Sorry for the slight delay in updating but I have been really busy with work and then driving up and down the country for a course I am on. However I should have plenty of time to update now I am alone in a hotel room every night.

Chapter 13

He stared up at the ceiling unable to sleep yet again. It had been three nights since he got home from the hospital and every night he had struggled to get to sleep. Then when he had finally fallen asleep he had awoken because of the nightmares. He looked at the clock it was just after 2am.

He turned his head and looked at Olivia who was sleeping soundly. He could handle the dreams easier if they were about him, but they weren't. They always involved Olivia and Lewis. He turned on his side and lay his hand on her stomach. He smiled as he felt the baby move slightly. Lifting his head he placed a gentle kiss on her bump and climbed out of bed, leaving their bedroom as quietly as he could.

Olivia rolled on her side and reached out for Elliot but all she found was an empty space for the third night in row. She sighed and rolled onto her back staring up into the darkness; it was just after 3.30am. She sat up and pulled on one of his t-shirts. The last couple of nights she had just left him to his own thoughts but not tonight. They needed to talk; she needed to know what was going on in his head since Lewis had taken him.

She walked out the bedroom and stood in the doorway of the living room she leant against the doorframe and watched him. He was sitting in the dark, on the floor in front of the couch naked, the only light came from the street lights outside. In front of him was an unopened bottle of vodka, at least she hoped it was unopened.

"How long you going to stand there staring?" he asked her quietly without looking up.

She walked over to him and struggled as she sat on the floor opposite him. "How long you been awake?"

He shrugged his shoulders "I haven't been asleep yet."

Olivia looked down at the vodka between and gave herself a small smile when she saw it was still unopened.

"When did you buy that?" she asked him pointing to the bottle.

"This morning when I went for a walk. I don't know why I did," he said picking it up. "Maybe deep down I figured if I couldn't sleep, then it may come in handy."

"Well you can't sleep so why haven't you opened it?"

He shrugged his shoulders again.

"Why can't you sleep El, what's going on? You said you were okay at the hospital, you seemed fine."

"Yeah well I got pretty good over the years at hiding my feelings, my thoughts and what was really going on in my head."

Olivia crossed her legs and looked over at him "I thought we said we were going to share our feelings from now on. If something happened at work or at home, we would tell each other and not keep it bottled up."

Elliot raised his head and looked at her for the first time since she had joined him.

"That goes both ways Liv."

"What's that supposed to mean."

Elliot looked her straight in the eyes "What happened when Lewis had you?" he asked her outright.

"I…. I told you what happened. We talked about everything."

"No Liv you told me what you needed to tell me. Just like you did after Sealview. You told me just enough, but not everything."

Olivia dropped her head away from gaze. "Why are you doing this now? Did Lewis say something to you? Cause whatever he said was probably a lie. He was trying to get in your head, because that's what he does, El. What he did. He was evil through and through, he had no feelings what so ever. "

"I need to know Liv; I need you to tell me the truth. Not half answers covering what really happened. Not the answers you gave Cragen, Fin and in court. I need the full truth….. Did Lewis rape you?"

"Please Elliot don't do this?" she asked him her voice breaking.

"I'm sorry but I need to know."

"Why, I told you what happened," she said starting to get upset." I told you how he hurt me, how he forced drink and tablets down my throat, how he cut me, burnt me and beat me….."

"Why won't you tell me?" he asked her tears falling down his cheeks.

"Because I don't fucking no!" she yelled at him. "You happy now, I don't know if he raped me," she cried. "I came around in the back of the car and the buttons to my trousers were open and my zip down. But I still had my panties on. I was sore but not inside just on the outside as though I had been rubbed to hard or something, but I don't know if he raped me cause I was passed out. You happy now, you get what you wanted."

Elliot looked up at her and saw the pain and fear in her eyes as she thought back to those four days, and he felt guilty for pushing her.

"Why didn't you just get a rape kit done at the time, find out for sure? You would have had the evidence to send him down for longer. If he raped you he shouldn't have been allowed to get away with it."

"Because I didn't want to know, I didn't want to have to stand up in court and listen to what might have happened to me," she sighed. "Nearly everything in those first two days is a blur and I would rather keep it that way. At least when I was passed out I didn't feel any pain. I didn't want to know what he had done to me when I was unconscious, I didn't want to know El…. I remember when we had to tell that woman years ago she had been raped, when she didn't know she had been and when we told her she fell apart. I didn't want to be that woman. I didn't want to know."

"But Liv if he did …. You could have gotten pregnant by him…. you….."

Olivia shook her head. "I may have refused the rape kit, but I took the morning after pill just in case, I also got checked for any sexually transmitted diseases including HIV.….. Why did you need to know Elliot after all this time, after all the talks we have had about him and what happened, why ask me that question now?"

"I …. I …..Just needed to know, he said that he got to know you so well and my mind just….. I had all these images in my head that I don't want and can't get rid of. It was like Sealview all over again. I can't sleep cause of the nightmares. I should have been there Liv. Why didn't you call me?" He was crying as he talked the tears falling fast from his eyes. "He said you kept talking about me, you said you should call me, but you didn't, why didn't you call me?"

