Can I just say a huge, massive thank you to all of my beyond incredible reviewers on the last chapter! It was the most reviews I've received since around chapter 25! It was exhilarating to read how much you enjoyed the last chapter and from how many people! That was a huge inspiration for me to update again so soon, so keep it up if you want more! I also loved reading your thoughts on Tam, and am thrilled that almost all of you have either changed you mind or had your impression of Tam confirmed. :)
Tomorrow, I actually start my course (SO nervous!). This means that even though I may take longer to write future chapters, it actually shouldn't affect updates that greatly as I've already written about 6 or 7 chaps ahead, finishing this story and starting the first few of the sequel.
Also, don't skip the A/N at the end for a bit of a reward announcement for my loyal reviewers in the lead up to the final chapter of Far From Perfection!
Chapter 34 – Removing The Block
Will's POV
It was a casual, normal Monday morning, with both girls rushing around the house in a hurry to get out of the door to reach their destination's of work or school since their beds had encouraged them to pursue a far too relaxed attitude towards waking up. Zane on the other hand floated around humming and shuffling along to whatever indistinguishable song was in his head as if he was in eye of the storm, the calmest part, and completely oblivious to the mad hysteria of what was happening around him on the outside.
As I poured the milk over my cereal for my breakfast, Zane's head suddenly jerked towards my direction, as if he was suddenly aware of my presence in the space I had been sharing with him for at least the last ten minutes.
"So what are you plans for the day Benji?" Zane questioned, posing the question to me with the use of one of the many abbreviations of my surname that he had concocted over the last few years.
"I'm going to pick up some food and stuff a bit later on and drop it off for the girls. What about you? Have you remembered what work is yet?"
Zane's face scrunched up in a feigned display of amusement from my sarcasm regarding his lenient view towards employment. "Funny, funny boy... How are the girl's going anyway? Got cabin-fever from their solitary confinement yet?"
"The last time I spoke to Bella she said that she's forgotten what civilization and the outside world is, while Allie has been getting a little bit more restless and unsettled every now and then. I've tried dropping in every now and then to try and keep them as sane as I possibly can."
My mate nodded his head, settling into a more comfortable position than the one he had resumed a few minutes earlier, as he had traveled across the room, focused on his music.
"How is that all going by the way? It's good that you're seeing Allie a lot more than you ever have, I guess" Zane questioned and proceeded to attempt to answer his own question, hypothetically, before a tell-tale smirk flooded across his face.
I knew what to expect.
"And Bella? That boat-shed is awfully small...small and intimate... and surely Allie wouldn't be awake the entire time that you visit..."
I rolled my eyes, not even letting the concept that Zane was alluding to pass any further than it needed to.
"Grow up Zane. We are mature adults. She's Allie's mum and I'm Allie's dad. That's all it is. All that we do is talk. If you're after a 'saucy' or 'clandestine' love affair, go and watch 'The Bold and the Beautiful', or something like that then!"
"Hey, talking can be a part of things if that takes your fancy. All I'm saying is that old habits die hard!"
As hard as I tried, I couldn't resist allowing a smirk to snake my lips as the perfect reciprocation of taunting crossed my mind.
"It's a miracle that you and Rikki have been able to share a roof neutrally then..."
The unimpressed scolding look I became on the receiving end of told me to drop that particular end of the subject, which I did, reverting back to preaching my innocence and pure intentions.
"Seriously though, I'm just focused on helping out with Allie, as difficult as that is proving to be at the moment. Trying to connect with her and understand a one-year-old is hard work."
My friend's eyebrow furrowed as he once again, for the second time, in our conversation reverted back to a tone of seriousness, being engrossed in our present conversation. "What do you mean by that? She's a kid. All you have to do play with her for five minutes, give her a tickle, a few round of peek-a-boo and maybe a cuddle and then you're best friends forever, right? How hard can that be for you to nail?"
Hearing Zane's blasé attitude toward my predicament added fuel to the fire with my already burgeoning fears and thoughts that had been slowly developing within me in recent times.
"You say that, but I swear that Allie's closer to you, mate, than she is to me!"
Zane's face scrunched up in an unapprovingly fashion of disbelief. "You're kidding right? I played with her for a couple of minutes, that's it. But you on the other hand, you're her dad."
"I'm a pretty terrible one at that. I don't know how to balance being a fun-father with being a responsible one. Whenever I've tried to tell her off or discipline her, she'll just end up giggling or laughing at me and not listening, like it's just a joke."
"Get Bella to do the hard yards" Zane shrugged, as if his idea was flawless, simple and the ideal solution. "She can be the mean parent and you get to be the cool one! Good cop, bad cop!"
