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EDIT : I have been made aware that I was using french punctuation in the text. I switched it to english.

Chapter 5: Joy

"You won't stay here," Tywin declared as soon as Gerion showed up again, a dozing baby curled in his arms. "You're going back to the Rock with us and we will find a wet nurse."

The mother was unmovable. She would stay there, but her coming death hung above our heads. I actually wondered if Tywin cared at all if she died or lived. Now he wanted to be away from the place. So did I: either I had to much imagination, or the smell of blood was real. That and the stinking vomit the three of us had decorated the place with. Gerion was all relief and shame, perhaps too tired even to fight for the independence gained these last months.

I got to carry the baby, oddly seated on Gerion's horse. He held me against his chest. His arms were strong and I knew him to be brilliant on the saddle; still, I was relieved when we crossed the small gate. Nameless-Girl was given to a wetnurse, though Gerion threw long, wishful looks at her. Tywin half dragged him away. "Don't make a fool of yourself. You'll see her tomorrow if you wish."

I suddenly felt very tired. A load of bricks could have been dropped on my back without making me feel heavier. I yawned, counted the steps. My apartments weren't far from Tywin's and Gerion's old ones; unfortunately, all of those were located in the upper levels in the castle.

"We should have a drink," Gerion declared. A cheerful grin danced on his lips. "I'm not feeling at all like sleeping right now. Did you have my rooms cleared up?" he asked Tywin. Gerion was known to keep all kinds of awfull brews in his chambers.

"Can't you throw a party tomorrow?" I half whined. It wasn't supposed to come out like that, but I had to admit my plea was rather pitiful.

"Not a party," Gerion corrected, "just a drink."

"I'm tired."

"You're seventeen. Girls of seventeen are not tired. Come on. Tywin ? Surely the Great Lion of the Rock is not tired enough to refuse a drink?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

"I don't care. I'll lick your boots if I have to. Or drag you. I'm sure I'd win."

"I'll call the guards and have you back in prison."

"Why, on the day of my daughter's birth? Don't be heartless. I ask only for, what... ten minutes and a glass with your favorite brother, to raise a toast. On the Seven I swear I'll leave you alone after one glass."

His big blue eyes grasped my glance. He looked so eager, so cheerful it almost broke my heart to think I could go to bed right now. One glass couldn't be bad and we could still sleep tomorrow morning.

"If my Lord comes with us. It would be highly improper..."

"SEE! She wants to come. Please, Tywin, you're not going to make our dear Esteill sad, aren't you? She's going to be your sister. You should be kind to her."

Tywin rolled his eyes.

"Will you stop talking nonsense if I agree to one glass?"

"As you command, My Lord," Gerion bowed mockingly, then offered me his elbow. "Please follow me, My Lady." Again, Tywin looked like he was struggling to decide whether he should be annoyed or amused by Gerion's antics.

Even if his rooms had been empty for months, everything was clean. Gerion actually complained that someone must have tidied everything while he wasn't looking. "If they took my bottles away, heads will roll," Gerion promised while he disappeared behind a small door.

"I should have given that order," Tywin sighed.

Gerion made a face. He had a red, round bottle in his hand. "You really don't know what's good for you, do you? These are the best potions from the Free Cities and beyond. Tell me you'll at least make some efforts to appreciate the gift."

He filled three little glasses with a transparent pinkish liquid. I raised one to my nose. It smelled of sugar, fruits and flower.

"Lessandra's Blood. She's a goddess of love and passion in Volantis. You swallow it whole or it's bad luck. May my marriage bring us joy!"

I did, and barely kept it down. The Blood burned the throat up to the nose. I felt my belly grow warm. The fruits and flowers, though, left a pleasant flavor on my tong. Gerion started to refill our glasses with another bottle, that one fully transparent. The "potion" was colorless.

"Liquor from beyond the Wall."
"May your daughter grow healthy and fair!" I clamored, raising my glass.

