A/N: New chapter and it's longer than the last. Next update will probably be in the next few days. I hope you all enjoy! R&R please!
"So tell me about yourself, Brittany Pierce," Rachel said, sitting down on my bed as I closed my bedroom door and peeled off my leather motocross jacket.
I glanced over at her questioningly, not sure what she wanted me to say and said, "What do you want to know?"
"What's your favourite thing to do," Rachel asked, with a big smile on her face, making it clear that she wasn't just making small talk, she was actually interested in the answer.
"Motocross," I said, without hesitation.
"I thought you would've said dancing or being a part of the Cheerios," she said, swinging her feet up and down as she spoke.
"I do enjoy dancing," I nodded, "but Cheerios is more Quinn and Santana's thing."
"I understand that this is going to sound a little hypocritical coming from me," she said, pressing her hands together in her lap, "But I still don't understand why you would keep up this charade for something as petty as popularity."
"Have you ever told a little lie," I sighed, sitting down on the bed beside Rachel and staring down at my hands, "that you never really meant to, but it just slipped out, and it was so small that you never really thought it would make a difference anyways, and then because of that little lie you had to tell another lie that was a little bigger to cover up that smaller one and then another one a little bigger than that and then soon you realized that you're spending all your time trying to cover up your lies and somewhere along the way you completely lost yourself. You never meant to, but you became so afraid of losing the good friends that you had made that you didn't know what else to do except keep covering it up."
"Yes," Rachel admitted, "I have lied in an attempt to elevate my status at school, perhaps even to persuade a boy that I liked to go out with me, but it never carried on for years, Brittany."
"Because you came clean and admitted you lied," I asked, already knowing the answer.
"No," Rachel said, drawing out the word, "More like because I got caught in the lie."
"Exactly," I said, "I don't know if it's because I'm that good of an actress or if nobody cares enough to question it, but I just haven't gotten caught yet. I never meant for it to go this far, somehow my little lie just grew and grew until it was completely in control of my life and I don't know how to get out of it, Rachel. I can't lose my friends, but if I tell them that I've been lying about who I am all this time, that's exactly what's going to happen. I don't even care about being popular anymore, I haven't cared about that for a year. Now I'm just afraid of losing everyone I care about."
Rachel put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze, "Why motocross?"
"I started riding when I was just a kid and motocross is the only thing that I still do that makes me feel like me," I replied, happy to change the subject and talk about my passion, "My father always wanted a boy, but after having two girls, he sort of started treating me like his little boy. I still got Barbies and the flower wallpaper and all that, but when I was six years old, my dad bought me my first dirt bike and taught me how to ride. I loved it from that first moment I got on that bike. Nothing matters when you ride. It's pretty silly, but I always had this fantasy of riding pro. I'm not good enough for that yet, but maybe one day you'll be able to watch me on tv rocking it out at the X-Games."
Rachel chuckled lightly, "You are full of surprises, Brittany. I watched you, before you forced me on to the back of your bike, and I think you're amazing. You have so much control over your bike, it's inspiring to watch you."
"You didn't even see my good tricks," I smiled, poking her in the ribs with my elbow, playfully. I didn't mention the falls I took while wondering if she was going to show up or not.
"Another piece of the Brittany puzzle," she said, giving my knee a pat and stood up, "I need to change into more suitable dance attire."
"Yeah, me too," I agreed, my leather motocross pants were uncomfortably sticking to my legs and I couldn't wait to get them off. She grabbed her duffle bag off the floor and disappeared into the bathroom. Taking the opportunity, I quickly shed my motocross clothes and grabbed a pair of jean shorts and a green t-shirt. Sitting back on my bed to wait, I turned on the television and blindly flipped through the channels, impatiently. As I was flipping, I stopped on a movie only because I saw Barbra Streisand and only because I knew how much Rachel idolized her. I honestly didn't know anything about her and had no idea which movie it was, but I figured if I wanted to get in her good books, I should probably do a little research.
Suddenly the bathroom door opened a crack and Rachel's head poked out, "Do I hear Barbra?"
