I would like to thank you to read this fic or put her in your favorite…
Don't hesite to share this story not for me but for the victims, I wrote this fic for them
To show them there's always hope and light…
Don't ever forget that all this sufferings are a reality for some people…
CHAPTER 7: CROSSING LOOKS
He fled… His too blue eyes, too deep, in which he thought he'd drown for a second, sinking in a never-ending hole.
Castiel was standing right in front of him tilting his head, attracted by his voice. He's never heard anyone singing, for him music was forbidden. The only pleasant sound he heard for all these years was the bird's singing.
Dean froze and stopped singing when he saw the depth of his look. It was like he could read his mind.
Then he stepped away, took his supply cart and fled, leaving a lost Castiel alone in the middle of his room.
Nothing… Invisible… even for this man he had observed since he arrived… This man he shared a look with. He held on this hope like he cared about his precious window but nothing… just emptiness one more time. She was right…
He stepped back to his window and he started to knock his forehead in rhythm against it. He had to do it to clear his mind and find the emptiness he liked to sink into so much.
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Dean entered the day room, there were only 3 patients in it.
"Is everything ok man?" Melvin asked noticing the confused look on his face.
"Yes I'm fine."
He doubted it but didn't insist.
"You can start cleaning, I'll stay here." He added.
"Thank you, I won't be long."
"Take all the time you need, I'm here till 5 pm anyway."
Dean smiled without looking at him.
The whole time he spent in the day room, he spent it thinking about room 14 patient. He could feel his look on him. So he didn't notice the white hair man observing him since he arrived and he didn't see him coming closer smiling and extending his hand.
When he touched his shoulder Dean was caught by surprised and lifted his fist ready to punch. He stopped when he saw the man leaning on the wall screaming.
Melvin ran "What happened here?"
"Nothing… he took me by surprise and I had a sudden reaction."
Melvin stepped near the man "It's ok Charles, calm down, it's nothing."
"Bad! Bad! He wanted to hit me!" he said head between his hands.
The caretaker turned to Dean "Is that true?"
"I told you: I had a sudden reaction." He closed his eyes "I'm sorry it won't happen again."
Melvin looked at him furious "Yeah you better not do that again because next time I won't hesitate talking to the boss! You're in a hospital don't forget about it!"
He helped Charles calming down and talked to him to reassure him.
"Sorry man…" He said to Charles with a weak smile.
"Bad!"
Melvin put him on a chair a little further. Dean felt the look of the two other patients on him. There was a black man swaying on his feet and an older man who kept scratching his head looking at the ceiling.
"What the hell am I doing here?" Dean whispered.
He put his supplies on his cart and left the room without looking back.
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He closed the door and leaned against the wall, just a few minutes to take the control of his emotions back, then he stood up… he had to get out of here. This is when he noticed a cleaning spray was missing on the supply cart.
"Shit!"
He looked inside the day room to see if it was here but he knew where he forgot it. He left so fast he didn't check his cart.
"What a douche am I!" he said slapping his forehead.
He turned around sighing. Room 14… he had to go back. He couldn't just let it there, it was too dangerous and he already screwed up enough for today. He left his cart and walked toward the room. When he arrived he looked at the small window and lost his confidence.
Castiel was sitting against the wall, in the corner near the window, staring at nothing.
Dean took a deep breath and typed the code. When he heard the door clicking, Castiel started to swing.
"Hi. Sorry but I forgot something in the bathroom. I have to take it back, it won't be long." He said without giving Castiel a single look. It wouldn't have changed anything after all he didn't react when he entered.
The cleaning spray was on the sink. He took it quickly and stepped back to the door ready to leave when he felt the need to turn to Castiel and asked:
"Are you ok?"
He stepped toward him and seeing his distress, he crouched down next to him.
"Hey dude…" he said with the softest voice he could let out.
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"Hey Sam?"
He lifted his brother's chin: he had a swollen face, a split lip, and tears were falling down his cheeks.
Dean had to leave a few minutes to get some groceries. His mom discreetly gave him money before leaving for work so his father wouldn't notice and stole it to spend it in bars. She hadn't been to groceries in years.