I rolled my eyes at one of my best friend's solutions, which displayed the obvious fact that even I knew that he was far from cut out to be a father. He'd be the sort of dad that fed a child a packet of red lollies and scratched his head in wonder as to why he wouldn't be able to get it to sleep.
"I've got another idea!" Zane piped up again, not allowing me the chance to lecture his proposition to my parenting approach.
"We should go and raid Toys R Us, get her everything and anything that a one-year-old's little heart could possibly desire! That way if you're like Father Christmas when you go and visit her, it'll take the pressure off you having to entertain her so that you can focus on the responsible parenting stuff, while she'll still think you're the best dad ever for spoiling her!"
While I agreed to Zane's proposition as it seemed like a good... or at least the better solution for the time being, killing two birds with one stone, something in the background had gone unnoticed to both of us...
Neither Zane, nor myself had heard or noticed Rikki sneaking back inside, having forgotten something upon her departure from the house, returning to retrieve it and hearing the tail end of our conversation in the meantime... And little did we know she had reported back to her friend that would be the most interested in what Zane and I were discussing...
As we entered the huge sliding glass doors into the closest children's toy department store, Zane's eyes were filled with a mesmerizing wonder, transfixed by the bright colours and large advertising that pointed shop goers and targeted children to every direction of the store with well thought-out marketing strategies.
"What do kids these days even like?! Back in my day, it was all The Wiggles, Thomas the Tank Engine and Johnson & Friends! And then by primary school, the girls were branching into a bit of The Saddle Club, while it was all Hot Wheels or Transformers for me."
The conflicted twenty-one-year-old wandered around the store in bewilderment as his childhood was on the line and being shattered around him. "And what the hell is a 'Tumbliboo?!' What sort of name is that?! Are they encouraging kids to be educated members of society, or illiterate morons, reliant on Centrelink and dole day because they play with this paraphernalia these days?!"
"Keep your voice down!" I hissed, looking around the same environment that he was, but doing so in a very different light to Zane. "Just help me out and stop meditating on your past. Help me with what Allie might like! You were pretty engrossed in watching TV with her the other day for a while, you should know."
"Well we're getting her a Dictionary to start with. Your kid isn't going to be a Tumbli-whatever member of society, relying on the dole!" Zane instructed gruffly, not taking the excursion very well as he cynically made his way further into the store, while he formed a habit of picking up a toy, looking at it for a mere moment before dropping it back to where he taken it from, all the while completely unimpressed.
I made my way and tried to subtly direct my company towards the pinker and more feminine-looking section of the store where I was hoping I would be more successful on the outing.
"Why don't you just get a couple of babies, a couple of Barbies and some stuffed toys? That's girlie isn't it? I've never had to shop for young girls before."
"That makes two of us" I replied, as I picked up a few of the suggestions that Zane had made, giving the boxes and price-tags attached to the aisle a glance over before I started creating a tower of toys within my arms.
Looking over to Zane, it appeared that his shattered childhood was long forgotten as pressed and tested all sorts of inviting 'Try Me' buttons on toys that were aimed for members of the opposite gender that were many, many years younger than Zane was. That fact didn't really seem to cause a problem for the distracted adult who reacted to the toys the way that I imagined the target audience would.
Soon, I was expecting him to start latching onto my arms and pointing to toys with tear-filled eyes that pleaded for me to buy the toys for him at any moment.
While I was busy, working on achieving what we had come do and the reason why we are actually there in the first place, Zane was no help as he made his way through the various children's toys. It was only after that I realized that he seemed to have completely forgotten not only our mission, but also the fact that I am there in the shop with him too.
This left me completely on my own when it came to finding and purchasing as many toys that not only had the little 1+ sign in the corner of age-appropriateness, but what also seemed appealing to a young girl from my very limited experience.
"Sorry!" Bella apologized in a fluster as she hurried around the boatshed, picking up pieces of grated carrot, bread crusts and cucumber strips at the same time as I entered, struggling to carry all the items I had purchased together with Zane earlier today. "I think Allie was trying to spread her salad sandwich across every square centimetre of the place instead of actually eating it!"
The young culprit giggled in the corner as if she knew the full extent of the difficulty she had caused her mother.
I dumped the load of assorted coloured toys on the parts of the table that had been cleaned and cleared of any edible obstructions.
"What's that for?" Bella questioned after my action of setting the various boxes down caught her attention, despite the fact that we both knew the answer to the question she posed, knowing there was only one reason or possibility behind the presence of children's toys.