"Barbra who," I said dumbly, looking over at her as she hid her body behind the door. She ignored the remark as her eyes lit up at the sight of Barbra on the screen. Her head instantly disappeared back into the bathroom for a second before she rushed back out, still tugging the white beater shirt over her head. She crawled over me to the other side of the bed, then laid down on her stomach, with her head at the foot of it, cradling her chin in her hands while lifting her bare feet into the air and crossing her legs at the ankle. She looked like a little kid watching Saturday morning cartoons.
"Does this mean we're not dancing today," I asked, watching as she began to mouth the words along with the movie.
She shot me back a glance over her shoulder that told me I should not be interrupting Barbra, before turning back to the screen and saying, "It's almost over."
I nodded, even though she couldn't see it, then realized that I could take this opportunity to let my eyes wander over her body without her or anyone knowing. She had changed into a pair of hot pink cotton shorts, that were just long enough to cover her ass, but showed all of her long beautiful legs, and the white beater and she managed to make the plain outfit look exceptionally sexy. Maybe it was the fact that the shorts clung tightly to her skin, just as the bodysuit had, and just like then I could not see a panty line. I was fairly certain she was trying to kill me with her body. How could someone who looked that good, who continuously made every coherent thought leave my brain when she walked into a room, who made my heart burst when she looked at me, how could she be the school loser?
Her legs were so close to me that if I just nudged my thigh over an inch it would be brushing up against hers and the thought was making my eyes close. Picturing her bare skin moving against mine, I felt like my hormones had began to go on overdrive this week, ever since we started hanging out, and nothing would get them to calm down. She was still mouthing the words to the movie as I extended my index finger and placed it lightly on her calf. I knew I shouldn't, I knew I was risking pushing her away again, but I couldn't stop myself. I blamed the shorts and the amount of leg that was being offered beside me. No matter what the excuse, my finger was already there and slowly dragging down her calf to stop at the crook of her bent knee. I noticed her eyes were now closed and her mouth hung open slightly, no longer mouthing the words to the movie. I waited for a moment for her to tell me to stop, but when the room stayed silent, save for Barbra, I continued my trail a couple more inches up the inside of her thigh and watched as she shivered and bit down on her full lip. I got nervous when I got mid-thigh and instead of continuing up, I went back down, following the trail I had made, ending at her ankle.
I glanced over at the clock and said, "It's seven o'clock."
She rolled over onto her back, leaning back on her elbows and raised an eyebrow at me, "Is there somewhere you have to be?"
"No," I shrugged, "It's just about that time for you to run screaming from my house."
She looked away, trying to hide the guilt in her face and replied softly, "I do apologize for my past behaviour."
"It's okay," I said, taking a deep breath and gathering all of my courage for what I was about to say next, "I just really didn't expect you to get the 'gay panic'."
"'Gay panic'," she repeated, her brow furrowing in confusion as she sat up on my bed.
"When a person freaks out because they are having 'gay' feelings towards someone," I explained, trying with everything inside of me not to show how nervous I was feeling and how afraid I was to actually have this conversation with her.
She suddenly leaped off the bed, folding her arms tightly across her chest as she defended herself, "I am not homophobic! I have two gay dads. I have been raised to have an open mind since I was born. I support Kurt and Blaine's relationship one-hundred and ten percent!"
I nodded, calmly and said, "I never said you were homophobic. Yes, you support the relationships around you, but I think you made up this fantasy of your perfect life when you were a little girl and it has stuck with you all this time as what to strive for in life. And maybe, in this fantasy, you didn't factor in that the person who makes you happy for the rest of your life could be a woman."
"Is that what you think," she asked, her voice low but her tone was accusing, "You think I ran out of here because I was scared about having gay feelings?"
"Why else would you just tell me 'I can't'," I questioned, even repeating the words hurt.
