Chapter 24

Ezra POV

Tying up his loose ends in Long Beach was much easier than Ezra thought as he got all his things in order one by one. Even though he had deep strong ties there in California, he felt he could give it up for Aria without looking back. He was in a rush to get back to Aria, wanting to make love to her and hold her in his arms. Just being away from her for a day was killing him. He hated being away from her again, but it was absolutely necessary if he wanted to move to Rosewood permanently. It wouldn't do anything good if he half-assed his priorities.

Ezra knew he'll have plenty of time to spend with Aria as soon as he got back in town. He couldn't get distracted by her, not at the moment. He had to focus on the task at hand. He wasn't going to stay an extra day to handle his business affairs, wanting to be out of Long Beach before the night was through. He had to be back at the airport to catch the next fight out to Rosewood, Pennsylvania. He didn't want to miss his flight.

The lease for his apartment was up that year so he wasn't in breach of contract, thinking it was convenient to leave all his furniture behind in the apartment. He could buy new furniture when he got his apartment in Rosewood. He didn't care about material things he thought as he paid the last of the rent for that month, and then he handed over the key to his apartment to the manager. He didn't look back as he got into his rented car and headed towards the bank to wire all the money in his accounts to his accounts in Rosewood. He only withdrew enough for air fare, food, and gas as his car was back in Rosewood. He knew it would take days, possibly weeks for the money to show up in his accounts as he was wiring a great amount.

He signed the normal transaction papers, the form that conformed he was closing all his accounts, before handing over his safety deposit box key to the teller, and then he walked out the bank. He didn't have to visit his job at the music store; he had already taken care of that over the phone. He drove towards the university, knowing he would need a copy of his transcript because he needed to enroll in Hollis College back in Rosewood. He planned on switching his major to Criminal Justice. He wanted to become a Criminal Profiler for the FBI, knowing it would be a career more to his liking as he pursued the bad guys. Taking a job in the Criminal Justice Field was the only way he would ever start to gain back some of the worth those two sickos had taken from him.

Ezra was in and out of the prodigious college, knowing he would miss it. It was the first school he had thought of as a second home. He would miss everything about it, the academics, the professors and counselors, and a number of its students. It was money well spent on the costly tuition. If he could, he'd pack it up and take it back to Rosewood with him, but he knew Hollis was just as efficient of helping him to achieve his higher education. He stopped at a jewelry store on the way to see Dr. John Hill, having caught the window displays as he made a right on Park Avenue.

He knew what he was looking for, knew what he wanted. He wanted it to be beautiful, but not too flashy, something simple, but not too plain. It had to be a replication of Aria, all of her goodness. It had to represent how much he loved her. He couldn't believe he could say it and actually mean it this time. But he did, he loved her more than himself.

He instructed the woman at the counter to get the five engagement rings he had seen in the display window as he took out his wallet, thrumming through it to retrieve his emergency credit card. They were even more beautiful up close and personal, eyeing each one individually as to see which one suited Aria best. He narrowed it down to three sterling silver rings, his fingers gilding over each one as he pictured Aria wearing each one. After much debate, he chose the one that called to him as he got another good look at it as he held in the palm of his hand. He felt the Neil Lane engagement was perfect for Aria. It was diamond cut, 14k white gold, topped with diamond sidestones going down each side, and two rows of round diamonds framed a captivating oval diamond on top.

Ezra watched as the sell's woman boxed it up nicely, before taking his card to charge it. The total came up to 3,500.99. He didn't care about the cost as long as Aria loved it. Aria reminded him of a shining diamond, shining bright against the darkness that was him. He grabbed his package and left out the store, feeling happy about his decision. He knew he was making the right choice, imagining the day when he would put the ring on Aria's finger.

He honestly never thought about marriage, or about proposing to any girl. He never saw this coming, never thought his life would be anything more than revenge. He never thought it would include love and marriage. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Aria, to have a family with her. He was more than ready. He wasn't in any rush to get married, wanted them to have a long engagement. He was ready to commit fully to her.

He didn't want to put pressure on Aria to accept his proposal. Either she did, or she didn't. He would wait for however long she needed. She was already taking a chance on him, on loving him. She was everything to him, his downfall and his muse. She was his beginning and his ending, didn't think his life existed without her in it.

