Chapter Seventeen
"People die around me, love."
They died around him—because of him. He'd said those words once to her before and while he couldn't have been more serious, now he knew the repercussions of those words. He'd watched people he cared about die before and he would have thought it got easier with time.
This was the hardest. Zed didn't deserve this and it was all his fault.
He'd pushed Manny to the brink and then the angel had taken his rage out on those around him with the intent to kill. And it was all his fault.
"Something's wrong, John." Chas warned him.
"I bloody know, mate." John didn't understand what was wrong. It should have worked. Exorcism wasn't that hard of a feat to acquire and he'd acquired it pretty well. But something was definitely wrong and the girl Astra...they were counting on him!
"NO!" John roared, dropping the book in his hands as he charged forward.
"John!" Astra yelled, crying out his name in vain and terrifying reality.
"You can't have her!" John's chest squeezed as the girl yelled his name again and the vile laughter filled his mind as he watched in utter horrid disbelief as the demon dragged the girl down into the glowing light—into the pits of hell.
The memory was like an open wound in his mind. It had happened so long ago. Astra was at peace, but that didn't mean the memory didn't still haunt him in his darkest hour.
The dead weight in his arms was ten times that memory. Zed's death wasn't like Astra's—she was going to take a piece of his soul with her.
He lifted her against his chest and hugged her body, the scent of the shampoo she used rising up to tease his nostrils. Tears stung his eyes as he hugged her, one of her arms hanging limply against his knee.
"Constantine, I cannot keep It lit. We have limited time." Papa Midnight said, his loafers coming into John's view.
Whatever wards he had, John was sure that one of them had defended against Manny's abrupt attack. Little good that had done for Zed. The Hand of Glory had halted the rest. John fervently wanted her pulse to vibrate against the pad of his thumb when the last flame went out, but he knew things weren't that easy. The Hand of Glory couldn't change death. It could bring the dead back to life momentarily. Or it could freeze time and one's enemies. They'd done that.
He lifted his head. Yes, they still had to finish this. Manny was going to be dealt his punishment that was due to him. John was sure Martin had the Pentalpha and he'd been about to use the ring to stop Manny from doing what he'd ended up doing anyways.
Always a loop hole to make sure things went the way they were supposed to.
Too bad things hadn't worked out like that.
John nodded and lowered Zed's body. Midnight looked at him but John didn't answer his unspoken question. He didn't want to voice the words that would make her death a reality.
He walked over to Martin's crumbled body and hunched down, his hands making quick work searching the pockets and folds. The Pentalpha was a small but significant ring. It would have protected Martin if he would have used it. It also offered the bearer the ability to command spirits. Angels included. He contemplated commanding Manny into the pits of hell but shook his head at the thought. No, he had something far more decadent in mind.
John paused for a split second and then started searching the remains of Martin's pockets in fervor. Gold glinted in the dim light as he withdrew his hand. He pushed the circle of gold onto his ring finger and then stood, his eyes skipping over Zed's still figure.
"Blow 'em out."
One by one, Papa Midnight blew out the remaining flames dancing on each fingertip. John was unerringly calm on the outside. His expression was almost cold, calculating. A gust of wind swept through the Cathedral and then Manny turned to the side, mobile once more. He had no idea of the time lapse, just lifted his hand towards John.
John could read Manny's thoughts clearly. They were written on his face. There was no way to describe the anger that John Constantine had made a mess of everything and there was no coming back from it. He was going to kill the Demonologist.
"Uh uh, mate." John lifted his hand and the light from the few remaining candles caught the gold on his finger. "Down, boy."
Manny visibly tensed when he saw the ring on John's finger. John didn't have to say just what ring it was. The authority that came from that single order made the invisible notion clear. "How did you...?"
His expression stony, John looked towards Papa Midnight. "Had a little help from a helping hand."
Manny followed his line of sight and would have flown towards Papa Midnight with the intent to retrieve the Hand of Glory but John stopped him.
"Not so fast, mate. I'm still talking to you." John strode forward, moving around the scattered bodies. So much for the place being a house of the Lord. It had turned into a morgue.
