Chapter 5

She pulled up outside his apartment block and turned off the engine and just sat. She couldn't believe how nervous she was. She had changed her mind so many times this afternoon about coming tonight.

Brian had come home earlier with a big bunch of flowers and asked if she had wanted to go out for a meal. He had pulled her into his arms and held her telling her how much he loved her, and how much he missed her when he was at work.

She wanted to tell him the same thing but she couldn't. She didn't miss him when he was working, and if she was honest, she didn't trust him. She didn't actually believe he was working all the time. As he held her all she could think was how much she wished it was Elliot.

She told him she was meeting Melinda for a drink and something to eat. He accepted this and headed for the shower. She had quickly finished getting ready and left before he got out the shower yelling a quick goodbye.

She looked at the clock she had been sat outside his apartment block now for almost an hour.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Elliot finished tidying the kitchen. He was going to order food in but thought it would be nice if he actually cooked for her. Everything was ready to just put in the oven. He looked across at the table he had set and shook his head chuckling to himself. Since he had moved in here he had never even sat at the table to eat.

He glanced up at the clock she was 15 minutes late. He picked up his phone to call her, but stopped himself, he didn't want to pressurise her.

He sat on his couch and kept glancing at his phone, waiting for the text to say she had changed her mind. He stood up and paced back and forwards stopping at the window and looking down onto the street. He saw her car parked there and smiled to himself.

He watched, waiting for her to get out. 5…..10…..15 minutes and she still just sat there. He got himself a bottle of water from the fridge, he really wanted a beer but he had promised Maureen.

He went back to the window 20….25….30.

"What the hell is she doing," he said to himself.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Come on Benson, move," she said to herself out loud. She took the keys out and opened the door. She climbed out the car and stood there with the door open.

"Come on Liv." Said Elliot as he watched her climb out the car and just stand. "Don't run, please don't run," he whispered to himself. He saw her climb back in the car and slam the door shut.

"Fuck," he cursed banging his head off the window. He looked back out the window and noticed she hadn't moved or started the car up. He took his phone out his pocket and typed a quick message. He knew if he called she would ignore him.

Olivia heard her phone beep letting her know she had a text, she didn't have to even look to know who it was from. She opened the screen and read the text.

Please don't run

She took a deep breath and climbed out the car locking it behind her and climbed the three steps to the front door of the apartment. Before she had time to press the buzzer the door clicked to let her in.

Elliot watched as she climbed out the car and heaved a sigh of relief as she climbed the steps. He ran to the buzzer and unlocked the door for her, his hand was shaking. It seemed to take for ever before he heard her footsteps along the corridor outside his door. They stopped and there were a few seconds before he heard the quiet knock.

He took a deep breath and wiped his hands on his jeans before he opened the door.

"Hey," he said to her his voice just above a whisper.

"Hey," she replied not looking at him.

"Erm come in," he said moving away from the door. Olivia walked in, still not looking at him. "I err….. I didn't think you were going to come in."

"I nearly didn't….. I sat out there for over an hour. I was going to go when I got your text."

"What stopped you?"

"If I had left, nothing would be solved and this problem…..mistake we have made would still be there, getting bigger and bigger….. Literally," she said putting her hand onto her stomach.

"Is that how you see it, as a mistake?" he asked her.

"Well what would you call it?" she asked him. "One time on a kitchen floor and you knock me up," she said a little more harsh than she meant to.

"Liv….." he said moving closer. She went to step back from him but he grabbed her hand stopping her. "I admit it shouldn't have happened like that. But what we done," he said playing with her fingers.

"Was wrong, I shouldn't have come on to you like that."

"I was going to say amazing," he smiled. "And hot and extremely sexy."

He saw her lips turn up slightly forming a small smile.

"Look Liv, I understand why you freaked that night. We hadn't spoken or seen each other for three years. You're in a steady relationship, emotions were running high, and suddenly we were stripped naked and having sex on the kitchen floor…. Hot…amazing sex," he said moving a little closer. "And I for one do not regret one moment of it, and this baby is anything but a mistake. A bit of a shock but not a mistake."

Olivia looked down at his hand which was still playing with her fingers.

"It was pretty amazing, wasn't it," she smiled. Elliot smiled back at her.

"Damn right it was."

They both stood silent for a while.

"I'm sorry I threw you out and was a bitch to you."

"And I'm sorry I left so easily, I should have stayed. One minute I am promising you I would never leave you again. And the next I'm out the door."

"Yeah well, I couldn't exactly blame you…although I did pray and hope you would come back up fight back a bit more."

Elliot moved a little closer to her. "I did think about it, but then I remembered you still had a gun, and I had already been punched once by you. Figured I would give you time to calm down a bit, wait for you to call me. I just didn't think it would be three months later and for you to tell me your pregnant."

