Authors Note- Don't hate me! I'm sorry but life caught up with me and I've had other fics to update and gah!

Chapter Warnings- Grammar sucks, Haven't checked this chapter over, Tsuna is the Lurve doctor and Happy Birthday Tsuna!

Chapter Six: Birthday Boy/ Lurve Doctor

Tsuna did not like Kyoko, but his brother did so she was invited to their eighth birthday party. That is to say, he didn't hate her, he just preferred not interacting with her on a cellular basis, or a physiological basis, or a social one. Now that he thought about it he didn't really want to interact with anyone save for the older demon boy who stood behind him glaring at anyone who tried to approach his charge, like a fluffy protective bird made of pure killing intent that Tsuna skillfully ignored.

Ienari liked Sasagawa Kyoko in the same way his caretaker liked his clothing-phobic sire, which brought up a whole lotta questions for the resident dead-from-birth child. Was his blonde and golden eyed brother aware that his 'Kyoko-chan' resembled his mother in looks and by default, Tsuna; for the younger twin could not deny he looked like his caretaker. If so, Ienari and he needed to talk, with Kyo-chan tagging along of course.

"You look as if you are contemplating murder, Tsuna." Kyoya said to him despite the fact that he was still glaring at anyone that got within a two meter radius of the younger boy, and therefore did not make eye contact.

"I'm a newly made eight year old that can wield the force and control fire, my childhood consists of three or four days of school in which everyone cowers from me because they don't understand your jokes Kyo-chan, my best friend is the anti-Christ slash angel of death- how's that going by the way? The people who made me are obviously malfunctioning, my stripping mafia sire has not shown his face since I was young and I am wearing a pink party hat that says 'birthday girl' on it. Kyo-chan, it is practically my job to contemplate murder." Tsuna steam powered forward, not in the least surprising Kyoya with his fast pace speech, now completely used to it.

"However," The young Jedi started, "I am not contemplating murder but rather something of a far more sinister nature."

It was proof of their close relationship that Tsuna could decipher the individual grunts, growls and silences that the Hibari made. As it were the silence that followed Tsuna's words were of the 'what-could-possible-be-more-sinister-in-nature-than-a-murder-you-would-commit-because-you-would-probably-dress-the-victim-in-neon-colors-before-suffocating-them-to-death-with-helium-balloons-that-you-surgically-placed-into-their-lungs' kind.

"The feelings of an eight year old boy for a girl who doesn't notice him." At the stunned silence he continued on, "Specifically Nari-kun and Sasagawa Kyoko." He explained, aware that Kyo-chan took no interest in the world outside of Tsuna and the lawbreakers of Namimori. Whatever curse lay on the police of the town, it could not hold against the power of the anti-Christ that was Hibari Kyoya.

"I see." Tsuna wasn't actually sure if Kyoya did or not but either way, it appeared the older boy did not give a damn.

"Kyo-chan!" He whined, lips pouting and eyes lighting with orange fire that had the demon of Namimori both excited and dreading the younger child's next words. "We should get them together, it would be my birthday gift to him!" The idea seemed to excite Tsuna more than necessary which was enough for Kyoya to understand perfectly that this was all going to go terribly wrong, but, Tsuna was obviously bored and so he would comply.

"C'mon! C'mon!" Tsuna squealed, taking his best-friend by the hem of his military styled jacket that Tsuna had bought him the year before when he claimed that 'Kyo-chan can be my lieutenant.' He had been going through a military phase in which many military styled plans and strategies were drawn up and put in place on the chance Namimori became host to some sort of battle Royale. As if that would happen.

Dragging the Hibari to his bedroom Tsuna crawled under his bed to pull out a sleek new laptop. It was silver and thin compared to most new technology with no logo of any sort to show what company it belonged to.

Kyoya's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Where did you get that Tsuna?"

"Hm?" Tsuna's own orbs flicked up to meet grey before flickering down once more to focus on the screen. "Ah, some nice but weird man with old man glasses and traditional clothing gave it to me. Very retro." Tsuna grinned up at his friend, "Yah, he was outside of that new ramen stand and he sort of just stood there looking at me and at first I thought, well Mr. Pedophile I will bring down the power of the angel of death on you. But then he smiled and you know how much I like it when people smile nicely at me."

