Chapter 16

Ezra POV

Ezra was falling under the deep end, spinning completely out of control. He was lost, not able to find himself. For the past four weeks he'd gone down a downward spiral. Not even his medications helped as he sank deeper and deeper into depression. He was consumed with much anger, needing to release the build up inside him before he exploded.

He struggled daily with his past addictions, wanting to erase the pain. He wanted alcohol, needed drugs, and wanted to have unattached sex. He didn't know how he got to this point. He was losing his temper more and more as each day passed. He couldn't response to anything else, but pain.

Feeling pain made him feel alive, it held back the memories he wanted to stay buried. He didn't want to feel the shame anymore, didn't want to deal with his past. He couldn't run from it. It would always follow him, haunting him endlessly. He was broken, screwed up.

He couldn't love anything, or anyone. He would always hurt people. He was just like Vivienne, selfish and cold. Stephanie had been right. He was a bastard to the core.

That was why he couldn't be with Aria. She was too good for him, too sweet and pure. She deserved better, deserved someone who wasn't filled with hate. He wouldn't ruin her life. He wanted her to be happy.

He thought he could be happy with her, but he'd been wrong. His past had veered its ugly head. He had so many things taken from him, stripped him of being a man. He had never had that unconditional love, from Vivienne, or from Scott. They were part of the reason why he was the person he was today.

Ezra would never forgive them for their neglect of him, especially not Vivienne. She had committed the ultimate betrayal, leaving him in the hands of his attackers. The men she'd called friends had violated him in the most brutal and humane way. He hated being angry, hated being alone, but he couldn't allow anyone in. He wouldn't do that to Aria.

Aria shouldn't have to live with his demons, put up with his problems. He wouldn't drag her down to his own personal hell. Aria was light while he was dark. Light and dark couldn't coexist, they were incompatible. Aria deserved better than him, deserved to have a life without upheaval.

He missed her, but he couldn't afford to have her in his life. He wasn't in the right place at the moment. He couldn't face her, or her questions. He could never tell her what had happened to him. He didn't want to see the pity in her eyes, to have to witness the disgust in them.

He had to keep his distance from her, had to push her away. It was for the best. She had to get he wasn't a good person. He had committed many sins, hurting so many people besides her. He was damaged goods.

He didn't deserve to be loved by someone so wholesome. He couldn't make up for the past. There was a lot he had done in his past, something's he could never make up for. Something's he regretted, and some he didn't. He was a monster; he deserved to be put down.

Ezra knew he had to find closure, but he couldn't. He couldn't until he got justice. His attackers had to know their actions had consequences. He had dealt with one, but he had to find the other one. He wouldn't rest until he came face to face with him, issuing out the same punishment he'd done to the first one.

He needed to free the anger inside him. All he could feel was anger, pain, and hate. His lifestyle was dangerous. He'd always known he wouldn't make it to his thirtieth birthday. Hell, he wouldn't even make it to his mid-twenties if he kept on this path of destruction.

Ezra wasn't allowed within hundred feet of his attacker. He would pay him another visit after he got out the hospital. He didn't care what the law said. He'd pay him back for having to pay a fine, bail, and having to take anger management classes on top of seeing Dr. John Hill regularly. He needed revenge, wanted it desperately.

Aria didn't need to be with someone who was full of vengeance. He couldn't let it go, he wouldn't. She needed to get the message he didn't want her anymore. He wasn't going to answer her calls, or text messages. He didn't want to be bothered.

He didn't care about his life; it meant so little to him. He could do it; he could kill himself without blinking an eye. He had nothing else to live for. He brought the sharp knife to his forearm, slicing his flesh over and over again, watching as the droplets of blood fell to the floor at his feet.

Cutting himself kept the pain away, forcing his memories to retreat. His head was filled with dark thoughts, dark thoughts that consumed every part of his being. He switched the knife to his other arm, repeating the slashes as he dug the knife in deeper. The familiar sensation of euphoria traveled through him as his head lolled back. He just wanted to forget everything.

Wow, Ezra has really hit rock bottom and it's only going to get worse. I have warned you guys that this version of Ezra is dark. This is the darkest I have ever written a character, and I'm enjoying it. Is he going to be able to pull himself back out of this darkness again? Continue and find out. So, what did you guys think of this chapter? Please review and let me know! I enjoy reading your comments. And I'm working on Ch. 23 as of now.