"I guess I could have handled that a bit better, I'm sorry."

"It's okay it would have been a shock however you told me….. Liv I'm sorry for questioning if I was the father."

"It's okay. You had a right to ask. After all I am supposed to be in a relationship. I meant what I said though, this baby is definitely yours. Up until that night the closest Brian got was a kiss and cuddle in bed. I just hadn't wanted to do anything since Lewis."

"So why did you with me?"

"Because you always made me feel safe. I knew you would never hurt me, and if I needed you to stop you would have. With Brian… He still acts like a teenager at times, like he has never grown up, plus….."

Elliot tipped his head to the side "Plus what?"

"I think he has been sleeping around."

"Jesus Liv."

"It's okay, I mean who am I to judge, I'm the one who is pregnant by my ex-partner after being in a room with you for an hour."

"Yeah but the difference is we have been in love for 15 years give or take a few years. Have you slept with him since."

She shook her head. "After that night I couldn't even let him touch me. When he did I had flash backs of you, and I have been having these dreams."

"Me too," chuckled Elliot. "Normally it ends with me having a really cold shower."

"I'm scared El," she said looking down at her stomach. "All those years I have wanted a baby, and I fall pregnant now, at my age. What if….."

"Hey," he said pulling her towards him and holding her tight. "Don't think like that okay, we will take everything one day at time. I told you before Liv I'm not going anywhere we are in this together."

They stood holding each other for a few minutes.

"We never do things the easy way do we," said Olivia sniffing. "We couldn't have just got together, talked things through, maybe go out a few times."

"What fun would that had been."

He pulled away slightly from her.

"So, are you going to stay for a while?" he asked still a little nervous.

"Well as you have set the table all nice, I guess it would be rude not to," she said looking round him to the table. "What we having pizza or Chinese?"

"Actually," he said leading her to the table. "I have cooked for you it just needs put in the oven to finish off." He pulled a chair out for her and she sat down.

"You cooked?" she asked a little shocked.

"Yeah," he said as he went into the kitchen. "When I was in rehab I used to help out in the kitchen for something to do, the chef there taught me a few dishes and gave me lessons."

He turned the oven on before going to the fridge and getting a carton of fresh orange and pouring them both a glass and sitting opposite her.

"It should only take about half an hour," he told her. She nodded and looked around the spacious and modern apartment.

"This place is nice," she said.

"I made quite a bit doing the security on the ship. Managed to save a lot of money. Plus the family house is paid off now, so I decided to splash out and get something nice. The kids help me choose it. I will give you're the grand tour after we have eaten."

She went a little quiet at the mention of his kids, when she thought of her conversation with Maureen.

"El, you should know…..Maureen came to see me this morning, at the station."

Elliot put his glass down "She did huh?"

"You're not surprised at that?"

"Nope, not really. I was a little upset this morning after you came to see me and I had a small drink. I called Maureen to pick me up for breakfast before it got out of hand. I kind of told her everything, well everything apart from the pregnant bit…. She wasn't too hard on you, was she?"

"No, she just made me realise a few things I didn't want to admit at first. I think your daughter would be great in interrogation."

"Yeah I thought the same thing," he smiled.

The next couple of hours were spent eating and chatting about normal everyday things. Elliot's kids, Olivia's new partner, Munch and Cragen retiring.

Elliot told her to go and relax on the couch whilst he loaded up the dishwasher and made her a cup of tea. By the time he was done and he went out to join her she was almost asleep on the couch.

"I'm so sorry," she said taking the cup of tea from him. "I didn't sleep at all last night or today."

He sat next to her and put his arm around her and pulled her to him. "You need to start looking after yourself Liv for you and the baby."

"Yeah I know, and I will I promise. I'm going to make an appointment at my doctors to get checked out and everything."

"That's good," he said kissing the top of her head. "At least at work your already stuck behind a desk. So I don't need to worry about you chasing and taking down perps anymore."

She snuggled further into him her head on his chest "Will you come with me to the doctors?" she asked him.

"Course I will, I thought you were never going to ask."

They sat in a comfortable silence holding each other.

"El…"

"Hmmmm"

"Would you mind if I stayed here tonight. I'm too tired to go home, and I'm really comfortable…plus I don't want to have to face Brian, not yet anyway."

"Of course you can," he said smiling. "You can take one of the girls beds," he told her despite wanting to hold her like he was all night.

She lifted her head to look at him "Would you mind if I slept with you, in your bed?" she asked quietly.

"I guess that would be okay, as long as you keep your hands to yourself," he smirked.

"Oh I think I can manage to do that," she grinned back.

He stood up and reached for her hand and led her to his room turning off the lights as he went. He stopped outside one of the rooms.

"Two minutes," he said disappearing through the door. He came back out a minute later with a pair of pyjamas. "They belong to Maureen so they should be okay for you," he said taking her hand again.