Ezra didn't think he'll ever understand why she chose him, why she loved him, and why she accepted him for the person he was. He knew he wasn't worthy of her love, but he would prove to her everyday just how far his love went for her. He would give his all to her, knowing she would give her all to him. He promised to never take her love for granted. She was much too special to him. He would try every day to be the person she deserved.

He could never see it but Aria was the reason why he wanted to live, why he wanted a future. He intended to give her everything she would ever need. He was done messing up his chances with her, done hurting her. She was beautiful, perfection to his eyes. He would tell her every day he loved her. He was going to be alright, as long as he had Aria by his side.

"How are you?" Dr. John Hill asked in that calm way of his. "You look healthy, good".

Ezra felt good.

"I feel fine for the first time in my life," Ezra admitted as he looked at Dr. Hill across the room. "And it's all because of Aria".

"That's good to hear," Dr. Hill praised his progression. "Does that mean you're ready to admit you're in love with her?"

Ezra could see that Dr. Hill had always known about Ezra's feelings for Aria.

"I've been through so much to get me to this point in my life, and I don't want to ever go back," he confessed his deepest thoughts. "I told her that I loved her, and I do".

Dr. Hill smiled at Ezra's honesty, the way he was able to admit it.

"I'm assuming the new medication contributed to that development," Dr. John Hill said as he jotted it down in his notepad. "Was it hard? To tell her about your feelings I mean? Were you satisfied with her reaction? Do you still believe you don't deserve her, that you're not worthy of her?"

Dr. Hill really did get him.

"I like this medication much better than the first one. I don't have as much dark thoughts anymore," Ezra said as he rested his hands on his knees and crossed his legs at the ankles. "And it wasn't hard at all; it sort of poured out of my mouth. I don't regret saying it. I was, her reaction was instant, especially when she said it back to me. She had already told me she loved me before. It was nice hearing her say it again, to reconfirm what I already knew. I don't deserve her and I'm not worthy of her, but I have to start believing I am worthy of her, and that I do deserve someone like her".

"I'll put you on this medication permanently, and I'll write you up another prescription," Dr. Hill said as he added it in his notes. "It's hard for you to believe it now, but it'll start to get much easier. And what are your plans as of now?"

He knew it would. He believed in her, believed in her love for him.

"Thanks, Dr. Hill," Ezra didn't think he'd ever thanked the older man before. It felt great to say it. Dr. John Hill had got him through some really rough times. "I'm leaving California to live in Rosewood. I want to be close to Aria and my father. It's kind of hard to believe it, that I'm really doing this, but I want to. I'm applying to Hollis College, and I'm going to get my own apartment".

"You're welcome, Ezra. It's been an honor helping you," Dr. Hill smiled as he gazed at Ezra over the top of his glasses. "These are some really big decisions, but I believe you're up for the challenge. And I want you to continue seeing a therapist. It'll help. I have some recommendations in Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, and New York. Just keep me inform on the therapist you feel is a great fit and then I can converse with him or her about your history and about the type of medication you are on. And if you have any problems, feel free to call me, contact me through e-mail, or Skype me".

"I really believe I'm able to move on," Ezra said with confidence he felt. "I don't have to live in the past anymore, or keep looking back over my shoulder. I have confronted one of my attackers and that was good enough for me, I went to Paris to see Vivienne, and had a long talk with my father that was very productive. There's nothing else I can do now. I can't spend the rest of my life bottled up in revenge, or chasing after my other attacker. It's not worth it. I can see that clearly ".

He only wanted to focus on one person in his life, and that person was Aria.

"I like seeing this show of confidence, the man you have become. It's truly amazing to see it right before my eyes," Dr. John Hill said with another smile. "I want you to hold on to this self-assured man, to think about all the progress you have made thus far. How does it feel? How does it feel to finally bury the past?"

He thought about it, thinking back on everything he had gone through, all the ups and downs he'd struggled to overcome. It was more than he could describe.

"I know it's still going to take some time, but I feel like I'm beating this darkness inside of me every day," even now he could feel the presence of his darker half, just waiting to consume him again. "And it feels…I can't even describe it, but I sense I'm on the right track. It has taken me so long to get to the point where I can finally just let go of what was done to me. It doesn't rule me anymore, and I like that feeling very much".

