"I've seen all kinds of demons and I've killed so many of them, but Time,

Time was the cruelest one of them all."

-Dean Winchester

Ripple Effect [rip-uhl ih-fekt]
n.
It is the gradual changing of the present or future timeline after the changing of past events. Items brought from the present and future transformed to become consistent with the alteration of the timeline are changed due to the ripple effect. (Oxford)

He walked down a muddy road with one thought in his mind, one destination, one intention, to find his little brother, the one spark of light that gave meaning to his dark and grim life. With his heart hammering loudly against his chest, he held a flashlight in his left hand, and a shot gun in his right. "Come on Sammy come on Sammy", he whispered to himself. He was about to lose it, Sam's been too far out of his sight! He'll be dammed if something happened to him, he couldn't let it, he wouldn't allow it.

He let his legs guide him as his head moved frantically from left to right, searching for any sign of his sibling, eyes wide open like saucers to see through the dark woods, hands gripped and released the gun prepared to face any threat.

He cursed to himself as the endless woods carried no sign of his brother. Just when he was about to search a different path, he heard it…

"Dean!"

He released a breathe he didn't know he was holding as Sam's voice's registered in his mind.

"Sam!" Dean yelled with a voice filled with sheer relief as he began to run faster towards his brother's form. Bobby ran equally fast beside him. He's okay, God he's okay.

Just as he was about to reach him, something snapped out of place. Sure thing, he found Sam, and he didn't seem harmed, but something didn't feel right. The hairs behind his neck rose, as if sensing the false relief that overtook him.

Right on cue, he spotted a shadow behind his brother's figure.

Sam, completely defenseless, blinded by the comfort of seeing his brother, didn't notice the danger until he saw the alarm reflected on his brother's face.

"Sam, Look out!" Dean sensed the inevitable before the knife tore into Sam, as if he knew what was coming, heart racing, as the knowledge that he would be too late filled his mind.

He let out a "NO!" as he watched Jake sliding the bloody knife into Sam's defenseless back. He stormed towards his brother's falling body, No no no no!

"NOOO!"

The words came out choked from Dean as he jolted from his bed, panting and covered in a cold sweat, tears ran down unnoticed. He covered his face with his trembling hands and tried to calm himself down as Sam's voice still echoed in his groggy mind. "God…" he whispers to himself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bobby in the kitchen, heard Dean's scream from the other room for the hundredth time. Dean had been having this nightmare almost every night ever since Sam's death 2 months ago. Just when hew was about to believe that Dean was starting to come out of it, Dean fell further down the rabbit hole and relapsed onto another fit of nightmares at night, leaving him looking like a terrified lost boy by morning.

"How much can you take boy?" Bobby said to himself as he sorrowfully prepared breakfast.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After steady long breaths, Dean finally mustered the strength to drag himself out of bed. He walked on heavy feet towards the bathroom as if on autopilot. He rested his hands on the sink and didn't even bother to look in the mirror, to him, his face was not worth the slightest attention. He turned on the faucet and folded both hands like a bucket under the running water and rinsed his face with the gathered liquid, the coldness snapped him further into reality and away from the dark woods. He looked down the sink, noticed the veins of water which droplets traced before disappearing down the drain.

I should disappear…

"Dean? You okay in there?" Bobby knocked from the other side of the door.

Dean is shocked out of his pity party with the droplets of water. "Mm fine" he snapped, regretting how harsh he answered the old man, he shouldn't be mad at him. It was my job, my brother, my responsibility, and my damn failure he hammered to himself.

"Alright well your breakfast's running cold, thought you might wanna eat something for a change".

"No thanks Bobby I'll pass." No point of eating anything when he lost the sense of taste anyway, when he didn't feel like he deserved it.

He noticed that Bobby's still at the door and lets out a grunt.

"I'll be out in a minute" he added, anything to get Bobby off his back.

