. Firstly, she wasn't all that good a flyer. Secondly, the foliage of the Everfree was dense enough that attempting to fly through it was a crash waiting to happen. And, thirdly, the Everfree was where Zecora lived.
Fourthly, after Twilight's visit, she felt that Zecora should be forewarned of the coming visitors.
"Who knocks outside my humble home?" Came the zebra's inquiry from inside her hut, followed by her head. "Fluttershy? Why here you roam?"
"Um..." the gentle pegasus swallowed, "We're... um, Ponyville I mean... we're playing host to a group from the Shetlands."
Zecora stared at Fluttershy in surprise, causing her to squeak nervously and attempt to hide behind her mane. "I understand your worry and fear. Why are those shaggies coming here?" [4]
Fluttershy blinked at the bitter tone in the zebra's voice. "T-the new, uh, 'leered' is going to Canterlot," she frowned, trying to remember what Twilight had said, "to swear an oath... or something."
"To bend knee at the royal court?" Zecora was astonished. "What show of power had they wrought?" She shuddered. "Don't answer that, on second thought."
"W-well..." Fluttershy was confused. "Um... you sound like you've met them."
"A cup of tea this does entail," Zecora hedged, "to wet my throat as I regale."
Pushing her potions cauldron to one side of the fire, the zebra fetched the kettle and headed for the water butt, speaking as she did so.
"After leaving far Zebrabwe
But before I reached Everfree,
I lived the life of a rover
Taking in all I could see.
"My hooves they took me northwards
To purple heathery hills,
And deep dark lakes and mighty crags –
And biting, bitter wind that chills.
"I... heard the revelry of the Shetlands
With the bagpipe's skirls and drones
Of home and hearth and merriment...
And war and blood and bone."
She paused to lip the top off the tea container and transfer some leaves into the pot, replacing the lid with a bit more force than was really needed.
"I saw the savagery of the Shetlands,
Pass from sage unto the youth,"
An edge crept into her voice again, obviously remembering unpleasant times.
"I saw them roistering and drunken
Voices loud, and hooves uncouth."
"Oh, dear," Fluttershy groaned, "Twilight – I mean, she asked me about music, and gave me a book of songs, but... all that drinking, and..."
"They love their songs with subjects rousing, like drinking, fighting and carousing. If such song fills you with dismay, if asked again..." Zecora looked at her guest, "Just answer nay."
"I suppose I should," Fluttershy nodded, looking at the floor, "It's just that she's my friend, and the others are all doing their parts, and if I don't..."
"To say no to a friend is hard," Zecora said around a cup she was placing on the table, "But sometimes that's what you must do. Can nopony else carry a tune, or be willing to if asked by you?"
"Um..." Fluttershy blinked several times. "I suppose I could write Octavia... or that Vinyl Scratch, I guess... And I could ask Pinkie Pie where she found those instruments when... you know..."
"Glad I could show your troubled heart another way to do your part," Zecora smiled, then turned to where the kettle was starting to boil. She busied herself with pouring the tea, quietly praising herself for not uttering the verse that had crept into her mind. Fluttershy didn't need to know; besides, they were nowhere near the Shetlands.
I learned the legends of the Shetlands
Set to the bagpipes' skirls and drones
Where ponies close their ears and flee
the lies of things 'neath standing stones.
[1] Ponies in this fiction use an octal counting system (four hooves, two ears, one nose and one tail). As such 10am pony time is 8am human, 14pm is our 12pm, and so forth.
Pony clocks in reality have thirty divisions for hours, traditionally with midnight at the bottom of the dial and noon at the top. Assuming a similar rotational period, the Equestrian hour has forty-eight minutes of 75 earth seconds' duration.
As such, the Shetland messenger traversed the distance between the Shetlands and Canterlot in roughly sixteen hours. Even admitting that this is mostly in a straight line, instead of following the roads around the Everfree Forest, that flight was quite the feat.
[2] 'Herd' is a general Equestrian term for any grouping of ponies. More specific terms do exist for particular types of herds.
A harem herd, for instance, was known as a 'stud'. As Equestrian culture became more monogamous, the practice of keeping a stud fell out of favour. Nowadays used as slang for infidelity or a (generally male) prostitute. Never call an Equestrian 'studdy'. Especially a Shetlander.
[3] Ponies classify brewed beverages into two types: low or no alcohol ones are termed 'day' and those with significant alcoholic content are termed 'night' – since ponykind frowns on imbibing such when there's work to do. Despite the existence of the Ponyville Dam, reticulated water is still relatively new in the area, so some ponies still accompany their breakfasts with a day cider or a day beer.
Available Earth beer and cider would definitely be defined as 'night' in the Equestrian lexicon.
[4] 'Shaggy' is a slang term for a Shetlander, referencing their long coats. Slightly derogatory as well, but good-natured, as opposed to 'fluffy'.