Tywin coughed violently and I fought back tears. If the Blood had been a bit sweet, this one was dragon fire. So much fire I couldn't actually remember its taste: my mouth was sedated and trying to recover from the brew. Tywin mutter something which sounded a lot like a death threat, and only made Gerion laugh. "The first one is always awful. The second taste great." And he refilled our glasses and yes, the second one was a lot better. One glass turned to be ten or twenty, toasts became less and less intelligible ("May you and your wife have many sons," Tywin said ; one the ninth or eighteenth glass, he was high enough to say something which sounded awfully like "Let's all go to Essos and capture lions and give them to our heirs !" But I was so drunk it could really have been anything else.). I was giggling uncontrollably while the two brothers tried to beat each other at who would drink the most. Or perhaps I dreamed that part.

I woke up with a splitting headache.

Someone was snoring a feet away from my face. I opened my eyes, closed them, opened them again.
Tywin Lannister was snoring a feet away from my face. Rather loudly. And his breath smelled like a small animal had died in his mouth.

Someone (Gerion) was sleeping behind me. He too was snoring, though it was nothing compared to his older brother. His arm was circling my waist and his chest pleasantly warmed my back. I turned a bit. I shouldn't have, since I discovered he was drooling on my hair. I gently pushed his arm away and sat slowly to avoid waking them.

Their likeness was even more striking. Gerion was a smiling man who couldn't stay still. He was thirty but I could already guess how his face would age: laughing lines would circle his eyes and mouth. He kept his face well shaved and his hair cut just above his shoulder. Tywin, on the contrary, never smiled. He was hard, unblinking, his face as stone, carved in the mask of an impressive king. They couldn't be more apart in minds, yet now, asleep, they could have been twins if not for the age gap between them.

I crawled out the bed, then to the bathroom. A small glass mirror from Braavos hung against the wall, a bit too high, but not enough to spare me. My hair looked like a lion's mane, half flattened on one side, and my pale skin now looked a bit grey. I guessed my breath smelled as bad as Tywin's, but at least I was still fully clothed, unlike Gerion, who had lost his shirt at some point. I was both hungry and nauseous and dreamed only of my own bed.

"Hi."

Startled, I felt my heart miss a beat. I turned on my heels and discovered a half-naked Gerion at the door. He was disheveled, his blond hair curling at the tip near his collarbones. His muscled chest was hairless apart from a thin, golden line on his navel. He stretched; would the Warrior be a better sight to behold in the morning sun? He yawned and scratched his bottom.

"How do you feel?"

"Like the Battle of the Trident is replaying in my skull. And you?"

"Great. I'd love to joust right now." He stretched again and made his muscles roll under his skin. Gods, how could he be that handsome? The man had the brain of a bird! "Don't think my dear brother will be ready for anything thought. Look like my dothraki brew was a bit too much for his delicate constitution." White teeth flashed. "You can't hold your liquor."

"I'm not a drunkard, that's why. What time is it?"

"Dunno. Mid-morning, perhaps."

I sighed.

"So everyone is likely to see me coming out of your room."

He shrugged.

"You're my fiancée. Let them talk."

"I did not agree to marry you yet."

"Yes, and we all know that's going to change everything, don't we?" He raised an eyebrow. "You could do worse. How's Garrison Prester?"

And I could do better. I could have married Ser Tyssel, I thought.

"I thought the matter was settled yesterday."

"It is settled that we're going to be married one day, and when it happens your daughter will me welcome in my home. It seems you're forgetting some important step."

"And that would be?" he asked, genuialy puzzled.

"Courtship."

"Ah."

"Yes. "Ah", like you say. It would be nice if you deserved this wedding, don't you think?"

"Are you telling me I'm not worthy of you?" Gerion asked, astonished. "I'm a Lannister!"

"Do you want everyone to whisper behind our back that you're Lord of Fairkeep because Lord Tywin gave you a big stony gift?"

"No."

"Then we could at least try to make them believe we're getting married because you're a great man and we're madly in love."

"No one will believe that."

Sure. No one will if you keep acting like a spoiled child.

"Then do it for me. It would be nice to be courted by someone who isn't old and stupid."

"Well..." He looked like he wanted to say something vaguely unpleasant. "Alright."

"You were going to say..."

"It's not important."

"We should be honest with each other."

He sighed.

"You've not been courted for two reasons. First, Tywin was looming over you like a watchdog. It was known he would pick a match. The second reason is that you look like a female copy of him. With brown hair. And younger."

I never thought this could be bad, but the sad look on his face...

"Lord Tywin is a great man," I could only say in a strangled voice.