Dean's shoulders relaxed as he heard Bobby's steps leaving the room. He lifted his right hand from the sink and rubbed his face once more while closing his eyes, his breath caught in his throat as he suddenly saw Sam's dying body; almost faltered as he sensed the wetness of his brother's blood in his hands. His eyes shot open and looked straight down at his palms, panicked and shaken, he roughly rinsed each finger to get rid of the dreadful feeling, he could've sworn the waters turned red.

Once done, he swallowed hard as he brought the back of his soaking pruned hands up to press them against his sockets, trying inevitably to push it all away, just for now at least, get a grip Dean snapped to himself. He to took a few calming breaths and prepared to leave his sanctuary. Bobby would have come back for him if he didn't get out in ten seconds tops. Ignoring the mirror still, he focused on moving his right foot, then left foot and slowly dragged himself out of the bathroom like a dead man walking.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bobby straightened his back once he saw Dean walk into the living room. His heart ached as he noticed how the hunter looked worse and worse each day.

Gone were the green observant eyes that were once filled with life, only to be replaced by a dull grey color that lost all sense of devotion. Dark circles literally heavy as if pulling down on his lids, making him look as if drugged. His body, once filled with muscle like that of a statue, now became nothing but glued flesh on bone. His skin was as pale as the white shirt he was wearing which hung loosely on his weary frame. What hurt the old man the most were his slow unsteady steps, it seemed like his feet were dragging some heavy chains that were tide to that spot where he last held Sam's dying body.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer." Dean said with annoyance.

Bobby broke out the observation session, cursing himself for making the boy feel uncomfortable. He cleared his throat and spoke softly, "Dean, I know I've said this many times, but you need to eat something today, when was the last decent meal you had?"

Dean doesn't bother to answer. He walked straight to the cabinet and gripped his favorite treat, a bottle of Jack, ignoring Bobby's sighs of frustration as he took a big gulp of the drink, and relished the burn that left his throat.

I should burn…

He chuckles to himself, I would've if they had let me!

With no preparations, his mind was taken back to that dreadful night, when he gathered Sam's cold body to a cabin nearby, laid him on an abandoned bed and spoke out words of remorse like Sam could still hear him.

"I always tried to protect you. Keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I had one job. I had one job, and I screwed it up. I blew it, and for that, I'm sorry".

"Sorry my ass" he whispered to himself, mocking his dialogue while shaking his head from side to side. He took another gulp, winced from the memory more than from the drink's bitter taste.

"What am I supposed to do? Sammy? What am I supposed to do?"

That's the thing dammit! He knew what he was supposed to do!

He drove to the nearest crossroads, followed the instructions of how to summon a demon with no hesitation. He was going to trade his life for Sam's. The demon did indeed show up, it looked into Dean's eyes and saw through his soul, sensed the grief, sniffed the sorrow oozing out of him, felt the heartache pumping and overflowing his veins.

"No." It simply said with a sickening smirk.

"No? What do you mean "No"? You'll have me for lunch instead! Come on I know how many of you sons of bitches want me rotting down there with you".

The demon smirk grew, "It would be a nice offer honey, but come to think of it, boy we like this version of hell you're going through way better, we know you too well Deanie boy. We can sense the guilt burning you alive like a hot poker already" it said as it swayed and walked towards Dean, standing almost inches away from his face.

"This misery that's burning you right here..." the demon said as it poked roughly at Dean's heart, "will hurt you, will fucking burn you way more than anything we can do to you and you know it. No need for the extra work, you can torture yourself up here while we torture your brother down there. You can say we're hitting two birds with one stone, all thanks to you sugar." It said as it let out a wicked chuckle.

"Dean!"

Dean snapped out of the memory when Bobby called out his name, he rubbed the spot above heart, sensed the demon's poke like some phantom pain.

"Will you stop drowning yourself in this crap?!" Bobby yelled as he tries to pull the bottle from Dean.

"Let it go old man." Dean said as he pulled the bottle from Bobby's grasp.