Her fists balled at her sides and the muscles in her jaw tensed as she burst out, "Did you ever think that maybe not all of us are as experienced as you with sex and that maybe I have yet to experience that kind of- of- pleasure before. Maybe I didn't want the first time that I experienced that to be while my friend was teaching me how to dance and while we were entirely clothed and with someone that I've never even kissed before, nevermind a relationship and I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about them- you. Did you ever consider that maybe it was a little embarrassing, having my body react like that to dancing. And yes, part of it is because you're a girl, but most of it is because I'm-I'm confused. I thought I knew myself and suddenly I don't and I really hardly even know you and I-I'm really trying hard not to run away again."
The words came out in such a rush, they left me stunned. I wasn't expecting any of that. I knew Rachel hadn't had sex, but I had assumed that she had at least gotten herself off before, hadn't everybody? The thought had never occurred to me that she was pulling away for those reasons. I guess I was so used to Santana rejecting me because I was a girl, that I didn't realize there could be other reasons. Although, she did say she was confused about the girl thing, so that wasn't completely off the hook yet. I wanted her to elaborate and ask her how she felt about me, but I felt like she had let out so much already, and all in one breath, that maybe I wasn't even ready to hear the rest yet. I knew that she wasn't sure about me yet and at least she wasn't out right rejecting me.
She began to turn towards the door, snapping me out of my thoughts as I instinctively caught her wrist in my hand and pulled her down against me. She wasn't prepared and had no time to brace herself as her body crashed down on top of mine on my bed. She was crying again and I hated it, because this time it was me who was making her cry.
"Don't cry," I whispered, softly as she laid her head down on my chest and I brushed her hair back from her face. She sniffled in response, but I could feel her tears pooling on my chest where her cheek was pressed against me. I slid my arm around her waist, dipping my fingers underneath her shirt to lightly caress the bare skin of her lower back and let my other hand rest on the thigh that was draped across my hips.
"I like you a lot, Rachel," I said, my voice cracking from the nerves and I could feel my hands shaking against her skin. No one had the power to do this to me but her. "I know you're confused and I know that everything seems to be happening so sudden, but I've always had a soft spot for you. I just wanted you to know that."
I felt her head move against me, angling upwards as she pressed a soft kiss to my neck that sent chills all through my body.
"I like you too, Brittany," she mumbled against my neck as her hand slipped down my stomach until it found mine on her thigh and she interlaced our fingers before resting our hands back down on my chest, "I like the way you look at me, like I'm special."
"Special," I questioned, sarcastically, "You're Rachel Berry. Special doesn't even come close."
She laughed softly and gave my hand a squeeze. I didn't know what would happen with us. I didn't even know if there really was an 'us'. I had always hated thinking about the future, probably because I felt like I ruined it the day I decided to play dumb, but she made things different. I had no idea what was to come but in that moment it didn't matter. She was like a drug, as long as she was with me, as long as I was touching her, somehow she made me feel like everything was going to be alright, even if it wasn't.
Her breathing had steadied and it took a few seconds for it to register in my mind that she had fallen asleep. I made a silent prayer to any god that would listen to freeze time and never let this moment end as I closed my eyes and let sleep wash over me as well.
It was the strangest feeling, waking up with someone on top of you, surrounding you. The smell was the first thing I noticed, scents were somehow always the first thing I noticed, and all I could smell was vanilla, a bit of some kind of shampoo fragrance and something that could not be explained except to be called Rachel Berry. If I could smell one thing for the rest of my life I would definitely choose her. The room was dark, but the television still flickered with its volume muted. I was quite thankful about that, because it was past the time when normal programing played and had changed over to nudie films. I glanced away trying to see if I could find the remote without waking Rachel, knowing that watching pornographic films would not be beneficial at that moment, but to my dismay, the remote had made its way out of my reach near the foot of the bed.
My movements had caused Rachel to stir and she sleepily lifted her head off my chest, wiping the drool from her cheek and my chest, before asking in a gravelly whisper, "What time is it?"
I looked over at the clock on my night table and whispered back, "Two AM."
Her half lidded eyes, opened wide as she scrambled up and off the bed, "Are you joking?"