"You have the power, John. What are you going to do with it?" Manny said, turning towards John. The angel must have known he was on the losing end because he was doing what all angels and demons did. They offered the world in return for one's soul. "Money? Women?" His eyes moved to Zed on the word.
"You killed her, John."
John froze mid-step.
"You did this. Things could have ended differently. You could have been by our side to see such glorious changes." Manny spoke the words slowly, digging into John's consciousness. "You killed her, John."
His heart squeezed. "You're right, I did kill her." John said, his eyes narrowed. "I've used her until there was nothing left to use." All the headaches and nose bleeds, when she couldn't find anything on the map, he'd used her until her mind had tapped into overtime. But she still moved on for him. She pushed him to keep going.
"But you're going to bring her back."
Manny gave a soft sad smile, almost like the old Manny. "You know I can't." If John hadn't known what Manny was capable of, he would have thought the sad smile genuine. He knew better.
"I know you can. Do it." John ordered.
He could see the invisible struggle Manny was fighting. He didn't want to. He didn't want to, just because John wanted him to. Manny came to stand over Zed, staring down at her. He lifted his hand.
"And if you so much as hurt a single hair on her body, you can say goodbye to those silky blacks on your back." John added in warning. He didn't trust the angel to do more damage than good, so he wasn't giving the Fallen a choice. Raise the dead the right way, or face the damned consequences.
Manny waved his hand over her body, murmuring something and while Zed didn't open her eyes, John could see the sudden fall and rise of her chest.
Relief hit him so hard he would have sagged to his knees if it weren't for Manny. She was alive. Manny turned to face him, his lips set in a firm line. Papa Midnight moved in from behind and cautiously lifted the unconscious Zed into his arms and gave a prompt nod to John.
John gave a sly grin, though there was no amusement behind it. "Thanks, mate. Now, before I send you on your way, I have one more request."
John almost snickered at the word. Request was giving it a long shot. His requests were coated in orders.
"That's it? You're not going to deprive me of my wings? Send me to hell?" Manny asked cautiously, eyeing John a little less condescendingly.
"I think you're going to be punished enough." Was all the answer John gave.
Manny still looked suspicious but nodded.
John understood that. The Angel didn't want to go to hell. He may have supreme rule over demons, but being commanded into hell—there was no out. John was tempted to point out that as low as Manny thought of humans, he had that same fear of hell.
"Now do the Margarita and you can be on your way."
"What?"
John arched an eyebrow. "You heard me. Now dance." He ordered.
Manny moved as if he couldn't help himself, his arms moving out in front of his body with murder in his eyes as he stared at John.
Papa Midnight just stared at him but John didn't say anything as Manny turned around, following his command. Never say he didn't have a sense of humor.
Manny turned to face him again. "Done?"
"Right you are." John nodded. "Now be on your way."
The Angel spread his dark wings and would have launched himself upward but John's voice stopped him.
"To heaven." John said, his tone dark. There was only his retribution in his voice. Did Manny really think that he would give him the chance to come at him in the future? No. He was leaving no loose ends. "To heaven, to your heavenly Father. Tell Him of your treachery and how you have betrayed Him at the cost of His children."
There would be no repentance from that. He wasn't sending Manny to hell. Heaven would be a far worse punishment, because Manny was going to lose everything. He would no longer be haunting John's doorstep.
John felt the heated stare Manny gave him but the angel was helpless against the command and then he was gone. Just gone.
He stood there in the sudden silence filling the church. His chest still felt heavy, but the tightness was gone. He heaved a sigh and turned to Midnight.
"She's alive." Papa Midnight said, turning to John with the light weight in his arms.
John could see that, but hearing the words somehow made the knowledge seem more real. There was two people in his life that he didn't want to live without, and Zed was one of them. Someday, perhaps, he could take the blow of death, but today wasn't one of those days.
Zed stared at the long tunnel. She'd always heard of the saying "there's light at the end of the tunnel" but that wasn't right. The tunnel was where the light was. It wasn't blinding, it just infused around her in a long line forward and covering the walls. Light everywhere. With the tunnel, she would have liked to think that she was dead...but she wasn't dead.
She was just walking. Walking through the straight line of the tunnel that seemed to have no end. There was an end, she just hadn't reached it yet.