"No son, I've watched this for two months now, I let it go for too long! You're disappearing before my eyes Dean! You no longer eat, you no longer speak, heck boy, you no longer hunt!"

Dean winced at the word Hunt.

"Yeah what a crap of a job that's been, I'm through with it, all of it." He said as he took another unmerciful jug.

"That's exactly my point Dean! How can you, out of all people, be through with hunting?! It's in your blood! You killed more evil than any other hunter I know! And now you're acting like you don't give a shit?! How do you think Sam's gonna feel when he sees you like this?!"

Something snapped in Dean, Bobby almost heard it, and wondered if he took his words too far. Dean dropped the bottle of Jack and shoved Bobby to the wall with force. "Don't you ever…" Dean said with a voice filled with venom "Ever bring his name up."

But Bobby didn't budge, "What Dean? You think you're the only one who lost him? You think I don't feel the pain you're going through? I lost him as well! But from the looks of it, it seems like I'm losin' ya too! Dammit this is not the Dean I know!"

Dean released Bobby and lets out a sick chuckle as he steps back.

"Well I hate to break it to ya old man but that Dean was long gone if you haven't noticed, you only got the shell, take it or fucking leave it." He said while he raised both arms to present himself.

"Son" Bobby let out a sad sigh as he stared at the broken man in front of him, "You don't deserve to be like this, to live like this, you're drowning yourself in guilt that's not even yours!"

"Never asked you to play judge Judy on me Bobby" Dean retorted.

"Dean…"

"What Bobby?" He said as he stepped forward, coming almost face to face with the man, "What is it exactly that you want me to do huh? Walk around like everything's made of sunshine? Wear a damn smile on my face while my chest feels like it's about to explode?! You asked me to be here Bobby!" he said as he roughly pointed at Bobby, unintentionally mimicking the demon's poke, "You dragged me into your crap of a place, I can leave if I'm too much to handle. I don't need you sulking behind me like a damn shrink."

Bobby couldn't take it, the pain in Dean's eyes was suffocating him.

"No Dean, no I don't want you to leave, I'm just worried about you son."

"Son" he mocked, "Get it through your thick scull Bobby, I'm not your damn son so quit with the worrying monologue cause I'm sick of it." He stormed out of the room, grabbed a jacket, slipped on his boots which he didn't bother to tie, "I'm going out, don't wait up."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bobby waited up, it was past midnight and he was starting to panic. He was about to leave and start searching for the lost boy when the door opened and Dean's figure slowly emerged through the dim lights.

"Dean! Where the heck have you been?! I was this close to call a search team on you!"

"I told you not to wait up" Dean slurred.

"Sue me Dean, you been sulking in some bar again haven't ya?! You could've at least answered your damn phone."

Dean dragged himself across the room heavily, the guilt on his shoulders almost visible from the looks of his bowed back. He shoo'd off Bobby's voice with a lousy hand, almost smacking Bobby's face. He took a few drunken steps and tripped against his barely functioning legs.

Bobby caught him before his face met the floor. "Easy boy I gotcha, I gotcha, goodness how much did ya drink ya idgit?!"

"Not enough to drown this ship." Dean said while pointing at himself, eyes barely held open.

Bobby stared down at the boy's face, looking as pale as ever, typical, another night was gone with Dean filling his stomach with nothing but alcohol and grief. He took a closer look and noticed the nasty wound that hung right above Dean's left eye.

"You got into another bar fight boy?"

"Yess sirrr I did." Dean slurred with pride.

"Dammit Dean what happened this time?!"

Dean chuckled before he spoke, "Man was sitting too close, told him to find himself another stool. Pushed him too hard ha! Waddaya know? Guess I still got some muscle left in me."

"What? Why would you do that Dean?"

"Told him I was lethal," he said while letting out a lazy smirk, "told him I'm a tickin' bomb, was doing him a favor, savin' his ass before I blew it" he coughed, " Heck I might have you killed as well old man, why you still here then? hmm?" He slurred as his eyes closed.