"It's just some stuff I picked up for Allie on the way over here" I responded, intentionally failing to give much of an explanation passed the basic detail that the two of us were already aware of as I picked up one item from the table, calling over the youngest girl in the room who hesitantly approached me upon recognizing her name.
I crouched down to her level, understanding from my basic knowledge of body language that towering over someone much shorter than you was never an approachable trait.
"Here you go sweetie. That's for you" I explained to the toddler as I pulled the tag of the soft toy that she had reached for first, handing it back to her as she examined it for a seconds and dropped it without much interest in it.
I tried not to take the deflating gesture personally, trying to reason within myself that perhaps the toy wasn't very interesting to her, or perhaps it was one that she already had. Instead, I quickly passed her another of the myriads of toys I had bought for her, removing any tags and passing her the baby doll.
Similarly to with the first stuffed animal, she looked at it momentarily before dropping the baby to join the inanimate animal on the floor before her blue orbs returned to me, unamused by the items that were used with the hope of buying my daughter's interest and attention in me.
Before I pulled down another of the toys to the one-year-old's level, I looked up and over to the girl's mother, with the hope that she would have some sort of explanation or solution.
"I'm sorry Will..." Bella apologized uneasily; looking down at us with a nervous grimace as she lightly bit the corner of her lip. "Rikki told me that she heard you and Zane talking earlier, that you said you didn't feel like she was interested in you..."
"She heard that?!" I asked with horror as I remembered some of Zane's more awkward taunts early in that same conversation and dreading how much Rikki had not only heard, but what Bella knew about.
Bella answered my question with a simple nod, failing to elaborate on what she knew, which I was more than curious to know.
"Yeah she did. Honestly, I think you're trying too hard. I know you're an overachiever with every little thing in life, but just try to relax with her. I think that Allie would prefer for you to just sit there and play with her, even if it was with the most boring toy in the world, rather than be given a feast of new ones. That's how you bond with little kids. You take an interest in them and what they are interested in. I know Zane probably doesn't get the concept so it's not surprising that he suggested you spoil her rotten, but kids are time, not money."
I nodded at Bella's expert opinion, cursing myself mentally for my choice of confidant. What on earth was I thinking that Zane would even have half an idea about balancing child-rearing with child-bonding?! "Oh okay then... Sorry. I'm way off with this whole kid-thing."
"You're not doing a bad job though; you're being too hard on yourself... Way harder than Allie is being on you. And I appreciate that you are really trying to make an effort with her and that you want to connect with her."
"Well it's not doing much good. I feel like I've gotten nowhere with her" I explained more honestly than what I had intended to, with my disappointment from the earlier rejection from Allie at my attempts of spoiling her with toys finally coming out unintentionally.
She nodded at me, looking down to Allie who had since lost interest me, moving away to play with a pile of papers nearby that I wasn't sure whether she was supposed to touch.
"I think you need to relax and not over-think things around her. Accept the fact that she's not going to say 'thanks for playing with me dad, I had great fun with you' which is the sort reciprocation and acknowledgment that we expect as adults. And I heard you're struggling with feeling responsible enough too, right?"
I gave Bella the nodded gesture that she needed as a sign to continue as her mouth proceeded on speedily as I was more than used to her doing from years of past experiences with it.
"Just because you have to be a responsible parent and keep her safe, it doesn't mean you can't just have fun, play and muck around with her too all at the same time. You're not stupid or careless, Will. If there's something which could be hazardous to Allie, you'll fix it. If she's in a situation that could be dangerous, you'll stop it. I have faith in you, but you just need faith in you too..."
I had ended up staying far with the girl's for far more of the day than I had ever intended to. While I had initially thought that I would just drop in to see Bella and Allie and stay to perhaps watch her for a few minutes after I had given her the toys I had bought her, I didn't expect to stay with them for dinner and then well into the night.
I had spent the afternoon trying to play with Allie and give bonding with her another shot, while Bella overlooked our socialization as she got a bit of work and a few errands that had been building up on her to-do list done, all the while being able to oversee and take over if there was any major problems with the way I was playing with Allie.
After dinner, where Allie had been far more interested in eating from either Bella or my own servings rather than my own, Bella had let me give her a bath and watch my very own little mermaid splash around in her own little perfect-sized and contained ocean happily. It was just awesome, not only seeing the magic of a mermaid that I hadn't seen in years, but also to watch the unexplainable joy and peace of the little girl as she enjoyed her true form - just as Bella, Cleo and Rikki would.
