Emma glanced at her watch, glad that Tien wasn't interrogating her about continually checking the time.

"Fred mentioned that you've been distant," Tien said with a forced casual voice.

Raising an eyebrow, Emma said, "I doubt that very much."

Fred would never say such a thing to Tien. George might, but even that was suspect.

Tien grinned, unabashed, and said, "No, you're right, he never said. But I could tell just from the things he did and didn't say. So what's the deal?"

Emma sighed, stirring her straw around in her half-consumed lemonade, stretching her legs under the table. She didn't really want to have this talk with Tien, and there was so much she truly couldn't say.

"The deal is that things are complicated. That's all. It's really nothing to do with Fred or me and Fred. It's just…life. And the war. You know how it is. And my position at work… Everything's complicated, and it all just seems to get more complicated all the time."

Tien narrowed her eyes, that thoughtful expression looking a bit strange on her face. Emma shifted under the gaze, wondering what good could possibly come of Tien looking so serious.

"It just feels to me like you two are letting it tear you apart," Tien finally said. "I know things are hard, war and all, but it's only going to get harder before it gets better, right? You're not the same anymore, either of you. Fred, he's…"

Emma was surprised when Tien pressed her lips together tightly. They hadn't come out and said what Fred had gone through, but Tien wasn't stupid. She could recognize aftereffects of all sorts of curses, and no doubt she knew exactly what happened to Fred.

"He's changed," Tien said after a long pause. "And you're not the same anymore. I can't remember the last time either of you smiled, like really smiled, and Fred works in a joke shop for Merlin's sake." Emma opened her mouth, but Tien waved her off and continued, "No, he smiles at customers, but not a genuine smile. You know what I mean. You can't tell me, I know, but are you okay? I mean, as a couple. You only just got married."

"We're okay as a couple," Emma said. She knew they had their issues, but the words seemed absolutely true to her. Things were just going to be difficult while the war was on, but she had no doubt that they were going to last.

"Somehow this has to do with the greasy git, doesn't it?" Tien said, sticking out her tongue.

Emma was impressed with the fact that no heat pooled in her cheeks. In school, had someone guessed something so spot on, she would have blushed furiously, but she was so used to lying, to pretending she knew nothing, that this seemed like nothing anymore. And it wasn't the war that started this practice, but dealing with Umbridge.

"I do work with him, and yes a lot of it puts a strain on my sanity," she said, as lightly as possible. "But we're fine, Tien. I promise."

"Why do you keep checking your watch?"

"I have some errands to run before it gets too late."

"Where?"

"Hogsmeade."

"Errands in Hogsmeade?" Tien snorted. "This time of night? It's for the war, isn't it? No, you don't have to tell me what, but give me a bit of credit. Tell me that much. I'm your best friend."

Emma tapped her fingernails on the badly chipped varnish of the tabletop and she shrugged, wondering when her soup had gone so cold. She felt a bit sweaty, a bit uncomfortable. But Tien was right, she could say that much.

"Yes, but it's not dangerous, just a meeting, discussion."

Tien narrowed her eyes, unconvinced. In truth, Emma knew there was a considerable amount of risk in what she was doing for Severus, but it was what she considered a necessary risk, both for herself and for Snape. No one put themselves more on the line every day for the war effort than Severus Snape, and the least she could do was give him a few hours of her time every now and then.

"If you say so," Tien said. "Fred knows where you're going to be, right?"

"Tien…"

"Tell me you aren't lying to your husband."

Emma hissed, and Tien rolled her eyes. No, nobody would be there who would care that she had a husband, but after being recognized in Knockturn Alley she was feeling a bit jumpy.

"I'm not lying to him, Tien. We don't ask questions. There's a lot we can't talk about."

In reality, there was only a little bit they couldn't tell each other, and most of it was on her end. The rest they simply didn't want to talk about.

Tien was obviously not impressed with the response, but it was the best Emma was going to give, so her friend decided to drop it. Emma stirred her soup for a bit longer, nervous about the things she was going to have to ask Snape when she got to the Hog's Head. Would he be surprised, or did he already have some sense of what she was trying to do? He had to know she was after a certain kind of book, given where she went to get it.

At the end of their allotted time, though, Tien actually hugged her. Emma stiffened, confused and a bit worried.

"Take care of yourself," Tien said sternly. "Whatever you're doing, don't get yourself hurt or killed. Fred…Fred was a mess. And it won't do either of you any good if something happens to you. Remember that."

Emma nodded. She knew this, understood. Everything she was doing she did for Fred, to make sure that nothing like that happened to him again if she could help it. Tien left her standing around the corner from the restaurant, and she took a deep breath, steadying herself before turning on her heel, Apparating to Hogsmeade.