Bobby ignores the senseless justification, "Come on let's get you to bed."

He pulls Dean's left shoulder and lifts him up the floor, surprised at how less of an effort it took to carry the boy as the days rolled by, this can't go on Dean he thought to himself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They made it to the room with extra time and effort, by then, Dean rested most of his weight on Bobby. The old hunter dropped Dean down the bed, gently placed his head into the pillow, took off his boots, removed his jacket while Dean seemed to be drifting on and off. He covered him in a blanket then ran to the kitchen and grabbed a wet cloth. He returned to find Dean in the same position, if trembling slightly, and started dabbing the wound above his left eye.

Dean winced and spoke softly, "You didn't answer me Bobby."

"Answer what Dean?"

"Why… why you still around?" he asked with a voice that made him sound like a young lost boy, "I had Dad killed… then I had Sammy killed, stay longer and I, I might have you killed." A tear ran down the side of his cheek and met with the pillow as he swallowed thickly, "So why Bobby?" his voice broke, "tell me why you're still here?" he asked with eye brows raised as if to barely hold his heavy lids up, desperately waiting for an answer.

Bobby thought for a minute as he continued to dab Dean's wound. "Listen boy, you had nothing to do with their deaths you understand?" he said sternly and ignores Dean's snicker of disbelief. "And if you ask me why I'm around," he paused as he stared down at Dean's drooping eyes and felt a lump in his throat forming, "it's because I can feel your pain, because I can hear your cries, I can see your tears, and I can sense your guilt. I lost Sam, I couldn't save him and for that I'm sorry. But I won't forgive myself if I couldn't save you Dean. I owe you that much. I won't lose you, I won't let it. And because…" he choked on the words before continuing "You're the closest thing I have to a son. Whether you like it or not dammit! I'll still look at you as my son! You hear that Dean?!" he said as he gripped Dean's forearm.

Bobby took a shaky breathe and covered his trembling mouth with his hand, shocked at how he lost himself in the emotion, wiped a few tears that edged the corner of his eyes. He looked down and was relieved to see that Dean was too far gone to hear of his breakdown. His eyes were now completely closed, a small frown rested above his eyes as if in pain.

Bobby lifted his hand and slowly massaged Dean's forehead, he smiled sadly as Dean's head unconsciously leaned to his touch. Once he was sure the boy's asleep and comfortable, he slowly rose from the chair and started to turn around. Suddenly, he found Dean's hand weakly grabbing his, as if to hold him from leaving.

"Mm sorry Bobby… Mm s'sorry." Dean mumbled.

"I know kid, I know."

"son… glad t' be like 'ur son… Ju... Just" Dean stopped as his face grimaced with a wave of sadness.

"Shhh Dean it's okay, just what?" he said as he bent down to hear Dean's fading voice.

"Just… don' leave me Bobby…" He let out in a pained whisper.

Bobby heard his own heart breaking in his chest. Before he was able to find his voice and say something that would make it better, Dean let out a tired sigh and passed out.

Bobby sat back down, tears now ran loosely down his cheek which he didn't even bother to wipe, gripped Dean's limb hand and stared at the boy he learned to love ever since he was four years old, memories flashing of all the good and bad times he went through with this kid, this man, this.. son.

"Don't you worry Dean, I ain't going nowhere". He says as he rocked in his chair with Dean's hand clutched between his, "I ain't going nowhere son."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tada! Well I know no time travel mojo jojo happened yet, for now, I just wanted to get a grip of Dean's desperation before we go the traveling actually starts, this will justify the pain he'll put himself through to have Sam back.

I must say that this is my first attempt in writing a fanficiton, I've always been a reader of these stories, never thought I'd actually write one. Hence, your reviews would be super duper helpful! Let me know if I should go ahead with this story, if it actually interests you :)

A big juicy thanks to Deansbabybird (Bev) for pushing to take this story into writing!