CHAPTER 23: NO LOST CAUSE
Devraux closed the door behind him and sighed realizing a huge part of his life was definitely over. Tomorrow, he would leave for a family trip in the East Coast and when he would come back it would be over.
He thought about the previous evening and the intimate retirement ceremony they organized for him. He refused honors, and the Attorney General was a friend so he agreed to make a simple and short ceremony without pretention. Only his assistants and his faithful friend Jody were present. A few of the people he saved were here too, they were his biggest pride.
He had regrets, he made wrong choices too often, but when these people came to him with their huge smile, he thought it was worth all the sacrifices he made.
Jody came alone. She was definitely his biggest loss, his deeper regret and his hardest sacrifice. She never blamed him for that, after all they were the same.
Their common victories were standing right in front of him, dozens of people who wrote him and kept contact with this uncommon attorney. Some others never came back to thank him but he was always watching over them from far, they never knew about it. He never blamed them because he knew it was just too hard for them to remember the man who saved them from their terrible past life.
He never did anything for glory and never waited for something in return. He just wanted them to be finally happy and free because everybody deserves a piece of happiness.
That's why he wanted to be an attorney: to free people, not to lock them in jail.
That evening he reluctantly accepted to take a photo with everyone. He wanted to remember those people forever.
He couldn't help but felt a bit sad when he noticed Dean wasn't here though. Did he at least know he would retire? Did he know he called Mary often to have some news from him even when his job in St Gerry was over? Did he know he was one of his biggest prides?
He knew Dean had a new job and a girlfriend, and he knew about Castiel's story too. It was a huge victory on his past and he smiled when he thought Sam would be very proud of his big brother. At least he didn't sacrifice everything for nothing.
He smiled again and turned the key to lock his career behind him. He ended it on a beautiful friendship story and he was glad he believed in Dean for that. 'There is no such thing as lost causes'. He'd been repeating this as a motto for all those years.
When he'd come back from his family trip, he would go to see Jody, she found him a job as a volunteer in a rehabilitation center. His experience would be very useful there, and his faith in human being too. He just couldn't stay locked in his apartment remembering the past, he would become crazy waiting only for death.
Plus no one was waiting for him home: he had no wife, no kid, not even a dog… maybe he would take a cat, he liked their independent way of life and the peace they could bring at the same time. Now that retirement was here he would have time to care about a cat for sure.
He smiled at that idea and wiped the tear that felt down his cheek before grabbing his box and stepping out, leaving the most important part of his life in an office.
What would tomorrow bring?
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Dean was sitting in front of his bathroom mirror in his boxers trying to practice the moves Julian taught them the day before. He had to succeed. He was saying words trying to mime them at the same time looking at his reflection.
He finally met Dr Roché but stayed distant first. He didn't like his selfish attitude but after a conversation with him he had to admit he was caring about people. He was actually the personification of contradiction. He really wanted to help Castiel beyond the personal and professional challenge it represented for him.
They agreed to meet in the refectory to have a coffee. Dean arrived 30 minutes early and was so nervous he drank a lot of coffees while he was waiting, Mark observed him from the kitchen, very amused.
They talked quite a long time: Roché wanted to know everything he could about Dean's life and why Castiel found in him such an anchor, and he honestly said he wanted to use Dean to get Castiel out of his silence for good. Actually he clearly understood Dean was the key to his success.
Dr Roché listened carefully while Dean talked about his past and he smiled when he noticed his face lighted up when he explained how he met Castiel. He also accepted him attending Julian's classes and judging his progress, he would eventually accept him to attend his sessions with Castiel.
Of course Castiel would have to accept to learn sign language and he would have to understand the meaning of words too. Castiel had a different view of the world and probably had different meanings for words, but now he would have to talk like anyone else.
Dr Roché wanted to use pictures, mime and speech too at the same time, that way Castiel would understand better and would progress faster.
They talked for almost two hours and it was a phone call from St James that interrupted the conversation.
If Dean had some apprehension about Dr Roché and his methods at first, when he shook his hand and saw his smile before leaving, he was full of trust and hope.
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Devraux greeted the security guard one last time and gripped his box tighter. He held his tears back the day before during the ceremony, but right now he just wanted to cry.
When he stepped out, the police officer at the door took off his cap to greet him, and Devraux turned the page on his career: it was over. The tears fell down his face while he was walking to his car.