Olivia looked at him as he pulled his knees up to his chest and dropped his head to them. "I would have come for you; I should never have left you. You came for me, you were there for me. When he had me you were there. Why don't you hate me, you should hate me, I'm such a selfish prick, for leaving like I did."

Olivia crawled over to him her own tears falling and knelt in front of him.

"El," she said softly reaching out and running her fingers over the back of his head. "You're not selfish; you couldn't be there because you didn't know."

"Because you didn't call me Liv. Because I cut you out of my life. You didn't call me because you didn't know if I would answer you call."

"No Baby," she told him lifting his head so she could see his face. "I didn't call you because I knew you would come. And I knew you would do everything I had said you would do, and I couldn't have you doing that. I wasn't going to let you go to prison because of that bastard. You would have killed him Elliot."

"Just like you did, to save me," he said to her.

"No I shot him to save all three of us. You, me and little spud. I just wish I had pulled that trigger the first time round."

"I just wish I had been there to protect you."

"You were El. When I needed strength to get through it I thought of you. When I needed to escape the pain it was you I went to in my head it was your face I seen. Don't believe anything he told you that night. Everything he said and done was to hurt you and me, to come between us. Don't let him win Baby."

Elliot nodded and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she told him as she pushed his legs down straight and lifted herself up straddling his thighs. Elliot lifted his hands and placed them on her stomach over the top of his t-shirt. "You, me, spud and your kids are all that matters now. Not what has happened over the last three years? All we need to concentrate is the future. You weren't to blame for what happened with Lewis, he was. He is out of our lives now so I think we need to make a pact that we don't mention him or what happened again. Cause if we keep thinking about it and bringing it up all the time, then he has won. He will have ruined my life which is what he wanted." She watched as Elliot nodded his head.

"I'm sorry for putting you through that," he said quietly.

She wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck and pulled him to her. He dropped his head to her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her holding her tightly to him.

"I love you so much Liv," he told her as he placed a soft kiss on her neck.

"Not as much as I love you," she smiled as she ran her nails down his bare back.

"That must be a lot then," he smiled back as he dropped his hands down her sides and took hold of the bottom of the t-shirt and slowly pulled it up her body. Olivia raised her arms and he slipped the t-shirt off her leaving them both naked. "I always knew you would be hot and damn sexy when you were pregnant," he smiled as he ran his fingers down over her collar bone, between her breasts and over her large bump. "So fucking beautiful," he said dropping his head and kissing each breast and then the top of her bump. "Definitely going to be a MILF." He grinned, trying to lighten things between them.

Olivia shook her head smiling and slipped her hand between them and took hold of his semi hard cock and began stroking him. Elliot dropped his head back to her neck and began sucking gently over her pulse point as he ran his fingers up and down her sides.

"El…."

"Mmmmm."

"I know it may be a bit awkward cause of the size of me, but….make love to me," she said to him.

Elliot lifted his head and looked at her "Any time Baby," he said before dropping his head and sucking her nipple into his mouth as he slipped his hand between her legs.

"Jesus Liv your soaked already," he sighed as he slipped his finger into her folds and ran it the full length of her pussy. "So, so wet," he mumbled as he slipped his finger inside her.

Olivia moaned as she felt his finger enter her and begin to move in and out of her opening. "More," she told him. He done as she asked and slipped another finger inside her. She rose up and her knees slightly and moved her hips as he pumped his fingers in and out of her at a steady rhythm and his thumb rubbed over her clit.

"I need you inside," she panted as she felt his erection push up against her belly. "I want to feel you inside me."

Elliot grabbed a cushion from the couch and moved around so his wasn't sitting against the couch. He flung the cushion down behind his head and lay down. He looked up at her and grinned. "It's up to you now Baby," he told her as he removed his fingers and took hold of his cock.

Olivia raised up on her knees and moved forward till she was level with him she could feel the tip of his cock pushing at her opening, as he moved it over her slit coating himself in her juices. "Hold still," she told him. He done as he was asked his cock throbbing against her opening. Olivia smiled as she slid down his full length impaling herself fully.

"Fuck," groaned Elliot as he watched his dick slide into her. "You feel so good each time," he said.

"You to honey, you to," she agreed as she began to move her hips slowly keeping him fully inside her as her inner muscles squeezed him hard.

"Damn Liv, that feels amazing," he grabbed her hips and helped her move above him. She raised up on her knees before sinking back down as she rode him over and over sinking as deep as she could each time. Elliot looked up at her licked his lips as he watched her riding him. She had never looked so gorgeous.

Feeling herself getting closer and closer to her release she began to rock her hips against him as Elliot pushed up into her.

"Liv….I'm gonna…"

"Christ me to….Me to baby," she panted. "Oh god that feels so…"

"Fucking good," he finished for her as he pushed into her hard and stilled as he came his hot seed spurting into her over and over.