Ezra was lucky to make his flight in time, not stopping until he was sitting in his designated seat in the middle row. He rested his eyes as the airplane took off, feeling a little turbulence. He didn't allow it to bother him. He was used to flying by now. He had had a tiring day, his thoughts going back to Aria. He let the rhythmic motions of the plane carry him off to sleep.

It was 4 a.m. in the morning when the airplane touched base on the runway at the airport in Rosewood. Ezra didn't waste any time getting to his car and driving off to the house. He felt jet-legged but he didn't let it slow him down. The only thing that kept him going was Aria. All he could think about was kissing her, touching her, and holding her in his arms. He couldn't keep down the foreign smile that spread across his mouth as he drove through the gated community as his car sped around the circular street end, his eyes on one house in particular.

He left his clothes, other personal effects and important documents, and Aria's engagement ring in the car, vowing to get them later in the day. He let himself in the quiet house, not making it halfway through the door before Aria came crashing into him and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back as he buried his face in her dark silky hair, not knowing until now just how much he desired her arms around him. After a few seconds, or an hour, he didn't know, she pulled back and took his hand in hers as she led him upstairs to her bedroom. He went along without saying a word, craving her company as much as she craved his. His striking blue eyes roamed over her small form, taking in her beautiful shape and sensuous curves.

Ezra could feel how hard he was; feel how much he wanted to have sex with her, but now wasn't the time for that. He had much to tell her, things she needed to know about him before they went any further in their relationship. He needed to see if she could ever be comfortable with him, needed to see that she'll love him either way, despite knowing his past. Now was the time to be truthful, to reveal everything about him she didn't know. He wouldn't allow their relationship to progress more until he told her everything. She had a right to know what she was getting into, had a right to back out if she wanted.

He took in the sight of her pretty face, the way her big brown eyes stared into his and the way her long shoulder length hair fell down around her shoulders, and how her full peach colored lips beckoned his as she smiled at him. She had a glow about her, an infectious light that consumed him. She was beautiful, good, and everything he wanted. He couldn't look away from her, didn't want to. The ache of wanting to be inside of her was growing every minute that rolled by. He had to fight his impending need to have her.

"There's something you don't know about me, something I haven't told you," Ezra said as he pulled her down onto his lap, his arm dangling around her slender waist as her own arm circled around his neck. His erection didn't go unnoticed as she gasped and her big beautiful eyes glazed over. He felt it too, but he pushed it back. What he had to tell her was more important. He ignored his throbbing cock as he shifted her on his lap so she wasn't brushing his erection anymore. "I feel you have a right to know".

Her brown eyes lost its haze as she took in his words.

"What is it?" Aria asked with a lot of patience in her voice, her eyes glued to his. "What do you feel I need to know?"

He had to say it, had to tell her everything.

"I had acts forced upon when I was just a boy. To be more specific, I was raped by these two unknown men that Vivienne were friends with," Ezra looked away when he said it, not wanting to see the look of disgust in her eyes. "I never wanted to tell you, but I thought you should know what started my addictions and downward spiral".

Very gently as though not to put him off, she placed her hands on either side of his face as she lifted his eyes to hers. She held his with such intensity, fearing he would never be able to look away from them. Her kind brown eyes didn't reflect disgust, but sadness and anger. He breathed a sigh of relief, his entire body rumbling from the force of it. He didn't know what he'd been thinking. She didn't see him any differently, perhaps growing more in love with him.

He closed his eyes as her mouth touched his, a deafening groan tore from his throat as she kissed him. The kiss was very slow, coaxing as she slipped her smooth tongue inside his mouth. His temperature rising as his heart sped up a beat. His hands clutched her waist as he pulled her much closer into his body, feeling as she melted against him fully as she deepened their kiss. He kissed her back, stroking his tongue with hers, before breaking off the slow and tantalizing kiss. He had to catch his breath, feeling slightly empty-headed as he opened his eyes back up to peer into her beautiful face that held so much love for him.

"That's horrible. I can't even imagine the hell you must have gone through," She said in a very soft spoken voice as her fingers caressed his face. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. The guy you beat up, he was one of them, wasn't he, one of your attackers? I had a feeling you weren't being completely truthful with me".

