A/N:

Wow, so it's the understatement of the century to say that it's been a long time since I was here.

A hella long time perhaps sums it up better.

I'm sure many of the people who read this story when I first started it are probably long gone.

I stopped writing this a long time ago, but I hate leaving things unfinished.

So i'm back to finish what I started 2 years ago. Ugh, saying that out loud is just ridiculous.

I guess I need to do this or it'll always be in the back of my mind.

This is short, just to get me back on track.

Read, Enjoy, Review.

I feel like I'm drowning.

It's been so long since I've seen Aria this happy and excited about anything, but… London? It's just surreal. It's too hard to take in. When I saw the joy on her face at the realisation that she had been accepted to UAL, I almost felt like I had been transported to a distant future, a different part of her life that no longer included me.

I hate making things all about me because deep down I know that this has nothing to do with me and it's a completely separate occurrence in her life but at the same time… It has everything to do with me. I know that this is an amazing opportunity for her and that nothing should stop her. I know for certain that if I wasn't part of her life she would already be on a flight over there right now, but because of me, she has to pause and think about it. I both love and hate that this has to happen. Right now though, I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart because I know as upset as I am right now, that I have to let her do this. I have to.

When I saw the joy in her and the way she and Ella were talking about it, it just made me feel so small, and so inadequate. I left immediately, I know it was rash but I had to get out of there. I drove home without thinking about it, and now I'm just sitting here, in my car, clutching the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are snow white.

I let go of my death grip on the wheel and open the door, I grab my bag and hop out, making my way inside and locking the car behind me. I go straight to my room and close the door, knowing if I run into my parents and they ask me what's wrong I'll break down in front of them quicker than they could blink. I throw myself down on my bed. I look at my phone through blurry eyes, 10 messages from Aria, all with the same "I'm sorry please call me" theme running through them. I type a quick response and turn over, closing my eyes and forcing myself to sleep.

-XXXX-

Aria's POV

This is some of the best news I've ever gotten in my life, but handling things that way, and behaving the way I did, right in front of Spencer, I can't believe I could be so stupid. I didn't know I had that level of stupidity in me. I can't imagine how she must feel right now, but I'm pretty sure I know what she's thinking about me. That I'm an ass.

I've been texting her again and again but still no reply. I guess I understand why she doesn't want to talk to me, but I need to know she's okay. If I had just acted like a sane person this wouldn't be happening right now. I can't believe I could fuck up so unbelievably much. What if she never forgives me? What if she never wants to see me again? I thought that there were no circumstances that could ever happen that would change how we felt about each other or affected us wanting to be together but maybe this has changed her mind. Made her see that this isn't what she wants.

After what feels like a lifetime I noticed she's replied.

Spencer: Aria. I need time. Please stop texting. S

She needs time? What does that mean? I go to text her and I stop myself. I've hurt her, and she's obviously very upset. I tell myself I've done enough damage and the least I can do is respect the one thing she's asked of me. I walk upstairs, put my phone aside, and lie down.

If I have fucked this up, I will never ever forgive myself. I just hope Spencer can forgive me.