Ok, I'm going to be honest here. I have no idea where this is going right now. I mean, this fic is definitely inspired and I know the important bits, but the filler (like this chapter) is so excruciating to write. I hates it! However, I know that there's a sequence of events that need to be followed so I must suffer. With that said, I hope this chapter is not to rambley... Most (aka all) of my stories kind of just spill out all over my keyboard, stream-of-consciousness style. This chapter may wind up getting rewritten completely... We shall find out together, my friends!

Update: I've changed some things around for the sake of continuity, and added a bit more to the end.

Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing. Not. One. Thing.

Enjoy!

Red Matter

He hadn't expected a reunion. Companionship was the last thing on his mind these days. But when he saw Donna again, he knew it was exactly what he needed. He's never been one to believe in coincidences.

After 6 months of traveling alone- the TARDIS engines his only reprieve from the deafening silence- he found someone to occupy his time. Donna was a friend and just that. No feelings to transfer or stave off, no insane regret and longing to deal with. But he couldn't help but compare the two- even if they weren't in competition.

He'd come to curse the nights: the hours Donna had insisted on using for sleep. Why did humans have to sleep so much? When those 8 hours came, he could no longer use Donna as a distraction. Memories of Martha and the grey sky flooded him until he felt as if he could drown in his loneliness and guilt. He was always left wondering where she was, what she was doing and who she was with. Who was his doctor's companion? Did she still love him? Was he still her "Shawn"?

He wondered what she'd think of Donna. What would they be doing if she'd decided to stay? Would they get along? Donna was all bright red fire and gut instinct. Martha was smoldering coals, warm enough for comfort yet hot enough to burn if rubbed the wrong way. Donna screamed obscenities at the universe while Martha absorbed it with those dark piercing eyes and talked it away from oblivion with soft, full, supple lips and… Where did that come from?

That rambling contemplation and others like it had been slowly invading his thoughts for quite some time. Remnants, snatches of unfinished thought- things he hadn't even noticed that he noticed- reaching through his vast subconscious to torture him in the wee hours of the morning. They plagued him in his sleep; what little he got. Flashes of dark hair, a bottom lip pulled between pearly white teeth, a sliver of skin that peeked from the bottom of her shirt, a small hand tugging on the sleeve of his brown overcoat. All of these interconnected bits of information never quite coming together to make a whole. How could they when the main component was missing?

So he favored the waking hours; the days, the adventures, the distraction. He welcomed them with open arms, for as long as his mind was occupied with saving something, there'd be no room to focus on what he'd lost.

He'd had the coordinates set to Pompeii before she even rolled out of bed. He watched, smiling, as she chattered away excitedly. He hated stating over, but this- the childlike joy and wonder in Donna's eyes, the inquisitive spark that had been in Martha's so long ago- he loved that.

Donna had already proven herself in action and had passed the companion's requirement training with flying colors (though she didn't know it). And now she was one of her companionly duties: getting excitedly overwhelmed at the wonders the universe had to offer, her excitement bleeding into him. Travelling through space and time alone was like living in an amusement park: after a while, everything you once thought was exciting slowly becomes mundane. That is, until you have someone to share it with. Then everything is bright and shiny and new again.

So he let her shower him in unabashed, untamed enthusiasm and just like that she walked bravely out into the unknown, her hair trailing behind her in a gleaming wave of red.

He hoped that this adventure, the first of many with Donna Noble, would finally ease his longing.

They watched from afar as the great city crumble in a great blaze of black, yellow and that scorching, mocking red. They watched the fires rise and the buildings fall, the people of Pompeii writhe and scream in fear and agony.

And he cursed his affinity and obligation to this planet. It was always up to him to make the choice: to swing the sword. The choice was simple, if he was a simple man. The city or the Earth. The bigger picture was that the Earth was safe. But in the moment, in the here and now, seeing all of those people screaming and burning and dying all around him was enough to make him question his decision. Men, women, children. Families. Friends. Lives. They all perished. They'd saved four people out of thousands- and not because of him, but because of Donna. The Doctor, on the other hand, had to make the choice to burn their home. It was his job to destroy everything he touched.

He'd done the right thing, of course, in the long run. He's lived long enough to know that the right choice wasn't always the easiest, but that knowledge did nothing for his conscience. He knew what Martha would say: You did your best. There was nothing else you could do. There's a family safe and able to live and breathe and love for another day and it's all thanks to you.

But only after he'd destroyed their city to begin with, all in the name of upholding history. All in the name of the "greater good", if that's what it was supposed to be. That family was safe, but at what cost?

He didn't dream of Martha that night. He didn't sleep at all. For behind his lids they were waiting: Those scorched, burning, blistering, innocents. Those trampled people covered in ash and soot and lava. Those flames of scorching, mocking red.

Review! I'm starving for them! I'm also suuuper duper open to suggestions on this one. At least for the sake of filler: the in- betweens of crucial developments in the plot.

Thanks again for taking the time out to read this insanely short work of fiction.

xoxo, LPL