Leaving

I do not own Doctor Who and I am not making a profit off of this. I only own my OC.

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A/N: Don't worry, this isn't the last chapter... there are still more chapters on the way. :)

As soon as I got back into the Tardis I headed straight for my room. I closed the door, pulled my shoes off and flung myself on the bed and cried. Now it was safe for me to cry. No one was watching. I only held it in long enough so I could be alone.

It wasn't fair! I had it all planed out. River didn't need to die. But my mind said No, she had to die so she could help Clara in the episode The Night of the Doctor. But my brain told me that I could have taken her place.

And what about Amelia? The Tardis butted in. She wouldn't be born and the time line would change.

Yeah. I said. It doesn't mean that I have to like it.

There was a knock at the door. "Go away!" I yelled.

It's Jack. The Tardis told me.

I dove deeper under the covers and put my face on my pillow. "Fine." I mumbled, still crying.

The Tardis opened the door because I refused to get up. "Susan." Jack began. I rolled away from him so he was looking at my back. I felt a dip on the bed and knew that he had sat down. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Susan." Jack tried again.

I rolled over onto my back and stared up at Jack. I must look like a mess. "What?" I asked.

"I was thinking… well…" Jack started.

"Well?" I asked.

"Well, every time I go with you on an adventure with The Doctor, you either end up getting hurt physically… or-"

"Or what?" I asked, still annoyed that the Tardis convinced me to let Jack in.

"Mentally." Jack finished.

"Mentally?" I asked.

"Yes, Susan. Mentally. Don't think that I haven't noticed. You've been really down lately. You haven't been talking much on the recent adventures with The Doctor and even Martha came to Torchwood after the whole Sontaran fiasco and told me. She's been concerned about you."

"Well when you know what's going to happen on every single adventure, you tend to get… lets say… pissed off when you can't change something when you try very hard to."

"I'm not really good at this whole emotional thing." Jack tried to joke… and failed miserably. "Actually I might have, more of a temporary fix. How about you come to Torchwood some days and go with the Doctor on other days?"

"Um…" I said. "That actually might make it… worse." Jack was silent, trying to wrap his mind around what I said. "How 'bout I stay at Cardiff but only join your team some of the time. Then every other week or so I can travel with The Doctor."

"Su-" Jack started but fell silent when he noticed my eyes wide, looking past him at the door. The Doctor was standing in the doorway, his face was that of the Oncoming Storm. Jack tensed and I swallowed.

"You knew." He said, his voice sounding low and dark. I did the only thing that I could do. I nodded. "You knew who she was and you didn't save her."

"I tried, believe me I tried." I got out.

"Well you should have tried harder." The Doctor snapped. I cringed. The Doctor turned back to the hall as if he was leaving, then. "Out."

I froze. "What?" I whispered. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't my fault. The Doctor knows that.

The Doctor whorled around. "I said OUT!" The Doctor yelled. "When I drop Jack off at Cardiff, you are leaving." The Doctor turned away and walked out of the room.

Jack and I were silent the rest of the time while he helped me pack some clothes that the Tardis is letting me take as a sorry gift. It didn't really help. I felt numb and the rest of the hour passed by in a daze.

There was a knock on the door. It was Donna. "We've landed." She said in a quiet voice.

Jack straightened up from trying to close the suit case. "Tell him we will be right there." Donna nodded and left. Jack looked at me as I struggled not to have a metal breakdown. Jack crossed the gap between us and put his arms around me. "It'll be okay." Jack whispered. "He'll come around."

"Maybe." I said. "And maybe not."

Jack let go, picked up the suitcase with his right hand and held his left out to me. He said softly, "Come on."

I took his hand and we walked slowly out of the room, the lights dimming as we left.

I sat on the roof of my apartment looking at the stars and trying to get away from the people inside. Apparently we had been gone some time from Torchwood and my older self made some appearances and I instantly had gained the trust of all the members of Torchwood Three.

They found out what happened, presumably from Jack and had come over to try to cheer me up. It had, for a while. Then the realization that The Doctor had forced me out came over and I ran out.

I heard the roof door open then close. Jack sat beside me. We didn't say anything. Then Jack said, "Come work with us. You have to pay back all the cloths and stuff anyway. Who knows, maybe a normal work routine would help."

I raised my eyebrow. "How is working for a secret government agency that no one knows about normal? Oh, and the alien thing."

Jack laughed. "Okay normal...ish."

I leaned into Jack who put his arms around me. "Yeah. I'll try it." I said.

We were silent for the rest of the night, staring up at the stars, both of us looking for a blue police box among them.