"Aaaaahhhh!" she screamed out as she felt him release inside her, her body convulsing and shaking as her orgasm ripped through her body. She collapsed to the side, as she slumped onto the couch sweat coating her body..

"Jesus," she gasped as she tried to take in air.

"You can say that again," said Elliot as his cock continued to twitch inside her.

"Jesus…." She said giggling. She felt Elliot laughing under her. "I'm not squashing you am I?" she asked him

"No and even if you were I wouldn't tell you," he smiled. They stayed like that for a few more minutes.

"Come on," said Olivia slowly pulling herself off him and moving back down his legs. "I need my bed."

Elliot shuffled from under her and stood up. He reached down for her and taking both hands helped her to stand up. He leant forward and kissed her lips softly. "You okay?" he asked her. "You're not sore or anything?"

"No I'm fine," she said taking his hand and leading him towards the bedroom. She stopped by the bedroom they had turned into a nursery and opened the door. Elliot stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her the best he could. "I still can't believe there is going to be a little person in there in the next few weeks," she said.

"Well believe it," he said kissing her shoulder and making his way up to her neck. She moaned as she felt him suck on her neck and his hands went up to her breasts and began massaging them as he took the nipples between his fingers and thumbs. "You know," he said between kissing and sucking her neck.

"Hmmmm," she moaned as she felt herself getting aroused and wet between her legs again from his touch.

"Once you have the baby we can't have sex for at least 4-6 weeks, and even after that we are gonna be too tired to probably even think about doing anything. So…"

Olivia smiled as she felt his erection push against her lower back. "So, what?"

"So I was thinking, maybe we should just fuck like bunnies whilst we can."

"That's what you're thinking huh?" she asked as she reached forward and closed the door for the nursery.

"Yeah that's what I was thinking," he replied as his he moved back and his cock pushed between her bum cheeks. Olivia stepped back and bent forward leaning against the door to the nursery she had just closed. "So what you waiting for she asked him.

"God your amazing," he whispered as he slid himself slowly into her opening and taking hold of her hips. "If it becomes too much, just say baby. I don't want to hurt you," he told her as he as he looked down and watched his cock disappearing deep inside her, as he moved his hips and pushed himself into her over and over.

Olivia leant her head onto the wall as she pushed back against him meeting his every thrust. "Oh god baby I need to….." she gasped as she tried to reach between her legs to rub her clit.

"I got you sweetheart," he replied knowing what she needed. He adjusted their positions slightly and reached around them. He rubbed his fingers over her swollen nub, coating his fingers in both their fluids.

"Don't let me fall," she gasped as she felt her climax building and her legs began to shake.

"I got you Liv, just let go, I'm never letting you go," he told her.

"Oh god!...Fuck!" she screamed as her second orgasm of the night washed over her and she clenched her inner muscles tightly around Elliot's throbbing cock as he released inside her. Elliot held onto her tightly to stop her sliding to the floor as they both came down from their high.

"Wow," he panted.

"Yeah," she giggled. "That was definitely a wow."

Elliot slid out of her kissing the back of her neck before she turned to face him.

"Take me to bed Stabler, before I fall asleep right here."

Elliot smiled and wrapped an arm around her before he bent slightly and picked her up as though he was carrying her across the threshold.

"El!" she screamed. "What the hell you doing?

"Taking you to bed, just like you asked."

"Don't you dare drop me" she warned him as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

As Elliot walked through the door and into their bedroom he stopped and looked at her. "The next time I carry you like this across a door way, it will be the real thing," he told her.

"You asking me to marry you Stabler?" she asked raising her eyebrow.

Elliot smiled at her "If I was, what would you say?"

"Oh no you need to ask me first to find out."

Elliot grinned at her with that cocky grin that annoyed the hell out of her. "Oh I'm going to, don't worry about that, just not tonight. When I do I want the setting and the time to be perfect. You deserve better than to be asked after I have just banged you from behind in the corridor," he laughed.

Olivia slapped his back, but laughed as well. "Such the romantic," she said to him as he lay her down on the bed and climbed in beside her. Olivia turned on her side and Elliot spooned her from behind wrapping his arms around her, holding her hand resting them on her stomach.

"El…. I have been thinking the last few days about a lot of things…..and after tonight I have kinda made my mind up."

"Hmmmmmmm."

"I don't think…. No. I know I don't want to go back to SVU after the baby is born."

Elliot lifted his head slightly a small smile on his lips.

"You don't huh."

Olivia shook her head. "I have wanted and waited so long to have a baby with the man I love. I want to be able to spend time at home with both of you and enjoy being a mother."

"That's the best thing I heard since you told me you were pregnant," he said kissing her shoulder.

"I thought you would try and talk me out of it."

"Maybe if you had come to me years ago and said you were leaving I would have, because I was selfish and didn't want to lose you. But not now. After everything that has happened I want you safe at home looking after spud."

"I love you Stabler."

"Love you to Benson," he said closing his eyes.

Reckon it's time for little spud to make his or her appearance next. Still can't decide on a boy or girl, what do you think?