He froze when he saw a black Impala parked next to his old Ford. Dean was here, leaning on his car's door.
"You planned to leave without saying goodbye, Sir?" Dean asked with his arms crossed on his chest.
He looked at the old man and noticed the tears in his eyes. They stayed a few minutes just looking at each other, no one wanted to break the emotion of the moment, but Devraux finally broke it:
"Can I get you a coffee?"
"No." Dean replied straightening up. "I am getting you a coffee." He corrected, smiling.
"You're inviting me?" Devraux asked putting his box on his car.
"I have my afternoon free and I haven't had lunch yet. This is just the right time."
"Yeah… just the right time." He whispered.
"Come on!" Dean said opening the car's door.
Devraux hesitated a moment and finally put his box in his car's trunk before joining Dean in the Impala.
"Where are we going?"
"We'll see." He replied smiling and closed the door.
Mary told Dean that Devraux was retiring… or he was told to retire. He would never have chosen to leave. He wanted to work till he was too old to move, but that's not how it works.
He left reluctantly, and he hated the man who was supposed to take his place: a narrow-minded officer who thought every crime deserved a hard punishment, never trying to understand the soul in front of him instead of judging and throwing people in jail. He was part of the new generation so he had a new point of view about justice.
Devraux smiled: he knew there would still be men like him to believe in people and save lives.
Mary also told him he never stopped calling to take news about him and he felt guilty because he never thanked the attorney properly, though he saw the broken soul behind the trouble maker. He never called Devraux after he met Castiel and his life changed.
Mary kept contact with the attorney even when Dean's job was over in St Gerry Hall. He was very proud of Dean and wouldn't leave without taking news. She told him about Castiel and how he was fighting to start a new life. She also told him about Gaby and he silently thanked that man in his prayers.
Devraux wanted to end his career on a positive note, and he did.
Mary told Dean about his last day and let him free that afternoon so he could go. When Dean left her office, she couldn't help but thought he would leave too, to start a new life, in a few days. Of course he would still come back to St Gerry to attend Julian's classes and to visit Castiel. He just couldn't leave like that: Castiel saved him, he had to do the same for him. His goal now was to take him out of the four walls of his room to see the world.
Castiel spent a year in St Gerry and the attic boy was definitely gone, it was for Mary, her most beautiful victory. She took her revenge on the God who abandoned his children. She smiled… happiness was just here, so fragile but at the same time so wonderful to observe.
She took her phone and dialed.
"Martin?"
"Hey Mary, honey is that you? What's up?" the man on the other side of the phone worried.
"Nothing… I just wanted to hear your voice."
"Mary?"
"I'll be home earlier tonight, we could go to the movie, the three of us, what do you think?"
"You know what I think: Megan will be the happiest girl in the world!"
Mary smiled at that thought.
"See you tonight then."
"Sure."
She hung up and thought it was the time to catch any opportunity to be happy with her family.
Dean opened the Impala's trunk and got the small box out. He smiled looking at it. He was a bit sad, but he knew what he was about to do was a good thing, and it was necessary.
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Dean stopped at a small restaurant. It was cold but sunny that day, and the sky was bright blue.
He and Devraux sat down near the front window, that way he could stare at his car to regain composure if the emotion was too strong. He needed to empty his heart with Devraux, as he did with Suzanne, Leyla and Castiel.
The attorney ordered a chicken salad, he wasn't in the mood to eat too much as the emotion was still present. Dean ordered a burger but he wasn't so hungry either.
"So… Dean… what brings me the honor of your invitation?" he asked smiling.
"Don't mock me, Sir."
"Franck."
"Sorry?"
"There is no more 'Mr. Devraux'."
"Well… you'll still be "Sir" for me: The one who gave me the chance to save my life. I owe you everything."
"I just guided you, everything else was your decisions."
"It's not true and you know it. I would have died or lost myself in that Cage."
"But it saved your life too, in its own way."
Dean looked away.
"At first, yes. But then it wasn't enough."
"When you want to live, the perspective of death scares you." Devraux said picking at his salad.
"I owe you everything… and I'm sorry" Dean said leaning back in his chair.
"Sorry for what, Dean?"
"For giving up on you."
Devraux laughed "That's usually one of my lines!"
"I should've called you at least." He whispered shyly.
"I should've called you too, but I was too scared to be the grain of sand in the beautiful spiral of events St Gerry brought you… so I called Mary instead."