"I felt so ashamed. Hurt and pain, and anger. I never want to ever feel those things again," he said as he kissed the inside of her palms, feeling as she shivered against him. "There's nothing for you to feel sorry for, just knowing you still see me the same way helps. I have struggled far too long with this secret. A secret I shared not only with you, but my therapist, and my father. And yes, the sick bastard I confronted that day was one of my attackers. I had wanted it to stay buried forever, but fate had other plans".

"You had nothing to be ashamed about; they were the sick ones, not you. You were innocent. I hate that you were exposed to something so sickening. I wish I could take away those painful memories," Aria said in a choked voice, silently crying for the little boy he had been as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her show of emotion touched him, feeling as tears prick his eyes, but he didn't allow them to fall as he buried his face in her chest instead, squeezing her body for comfort as he fought the urge not to cry. "Just to think you had no one to comfort you, no one in your corner or to tell, or even protect you. Is this the reason why you cut yourself too? It's like these deep imbedded scars are a reminder of what happened to you".

"You say that, but I still feel the shame. And I keep wondering… what if I had fought back much harder or gone to the cops then and there. Maybe I wouldn't have been filled with so much anger, filled with revenge," he said as he watched as Aria traced a finger over his visible scars. He loved the way she touched him. "Every morning I wake up it's an uphill battle for me as I try to ward off the darkness that resides in me. Self-mutilating besides alcohol and sex kept the bad memories away, gave me something else to feel aside from pain, anger, and hurt".

It felt good to bare his soul to her like this.

"No, don't think about what ifs. It won't help. There was nothing you could have done differently. You were just a little boy, a boy who wasn't prepared to discover such cruelty in the world," Aria shushed him as she placed the same finger to his lips. "If ever you feel these dark thoughts creeping in, come to me. Let me help you to keep them away. Let me shoulder some of the burden. You can always depend on me, Ezra. I love you far too much to allow you to go through something like this again".

"I want to be with you, to make you happy, but I can't promise you that everything is always going to be okay," Ezra said as he stared deep into her eyes, wanting her to understand. "You know I'm not perfect, I don't pretend to be. I still have a ways to go before I fully get over this. But, I will promise to take a step at a time. Just because I love you, I'll prove it every day".

"I don't expect you to make a drastic change. I know it isn't possible, nor do I want you to completely change who you are just to appease me" Aria said as she pressed her soft full lips against his again, dragging her mouth along his, and then she pulled back. "The way you are right now is the reason why I fell in love with you in the first place. I know that you're not perfect, and I don't want you to be. I want you to be who you are".

Her words made Ezra happy, to know she didn't expect him to change all of himself.

"I made a promise to myself that after that happened to me, I would never be helpless again. I never wanted to be weak ever again," his voice was somber as his hand fisted her hair, running fingers through the silken tresses. "I taught myself every fighting technique I knew, martial arts and street fighting. I mostly did a lot of street fighting here and there. I practically lived in the gym, seeing how far I could push myself before I reached my limit. I loved the rush that fighting gave me, felt like I was unbeatable, invincible".

Her arm tightened around his neck, her hand sliding up into his short hair.

"You thought yourself weak and helpless, but you were just a boy withstanding against two attackers forcing themselves on you. I loved that you're a fighter, a survivor," Aria's breath bathed his ear, before she kissed the side of his face. "Do you still fight now?"

She saw him as a fighter, a survivor.

"It was just my way of thinking, how I saw myself at the time," Ezra said with a groan, groaning again as her hand got rougher against his scalp. She knew just how to touch him, to make him crave more. "And no, I don't do any kind of fighting anymore. I stopped because I nearly killed three guys in the process. I'd lost control".

Her gasp was audible.

"And you don't think that way anymore?" She asked, her eyes closely examining his. He didn't know, did he? "I know you didn't mean for that to happen".

He hadn't.

"I don't know how the answer that," Ezra thought it was best if he was honest with her. He didn't honestly know. She seemed to understand his way of thinking. "I didn't. I didn't know where my head was at when I fought those three guys".

"It's really okay to not have an answer for everything; it just means you're human," Aria said as she smiled down into his face, before moving her head closer to his face. "Do you miss it, fighting I mean?"

He did.

"How did you get to be so wise?" he asked as he tracked her smile with his fingers, slowly grazing those beautifully crafted peach colored lips that aroused him. "I miss it, but I don't think I'll ever do either again".