Kyoya growled, teeth bared to show the boy how much he disliked it when he simply decided he liked someone because they were nice to him. Alternatively there was the warmth that swelled in him when Tsuna used him to threaten people.

Tsuna ignored his friends animal-like tendencies and kept talking. "Anyway, he crouches down and- he had pretty eyes Kyo-chan, real pretty- and makes some remark about how it was odd that there was two Sawada-chans when there was only supposed to be one. Which is stupid because there are four Sawadas. Not to mention it is a pretty common surname. But he said he liked me best and told me to stay away from Nari-kun because destruction would soon follow him. For a moment I thought he had the wrong twin but then I remembered that Nari-kun will become a politician."

Genuine pity could be seen on Tsuna's face as he looked up once more at his friend, "Poor Nari-kun, his political campaign shall ruin many lives." As soon as it came, the pity left and Tsuna was happily telling his story again, "I told him I have to support my brother even if he joins the dark side, I will lead him back and he told me he would convince me otherwise. He was very mystical and majestic. I think he was a fortune teller. Fortune tellers are always very wise and majestic. Except the ones that smell like burning herbs, those ones just go on and on about the sky, trust me." He leveled his friend with a serious expression.

"That was a very nice story." Came the monotonous voice of Kyoya.

"Thank you." Tsuna chirped, happy and oblivious.

"But you never told me how you got the laptop."

"Ah!" Tsuna placed a hand to his cheek, forsaking his internet search for a moment. "Well, I don't remember, the laptop was just there. But I know it was that guy, the force tells me so. I forgot his name. Maybe he will read my fortune next time."

Kyoya froze. "Tsuna did he come into your room? I will bite the pathet-"

"Look Kyo-chan The Guy that gets The Girl. Perfect!"

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Type 1- Romantic Guy

"It's impossible says my pride, It will more than likely fail says my lack of experience in the romance department, Kind of pointless and of no use to me my head tells me but my heart whispers, for Sparta. For giggles. For Ienari's twenty-first birthday complete with pictures should he fail because his failure would not be of my doing. I am amazing but the force says we cannot take on the faults of others, only try to correct them. I'm inclined to agree." Tsuna solemnly announced to his one person and twenty-six teddy bear audience.

Kyoya's hand shot to the air, a habit ingrained into him as Tsuna would ignore any questions without it. A misguided sense of priority that the younger boy had learned from school, Kyoya suspected.

"Yes Kyo-chan?"

"Do you even have a heart, Tsuna?" Kyoya asked half rhetorically, half with sincere curiosity.

Tsuna was quick to answer, "Of course Kyo-chan. It is perfectly safe behind my rib cage and nestled comfortable against my lungs. It's in perfect condition too, no health problems and I look after it really well. I think it's good practice for my future children."

His honesty scared Kyoya the slightest bit. "May I suggest geting a goldfish instead?"

Tsuna ignored him as his question did not come with his hand up. "Now, research has been done and according to many online sources the number one most popular type of guy is the Ro-man-tic one. I know it sounds stupid but we will never understand the minds of females. Now can anyone give me an idea of what a romantic guy does?"

Silence.

Kyo-chan's blank stare.

"You are correct Mister Hiedel!" Tsuna commended as he pointed at the fluffy pink bear with a red ribbon wrapped around it's neck. No one ever commented on Tsuna's teddy bear collection. Ever. "This supposed man believes in classic romance. He makes the woman or in this case, eight year old girl, feel appreciated. Loved. He uses every moment to shove many expensive gifts into her face so that she subconsciously feels guilty and that guilt is mistaken for affection and so she reciprocates with lots of lovin'."

"I don't think it works like that Tsuna." Kyo-chan drawled but what did he know?

Tsuna hushed him, ignoring the sound of grinding teeth and the flash of metal. "Now since I don't have a lot of money we will be using Kyo-chans. This makes me feel better too."

"I will bite y-"

"Thank you for contributing Kyo-chan." They then proceeded to play.

Tsuna stood looming over his backyard, watching as children giggled and pranced around, oblivious to the terror that stood over them. Dressed in all black with a cape whirling around his neck. Tsuna whispered into the air from the rooftop of his house only wishing that it was dark and cold enough to have fog appear when he spoke.

"I am the vengeance, I am the night." He whispered to himself.

"For the last time, Tsuna you are not batman, get down from there." Kyoya growled from his place on Tsuna's window sill, annoyed.

