A short chapter before the end begins. Enjoy.

Vince felt like death. His head was throbbing, his eye was twitching all over the place and his throat still felt raw. Everything felt fuzzy, like he was trapped in a cotton wool nightmare and as he struggled to surface from sleep he heard a desperate sounding sob. Who was crying?

"Please, Vince? Please tell me what's wrong?"

"Howard?"

He tried to sit up but the bigger man just squeezed him tighter, breathing hard and fast.

"Oh, Vince, thank God."

"Howard, what's wrong, why're you crying?"

"Me?"

Howard finally let go of him and moved back enough so that he could roll onto his back and look at his lover. It was dark in their room ('Their Room' Vince thought, smiling sleepily), but there was enough light coming through the window from the street lights outside for him to see the outline of Howard's face. He looked concerned and frightened but his cheeks were dry.

"Were you crying?"

Howard shook his head, his concern deepening. He brushed a stray lock of hair from Vince's cheek and he suddenly became aware that his own cheeks were damp, as was his hair and the pillow beneath him. He tried to remember what was happening, what he'd been dreaming, but it just slipped away, back to dreamland, and all he had were the vague shapes of memories. They were dark shapes though.

"Was I crying?"

Howard nodded, propping himself up on his elbow and running his hand up and down Vince's chest and stomach. Vince felt some of his sleep fog fading as he got used to the rhythm of the movement and watched as Howard's breathing began to settle back into something less panicked as well. Eventually Vince saw him gear up to say something, wetting his lips and taking some deep breaths before he finally managed to start the sentence.

"I take it from the fact that you don't remember doing it that you were sleeping. When you were crying."

It wasn't phrased as a question but Vince nodded in answer anyway and Howard echoed the movement. He felt bad. He'd woken up crying plenty of times before and wasn't really surprised that it'd happened again since it was so close to the anniversary of his parents' deaths but he'd never been caught doing it by Howard before. He put his hand gently over Howard's, stopping its motion over his belly.

"I'm sorry I upset you," he said slowly, watching Howard carefully and catching the subtle lip wobble.

"I thought I'd upset you," Howard whispered in reply. "I thought I'd done something wrong."

"No," Vince said loudly, making them both jump. He grinned sheepishly and was relieved when Howard did the same.

"No," he said again, only quieter. "You haven't upset me, Howard. You have made me very, very happy. More happy than I ever reckoned I'd be. You've been amazing."

He leaned over and kissed the other man tenderly on the mouth to prove his point and felt Howard give a little shiver.

"Then why..."

"Why the tears?"

"Mmm."

Vince shrugged and looked up at the ceiling.

"Because I'm still messed up?" He gave a snort but continued when Howard stayed silent. "Because even though I now have a loving boyfriend and a reason to celebrate my birthday and all of that, I can't just switch my brain off and all the dark shit is still part of me whether I want it there or not? I wasn't crying on purpose. It just happens sometimes. Sorry."

"You don't need to apologise for crying," Howard murmured, his voice floating through the darkened room. "I cry whenever we're faced with a monster more intimidating than a hamster."

"Yeah, you do," Vince chuckled and Howard began to move his hand again, making lazy circles on Vince's stomach and taking Vince's hand with him.

"Shut it, you," he rumbled and suddenly Vince felt the warmth of arousal creeping up through him.

"We should probably go back to sleep," he said slowly, closing his eyes as Howard's hand began to make wider and wider circles, his long fingers brushing the dark hair of his groin.

"Probably," Howard agreed, leaning in to kiss Vince's neck in a way that made Vince shiver and tilt his head to allow him better access.

"You probably need some help getting back to sleep though, right?"

"Probably," Howard mumbled, as he nipped and sucked his way along Vince's neck and Vince couldn't contain the deep groan that issued forth from his throat. Howard's hand slid down to grasp his cock and Vince bucked into his grasp. This was going to be over way too quickly if they weren't careful.

"Howard, I'm-" he tried to slow things down but Howard used his free arm to roll Vince on top of him and as he did their cocks aligned and both men moaned wantonly.

Howard took them both in his large hand and Vince couldn't focus his mind on anything but the overwhelming desire to come. His hips canted erratically and his arms shook as he tried to keep from pressing his full weight on to Howard. He felt them move together in Howard's strong hand, slick with their combined precome, and the feel of Howard's foreskin against his made him gasp and whine and suddenly it was too much.

"Howard-"

"Vince?"

"I-"

With a sudden shout he ejaculated into Howard's palm, struggling to breathe as Howard continued to pump their cocks for another few seconds before his own orgasm rushed through him. Vince felt Howard's come splash over his cock, hot and slick, and tried to control his breathing, then gave up and kissed Howard instead. He ran his tongue across Howard's lips and then his into his mouth, stroking the other man's tongue, eliciting a weak moan in response. Vince let his arms give way and collapsed on top of Howard with a sigh. Howard let out a little 'oof' and Vince bit his lip but didn't move.

"Sorry," he whispered and felt Howard shake his head.

"Don't be sorry."

The silence stretched out between them until Vince felt Howard's arms wrap themselves firmly around him.

"Happy birthday, Vince."

Oh, Vince realised, so it was. And Howard had just given him the best present he'd ever received: a reason to actually be happy on his birthday. He was vaguely aware that they were both rather sticky but lying on Howard was too comfortable and he was too tired. He considered moving but then heard the soft rumble of Howard's snores and let his eyes close. He'd worry about it in the morning. Right now he had a date with a really good dream.

"I love you, Howard..."