"Oh yes. A great, well respected man. He is also thrice your age, a man, and no one likes him as a person. Men want to marry a girl they will like. You're not making it easy... you're actually a bit scary." He gave me apologetic look. "You asked."

"I did." I felt like crying, but Ladies don't cry. Not in public. "I'm going back to sleep, if you don't mind."
"You can have the couch, if you..."

"In my own room."

"You said..."

"Let them talk."

I went back to the room. I missed my mantle and shoes. The first one was easy to find, cleanly folded on a chair; as of my shoes, I had probably tossed them somewhere. I finally found one under the bed and the other one right in the middle of the chamber.

I trotted back to my own chambers, meeting a few guards and bedmaids on the way. At least two people saw me leaving Gerion's room. By the end of the afternoon the whole household would know; then guards would talk, maid would cackle while their mistresses bathed or had their hair braided, and by tomorrow evening my noble brethren would talk among themselves.

Well, let them talk, I thought as I slipped under my covers, my eyes wet and burning. I blamed alcohol and the steady drum beating in my skull: obviously, I couldn't feel sad that a bunch of weak idiots didn't like me, could I ?

I skipped lunch but showed up for the diner. Tywin was already there with Kevan and his wife Dorna, his brother-in-law Stafford and his son Tyrion.

Diner was usually a family affair. Tywin had a big room in his apartments dedicated sorely for his meals; he disliked the public feast his father had thrown continuously and would have them only on the seventh day of the week, when he gave earrings to his subjects. His most frequent guests were Kevan and his wife Dorna. Gerion and Tygett were off most of the time or with their own friends and Genna spent time either in court or at the Twins, even if she despised that "old, wretched castle and its inhabitants". Children may or may not be there. When I was younger, I hated Lannister's family diner: I was invited only when Tywin consented to have Tyrion at the table. We would me tossed at the far end of the table and I was supposed to keep him occupied. Since I was disgusted by the dwarf, these evening where a chore rather than a reward. Now that Tywin had made his move toward marrying me, however, I was becoming used to these evening occurrences. He could be a charming guest if he was in the mood, if one liked spirited discussions.

Tonight, however, Tywin looked like he was going to die and drop head first into his soup. He picked at his food without any enthusiasm and nothing Kevan said caught his attention. I didn't know if I was happy that Stafford filled the gap or annoyed: the man was obviously as dumb as his sister Joanna had been brilliant. Even Kevan with his good disposition looked mildly bored. Dorna did not; she seemed to have unlimited amount of kindness stored inside her mousy little body.

"Tywin dear," she said as the servants took away the main dish. He had barely touched his. More worrying was is lack of reaction: he usually berated Dorna for calling him "dear". She would promise not to do it again, and then do it again the next day. Tywin often said she had no memory at all, but since she always dutifully went for "Lord Tywin" in public, I guessed she knew exactly what she was doing. "It seems we are all a bit tired and fully satiated. Would you mind if we send the cake and cheese back to the kitchen? I think none of us has any hunger for it."

I do. I want to eat strawberry cake, please, I could have said, only it was obvious she was only giving Tywin an opening to end his misery. He agreed with a nod. Dorna gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You work too much, brother."

"And you worry too much, sister. Though I don't deny a good, long night will do me some good." His jaw was so clenched I suspected he was hiding a yawn. We bade him good night and I followed Dorna and her husband through the stairs.

"You should leave him alone. You know he doesn't like when you try to mother him," Kevan said softly. He always talked softly to his wife, as if she couldn't displease him; even now, he couldn't quite stop to smile.

"He doesn't know what's good for him. You men can't take care of yourself without a woman."

"Can't we?"

"No. Look at that fool Gerion. You know what his problem is ? He never got out of his mother's -and by mother I mean Tywin's- skirts, and mothers are never hard enough on their sons. You will have to rein him tightly, darling," Dorna told me. She patted my shoulder with a motherly smile. "You'll see, he is not a bad man. Now, since you're always somewhere around our Lord, do you have any idea why he looked like a corpse tonight?"

"No," I lied. Neither Dorna nor Kevan looked convinced. "Sleepless night, I guess."

"Tywin can spend weeks without sleeping properly," Kevan intervened. "I haven't seen him like that since we rode for nights and days toward King's Landing, at the end of the Rebellion."

"Why don't you ask him?"