He opened the door to his room and led her in.

"Wow El, very nice," she said looking around.

"Thanks Dickie and the girls decorated it. I didn't really have a choice, except for the bed and the TV on the wall."

"Could the bed and TV get any bigger," she laughed as she looked from the king-size bed to the large plasma TV.

"Hey I was single for the first time in 25 years , I had to do the bachelor thing" he laughed. "Come on the bathroom is through here," he said leading her through another door. He reached into a cabinet and took out a new toothbrush and handed it to her.

She raised her eyebrows as she took it. "Prepared for overnight guests, are we?"

"I have one spare brush just in case," he told her. "You're the first person I have ever given it to….. I will leave you to change," he said walking to the door. "Oh and Liv just so you know, apart from Eli I am the only person to ever sleep in my bed. I never found anyone special enough to share it with," he said as he walked out and closed the door.

Olivia got changed and reopened the bathroom door. Elliot had changed in a pair of sweats and a t shirt. He smiled at her and walked into the bathroom picking up his toothbrush and toothpaste. After squirting some paste onto his brush he put some on Olivia's and they both leant over the sink as they brushed their teeth.

Elliot glanced up and looked in the mirror. "What?" he asked taking the brush out of his mouth.

"Nothing," she smiled. "It's just this….. It's so, normal. It feels so right," she said carrying on brushing her teeth.

"Yeah," said Elliot finishing off.

Olivia climbed into bed as Elliot finished off in the bathroom. He turned the bedroom light off as he walked to the bed and climbed in.

"I haven't pinched your side have I?" she asked him as she turned on her side facing him.

"Nope it's just like the old days."

Olivia looked at him puzzled "What do you mean like the old days, we have never slept in the same bed."

"I know, I think I would have remembered if we had shared a bed," he laughed. "I'm on about in the cribs, you would always take the bed on the right and I would be on the left. The amount of times I had wished we could have pulled them closer together," he said taking hold of her hand under the blanket.

"I used to watch you sleeping some nights, you used to look so relaxed and peaceful. I used to love seeing you like that."

"If I tell you I used to kiss you on the forehead, will you find that creepy?" he asked her, moving forward and wrapping his arm around her waist.

"You used to kiss my forehead?"

"Yeah I would come up to wake you and sometimes before I did I would lean down and kiss you softly," he said as his lips touched her forehead. "I used to be shaking so much and my heart would be pounding , I was afraid you would hear it and wake up, catching me."

"I wish I had, at least I would have known you felt the same as me. I fell in love with you so long ago I can't remember a time when I didn't."

Elliot ran his fingers lightly down her face. "I felt exactly the same, Liv. I was so torn between you, my family and work. I should never have slept with Kathy that night, I was weak, lonely and upset. I went to the house to check on the kids, to see them, it was never meant to happen."

"Just like what happened with us."

"No Liv," he said cupping her face. "It was nothing like you and me, I wasn't in love with Kathy when I slept with that night. I loved you….. I still love you…." he said as he brushed her lips softly with his. "I have loved you for so long."

"Yeah," she said as a tear ran down her cheek.

"Yeah, I was just too stupid and scared to tell you and show you," he said kissing away the tear, before his mouth covered hers and he kissed her softly and passionately, running his fingers through her hair as their tongues slipped together.

Olivia pulled away and dropped her head to his.

"Show me now," she whispered. "Show me how much you love me."

Elliot put his hand under her chin and lifted her head so she looked up at him. "There is nothing I want more than to show you how much I love and want you. But right now you need to rest and sleep…."

Olivia went to say something and Elliot put a finger to her mouth.

"You haven't slept for two nights and your exhausted. I will be right here beside you all night, holding you in my arms. And trust me if you're not too tired in the morning, I plan on showing you exactly how much I love you and your extremely hot and sexy body."

Olivia smiled at him "Okay," she said kissing his lips once more before turning over, her back to him. Elliot just watched scared he had upset her as he looked at her back. She started to shuffle back to him, her back up against her chest. She reached back and took hold of his hand and brought it around her holding it close to her chest. Elliot grinned as he spooned her and held her tight.

"Love you Stabler."

"Love you to Sergeant Benson," he said kissing her neck.

"How did you know about the promotion," she asked yawning as they hadn't talked or mentioned it all night.

"I heard through the grapevine, I was at the ceremony, I hid away at the back. There was no way I was going to miss it."

"Of course you were," she said closing her eyes. He was there when Cassidy wasn't she thought as she drifted off to sleep.

Next up a bit of loving and naughtiness, as they wake up together for the first time. Plus Olivia faces Cassidy. Got a couple of ideas for how the Cassidy part should go, but would like to know. Should I have him nice and understanding or being a prick, so Elliot has a reason to punch him.