Time for a bit of Olivia's view on the events.

Chapter 4

She watched as the car in front of her pulled away and wiped the tears from her eyes. She dropped her head back against the seat and let out a shaky breath, resting her hand on her stomach.

"You told him to move on," she whispered to herself as she closed her eyes and thought back to that night. The way he had touched her he had been so gentle with her, so caring. He had asked her over and over if she was okay, if he was hurting her. When she had came and he looked down at her and into her eyes, she had never seen so much love, and it scared her. She had never once seen that kind of love in Brian's eyes, not ever.

She picked her phone up of the passenger seat to check and threw it back down when she saw the battery was dead.

3 months ago.

"No I'm fine… I promise you," she said as Elliot walked back over to her standing right in front of her. He took hold of her hand which held her phone and covered the mouth piece pulling it away from her ear and mouth. Leaning forward he whispered in her ear.

"You're freaked out right now, I get that. When you decide what you want I will be waiting for you, I'm not running and I'm not leaving," he told her. He turned his head and kissed her softly on the lips. "I love you Olivia Benson and I know you feel the same for me, I saw it in your eyes as we made love and you came."

He let go of her wrist and walked to the door, leaving without saying another word.

Olivia held the phone down by her side as she watched him leave.

"Olivia…. Hey you there still," she heard from the phone. She lifted the phone to her ear and took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'm here," she said.

"What happened there?" he asked her. "The line went quiet."

"Not sure," she said her eyes still on the door. She walked over to the window and looked down to the street below; Elliot came out and stood by his jeep looking up at her. He took out his phone and typed something into it. Olivia heard a beep in her ear.

"Brian I need to go," she said to him. "I have a bath running," she lied. "You gonna make it home tonight?"

"Jesus Liv," he sighed. "What the hell is up with you did you not listen to anything I just said. I'm gonna be working all night, I won't be home till morning."

"Okay, will see you then," she said her eyes fixed on Elliot who hadn't moved.

"Okay… love you Baby," he said to her.

"Yeah ….. Me to," she said hanging up. She opened up the text Elliot had sent.

I ran from you 3 years ago because I was scared of my feelings. I was scared to love you, and because of that I almost lost everything. I will wait for you Liv, no matter how long it takes. I'm not going anywhere. I love you and I always will XXX

Olivia looked out the window at him and wiped the tears away.

"I'm so sorry," she said to herself. "But you deserve better than me, I'm too fucked up for anyone to love, I'm a mess I always have been, always will be."

She looked at the message he had sent once again and began typing. There was only one thing she could do to make him leave.

I'm sorry Elliot but I don't feel the same. I needed release tonight and you were there for me. I shouldn't have used you like that. Any feelings I might have had for you in the past are long gone. I'm with Brian now and I love him, and he loves me. You need to move on and forget tonight ever happened. Find someone else to give your love to.

She looked at the window as she sent the message and watched as Elliot read the message. He looked up and stared at her as Olivia closed the curtains and dropped to the floor sobbing.

"God what have I done," she cried as she rocked back and forwards. "What the fuck have I done," she said to herself, as she realised she had just sent the only man she truly loved away. She loved him and she told him to go, telling him she had no feelings for him.

"Please don't leave, please don't leave," she said over and over as she stood to her feet and turned to the window opening the curtains. She looked down to the empty space where Elliot's car had been.

"I love you to," she said dropping her head to the glass. She stayed by the window hoping Elliot would come back, but he never. She went to the kitchen and got her bottle of wine and sat on the couch drinking it out the bottle. She kept looking at her phone, hoping Elliot would ring or text, but why would he. She just told him she didn't love him. She told him tonight meant nothing to her, and she told him she was in love with another man.

She finished off her bottle of wine and staggered to the kitchen for another bottle. She bent down and picked up the remainder of her clothes and went back to the couch to drink the wine and forget everything.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Olivia climbed out the shower and threw on a pair of sweats and t-shirt, and collapsed on the couch. She checked her phone which had been charging and saw she had 3 answer phone calls. Holding the phone to her ear she listened to the calls.

"Hey it's me Look I'm sorry for how I reacted when you came to tell me. It's just…. Well that's the last thing I thought you were going to say when you said you needed to see me. Hell I haven't seen or heard from you since that night, but only because you told me to leave you alone and never call you again. Liv we slept together and then you told me you."