Tsuna complied and with a lithe jump off the edge he felt the odd sensation of his entire stomach try to rise up while his body obeyed gravity's commands. His cape flared up around him and if his mad- and completely adorable- giggling was anything to go by, he hadn't calculated the jump at all. Instead relying on his very own angel of death to take him by the collar and haul him in the window in the nick of time. His trust was always appreciated...with glares.

"So, have we got the rose petals?" He asked, adjusting the cape around his neck and the pink party hat that flattened his hair. "Because those are important, cliche but important."

"Hm."

Tsuna took that as affirmative and stood from his place on the floor and grabbed and pen and two pieces of paper from the small desk he kept situated in the corner of his bedroom. The shadow on his back let him know that Kyo-chan had followed. Sitting down he smoothed over the paper and hummed thoughtfully. "I only need to sign the letter with 'Kyoko-chan' to get Nari-kun running but how to get the girl..."

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Dear Ienari,

We should play and hold hands while singing various children's songs with so many double meanings that we wont be able to understand until we're going through puberty and are subconsciously looking for innuendos that simply don't exist. We could also do other activities that standard eight year old's do with other eight year old's that have adult women cooing over how 'darling they will look together in ten years.' This may include sharing our sippy cups, calling you cute and braiding each others hair.

Lots of Kisses,

Kyoko-chan.

P.S. See you in the Kitchen.

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Kyoya looked over the letter in obvious disdain before settling a very proud Tsuna with a disbelieving look. "It got a little condescending at the end, your natural pessimism shining through, no doubt."

Tsuna sniffed haughtily, tipping his perk little nose in the air, the show of perfect offence. "If anything I'm optimistic, Nari-kun might faint from seeing the letter was signed by Kyoko." Tsuna paused, a small marring his smooth youthful features, "Actually that is a real possibility. Could you deliver the message Kyo-chan? Nari-kun seems to be more alert when you're around."

Kyoya sneered before it turned into a very amused grin. A very darkly amused grin because anything that the child of Satan did was dark and unholy, even when he was following the odd Sawada twin around like a puffed up mother bird, ready to tear the eyes out of anyone who so much as looked at Tsuna wrong. "You're brother is an idiot if he believes this note." He drawled with a still amused twist of his lips.

"He'll believe it..." Tsuna trailed off, "But not because he's an idiot!" He defended, arms crossing against his chest to create a visible barrier. "It's because the force has gifted me with amazing forging skills."

Kyoya chose not to comment. That and Tsuna had kicked him out to deliver the note.

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Tsuna zoomed past the crowds of giggling children with grubby little hands pawing at everything they could- little brats needed to stay away from his caretaker's banana cake, it was his. All the while, he crawled, cartwheeled, sneaked and hummed the mission impossible theme. Who was he? A spy- nothing so specific, it was a quickly made up daydream. His target? One Sasagawa Kyoko, eight year old, subduer of Ienari and of many men in the future, possible future idol or animal doctor and kid clone of his caretaker in looks and personality. His mission? Lurve.

It was that or at least get her in the kitchen.

Spotting her gingery- brown- "Oh mother Merlin, what kind of confused god makes a child with that hair color?" Tsuna asked himself. It was what? Brown? Orangey-brown? Amber? Oh, she was complex, men liked complex. Maybe it was why Ienari liked her so much? "I wont fall for her hair seduction."

Approaching her as casually as the socially stunted, now eight year old could which involved a lot of skipping and whistling- god, he was such spy material- he tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to turn to him. A bright smile took over her face as she suddenly pounced on him. Clearly she understood Kyo-chan's style of playing as her arms wound around his body to constrict him.

"Happy Birthday, Sawada-chan!" She chirped, like some kind of mutated duckling- did ducklings chirp? Her hold didn't stay steady and Tsuna was able to step out of her arms with skill and experience. That and she wasn't very good at this game.

"Yes." Tsuna gave his customary indulgent smile to the lesser people surrounding her and feeling a little generous giving her a pat on the shoulder. "Thank you for attending this quite frankly, dark age ceremony where on a specific day of the year, a group of people gather and huddle around an object on fire, chanting ritualistically in unison before whispering a secret desire in the universe and removing the flames and stabbing the object with a knife."

"It's no problem, I like parties." Not. Even. Fazed. Oh, she was good.

"Right." Tsuna clapped his hands together, "Will you join me in the kitchen?"