She turned her head and looked at the woman beside her. She looked familiar with her blonde hair, but Zed couldn't place her. She was smiling. She was happy. "I know you...your voice, but I don't know from where."
"Of course you do, Zed."
Zed looked at the never ending road in front of her again. The end of the tunnel glowed, beckoning her and she had to wonder if she was ever going to reach it. As much as she walked, her legs didn't tire out. There just seemed to be an endless space of time.
"I want to thank you, Zed. You've been there for him when everyone else has left him, even when he pushed you away."
Zed shrugged. It was as if they'd been talking for years. The woman didn't have to say a name, Zed somehow knew who she was defining. "I love John." She said, looking around at the passing walls of light. It wasn't really a confession. They were just words that seemed to flow naturally in this LIGHT. The conversation seemed natural.
"He loves you, too. He just doesn't know how to express himself."
Zed didn't see John loving her. But at the same time, she could see that he'd let her into a private part of his life that he'd allowed no one else into. She accepted the knowledge, even if it somehow confused her. He could love her. A small smile tugged at her lips. It was a nice feeling knowing she was wanted for herself. For ZED. She looked at the woman keeping pace with her. "Who ARE you?"
The woman smiled gracefully.
Bits and pieces of images moved through her mind. Zed recalled a time when she'd opened her mind to the spiritual world against an annoyed John's grievances. She vaguely remembered John sitting beside her in a hospital bed as she said, "Your mother said her death wasn't your fault."
"You saw my mother?" John asked, watching as she turned her back against him. "Zed?"
Zed stopped as the end of the tunnel suddenly nudged the tip of her boots. How? The light beckoned her threw and she turned her head. The woman stood there, smiling as the light from the end of the tunnel seemed to move around Zed.
"Tell John I miss him. I love him. Someday I'll see him again."
The words were far off, as was the woman but Zed heard them still before the light enveloped her.
John's mother. Yes. Zed remembered now.
Zed opened her eyes and blinked against the dim light from the bedside table. Her mind automatically reached out to keep the dream in her first and foremost memory. That was the thing about dreams, though. Sometimes you just couldn't hold onto them. They would start to fade away into the dim edges of the mind and be forgotten completely.
She shifted beneath the thick quilt, breathing deeply.
"Mornin', love."John said and she turned her head.
John reclined against the headboard, one knee propped up while he held a book in one hand. He still wore his khaki's and white shirt, which were poorly wrinkled. He sat the book down on the bed and sat up fully. "How are you feeling?"
"Good...I guess." She followed his move and sat up. She didn't remember coming back to the Mill House, but that's where they were. She went over the event of things in her mind and just like that, everything came rushing back. The Confessional, the men baring down on John with the intent to kill, John's confession and Manny's rage and roar—
"Manny—" She gasped out, the words rushing out.
"Is gone." John said steadily.
"...how...what happened?" Zed wasn't one to panic. It was anger that drove her, and then she acted on it. She'd been panicking a lot lately.
"What do you remember?" John asked. If she didn't remember anything, he would have been fine with that. He didn't want any of the stains of the past few weeks on her soul. He knew he couldn't do that to her, though. Martin and everything that had happened had been a big part of her life, even if those events had taken up her childhood and in the end, her life.
"I remember going to the Confessional. You. And...you called me a whore." Zed said, frowning.
John gave a wry smile at the reminder. "I don't think I did, love."
"Trollop, John. You called me a trollop."
"You know I didn't mean it." John murmured, the smile still gracing his lips.
Zed knew that, but the thought still annoyed her. A part of her wanted a reason to hit him for using the excuse to get Manny mad in the first place. He could have thought of a more colorful insult. "...and...what happened? I don't understand." She didn't remember anything else, much less coming back here.
John sighed. "We need to talk."
She wouldn't remember. She'd died.
"What happened, John?" She was afraid not knowing what had happened.
"You died." John said flatly.
"What?"
"He killed you." John said again. He hadn't just killed her—Manny had murdered her and taken her precious light from this world. John remembered the void that had filled his heart when he'd held her slack body in his arms. "I was already tainted by demon blood when we had sex."