Mr. Gardini was managing a little grocery store on the way to their school. When they were younger and when Karen was still coming with them, they often stopped by to buy what Karen always forgot: bread, milk and cereal. She finally stopped taking them to school because of her work schedule, so Mr. Gardini was seeing Dean, aged 8, holding his little brother by his hand to keep him walking.
Karen always forgot money or groceries because of alcohol. Sam was often hungry but never said anything, so Dean started to steal from the store, it was the only solution he found. He was stealing fruits from the front of the shop and when Gardini wasn't looking he was stealing cookies or bread. But the man wasn't blind… he noticed it but said nothing at first.
One morning he stepped away from the front window to make them think he was gone.
"Sam don't move I'll be right back"
Sam nodded, he would wait patiently for his brother.
"I want chocolate!"
"You'll have what I can get. Now be quiet and wait for me."
When he heard the front door closing behind him he panicked and tried to run in the shop.
"Dean! Come here buddy I won't hurt you." Gardini said with his strong Italian accent.
He was standing straight with a bag in his hands.
"Would you stop stealing from now?" he handed him the bag "This is for you and your brother."
Dean didn't dare stepping forward to take it. Gardini noticed his eyebrow that day… each day a new scar.
"You'll come here every morning before going to school."
Since that day and till he was 12, Dean went every morning in Mr. Gardini's store. He was the one and only person he could talk to. More than once the old man wanted to call the cops to tell them everything about their parents but Dean was always begging him not to because the social services would separate him from his brother. He wouldn't survive that.
Mr. Gardini always agreed not to call the police, and every night he would regret it because he knew in the morning he would see those two poor boys coming back holding hands and it would break his heart and remind him how such a coward he was.
Gardini was listening to them, he was believing them and he was comforting them.
The old man died in his sleep and with him, their only ray of sun and their only comfort died too. The store closed and Dean had to walk further to find another store to steal from, but the owner was not nice and his dog was way too big.
He was coming back from this store that day, running because he was scared his dad would come back first. He was scared he would find Sam first instead of him to take the beating.
When he came back home his father was sleeping in the armchair with a beer on the floor. Dean looked upstairs and knew.
"Hey Sam…"
He took care of him. It became a daily routine. Karen and John were drinking more and more, they lost control more and more. They were constantly fighting, insulting each other and living in a love/hate relationship. Two kids had no place between them.
The two brothers were living in the permanent fear to hear his steps in the stairs. He was slapping his wife but he was punching his sons. Dean and Sam were holding each other, listening to those footsteps in the hallway, praying with all their strength for it to not stop in front of their room's door.
Sometimes he liked to torture them: he was stopping in front of their room and was talking to them behind the door closed, hitting his fingers on the doorknob and then he would go away.
Dean always wondered if this kind of torture was not the worst. They were so terrorized they wouldn't sleep anymore so Dean pushed his chair to prop the door. It didn't last long because John found out and destroyed the door.
That day Sam curled under his bed but Dean was not so lucky. John let him half- conscious on the floor, Sam was looking at his empty eyes terrified.
John never fixed the door so it wouldn't close anymore. There was a small ray of light under it, letting the hallway's light filter in the room. The shadow of their father waiting behind that door was one more torture.
Mr. Gardini was just a temporary comfort and sometimes Dean wondered if he shouldn't have let him call the police or the social services. Being away from each other would maybe have been better that being broken. But Sam cleared that up:
"Don't leave me anymore… ever. Promise me Dean." He begged.
"I promise Sam… I will never leave you again."
He could never be able to keep that promise. Nobody could.
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"Hey Cas…" Dean repeated.
He stopped swinging and looked up. He was back and he was right in front of him. Dean smiled at him and he couldn't resist sinking his eyes into this man's look.
"You won't stay here sitting on the floor will you?"
Dean bent over to get him up but Castiel was terrorized when he saw him extending his hand so he curled up against the wall and looked up to the ceiling, searching for an invisible skylight.
Dean lost his smile when he saw the terror in his eyes. He knew that look too well.
"Hey…" He said softly "calm down I won't hurt you, I just want to help."