She quickly went to the next message.

"As I was saying, you told me you hated me and your life was with Brian, you to stay away, and what we had done was a mistake, so I done what you asked. We need to talk Liv so call me or text me with a time and date…"

She gave herself a little smile as she imagined him getting annoyed as he kept getting cut off; He had always hated answer machines. She pressed the button for the next message.

"We can't ignore what you just told me…. and Liv I meant what I said to you that night, you have to believe me. I know I fucked up when I disappeared for three years and you had a right to be angry. But I told you how I felt and I meant it….. I'm off all day if you feel like talking…and Liv… I ….. I still ….."

She listened as she was told she had no more messages. "I still love you to," she said to herself. She lay for a little longer on the couch and realised there was no way she was going to sleep. She went into the bedroom and got changed into work clothes thinking there was no better place to be to take her mind off things than at work.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey, thought you had a day off," said Fin as she walked into the squad room.

"I did," she said as he walked over to her.

"You look like shit," he told her as he got closer.

"Thanks make a girl feel good why you don't….. I didn't sleep much last night," she told him. "You heading out?"

"Yeah, just a call, young girl found beaten and raped in school toilets, I'm meeting Rollins at the Hospital," he said looking at her. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine Fin, I promise. Keep me updated on what's happening."

"Will do," he said as he left. Olivia headed into her office and closed the door.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hi, can I help you?" asked Nick when a young woman walked into the squad room.

"I was looking for Detective Benson," she said smiling at him.

"We have a Sgt Benson now," he smiled at her standing up and walking over. "Do you want me to get her for you, she is in her office."

"No it's okay," she smiled looking towards the office. "Where's Captain Cragen?"

"He retired, Sgt Benson is standing in for a while, I'm sorry but what did you say your name was?" he asked.

"I didn't," she grinned walking to the office and knocking on the door.

"Yeah!" yelled Olivia lifting her head from the paperwork she was filling out as the door opened. She dropped her pen to the desk when Maureen walked in.

"Maureen," she said standing up and walking from behind the desk towards her.

"Hey Livia," she smiled, as Olivia wrapped her arms around her and gave her a hug.

"My god you look amazing," said Olivia as she stepped back.

"Thanks," she said. "You're looking good to Sgt Benson," she grinned. Olivia smiled back as she stepped back and leant against her desk.

"What are you doing here?" she asked her, though deep down she already had an idea.

Maureen looked at her "Oh I think you know the answer to that question," she said. "I just had Breakfast with dad.

"You…..you have," said Olivia sitting on her desk and pointing to the chair for Maureen to take a seat.

"Yeah, he asked me to pick him up from work," she said, not mentioning that she saw Olivia parked up the street. "He told me that he came to see you a few months ago."

"He did….."

"Yeah, he told me how he told you everything, about what has happened to him since he left you and SVU."

"Yeah…. Yeah he did," said Olivia not too sure what to say to her.

"So why haven't you seen him since?" asked Maureen getting straight to the point

Olivia just sat and stared.

"What, what do you mean?"

"I mean, what did he do or say that was so bad, that he thinks he has fucked everything up again. And why when I picked him up this morning did he smell of drink?"

Olivia still just sat trying to think what to say to Elliot's oldest daughter.

"Look Maureen, this is between…"

"No…. no it's not just between you and dad. Whatever is going on between you two affects all of us. You have no idea how hard it was to watch the man I have always looked up to fall apart like that. He was always the strong one, he looked after us all, and he fell apart. He actually wanted nothing to do with us for months. He tried to kill himself. He is just getting his life back together again, getting back to how he used to be and…."

"Maureen….."

"One night with you and…" she looked up at Olivia with tears in her eyes.

"I never meant to hurt him that night, you have to believe me," said Olivia dropping to her knees in front of Maureen and taking hold of her hands.

"So why sleep with him and then tell him you love someone else," Maureen asked quietly. "You don't do that to someone you don't want to hurt."

Olivia sighed and sat back against her desk on the floor.

"Because I'm stupid and scared."

"Scared of Dad?"

"No Honey I could never be scared of your dad."

"That's true," smiled Maureen. "You're the only one I ever knew to always stand up to him." She wiped her nose on her sleeve. "So what you scared of?"