"Sex can do that?"
That grin came again, though there was a little sadness behind it. "Sex can do a lot of things. I'm damned in more ways than one, love." The many times that he'd gotten the shit beat out of him and been left with bloody bruises, Zed had helped him in more ways than one. Kind words, offering a helping hand. He hadn't lied when he'd said she probably had his blood in her. She'd touched him numerous times with open wounds of her own, just to help his bloodied body to his staggering feet.
A blood transfusion was easy you touched open wounds to open wounds.
John heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his already mused hair. "But it's my fault. I shouldn't have went so far. I wasn't thinking Manny would..."
"It's not your fault, John." Zed said, focusing on the word 'not'.
"People die around me, Zed. You did. You don't have to stay. You'd be better off if you left."
"Shut up, John." Zed shook her head, brushing his words off. He was stuck with her. She wasn't going anywhere. She'd made that notion clear more times than she could count.
That smile came again.
"How about telling me how I'm alive?"
He sighed again. He owed her that explanation. When Manny had brought her back from the dead, he hadn't thought about how he would accomplish that. All he'd cared about was the fact that Zed was alive. "And that's what I need to talk about." He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a shiny black feather, twirling it in his fingers before handing it to Zed.
It gave a faint glow, something she remembered from a long time ago. "Is this...?"
"An angels feather? Yes." He confirmed, wincing as he said the words.
"How?"
"You warned me about the Pentalpha. After Manny..." He didn't say the words, just continued past them. "...Papa Midnight came back with the Hand of Glory, which I'm sure you remember. Time collapsed. I used the time to get the ring from Martin."
"What happened to him?"
Him. Her father. "He's dead." He didn't make light of the fact. "I'm sorry, Zed. But you ARE free. You don't have to run anymore."
"Don't be. I'm not." Zed murmured. Her father was dead? Really and truly dead?
"Zed." John forced her to look up at him. "He was your father." He wasn't reprimanding her for her lack of sympathy. He was reminding her of the fact that he had been her father. Deep down, Zed had always hoped as only a daughter could that her father would welcome her. HER. Not Mary.
"It's over. All of it?" She asked idly.
John nodded. "Manny is being dealt with on his own grounds. But this..." He took the inky darkness from her fingers. "He brought you back with this."
"Like with the other fallen angel?" She asked heavily. She remembered the events that had led them to realizing that the Angel had been a fallen. The feather she had given to the pastor had lead to dire circumstances.
"No." John shook his head. "You won't have any secret admirers stalking you for this. It's yours and yours alone. Are you...alright with this?" It had brought her back. It was her lifeline. She wasn't immortal or anything, because that just wasn't possible for humans. All it had done was bring her back. A final and unwilling farewell from Manny.
Zed nodded. "I'm not ready to die yet."
John chuckled and then drew her into his arms and hugged her. "Good, because I'm not ready for you to, either."
"He loves you, too. He just doesn't know how to express himself."
Zed wasn't sure where the thought came from, but it had a shy smile coming to her lips. "Thank you." She murmured.
"For what?"
"Just take the thanks, John." She murmured in return. Really, she wasn't going to explain herself. He'd saved her from an eternal damnation and from death. He kissed her forehead and Zed pressed her nose against his collarbone, inhaling his scent. He smelled of fresh cigarettes, but she could deal with it.
She lifted her head and the move put their lips inches apart. John was the first to move, brushing his lips over hers. He smiled against her lips. "As much as I hate to disrupt, I'm afraid we have an unwanted guest downstairs that's not leaving until he sees that you're well." John murmured against her lips.
Zed pulled away from the sudden temptation of his lips and smiled shyly. God, John was a pervert. He always managed to turn something innocent into something sexual. "Who?"
A knock sounded at the door and John released her reluctantly. "I'm sure THAT'S who."
He strode towards the door and turned the knob. Papa Midnight stood in the doorway and ignored John completely when he saw Zed sitting up in the bed.
John hadn't left her bedside the day before except to eat and use the restroom. "She's awake, as you can see." John said. "Alive and well."
Chas moved past Papa Midnight and then she was enveloped in a bear hug. Death could do that to a family. When given a second chance, it brought the people closer.