"Yeah she told me."
"She's the one who told you today was my last day, right?"
"Yes, and I'm thankful for that too. I would've hated myself, I really planned to come see you when… when…"
"When what, Dean?"
"When I could've brought you the proof you were right to believe in me and I was wrong to run away from the obvious."
"But Dean… The second you signed that proposition for St Gerry, I knew you would win." He confessed with a smile. "I always knew you would get out of that Cage."
"Thanks… a lot. I will never disappoint you again."
"You never did. Don't say bullshits like that!" he caught Dean's look "You're my greatest reward."
"Come on don't say that." Dean replied with emotion.
"I'll say it again though: you're my greatest reward. You're alive and you're starting to be happy, you even love now!"
Dean tilted his head… Mary told him every detail obviously. Noticing Dean's trouble, Devraux served him another glass of wine.
"Mary and I are friends now, talking about you that much created a friendship, and we ended talking about everything on the phone. We have more in common that you could imagine. She talked to me a bit about Suzanne, she just wanted me to know you found love too. For people like us, you and Castiel are the best thing that can happen, this is what we fight for and why we get up every morning. You probably saved us as much as we saved you, you know? So don't say I can't think you're a reward. It's even more than that: you're our pride and you're both the proof we don't fight for nothing. Thank you for that."
Dean stayed quiet a long moment. He couldn't talk anyway, the emotion was too big. After a while he found the strength to reply:
"Sam was everything to me… my life, my motivation, the reason of my angers and my fights, the person for who I would've sacrificed everything I had, even my own life, and he knew it. He wanted to free me, I know that now. I will never stop thinking I've made mistakes, but I know he's better where he is now. Anything would be better than what he lived anyway. I know he loved me and he died because of it. It doesn't change I can't forgive him for giving up though. I tried a million times but the pain is too deep and it will never heal. I just learnt how to live with guilt, and I still can feel him next to me, he's like… the guardian angel on my shoulder, it can sound silly but I need to believe it."
"You can sure believe it, I believe in angels too, look where you are now! If that's not a miracle what is it?"
"It's overwhelming and sometimes it scares me." Dean said staring at Devraux' eyes.
"That's a good thing. You need to be scared to lose what you have, that's how you find the strength to fight to keep it."
"I'm tired of fighting."
"It won't be a usual fight, Dean. No violence, no blows, it will be only a matter of love."
"Love…" he laughed. "That's so new to me."
"It's exhilarating, isn't it?" Devraux asked taking a sip of wine.
"Yes… and love can be so different too… I feel things for Cas that I don't feel for Suzanne, and vice-versa."
"Those are two different loves, yeah… but still it's passionate."
"I love Suzanne but I can't tell her, something's blocking me and I don't know what it is." He confessed looking down.
"As long as she can feel it, it's enough."
"That's so strange…"
"What is?"
"I think I might be able to leave Suzanne if I had to, even if I don't want to."
"And nobody is asking you to!"
"I would never be able to leave Cas though." He went on without listening to Frank. "I don't think I can live without him, I need his presence as he needs mine… it's scary and awkward too!"
Frank thought it was time for a confession too.
"I loved someone once too. An extraordinary woman who has always been by my side, and she still is even if we separated a long time ago. She's the one who proposed St Gerry's job for you, she's got a gift to feel things right, she was my wave of life. She accepted everything from me but I lost her without even noticing it. My career took all the place. I had a friend I met at the beginning of my career, a police officer, we met each other on a common case. He's the one who taught me human being is more important than rules. We were inseparable and I would've done anything for him, he's the one who shaped the attorney I am today… or at least I was." He corrected. "We stayed friends for more than twenty years, Jody said we were like soul mates and she was right, it was a friendship stronger than anything else. Jody liked him and Ben was very nice with her."
He looked down on his plate.
"I'm saying this to you because you have to understand those are two different kinds of love, but they complete each other. Nobody can make you chose between Suzanne and Castiel. Jody never asked me to give up on my friendship with Ben, she knew I loved her and it was enough."
"Where is Ben now?"
"He hum…" he hesitated, feeling the emotion overcome. "He's dead. He was killed by a drunk road hog who hit him with his car as he was drinking his coffee on a terrace. A young mother was killed too. Since that day my life changed and nothing was the same."
"That's why you lost Jody?"
"No. I lost her before that. Ben wasn't responsible, it was my mistake."