"Because if I do," Dorna said, her eyebrows shooting up. Now she somehow managed to look like a little owl.

"He won't answer. You know something."

"I think it's none of our business," Kevan said, "but I'm never going to hear the end of it, so tell her."

"Sleepless night, I said." It wasn't a lie. "Gerion was here last night."

"Was he? I thought his daughter was born last night," Kevan asked.

So he knew. It had been fast.

"She was."

"Tywin knows?"

"Of course he does." He pulled the girl from her mother's womb and then drank himself senseless partying over it. "I guess Gerion and he had a... talk about it."

"And you know." Dorna frowned. "You're hiding something. Tu-tu," she said as Kevan was going to say something. Probably that my life was none of his wife's business. He gave me an apologetic look. "How do you know Tywin knows? Or where he was yesterday night?"

"I live there."

"You live like a septa, girl. The whole castle could be talking about it and you wouldn't know. Did Gerion tell you?"

No. Gerion had told me I was scary.

"No. I was there," I admitted. "The truth is that Gerion was really happy and wanted to share. We had a drink in his room. That's all."

"A drink."

Both of them looked unconvinced. Was I that unable to lie today?

"A very long drink. Don't ask me, I don't remember anything."

"You mean someone finally managed to make Tywin Lannister drink too much? And I wasn't there to see him drunk?" She turned to Kevan. "Life is unfair."

"Well, you have your answer now." Her husband looked mildly amused. "It must have been a sight to behold."

"I don't remember," I repeated. The last thing I wanted was to spend the rest of the evening with Dorna, gossiping over Tywin. "Good night," and I darted like some scared deer toward my chambers, while Dorna and Kevan chatted softly in the hallway.

The next morning, Tywin commanded everyone to diner, "dressed in a fitting manner". It meant the ladies would have to spent two hours slipping into expensive gowns and having their hair done (which, in my case, did require two full hours if I wanted to look somewhat proper), while the men would look like peacocks. Still, our lord loved beautiful clothes, and his family mostly shared this trait.

I decided for a light, summery white dress I hadn't wear for three years. It had been a gift from Genna, but the (actually rather modest) cleavage had kept me from donning it. Now it was a bit too tight at the chest. According to my sisters, it made my breasts look bigger, while the flow of the soft fabric hid the rest. How it was supposed to make me more desirable for Gerion, I had no clue, but Jeyna was adamant.

"Sometimes, you must hint at what a man may have," she said. I refrained from asking how the hells she could know something like that. "We should have your hair up, so he will have a good view of the top, and see nothing of what's under that silver ribbon," she added, tracing my waist with her finger. "I wish I was invited.
"Oh no you don't," I reacted. For once, we were friendly with each other. I wanted to keep it that way, and could not bear to imagine Gerion's eyes on my beautiful sister. "It's usually boring and you would end up sited with Tyrion."

"I would, if that meant Lord Tywin knew I actually existed. You will be marrying his brother. It's unfair you're getting such a match while I'm betrothed to no one."

"Lord Tywin won't be betrothing you, silly. I will. I am the Lady of Fairkeep and the head of this family."

Jeyna snorted.

"You talk like that, but you never decided anything. Lord Tywin does. And once you're married, you'll do what Gerion tells you to do, and Gerion will do as his brother commands. You are silly if you think it will happen otherwise."

Her words burned. Gerion hated his brother, but had ran for him the moment things went wrong. I wasn't known for his love for administration, but that could change once he would be in Fairkeep.

"Shut up and fixe my hair," I answered sourly, picturing the look of victory upon Jeyna's face. Come on. Laugh. At least I have a chance to rule one day. You never will, bitch.

Tywin's dining room, to my surprise, was fully decorated with draperies to the colors of the Mother, a soothing, almost violet blue. The plates and goblets were made of porcelain; we ate in gold plates from times to times, but the porcelain had been purchased for his mother's wedding, a full set from Asshai, and as expensive as it was fragile. Genna had told me: I had never had the honor of even seeing the delicate set before.

Gerion immediately came to my side, splendid in his doublet of dark, blue velvet trimmed with grey threads. Tall, slim, with square shoulders and long, gold hair, he was stunning. I could not help but smile foolishly went he offered me his arm, which I accepted before I could even utter a thought. Despite Genna's, Dorna's and Darlessa's most magnificent dresses, I felt like a queen.