He tried to extend his hand again and Castiel's eyes were so full of fear he stepped back. He opened his mouth like he wanted to scream but no sound came out.
Dean stood up with his hands up to show he was giving up.
"It's ok I get it… I'm leaving. Relax."
Castiel started swinging again but this time he hold Dean's look.
"See you tomorrow?"
Castiel tilted his head.
"Bye Cas." He said with a weak smile.
He took his cleaning spray back and left. When he closed the door he looked back inside and their eyes met one last time.
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There was a message on his voicemail. He took a look: it was Gaby. He put his phone on his nightstand and laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling. The terrorized look in Castiel's face appeared in his mind. He put his forearm on his eyes and fell asleep.
He woke up because of a knock on his door.
"Dean are you in there? It's Melvin!"
He looked at the clock… 5.30 pm.
"Shit!" He let out and got up.
One more knock…
"I'm coming! 2 seconds!"
He unlocked and opened the door yawning.
"Oh sorry… I didn't think I would wake you up."
"Me neither." Dean said stepping aside to let him coming in. Melvin was a bit confused and didn't get what he meant.
"You know about earlier… you don't have to worry it won't happen again." Dean said opening his closet "you want some coffee?"
"Sure thanks." Melvin replied and sat down on the small kitchen's bar.
"Leyla heard Charles screaming…" he said in a sigh.
Dean was making coffee … "and?"
"She wanted to know what happened."
"What did you say to her?" Dean asked turning the coffee machine on.
"I told her you accidentally hit Charles with your supply cart."
"She believed you?" he asked getting two mugs.
"I guess she did."
Dean turned to him… "Thank you."
"You're welcome, but now I'll repeat what I said before: if you do that again I'll have to tell her the truth."
"Fair enough. But trust me it won't happen again."
"I hope so… I would hate to tell her something bad about you… you're a nice guy."
Dean smiled "I've been called a lot of names but nobody ever said I was nice".
He served coffee.
"Why are you really here Melvin?" He asked suddenly, his question putting Melvin in a very uncomfortable position… "Milk?"
"No thanks."
"So?" Dean insisted.
"It's about…" he looked at him and pointed at his black eye.
"So what?"
He bent on the table and whispered as if someone could listen "Is that true you're a fighter in the Cage?"
Dean leaned back crossing his arms "Where have you heard that?"
"Everything comes out here…" Melvin said taking a sip of his coffee.
"Why would you care anyway?"
"I'm in…"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I want to be in!"
Dean couldn't help but laughed. Melvin was so skinny and so old!
"You have absolutely no chance."
"Who's talking about fighting? I want to attend a fight and bet!" he said with shinny eyes.
"Why?"
"I've seen some free fighting on TV, I bet online… I figured…"
"… Dean would make you a little favor after the one you've made for him today? Am I right?" Dean asked coldly.
"That's not what I meant." Melvin said putting his mug on the table.
"Get out of here." Dean answered.
Melvin looked down feeling a little uncomfortable.
"Fine… but think about it."
The caretaker left and Dean sighed. He looked at his phone and listened to Gaby's message: "Dean it's Gaby! What have you planned for next Saturday? Jet had to go to the hospital, it's not too bad but he's out for the next 3 fights. Call me. Bye."
He hung up, sighed deeply and dialed Gaby's number.
"Gaby? It's Dean. Is it still ok for next Saturday?" he asked taking his mug back "You know who will be my opponent?"
He took a sip and pouted "No, no… it's gonna be ok. What time?"
He was walking nervously in his room.
"I'll be here. Oh and uuuh… would you add a name on the guests' list for me?" He smiled "No it's a guy… Melvin."
He put his mug back on the table "Ok see you next Saturday... yeah you too Gaby."
He hung up and threw his phone in his bed.
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Melvin was sitting on the front stairs smoking a cigarette, his eyes closed. He felt someone sitting next to him.
"I'll wait for you Saturday at 6 pm."
He opened his eyes and faced Dean.
"A fight?"
"Yes." Dean smiled.
"I've put you on the guests' list but there is one condition."
"Tell me."
"I need some information."