"Why are you telling me all this?" Dean asked looking at his car parked outside.
"Because Suzanne is maybe your Jody and Castiel may be your Ben. Love them both and never give up because you're afraid. Life is too short… you can understand that better than anyone."
"Yeah, I know."
"So… let's talk about you now. How is the famous Castiel?"
Dean's eyes brightened.
"You should come visit him."
"I probably will one day." He said still eating.
"Have you ever met someone like him?"
Frank thought about it.
"Once. A girl who's been a sex slave for 15 years. She had two babies and the wife of her torturer raised them like her own children."
"Where is she now?"
"We found her family. She's actually been kidnapped after school, she wasn't even 10 years old when it happened. Her babies were placed in adoption and she never wanted to see them. She came back to live with her mother."
"And what happened to the torturers?"
"The woman got 20 years of jail, and the husband got life sentence."
"Yeah… and the poor girl was sentenced to life prison at the same time but nobody noticed it." Dean said sadly.
"Her mother wrote me a letter, she told me her daughter tried to kill herself twice but she found her before it was too late. Then she met a man during a therapy session and they killed themselves together a few months later jumping from a building. She said her daughter was finally free now."
"This is disgusting… the torturers are still alive, the woman will get out of prison one day, but they destroyed a life!"
"I know… I always had hard times in my job because of this, but I decided someone had to care about the victims, someone had to give them a chance to live again and to find purpose."
"What life? What victim? Look at Cas! Nobody knows his real name or his age, FBI gave up on him, he's nothing to the world. They just supposed things bases on pictures. How is it possible to not see or hear anything when you live around? I'm not buying it!"
"Human being is deaf and blind when someone's pain reveals his own cowardice. But Castiel owns a natural and uncommon strength even if he can appear as a weak person and a victim."
"I know…"
"What you've done for him, what you built together, it's wonderful and you have to be proud of it."
"Well I'm not. He saved me more than I saved him. You actually all saved me: You, Gaby, Mary, Nina, Suzanne, Leyla and him. He showed me the way."
"The way to join your destinies."
"Yes… the way to join our crossing destinies." Dean repeated with a smile.
They stayed a long time here, talking about their lives and their feelings, and then it was time to leave. Dean stood up and stepped out of the restaurant. He came back a few seconds later and noticed Frank paid the bill, he frowned and gave him an angry look.
"Privilege of the oldest, son."
"I'll take my revenge, Sir."
Dean was standing here in front of the table and Frank started to worry.
"Dean?"
"This is for you. I'll wait outside." Dean put a box on the table and left.
Frank looked at him, he went to lean against his car as usual. He opened the box carefully.
"The Happy Prince" by Oscar Wilde.
He stared at the book, confused, then he opened it.
"Dear Mr Devraux,
This book was Sam's favorite. I entrust it to you as I entrusted my life in your hands before. You told me once not to let him win, and I did it… I won, thanks to you, and thanks to the man who opened my prison. I would never have met him if you didn't trust me. I now make the promise to keep fighting for all the victims, to let people hear their screams.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you for believing in me.
Dean."
Frank felt tears coming in his eyes. He closed the book and held it tight. It was one of the best gift he ever received: Dean proved him he finally erased his past, he was giving him a part of his brother, and he would now go on fighting for the good cause, for the victims forgotten in the world, to avoid other Sam dramas.
He couldn't hope better for the end of his career. He stood up and left the restaurant. When he stepped towards Dean, their eyes met and they were both overwhelmed by emotion. Frank showed him the book, not knowing what to say or what to do.
They finally hugged each other. It was a short and quiet hug but full of meaning.
They promised each other to keep the contact, and Dean promised this time he would call him.
Frank had to meet Castiel, he was the one who made their encounter possible after all. He's been the first key Dean needed to open his prison at the time.
The day after, Frank took his plane peacefully and content. He opened "The Happy Prince" and started to read.
Dean went to Suzanne that same evening and told her about what happened with Frank. He stayed with her the whole night, but he couldn't sleep, staring at the ceiling for hours. He thought about the 30 years of his life and wondered which part of it was really his own.
Sitting on the floor and leaning against the bed, Castiel was observing his fingers moving, a weak smile outlining his face. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth, frustrated and broken at the same time when he noticed no sound would go out. He looked up to the dark sky: obviously only darkness and distress could find a voice through him.
End of chapter XIII