The Hog's Head was mostly empty, Severus sitting in the corner, not looking up when she entered. He was waiting for her to come to him, she realized, crossing the bar without looking at anyone else, sitting down beside him.

"The private room is ready," he said softly. "How was your…dinner?"

"It was…fine," she said, shrugging. He nodded sharply, standing, leading her into the private room. He locked the door and led her to the back of the room, lighting the fire.

"Give it a few minutes before starting the…sound," he muttered, frowning. "Wine?"

Emma shook her head, waiting out the minutes anxiously, watching the fire. After several minutes Severus set up the sound closer to the door and she tried to ignore the somewhat lewd sounds.

"You have something on your mind," he said darkly. "Speak."

She shifted her feet and said, "I bought a book, as you know. I…I want to learn…I want to learn the Imperius Curse."

Holding her breath, waiting for some response from him she was startled by how calm he was. His face was so unreadable that it was almost chilling. Finally he looked up at her eyes and said, "Because of what happened to your husband."

Emma licked her lips, balancing her response looking back down at the fire.

"I know that if I had made that choice, if I had use that spell, he wouldn't have…. He would have been…"

She shivered.

"There are no guarantees it will avoid problems in the future," he said slowly. "It is a very difficult curse to learn, even more so to master. And many Death Eaters are talented at fighting it. Can you perform Memory Charms?"

Emma sighed, standing, pacing to the corner of the room, then back toward her chair.

"In theory? Sure. But I've never actually done it."

His lips twisted into a kind of sneer and he said, "I sincerely doubt Albus would approve of you learning it in the ways that I did. There are ways, of course, but to get the skill to the level you require will be difficult."

"I want to practice on myself," she said, watching his face for a response. "In-in theory I can remove memories I don't…I don't need, things that would make me safer anyway not to have, and that would give me the practice I need without using someone else."

He nodded slowly and said, "What memories would make you safer to get rid of? I suspect you mean your childhood, your parents, anything linking you to being Muggleborn."

"Yes."

Snape was gazing at her with an expression she could not read.

"It will to be enough to practice with," he said, "but if you were really trying to be safe you would detach yourself from the Weasleys and remove memory of your wedding as well."

Her stomach turned, but she recognized the truth in what he was saying. She could only ever be so safe with everyone knowing her attachment to the Weasley family, the people closer to Harry than anyone else. On the other hand, she would be nothing without Fred, and she didn't want to think about how little he would understand such an effort. Sometimes it was better not to stay alive than to take every precaution.

"That will be difficult enough to master," he said, not expecting her to answer his suggestion, obviously knowing her answer. "I assume you do not want to practice an Imperius Curse on your friends and family, and it is impossible to do on yourself."

Emma hadn't thought very much about that part, taking the project one small step at a time. Again, he must have sensed her answer, because he did not allow her a chance to verbally respond.

"Begin on insects. They will be simple enough. Small animals such as owls and dogs. Cats will be more difficult, but they can be used as well. Once you can master a cat, which will take some time, you must practice on humans." Emma shifted, uncomfortable with the idea of practicing an Unforgivable on someone she knew. She was uncomfortable using one at all, but she needed to be able to do this, she reminded herself.

"I can't practice on myself," she said slowly. "I can't do it on strangers. What am I supposed to do? I know I can't wait until a battle situation to practice. All I'll manage to do is draw attention to myself."

"We could not do it here," he said slowly. "And there may be…complications. Timing is poor. But if it is still possible, if you can learn quickly enough, then I may be available to be your…guinea pig."

His lips turned to a sneer at the thought, but Emma couldn't think past the confusing way he had framed the offer. Was he planning on going somewhere? Where would he be going in the middle of a war?

"I will push myself," she said, realizing he was hinting that she should learn quickly if she wanted him to be available. "But I feel like it would be such an invasion—"

"If you use this curse," he said softly, "it will have to be an invasion. It will be an invasion every time. You must use it carefully, against the right people and at the right times, but if you worry about being invasive with me, you will not be successful when it matters."

She agreed that she would do this, and he warned her that it would not be easy to get any success with the curse against him, and that they may never get to a point where she could see the results, but not to let it discourage her. He'd had over a decade of practice in fighting the curse, and had an exceptionally disciplined mind. They spent the rest of their hour discussing the best practice for practicing the Memory Charm on herself, and how the technique would change from the theory she learned in school.

When the hour was over and the sound by the door wound down to a finish, they parted was, Emma loosening her hair a bit before leaving, just in case. She then walked out of the pub, trying to walk at a natural, casual pace until she got up the street far enough to Disapparate.

"Emma?"