For the first time in a long time, I'd began to feel a true love again. Not the sort where feelings overwhelmed you to touch, kiss, hug, hold and just cherish a person as greatly as you could with the sort of feelings that ached during every moment that you were apart. It was completely different love from the only romantic feelings of a love interest.
It was quite possibly better.
It was the sort of love that you were unable to stop smiling. The sort of infatuated love where I wanted to tell anyone and everyone about Allie. I wanted to gush to anyone about the things she'd said and done over the last few hours which I had classed as more than adorable. I didn't want her to go to bed, I didn't want to have to leave her that evening.
But life just isn't fair like that.
As of today, I'd be perfectly happy spending every day playing with her and keeping her safe... Something which I had gained confidence in my ability to balance over the last few hours with the approval of Bella in my capability of being able to do so.
A little later in the night and after we'd read Allie a bedtime story to settle her, Bella slowly tiptoed out of our daughter's makeshift bedroom as she quietly crept back out towards me after spending the last few minutes ensuring Allie fell to sleep. It was something which she would have done night-in, night-out for the last year of her life.
"Sorry that she couldn't stay up longer while you're here. Normally she would, but she missed her nap today so she'd be getting pretty close to unbearable if I'd tried to keep her up."
"That's okay. I should head off anyway."
I gathered up my phone that was on the table near my keys and wallet, moving closer to Bella for some sort of gesture of goodbye. While we had each initiated different actions at different times, we still hadn't really established whether we were wave-goodbye friends, handshake-friends, or hug-and-cheek-kiss friends.
While I recalled that the last time we had been in this situation I had bitten the bullet and gone for the hug option, it was nice to have the same action reciprocated in reassurance of the wordless boundaries and limits that the same obviously applied to the other person.
After pulling away from the hug, I began to leave, before Bella quickly caught my attention with my name to stop me by the door.
"I was going through my laptop and found some of Allie's baby photos and some stuff from when she was a little bit younger yesterday and I thought about you. Would you be interested in me sending some of that through to you or something?"
I smiled at the suggestion, to affirm my answer to the suggestive question. "Yeah... That would be really great. I'd love to see those, thanks."
"Um, a fair few of the photos have Daniel in them... Would you prefer for me to weed through them and just send you the ones of her alone or do you not really care?" Bella added to her initial question, looking down to her feet and in the direction of the ground as she spoke far more hesitantly.
While every ounce of dominant alpha-male testosterone shouted a very different answer within me, that same answer was not the one that my brain and mouth decided on to make it easier for Bella.
"I don't really care if he's in them. I'll just try to mentally blot him out if he really starts to annoy me!"
She nodded with a marginal smile and a slither more confidence as her gaze returned to me instead of the floor. There was a moment of silence before I grabbed the door handle with another goodbye and wave of my hand as I opened up the door to the pier of my former home.
"Have a good night" Bella replied as I finally made my way out and left.
The night was drawing to a close, but I had definitely 'had a good night' so far.
My eyes were forced open, prematurely from the noise that seemed ear-piercing as it awoke me from my slumber.
My window furnishings that I had obviously forgotten to close the night before revealed the fact that the sun was still not up, with the small numbers on the top of my illuminated screen revealing that it is in fact, only ten minutes before 5 A.M.
While the first thought that crossed my mind was murdering whoever-the-hell had the nerve to call me at an hour I had become very unaccustomed to since my diving days, it was only as I read the name of the caller that I was moved to answer the call with an expanded vision as my eyes widened that little bit more.
I had no time to consider even constructing a possible greeting before my ears were exposed to a bloodcurdling shriek in a wail of grief.
"A-A-Allieeee. S-sh-she's goooone!"
So! Thoughts, theories, hopes, dreams! Let me know anything related to the chapter! Can't wait to read 'em all! :D
Also, as promised, I have decided to introduce a review incentive reward! Over the final two chapters of FFP all 6 main characters (Cleo, Rikki, Bella, Lewis, Zane & Will) will have one final POV each in either chapter 36 or 37, all being roughly the same length. As a thank you all my lovely and loyal reviewers, if you review every chapter from this chapter to the final of FFP is reviewed (3 reviews I do believe), you will be sent the entire POV of a character of your choice featured in either chapter 36 or 37. Here's what happens. I will take note of every reviewer from this chapter and if you consistently review the next three. Then before I post the finals, I will inbox you and anyone else who is eligible from the submitted reviews. From there, I will ask you who your favourite character is or who's POV you would like to read and the send you the subsequent chunk of the chapter. Any questions, just ask and I'll try to clear it up! :) Happy reviewing!
Next chapter: In the aftermath of the phone call, is history repeating itself? Who else's life is on the line, and will they survive the end of the chapter?