Chapter 20
Ezra POV
Pairs, France…
He was in the city of lights, hopping into a cab and heading to the nearest hotel. He didn't much care. He needed sleep, yawning as he massaged the back of his neck. He'd forgotten how long the trip was, 15 hours on a flight was excruciating. He had never been so bored in all his life, unable to sleep a wink.
Ezra didn't want to be there in Pairs, but he had to confront Vivienne. He couldn't move on with his life until he confronted all his abusers. He would make her listen, make her feel his pain. It wasn't like he wanted to see her. He had to do it for himself, and for Aria.
His heart hurt every time he thought of her, feeling a deep sense of regret. He had been gone long enough, thinking back to the phone call he had received from his father, Scott two days ago. It had been tense and awkward between father and son, neither knowing what else to say after Scott had confronted him. Like Aria, Ezra had told him he hadn't planned to be with her. That it had just happened.
To tell the truth, Ezra didn't know if he regretted his time with Aria. Aria had been the only positive light in his life. He hadn't known what to tell Scott, but sorry wasn't one of them. He wouldn't apologize for being with Aria. He had taken full blame, not wanting Aria to get into trouble.
Ezra had known better, but he had wanted her. She had wanted him too. He didn't know what happiness was, but he felt it when he was with her. She made him forget everything, his past. Dr. Hill had been right, Aria was his anchor.
He was still coming to grips with what Scott had told him, about Aria being pregnant and then losing the baby. He knew he was responsible. He had done it to her. He couldn't believe he had ignored her, her calls and text messages. He knew she must hate him. He wouldn't blame her if she did.
It was like a cycle, he couldn't seem to stop ruining her life. She was good, and everything he needed in his life. He wanted her in his life, to tell her everything, including his dark past. He wasn't afraid of her reaction anymore, had plenty time to think about it. He wanted her to know.
Dr. Hill's words had touched something deep inside of him; something he'd never known existed. He realized he wanted to live, to have that special someone who got him completely. With Aria, Ezra knew he could be who he was and she wouldn't judge him for it. That she'll never turn her back on him, or treat him with distain. He knew he could give his heart to Aria and she'll love him back, she already did.
He didn't know if he loved her, but he knew he cared about her. That was the only thing that mattered, to know he cared about someone other than himself. He didn't want to be like Vivienne anymore, to not feel anything. He didn't want to be cold, or selfish. He wanted a chance at life, to live the life that was meant for him.
He hated not being there for Aria, to help her though this. It was his entire fault, everything was his fault. He couldn't believe he had put her though something like that. He had been careless, never thinking about the consequences of his actions. He never once thought of using a condom with Aria, never wanting to.
He hoped Aria was able to forgive him. He wasn't sure he would ever forgive himself. He promised to talk to his dad when he got back in town, dreading that conversation. He didn't want to argue with Scott, but he wasn't willing to back down either. They both would get something's off their chest.
Ezra wasn't planning to stay in Pairs, he wanted to confront Vivienne as soon as he could in the morning, and then he wanted to be on the flight to Rosewood. He had no intentions to visit any attractions, or spend any more time with Vivienne than he had to. Being around Vivienne made him angry and brought up all the hurt, shame, and neglect he felt as a child. He had never been good enough for her. She had never loved, or wanted him.
He paid for the cab ride as soon as the vehicle stopped in front of the Hotel Elysees. It was located in the downtown area between Champs Elysees and the Eiffel Tower. Ezra grabbed his one bag of luggage and headed inside, walking over to the front desk to check in. The hotel was small, but the price and location was good. He didn't see the point of spending a lot of money to stay for one night.
He didn't bother unpacking when he got in his room; stripping down to his boxers and walked into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. He took all his required medication, before getting into bed. He finally allowed himself to relax and drift off to sleep, his thoughts on Aria. He didn't usually dream, but he did this night. He dreamt of a life with Aria, the things they could have.
Ezra was up and dress when Vivienne called him and asked him to meet her at one of her favorite restaurants. He didn't care where the confrontation took place; wanting to do everything he could to humiliate her. He had no respect left for the woman who called herself his mother. He was purposely late by the time he got to Laduree, shaking his head at the high-class restaurant. Vivienne was always showing-off how much money she had.
He didn't make any moves to embrace his mother as he walked up to her table, his eyes briefly running over the regal beauty in front of him. Vivienne was never for public displays. She was still aging beautifully as ever, no strands of gray in her long thick black hair or signs of wrinkles on her oval-shaped face. He took the seat opposite her, not wanting to sit any closer to her. He declined the waiter's offer for a menu.