The room was packed with Lannisters. Apart from Tywin's close family, cousins from Lannister and beyond were invited. I was surprised by the appearance of his nephew Daven who, in my memories, had been a rather ugly youth with more spots than one can count. Now he looked like a man, with square shoulders a short cropped beard. When we finally sat, there were thirty three of us and a dozen of children at the far side of the table.

I was rather pleased by my place. Tywin sat alone at one end, with Kevan at his right and Genna at his left with their husband and wife, thought it was obvious Tywin disliked Emmon Frey. Then came Tygett and Gerion... and Darlessa and I. Never had I been so high on his table, and the honor made me blush. I felt I belonged to the family, to his close circle; meanwhile, Tyrion sat as far as possible, so far his neighbor was actually a ten years old boy with pretty curls.

The feast was wonderful, beginning with the traditional western cold dishes: salads with vegetables, apples and pears. The second course was poultry with warm vegetables, the third venison in wine and red berries, the fourth fish backed in lemon and spices. Then came the onions soups, thought it was from those of the commons: one could taste expensive pepper, wine, a perfect balance of herbs, with crusty chips of bread and cheese on the top. The sixth course was cheese, the seventh a marvelous swan made of cream and cake.

The children left and we went to Tywin personal salon for some tea and liquor. A fire roared in the hearth, bathing the room in red, warm shadows.

"We have assembled here tonight in honor of a new addition to our family," Tywin said, raising a glass of bloody crimson wine. "To my brother's daughter, with the hope," he stressed the word as if to make an order out of it, "that she will be followed by many legitimate children."

There was a loud cheer. The wetnurse came in, a small bundle in her arms, and deposited the baby in Gerion arms.

His daughter. Suddenly, I wondered if the mother was still alive.

The girl went from arms to arms and begun to cry when she reached Tygett's. He quickly half tossed her into Gerion's, but she only wailed louder, until Genna took control.

"She looks a lot like you, if you forget the red hair," she said, shooshooing the babe. "She has your eyes."

"And your voice," Tywin added. "You were an awful baby."

"So they say," Gerion answered. "But you were at King's Landing when I was born, weren't you? You were a squire to Prince Jaehearys..."

"Not for the first six months," Tywin corrected. "I was given leave." His tone was definite and the conversation moved to the baby blue eyes, and how her hair would make her look like a Tully.

"He literally lived by your cradle," Tygett laughed, when Gerion took him away. His cheeks were beginning to redden with wine. "Father and mother never did, but Tywin was always hovering over you. It's strange, actually. Father had always been very affectionate with us. Mother was sick so it doesn't count."

Gerion seemed troubled. As for I, I was surprised they never talked about this at all. Tygett just shrugged. "You can't try to understand Tywin's ways. Sometimes he just acts very weird, as if he had a heart beating somewhere, but then he always remembers he's only got gold inside his chest. You were always his favorite anyway, thought you've done nothing to deserve it."

"Is there anything wrong?" I asked once Tygett had gone. "This feast is for you. You should be happy."

"He never told me he was there when I was a baby. I can't understand why."

"Tonight is not the time."

"You are right. We should... I should ask later." He smiled again, but it smelled like false perfume. Gerion wasn't a natural liar. "It's just that no one ever talks about Mother," he whispered, "And I can't picture Tywin acting that way without a reason."

"Your mother was sick. Maybe she asked him."

In fact, I didn't care about the subject. The baby was crying again somewhere in the room, I was starting to feel tired, and I felt like I was really missing the point. What was the problem with Tywin being very clingy with his baby brother? It was well known he was overly present for his family.

"Do you have any news about the mother?"

He nodded.

"She is still alive. She was briefly awake today. However, she is not wholly out of danger yet."

"This is good news," I said, as the baby was finally taken away. "Did you find a name?"

"Yes. I was going to tell everyone at the end of the evening, but since you and I..." He coughed politely. "I decided for Joy."

"It's very pretty."

That night, I slept fitfully, until a most shining sun came poking against my window. It was a perfect morning: singing birds, blue sky and, as soon as my handmaid opened the shutters, I could feel a soft, refreshing wind. The storm was all but forgotten.

I opened my door to find a bouquet of white roses right at my feet, dressed in green and blue ribbons.