Olivia looked across to Maureen "God when did you get so grown up?" she asked her trying to avoid the question.

"Dad keeps asking me the same thing," she smiled. "But I'm not a child anymore and I'm not daft Livia," she said. "Even growing up, I knew there was something between you and dad. I would hear Mom asking him about you, and he would always say the same thing every time, "She's my partner." But it was more than that, and as I got older I realised this more and more. To be honest with you, I kinda expected something to happen when mom and dad split up the first time."

"I think a lot of people did," said Olivia.

"So why didn't it?"

"Work I guess, plus the fact he was in love with your mom still, and missed you kids to much."

"No Livia, he may have loved Mom and us kids, but I think even back then he wasn't in love with her anymore, not like he should have. Even when Mom fell pregnant with Eli it wasn't right between them."

"I don't know what you want me to say," said Olivia.

"I want you to tell me why you are scared of loving my Dad, when it is so obvious he is in love with you. He may of been out your life for three years, but that doesn't mean his feeling ever changed for you. I could see it in his eyes this morning when he talked about you, for the first time in years his eyes lit up, he loves you Livia. But right now he thinks he waited too long to finally tell you."

Olivia looked at Maureen "I'm scared to love him, because … because…..Shit," she said standing up and pacing her office. "Because I'm not good enough for him."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" asked Maureen.

"My life is a mess; I am so screwed up in the head after what happened to me. Your dad doesn't need that right now, you said yourself he is just getting his life back together again, if I let him back in then…. Then….."

"Then what? Livia all the shit stuff that has happened to you and dad happened since he left, since your partnership split up. You two need each other, your no good apart. Even Mom tried to get him to call you when he first left his job, because she knew it was you he needed. Can you honestly stand there and tell me you have never wanted or thought of Dad when things have gone wrong over the last three years."

Olivia looked at her as her thoughts went back to when Lewis had her. She heard Maureen take a deep breath.

"Do you love my Dad? Yes or No answer," Maureen asked her.

"It's more complicated than that," said Olivia as she thought of the baby growing inside her.

Maureen laughed "Jesus what is it with you and dad and that word…..Complicated. It's a simple question, Yes or No."

"Damn it Maureen, you ever thought of being an attorney."

"Do. You. Love. My. Dad?" she asked again.

"Yes! Alright. Yes I love your Dad."

Maureen smiled proud at herself.

"Blimey that was hard work," she said. "Can I ask you something then?"

Olivia sighed "Will it matter if I say no."

Maureen shrugged "Guess not. If you love him and he loves you, then why the hell are you both not speaking to each other? You need to talk to him Livia instead of sitting in your car outside his station at daft o'clock in the morning."

"You saw me huh."

"Yeah.I love my mom but I also love my dad Livia and want him to be happy. And I know you're the person to do that. I don't know the full story of what happened that night except you talked and then….. Well you know, you guys finally….. Just please talk to him and sort this out."

Olivia reached out and pulled Maureen into a hug. "Thank you," she said holding her tight.

"Just make him happy, please. It's been a long time since he has been," she said. Olivia let go of her and kissed her cheek. "I best go," said Maureen. "I'm meeting Kat to go shopping."

"Okay," said Olivia walking to the door and opening it. Maureen gave her another hug.

"See you soon Livia," she said walking off through the squad room and giving Nick a smile.

Nick got out his chair and walked over to Olivia.

"You okay?" he asked seeing her red eyes from crying.

"Yeah I'm good," she smiled.

Nick nodded "So who was that?" he asked looking towards Maureen as she left the squad room. "And how old is she, and is she single?" he grinned.

"Trust me, if you even think of going there you are signing your own death warrant," smiled Olivia.

"What….why?"

"Her name is Maureen, Maureen Stabler."

Nick stood for a while taking in what she said. "What as in your ex-partner, Stabler. That was his…."

"Daughter, and like I said if you value your life you won't even go there," she said closing her office door and taking out her phone.

"Stabler," she heard him yawn as he answered the phone.

"We need to talk," said Olivia.

Next up they finally get together and talk amongst other things, hope everyone is still enjoying reading it as much as I am writing it. Reviews are nice to get. But I will continue without them cause I just love writing.