She whipped around, seeing Tonks coming out of the post office.

Tonks looked worse than ever, her eyes swollen very obviously from crying. Emma got the sense that she'd been crying all day.

"Are you okay?" she asked, coming close to Tonks, who looked away.

Emma had a pretty good idea that this was Tonks worrying, wondering where Remus was and if he was okay. It was difficult for all of them, not always knowing if the people they cared about were doing something dangerous or not, not knowing where everyone was and whether they were safe. Remus's work required especial secrecy, and everything to do with werewolves in the news had to make Tonks feel a bit sick to her stomach.

"What are you doing in Hogsmeade?" Tonks asked finally, obviously slightly uncomfortable with talking about herself, eager to turn the conversation in a different direction. "I wasn't aware you were going to be around."

"I had to see someone," Emma said casually. "I'm not supposed to talk about it."

Tonks looked slightly concerned, but she said nothing. If she hadn't been so distressed about her own personal issues she might have pressed the matter, but for the first time Emma felt almost grateful that Tonks was out of sorts. The woman was too nosy, sometimes.

"What about you?" Emma said, glancing around the street. "What are you doing here so late at night?"

"M'staying here, remember?" Tonks said wearily. "I've been assigned to Hogwarts and its safety."

"Oh, yes," Emma said vaguely, recalling something about how certain Aurors had been assigned to the safety of Hogwarts with the war on. "How has that been going?"

"It's been what it's been." Tonks watched a couple pass with sharp eyes, obviously trying to discern their intentions. "Nothing particularly exciting has happened."

"That's good, though, right?"

Tonks shrugged.

It was good, of course, for the school. It meant that no one had been hurt, no one had been targeted as of yet at the school. But she understood how such calm would be bad for Tonks. Even more than the boredom – which would impact Tonks very negatively – there was the matter of the loneliness. At the Ministry Tonks was in constant company of other Aurors, but here, with nothing to occupy her but her thoughts and suspicions….

Emma shivered, thinking of how dark of an existence that must be for Tonks in her present state of mind. No wonder she couldn't bring herself to transform her appearance.

"Well, you aren't missing much at work," Emma said lightly, forcing a smile. "Just the same old behaviors. You know the kind."

She would never say in public that it was the same old incompetence, but she knew Tonks understood her meaning.

"Snape," Tonks muttered, watching Severus leave the Hog's Head, not obviously looking at the two women, although Emma knew he was aware of them. He wouldn't be very good at what he did if he could ever be caught by surprise. "What's he doing out this late?"

"Hmm."

Tonks followed him with her eyes, for a while, but once he was out of sight, somewhere in the darkness, she turned back to Emma.

"Don't tell me you're doing work with Snape."

Emma gave Tonks a slightly cheeky look, and Tonks rolled her eyes, motioning for Emma to follow her.

"Sirius wouldn't be pleased," Tonks said darkly. "He liked you."

"Sirius is dead," Emma said coldly. "I'd rather stay alive."

"Then stay away from whatever Snape is up to. He's the most dangerous man in the Order."

"Mad-Eye—"

"He's different, Emma. Mad-Eye is slightly nuts, but he's predictable. You always know what he stands for, and there's no doubt that he'll ever do something you don't want. Snape is a double agent, and that's the sort of thing that's a risk for both sides."

Emma blinked at her friend, startled.

"You don't trust him?"

"Emma, I'm an Auror. I can count on one hand the people I trust." She gave Emma a slightly nervous glance that Emma assumed meant that she wasn't fully sure she included Emma on that list, even but Emma understood. It was nice to be considered, nonetheless. "My point is – and Snape would tell you the same – the only way to be safe in this war is to keep the list of people you trust low, and not to depend on anyone."

"We all depend on Dumbledore," Emma reasoned.

Tonks gave a frustrated sigh and then said, "That's different, Emma. Dumbledore is a figurehead. No, listen to me. If he were gone, we would rally around someone else. Harry, probably, but it could be Mad-Eye, McGonagall. I don't know. Someone who is a veteran from the first war, because those people will never, ever quit this fight. He's important, but he's not essential. The only essential piece is Harry."

Emma knew she was right, but she didn't like the implications of that train of thought. She wanted to depend on people, to trust, to have someone she could turn to if she was in need.

And Severus Snape had said he would not lie to her. There would be things he could not tell her, but she had his assurances that he would tell her the truth, and she had respect for that promise.

When she Apparated to Diagon Alley and walked back to the flat, Emma couldn't help but wonder if perhaps Tonks wasn't right. She had to consider the fact that she might not be able to trust Snape on everything. But she could not move forward on what she was doing without trusting him, and she'd come too far to turn back.

She would have to trust him.