"I guess I was inborn that way," Aria grinned against his mouth as she persuaded him into kissing her back. He loved the way her breath smelled, the way her lips felt moving on his as he gave in to her. He knew he would always be bound to do it. "You can never say never is all I'm saying".

"You were born for me, to balance out my darkness with your light," he believed that. "You can't, but me fighting wasn't a good thing. It was built on me wanting to seek revenge, to prove I wasn't that boy anymore".

"I believe I was too. There was just a strong pull that I felt when I first saw you in the airport, like I had to encroach myself in your life. I had wanted to know everything about you," Aria breathed into his mouth, her tongue slightly teasing his. "Even after the many times you mistreated me, I still wanted to know you, to connect with you. I couldn't help myself".

He would spend his whole life making up for all the times he had mistreated her.

"I felt a strong attraction upon meeting you too. I wasn't only attracted to your goodness, but your beauty as well, the way you had this insane habit of always forgiving for my screw ups," Ezra said between slow, lingering kisses as he took her mouth with his, ignoring the impatient drumming of his cock. He didn't intend to sleep with her just yet. She moaned softly into his agape mouth, moving against him. He stalled her movements on him, stating her with more breathy kisses as she shuddered, before growing limp in his arms. "I thought I was doing what was best for you, by keeping you away from the destructive person I was".

"I just wouldn't listen, wouldn't give up," Aria said breathlessly, breaking their contact. "Do you still want vengeance?"

"I just couldn't break your persistence," he smile was a small one, but it reached his striking blue eyes as they held hers. "For a long time, I thought I did, but now, I see that is not what I want".

His answer was simple, but very telling. He didn't want revenge anymore. He just wanted Aria, to focus all his energy on her.

"I can see that you and Scott are growing much closer," Aria stated the obvious, before swallowing and continuing on. "Are you going to offer the same branch to your mother?"

His father was different; he actually wanted Ezra as his son. He regretted not being there for Ezra growing up.

"Scott is different, I had always felt a closeness to him," Ezra explained the difference to her. "Vivienne never wanted me as her son. She's a very selfish and cold woman. As a little boy I would always try to get her love, to prove she can actually love, but it didn't happen. Vivienne isn't capable of loving anyone other than herself".

"When I had my own conversation with Scott, just moments before the miscarriage, I could see that he was very remorseful in not being there for you as a boy," Ezra could tell she still wasn't ready to talk about the loss of their baby. He would give her all the time she needed. "Have you kept in contact with her at all?"

"When Scott called me and told me about the pregnancy and about the miscarriage, I was on my way to see Vivienne in Pairs," Ezra said as he placed his hand on her stomach, feeling as she twitched from the suddenness of it. He soothed her reaction, squeezing her side as he kissed the side of her neck, breathing in her scent as it played in his nostrils. "That was why I wasn't here for you sooner. I wanted to confront Vivienne. I felt I couldn't start to move on with my life until saw her".

"And did you? Did you get the closure you needed?" Aria couldn't help asking. "What's going to happen now between you two?"

For however long he lived, he never wanted to lay eyes on Vivienne again. She was dead to him.

"I told her what I had to say, told her all about herself," Ezra didn't say it with anger, but with dullness. He didn't care about Vivienne, he never had. "She's just some woman who gave birth to me, she's dead to me, and not worth talking about".

Aria didn't try to probe any further on the topic of his mother.

"Hey, you have all the love you'll ever need, right here," Aria said softly as she took his hand and placed it over her own heart, keeping it planted there. "You also have the love of your father, and my mother".

He loved the way that sounded.

"Aria, I love you," Ezra spoke with a strength he never knew he had as he drew her into another kiss, kissing her deep and with all the love he had inside of him. "You're my first love, and I want you to be my last".

Just kissing her was enough for him. He didn't have to have sex with her to show her he loved her. Their love was much stronger than that, longer lasting. Holding her in his arms like he was doing made him feel loved by her. He never wanted to like her go. And in that moment of shared passion, Ezra felt he was worthy of Aria.

I loved this chapter so much, didn't you? Please review and let me know! I had to get it just right as I had written it in many different ways before I decided on this version. And I still can't believe there's only one more chapter left in this story. Thanks so much for all the love and support as this wonderful story comes to an end.