Ezra didn't plan to stay long. He hated being around Vivienne. It brought up memories he wanted to stay buried. She eyed her son across the table, her dark red lips stretching into a fake smile. The feeling was mutually, she didn't want to be around him either. She despised Scott for making her have Ezra, never wanting to ever have any children.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Vivienne asked coldly as she picked up her glass of wine and brought it to her lips. "Did your father put you up to this?"
"Believe me, I don't to want to be here talking to you either," his voice was colder, each word dripping with hate. "And Scott doesn't even know I'm here".
"You always were ungrateful," Vivienne said, her mouth twisting in displeasure as she waved the waiter back over to refill her glass. "What do you want then, Money? Or could it be motherly advice?"
He smiled at her, not a nice one.
"You always were a spiteful bitch," Ezra said harshly, his striking blue eyes holding her dark green ones. "Why would I need your money? Grandfather and grandmother saw to that. And why would I ever ask for motherly advice? You were never one to me".
"Fair enough," she smiled tightly, knowing when she was bested by her son. "I did more for you than your worthless father ever did".
"And you did, a wonderful job," he clapped loudly as heads turned in their direction. Vivienne's cream colored cheeks tinted with anger. "I mean, you're the reason why I'm some screwed up now. I have battled with a drug addiction, a sex addiction and alcoholism, and oh yeah, why I cut myself. Great job! And you never gave my father the opportunity to raise me, to be a part of my life".
Vivienne's eyes flamed as she stared crossly at her son, hating all the attention they were getting. She was not only embarrassed, but angry.
"You're a bastard, just like your father, "Vivienne's voice was full of spite. "I never wanted you, but he made me have you".
"It has always been about what you want, or what you need," Ezra eyes were cold and hard as he stared across at his mother. "You never gave damn about anyone other than yourself. Not me or dad. I bet you have never loved anyone else in your entire life".
"You have no right talking to me this way," her voice rose higher, her fingers gripping the wine glass. "I was young when I had you, no more than a girl. I never wanted to get married".
"I'll talk to you however I want," he said angrily, daring her to stop him. He wasn't a kid anymore. He didn't have to do what she said. "I'm I supposed to feel sorry for you? I don't. You had other options. You punished me like you punished my father".
"Men are all the same. Disgusting pigs," she laughed bitterly, before drowning the white wine in her glass. "And you're no different".
"You just can't stop being selfish and cold, can you, Vivienne?" his smile was bitter. "Just looking at you makes me sick. I would love nothing more than to wrap my hands around your neck and squeeze. To see the light leave your eyes as you take your last breath, but I won't touch you, you're not worth it".
He could see the fear in those cold green eyes of hers.
"You really would kill your own mother?" Vivienne asked quietly, her eyes still full of fear and coldness. "I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised. Every since you were a baby you have always hated me. Nothing I ever did was good enough. You always preferred your father over me".
He didn't answer her, already knowing the truth.
"You made my childhood hell," his voice was hard, loud as he leaned across the table to stare his mother down. "I'm done letting you hurt me. I'm done with all the pain and all the shame".
"Then leave!" Vivienne screamed, making a bigger spectacle of herself as her green eyes burned with hostility. "I won't stop you".
"I'm through with you," Ezra said in a low voice as he stood up, fishing a couple of euros out his pocket and drop the big bills down on the table. He walked over to his mother, bending down to embrace her stiff form. She struggled against him, but he didn't release her, forcing her to hold him at least once. He kissed her soft cheek, and then he stepped back. "You won't ever see me again".
He walked out the restaurant, never once looking back at Vivienne. She was dead to him. She had never loved him, never allowed him to love her. She was a woman without a conscious, without love in her heart. His relationship with her would always be broken, unfixed.
Ezra flagged a taxi down to head back to the hotel and pack. He breathed deeply, loving the relief that went through him. Confronting Vivienne was the best thing he had ever done. He didn't have to look back anymore, didn't have to feel the pain, hurt or shame, or have to hate himself. He was ready to go back to Rosewood, ready to be with Aria.
I bet most of you were surprised that I introduced Ezra's mother, Vivienne. I really wanted you guys to meet her and see what type of person she was. I described her to you in the previous chapters, but I wanted you to see for yourself. And I know you guys are probably missing the Ezria interaction, but they are in the next chapter. Anyway, what did you guys think of this chapter? Please review! I'm dying to see what you guys have to say.