Zed swung her legs over the edge of the bed but didn't get up. She didn't know Papa Midnight, other than what John had told her. But he was thoroughly interested in her and what her powers could do. And he was being thoroughly cock blocked by John Constantine because he'd made it clear Zed worked for HIM.
He wasn't paying her, but she was staying here free of rent.
And she was here of her own free will.
"I thought you two didn't like each other." Zed said from Constantine to Midnight.
John's expression soured slightly. "I wasn't going to let him come back here. " He didn't like knowing that Papa Midnight knew where the Mill House was. He had a lot of artifacts that Papa Midnight had been eyeing with a calculating eye. "But he threatened to curse Johnny Boy, love. Can't have that. Had to see for himself that you were alright." He muttered beneath his breath. "Didn't know he could do that."
"I still can, Constantine." Midnight warned him.
Zed rolled her eyes. She had the feeling they were stuck with Papa Midnight. He'd waited a long time to meet her and he finally had. The man was going to stick around—not HERE, but in general—just to see exactly how her mind worked.
John didn't like it one bit.
She could feel the fatigue pulling at her. She may have slept most of the day, but she was still mentally and physically wore out from the events of the past few weeks. She didn't have to run anymore. She could live a life. A real life. Here, with Chas and John.
John must have read the expression on her face because he ushered Papa Midnight and Chas out the door. "If you don't mind, I think our new Lazareth needs some shut eye. Out, out." John stepped out into the hallway and grabbed the doorknob. "If you need anything Zed, don't hesitate to call."
"John?" Zed said before he could pull the door closed.
"Yeah, love?"
"Will you stay?"
John hesitated out in the hallway before stepping back into the room. He pushed the door closed behind him quietly. His shoes were long gone so he just climbed back up onto the bed while she made room on her side. "Sure thing, love." He sank back against the pillows and folded his arms beneath his head. He turned his head when she moved against him and pulled one arm out from beneath his head so that she could curl up over his arm and rest her head against his shoulder.
He stared down at her for a moment before wrapping that arm around her shoulders. "What's wrong?" He murmured.
Zed shook her head. "Nothing. I just...don't want to be alone right now." Her fingers moved over his tie, toying with the very end. "Thank you."
"And what will Chas and our new guest think?" He inquired teasingly.
Zed rolled her eyes. "I don't care."
He chuckled and turned his head, kissing her forehead again. He didn't do this often. He didn't just lay in bed with a female and just hold her. He didn't just kiss her forehead. But that was what he was doing. Just that. And he didn't mind it. With Zed, he didn't mind just lying here and holding her.
"John?" She asked again.
"Hmmm, love?"
"When I was asleep...or...dead..." She didn't remember everything before she'd woken up, but there was one thing that was clear in her mind. "I saw something." She paused. John lifted a hand and caressed the ends of her curls. "I saw...your mother."
His hand halted in its movements before continuing.
"She said...she said she misses you. She loves you. And that she will see you again." She repeated the words that were ingrained on her memory.
That was twice now that she'd said similar words to him. Twice now that she was special enough that in the after life, someone just as special to him had made herself known to a woman that he cared about. He looked up at the ceiling but he didn't say anything. Was his mother really there, watching over him? She'd known that Zed wasn't going to leave him, so she'd passed a message.
He blinked past the burning in his eyes.
John leaned down and tilted her face up to his. He pressed another kiss to her lips. "Go to sleep, love. I'll be here when you wake up." He murmured, letting her head fall back to rest over his heart.
The End(for real this time)
-Your reviews mean the world to me-
Author's Note:
This chapter was easy to write. I don't know why. It just flowed out. The end, however, I went over and over in my mind. Why? Because I had two endings in mind. The one you see here, where he held her as she fell asleep in his arms. The second was where he held her, but she pulls him up over her as they lay there and asks him to help her sleep, which starts with a kiss and ends with making love...
But somehow, I just didn't see the second happening, as much as I wanted to write that beautiful scene out. I felt that this needed to end on a sweet but unsaid note of an unspoken caring between the two. But hey, who knows. I may write that as a one shot if anyone wants to see it. Lol. Thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!