"That's not it..." she took a breathe and continued "I... I wanted to... to kiss you" she stammered out. By now she had her eyes firmly on the ground and whispered "I guess last night just gave me a reason"
I was looking at her intently now, thoughts were going round and round my brain and I couldn't think straight, I was so confused.
"What do you want me to say, that I enjoyed the kiss, that you are the first girl since Texas that has made me feel the way I feel and it's confusing me, I don't know how to do this anymore" I rambled.
"Do what?" she asked.
"This" I pointed between me and her "You and me, I have tried so hard to ignore my feelings for you but you just had to go and kiss me, why?"
"Because I love you as more than a brother and I can't hide it anymore" my sister admitted weakly.
"What happened to Darren, did you ever love him? Or did you just use him and destroy his whole family in the process"
"In the beginning I did, I loved him, but it was never enough... in the end I just became obsessed with having a family and my feelings for him started to slowly fade, but the promise of a family kept me with him" a lonely tear fall from her eyes and she said "a family is all I've ever wanted"
In this moment she looked so vulnerable, if I didn't know her I would swear it was a different person. Gone was the evil and manipulative girl and in was the lonely and lost little girl that I've only seen a handful of times.
She grabbed my hand. "You feel it too, don't try to fight it" she said in a soft voice.
I wasn't over Texas yet so how the hell was I meant to deal with this... these forbidden feelings! I think I've always felt something more for Sienna but the fact that I was with Texas helped, if I wasn't with Texas this thing between us might have happened earlier, sister or not. You can't help who you fall for I thought to myself.
"W...We can't, think what it would do to the family" I stuttered.
"This isn't about them, it's about us!"she said, sounding almost frustrated.
I could feel myself caving but I had to stay strong, I couldn't, we couldn't. It would cause so much pain and I couldn't do that to Dad or Patrick, I just couldn't be that selfish anymore. All my life I have been selfish and now it was time for me to stop...