She didn't wait for an answer as she ran into the bathroom and said hysterically, "My dads are going to murder me, I can't believe I fell asleep."
She grabbed her phone from her duffle bag and flipped it open, "Oh my god, they've been calling all night!"
I watched as she hit the speed dial number for her fathers and then closed the door to the bathroom, shutting me off from the conversation. As upset as Rachel was, I couldn't help but smile as I stretched out my stiff limbs on my bed and got up. I had just spent a good part of the night sleeping with Rachel, it couldn't get any better than that, even if it did have to end now, it was amazing waking up with her on top of me.
I walked into my closet, slipping off my clothes and changing into a pair of grey gym shorts and a light camisole, my pajamas, and Rachel came out of the bathroom at the same time I got back into the room. She was much more calm, but I could see the nervousness in her eyes and there was a slight blush on her cheeks.
"My dads said they don't want me driving so late when I'm tired and would like, as long as it is alright with you, if I would stay the night," she said, glancing over at the bed where we had been sleeping and then at the television, which was still playing sex films, which I had completely forgotten about. Her face went entirely red as she decided to focus on the carpet by her feet.
'Stupid Brittany' decided to make an appearance as I stared back at her and replied dumbly, "My bed is big."
Sure, she had been sleeping in my bed minutes prior, but it had just happened by accident, having her sleep in it for the rest of the night, seemed more exciting. Perhaps the porn playing in the background was having an effect as well.
"What I meant to say is that my bed is big enough to accommodate both of us," I replied, turning back to my bed and drawing the covers back.
She nodded while chewing nervously at her cheek and then reached her hands behind her to the middle of her back, before freezing the action and asking, "Do you mind if I-"
"Strip," I interrupted, realizing that she was unhooking her bra, from beneath her shirt, and my mouth went impossibly dry as I sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at her chest.
"-Take off my bra," she finished softly, chewing on her lip.
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it didn't budge as I could only nod my response. I quickly glanced away, allowing her a bit of privacy, and grabbed the remote for the television and turned it off, leaving us almost in complete darkness, except for the glow of the moonlight shinning in through my window. I could barely see her anymore and that was better, because the less that I could see of her, the easier it would be to calm myself down and get through the night with her sleeping next to me.
I slipped into bed and laid down on my back, but when I felt her straddle me, I realized I should've either let her get in first so she didn't have to crawl over top of me, or moved to the other side of the bed. She hesitated on top of me and for a second I thought she might stay there, but then her weight was gone again as she slipped under the covers on the other side. I looked over at her and she was lying on her side, with her back towards me, so I turned over on my side with my back to her as well. If we just managed to stay like this all night everything would be fine, but suddenly I heard her stir from behind me and then could distinctly feel her ass pressed up against mine.
I tried to steady my breathing, but I couldn't, I felt like I had just run a marathon. I could feel the heat off her body and it felt good, but it wasn't enough. It was only going to be a distraction and keep me awake all night. More than anything I wanted to sleep with her like we had been before, with her on top of me, with our bodies pressed tightly together. I took a deep breath and turned over, curving my body to hers as I pressed myself to her back and let my arm fall around her, resting my hand on the mattress, afraid that if I put my hand on her it would scare her away somehow.
"Is this okay," I whispered huskily, my voice a mixture of nervousness and arousal.
She drew a circle on the back of my hand with the tip of her finger before covering it with her hand. She slowly dragged my hand along the mattress before taking it off the bed and slipping it under the bottom of her shirt, pressing it to her bare stomach and sighed, "It's perfect."
At that point I stopped breathing. Her skin was so smooth under my hand and the heat coming off of her was intense. I wanted to pull the blankets off of us, but there was no way I was moving my hand from her body. I wanted to explore her body with my hand, but her hand never moved from mine, holding it in place, and I decided it was probably for the best. As much as I wanted Rachel, I had an equal urge to take things slow with her, something I had never felt before.
"Night, Rach," I whispered, pressing my luck and placing an open mouth kiss to the nap of her neck, causing her to shudder against me.
"Night, Britt."