"Oh?" Melvin looked at him confused. "What kind of information?"
"I need to know more about one patient."
"Wow wow wow…" Melvin stood up "No question. You can forget about the Cage and don't worry I won't tell anyone about Charles. I really love my job here and I care about all the patients. You may don't care because you'll be gone in six months but I want to stay here till retirement. Don't count on me for that one."
"You're right, forget about it… it's not worth it anyway."
Melvin threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it.
"I'll still wait for you on Saturday, I owe you one and I will keep my word."
"You don't owe me anything."
"So take it as an invitation." He smiled.
"Thanks."
He climbed four steps. Dean stared at an invisible point in front of him, his elbows on his legs.
"You wanna know what about which patient?"
"Forget about it Melvin!"
"Just tell me who and I'll judge if I need to."
Dean looked up to the third floor.
"It's about room 14."
He heard Melvin stepping back.
"Castiel? The attic boy?"
Dean nodded.
"You don't need me to have information about him, just google it and you'll find what you want. But I'm warning you, the guy is a total mystery."
Dean turned to Melvin with a confused look.
"Even doctors and shrinks can't figure out anything about him, but they all agree on one thing…" he stepped forward looking at the third floor too "The guy lived in hell. I don't know him very much, he never left his room and it's Missouri and Garth who take care of him most of the time. Sometimes Armand too but it's rare. Not anybody can approach him like that."
He took a deep breath "I wonder if we'll manage to know more about him one of these days."
Melvin climbed the stairs "I have to go."
"Melvin!" Dean called.
"Yeah?"
"Is there a computer the staff can use here?"
"Nope. But if you want you can use my laptop."
"It would be nice. Thanks."
"I'll give it to you tonight. I have to go for dinner now."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
Dean stood up, he was hungry. Missing lunch was definitely not a good idea. He looked up to the third floor one last time but couldn't see if he was there.
"I really need glasses." He said frowning.
Castiel didn't look away from him. Missouri was standing next to him with a big smile on her face.
"He will be back tomorrow don't worry… but for now you have to eat, come on it will be cold!" she sat "Castiel!"
He looked down and came to sit in front of her, without looking at her.
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Melvin brought him his laptop as promised. He gave him the battery and the passwords and left.
"I'll give it back to you tomorrow."
"Keep it till Thursday, I won't need it."
"Ok thanks."
He waved at Dean and left.
Dean sat on his bed crossing his legs. He opened his beer and started to type.
"Ok… Google… attic boy… Castiel."
He smiled when he saw the first result: an angel picture.
"Angel of Thursday uh?"
He wasn't very good with computers. He knew the basics but never learnt further. Why would he anyway?
Then he saw newspapers' articles. He froze when he saw a picture that one of the nurses took when Castiel was transported in the hospital. She sold it for thousands of dollars to one of the local newspapers. This photo was in first page for days.
He barely recognized him as he was so sick and thin, almost scary with all his bones showing out and his pale skin. It reminded him of one of his history lessons when the teacher showed some pictures of Nazi camps prisoners… It shocked him at that time because he couldn't help finding some similarities with his life… his prison… his torture. The whole world's disregard about such a horrible crime… People never learn.
The picture he was looking at was disturbing him. If it wasn't for his blue eyes he would've sworn it was another man. He was sitting in a chair staring at the photographer with his lost look, wondering who the hell that woman was and why she was taking his picture without even trying to know who was the man sitting right in front of her.
Dean stared at it a long time sinking his eyes in that look full of misery, and he felt a ball in his throat. He closed the laptop quickly. He couldn't understand what was going on with him, he felt trapped and attracted to this man like a bug was attracted to light. He felt a link with the guy… like they had something in common.
He finished his beer and went to the bathroom. He took a shower hoping to take those pictures away from his mind but it didn't work… his look was too intense.
He took the laptop back and searched for an address… the attic… his hell.
He needed to understand why.
Castiel was on his bed, staring at the wall in front of him.
Her face… looking at him with an evil smile… and then his green eyes erasing hers and taking all the place.
That night he fell asleep and no nightmare came to disturb him.
End of chapter VII