Chapter 18

Ezra POV

He was annoyed with the tricking clock in Dr. John Hill's office, watching as other people went ahead of him. He braced his fists on his knees as he started to lose his temper. Every day he was becoming more and more enraged, wanting to do bodily harm to someone. Any little thing pissed him off. He felt like he was losing his mind.

He didn't want to be there. He didn't want to see Dr. Hill today, didn't want to listen his advice. These frequent visits and taking anger management classes weren't helping. They were only increasing his resistance and anger.

His striking blue eyes glanced down at his forearms, eyeing the fresh and old scars. Knowing they would become permanent. He didn't care. His scars told a story about who he was, and how he came to be. He didn't see ugliness when he looked at them; he saw pain and conflict, a person who had survived.

Ezra had nowhere else to go, no one to turn to. Nobody loved him except for Aria. He couldn't understand why. He had done nothing to deserve it. He had treated her horribly since the beginning.

He couldn't understand why Aria couldn't just give up on him; stop trying to get through to him. He wanted her to see he wanted nothing to do with her, that he didn't want to see her. He couldn't afford to care for her. She would only get hurt again.

His phone beeped, but he didn't answer. He already knew who it was. He wasn't going to answer her calls, or texts. He clicked his phone off, not wanting to be bothered. He wanted to be left alone.

Ezra knew he was being cruel, but he couldn't seem to stop. He didn't want to shut her out, but he had to. It had been a while since he'd seen her last. He couldn't believe seven weeks had already passed. Everyday had been an uphill battle.

He couldn't suppress the dark thoughts that plagued him every morning when he got up, and every night when he went to bed. His medications still weren't helping, so he gave up taking them. He was like he couldn't breathe or think rationally when on them. He needed pills that would help him, especially the ones to help him sleep.

Ezra had gone to see his attacker in the hospital, a vicious smile played on his lips as he thought back to the man's reaction. He'd been scared shitless, afraid Ezra was there to attack him again. He had even pissed himself. It had been all too easy for Ezra to sneak in as he pretended to be related to the man. It was a shame he hadn't got the answers he was looking for, with the man's jaw being wired shut.

Just before leaving the hospital, Ezra had made sure to tell his attacker he knew where he lived, and he'll be in touch. Ezra felt much power that today, like he was finally taking his life back. He wasn't going to rest until he dealt with both of his attackers. He wasn't done with them. He was going to make them pay for all the pain they had inflicted on him.

He walked to the back when his name was called. His whole body conveyed tension and he was full of resentment. He offered Dr. John Hill a bitter smirk, his blue eyes cold as ever as he walked inside the older man's office. Dr. John Hill got up from behind his desk and grabbed his pen and notepad in hand, and then he walked over to his favorite wingback chair. Ezra took the other chair, stretching his legs out in front of him and crossed his arms over his chest.

"How are you feeling today, Ezra?" Dr. Hill's voce was professional and calm like always as he peered over his reading glasses at Ezra. "I'm not going to record us today, is that okay?"

He wasn't sure he wanted to answer, but he thought better of it. He didn't want to be there any longer than he had to.

"Like I'm in hell," Ezra said honestly, rubbing his palms on his knees as Dr. Hill wrote his response down. "Does it even matter?"

"That's a start," Dr. Hill said, not at all angry by Ezra's answer as he crossed a leg over his knee. "I like to think it does. I understand you're not happy with the newest medication I prescribed you with".

"I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm starting to lose my temper at the smallest things," Ezra ran a hand down his face. "There not as effective. I can't sleep when I'm taking them. I feel like a zombie".

Dr. Hill jotted that down into his notepad, before looking back up at Ezra.

"Are you still going to the anger management classes the court ordered you to take part in?" Dr. Hill asked as he flipped back through his old notes. "There's a new drug that's just been experimented on and has passed the trial, so we'll try you on that one".

He made more commentary in his notes, before giving Ezra his full attention again.

"I never miss a class, but they aren't helping me," Ezra said as he scratched his chin, his eyes looking around the room. "Will they cause me insomnia too?"

"It would be productive as long as you keep going," Dr. Hill said as he gave a smile as he got up to pull a pamphlet off his desk and handed it over to Ezra. "As you can see the only side effects for this drug is mild headaches, dry mouth, and some occasional vomiting".

"If you say so," Ezra didn't believe him. "I can definitely handle these side effects as long as the medication works".

"I've never lied to you, Ezra. I have always giving you sound advice," Dr. Hill said earnestly as he pulled off his glasses to look deeply into Ezra's eyes. "Tell me something, Ezra; do you want your life back?"

"Forgive me if I don't trust easily," Ezra said with sarcasm as re-crossed his arms. "And that's what I'm trying to accomplish by getting my revenge on my attackers".

"Maybe finding a person you truly care about is a way to achieve that task," Dr. Hill suggested as he twisted his pen in his grasp. "You say you want to get revenge on your attackers, and on the people who have ever wronged you, but how is that going to solve anything?"

"I care about no one," Ezra lied effortlessly. He cared about Aria. "I'll get satisfaction".

Dr. Hill gave him a knowing smile.

"What about that girl, Aria?" Dr. Hill asked, not forgetting how much Aria's name had come up in their many sessions. "It'll give you satisfaction, but not peace".

"I don't want to talk about her," Ezra's voice was cold, but adamant as he fixed Dr. Hill with a hard stare. He had no right to bring up Aria. He wanted to forget she even existed. "And I think I'll get closure from it".

Dr. Hill picked up Ezra's protectiveness when it came to Aria. He thought it was very telling.

"I'll respect your wishes," Dr. Hill agreed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, before positing his glasses back on his face. "That's not going to help you close that chapter in your life. You have to find a better way to come to terms with what happened to you".

Ezra found himself transfixed by Dr. Hill's words.

"Thanks," he wasn't used to apologizing, but he respected Dr. Hill. "What do you suggest?"

He honestly wanted to know. He knew he couldn't go on like the way he was.

"You're welcome," Dr. Hill said calmly as he gave Ezra another smile, knowing the young man was finally listening to his advice. "You need to find an anchor, someone, or something that can bring you back to the surface whenever you're in need. That anchor can help you, allow you to forget, and heal that little scared boy inside".

"I don't think I have an anchor," his voice was very subdued as he showed Dr. Hill his vulnerability. "I have no one".

"I think you do," Dr. Hill said with confidence, bringing Ezra's eyes back to his. "Aria is your anchor".

Thank god Ezra has finally listened to Dr. John Hill. Is he really going to follow his advice? Look out for the next chapter to find out. What did you guys think of this chapter? Please review and let me know your thoughts! And I'm happy about all the love you guys are showing to this story. I really do love it dearly. I'm going to try to have the next chapter up sometime in March.