"Of course." Kyoko agreed, her face still bright and smiling as she turned to her left and yelled out, "Hana-chan, we're going to the kitchen with Sawada-chan!"

Tsuna faltered, "Wait, what?" There hovering about the future idol was a demon bird of her own. Dark hair, pale skin and equally dark eyes took him in as if he were the scum of the earth that she really didn't want believe existed. "Oh, you have a Kyo-chan too, excellent." As long as she wasn't taking over Tsuna's place in this town. Besides, he was pretty sure Kyo-chan was better than this Hana-chan.

"Monkey." Hana-chan greeted.

He smiled pleasantly, "No, I'm human for the most part. But I do believe we share a common ancestor." Poor child.

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After much talk about how Hana-chan didn't mind him because he wasn't like most of his gender and species- human, he reminded her twice- and many name calling rituals, all of which took place with Kyoko smiling in the background like a lunatic- Tsuna's thing, Tsuna's thing- they finally made it to the kitchen. Tsuna was impressed with his Kyo-chans decorating skills. Candles all glowing and pretty littered the room, rose petals scattered the floors and two clear plastic cups full of apple juice sat on the dining table.

"Ah pretty," Kyoko whispered, her eyes drifting along all the candles.

"What's going on here, weirdo?" Hana-chan had taken to calling him that since he didn't seem to be offended by much. That and he was weird.

Tsuna's rounded orbs grew impossibly big as his lashes fluttered, "Nothing. Why don't you stay here Kyoko and Hana-chan and I will," Tsuna paused, obviously thinking of something to say. "Wash the dog." He finished.

"You have a dog?" Hana-chan asked.

"No but let's do it anyway." Before Tsuna could whisk the dark haired girl away in stumbled Ienari looking as if the world was about to play a joke on him but the moment he caught sight of Kyoko his entire face lit up like a flame. Tsuna would know.

From there it was like witnessing one of Tsuna's more odd dreams come to life. Ienari stuttered and slowly backed up, whatever coordination he had in sports and around his friends suddenly disappeared in face of the pretty eight year old as his foot collided with a table that was holding a dozen candles. The toted to the side and it was all Tsuna could do to watch in silent fascination at the curtains caught aflame and Ienari squealed like a piglet as he fled from the room. The flames licked at the fabric as it slowly crawled to the next set.

Blinking Tsuna turned to look at the two girl who were also watching the pyro show.

"Do you think we should tell an adult?" Kyoko asked, her brow furrowed the slightest bit despite the fire that was slowly making its way towards them.

"Probably." Hana answered but didn't move.

Not. one. flinch. Nice.

Tsuna grinned, "Don't worry about it. Go outside and enjoy the rest of the party, we have cake. Strawberry, I think."

The girls rounded on him as Hana asked, "You'll take care of it?" Looking like the world owed her too much to care if anyone died in this fire.

He nodded and shooed them out. When the door shut Tsuna called out for his personal demon from hell. "Yes?" Kyo-chan swooped down from whatever dark shadow he had been hiding in and not once did he look at the growing fire that was almost touching his leg, his attention solely on the smiling Tsuna.

"Put Sasagawa Kyoko and Hana-chan on our payroll, the may be of great use to us in the future."

The Hibari just sighed, it was no use trying to lessen the caramel eyed boys movie time, it was going to happen anyway. "And the fire?"

Tsuna shrugged, "It's time to redecorate anyway. I was thinking orange?"

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Later, when new furniture had been moved in by Kyoya's dark army and all the traces of the fire had been removed, a phone call came. A rare phone call that came only once every year or two. The caretaker of the house had answered happily and as the very short conversation went as every other conversation during these rare phone calls did, in came an odd turning point.

"Ienari swears he had accidentally caused a fire in the house but when I walked in, there was nothing there." The caretaker giggled, "I think he may have had too much cake and fell asleep inside. His hair was mused and his face was all red, it was so cute."

Silence along the line. Another rare thing during these rare phone calls. But the silence didn't last long as a loud laugh interrupted the calculating quiet before, "That's my little Ienari!"

The phone call didn't last long after that.

Misunderstanding after misunderstanding. Words spoken, taken in and altered by our own minds, searching for hidden meaning that didn't exist. One day, Tsuna would laugh about it all, his friends laughs echoing after because one misunderstood line of his own creation changed everything.