Joker

Jeff shuffled into what appeared to be a waiting room. It was already occupied by a man and a woman. If he remembered the crew list correctly (and he wasn't so sure he had; reports and lists were never really his thing), the two were Jacob Taylor and Miranda Lawson.

He could tell Jacob was a soldier at first glance. Crisp, clean, and straight-laced. He had been around enough of them to see the familiar rigid stance and attention to detail that they all shared. Taylor looked up at him and gave him a small nod. Joker was hesitant at first before finally returning the gesture.

Back when he was a pilot stuck on a space station without a ship because no captain wanted a kid with Vrolik Syndrome piloting his or her ship regardless of his outstanding test scores, the soldiers moving through said station would heckle the weak, breakable invalid any chance they had. He didn't get a reprieve until the Normandy. It turned into a family around Shepard, so Jeff never suffered harsh barbs, only the occasional light-hearted joke. Jeff would have to wait and see which category Taylor fell into: the mocking soldier or the sympathetic warrior.

Miranda Lawson was something else. Was that an official Cerberus uniform all women were required to wear? If the answer was yes, Jeff would have signed up with them a long time ago. What could be better than an entire group of attractive women, all wearing skin tight catsuits?

Then she looked at him and changed his earlier conclusion. Her glare was cold, so cold he almost shivered. It wasn't dead or expressionless like other creepy empty gazes he had suffered but full of intelligent thought. What really caught Jeff off guard was the detachment and authority her eyes commanded. They watched him intently, harshly scrutinizing his every move.

Forget what he said earlier. If all the women in Cerberus were like Miranda Lawson, they could keep them.

"Shepard is still speaking with the Illusive Man," she said, her tone no warmer than her eyes. "You may wait here until they're finished."

"Um, yeah. Okay," was his very intelligent response.

She returned to her work, and Jeff carefully lowered himself into a seat.

"Smooth one, Jeff. 'Yeah, okay,'" he mocked himself quietly. "Why don't you just hand her your testicles while you're at it."

Eventually his mind turned from self-deprecating, chastising humor to the bombshell Cerberus dropped on him yesterday. It made him so giddy he had nearly shattered his shin bone in an ill-advised hop when he heard.

They brought back the Normandy, his Normandy.

He hadn't gotten a chance to see her personally, but the schematics he was given showed everything he needed to know. There were substantial upgrades from the old one, a full lab, larger cargo bay with shuttle, improved emission sinks, and larger drive core, but, underneath all the new shiny baubles, she still had the same soul, still his baby. Jeff hoped the commander would see it too and give her the right name.

"You can see him now," Miranda said, breaking his reverie. "Just head through that door and go down the steps."

Jeff stood up and moved as quickly as possible to the door. He wanted to leave behind the-woman-whose-eyes-could-eat-him-alive as fast as possible. But as the door closed behind him, he was left alone and in front of the steps that led to the man who sacrificed his life for Jeff's. The fear overtook him, and suddenly being in the same room as Miranda didn't sound so bad.

Before he could make for the door, the sound of walking, armored boots came from the stairs. Each step made Jeff wince in anticipation until the man that saved his life finally met his eyes, stopping half way up the steps.

"Hey, Commander," he said, trying to keep the trepidation from his voice. "Just like old times, huh?"

Shepard's smile was instant, and the wave of relief nearly overwhelmed Jeff.

"I was told I was going to meet the pilot I'll like. Are you here to take me to him?"

"Oh, ha ha. Very funny," Jeff answered. "You're lucky I'm coming along to haul your ass out of the fire again. I could be on some paradise planet with a harem of women, but I figured I owe you." He took a deep breath. "Listen-"

Shepard stopped him. "Don't even start, Joker. It was my choice to make. One of us living was better than both of us dying. I don't blame you for anything."

Of course the commander would see it that way. It did help alleviate some the guilt Jeff felt but not much. If he had just abandoned ship like the rest of the crew had, Shepard wouldn't have had to come up to the cockpit. If he wouldn't have fought to stay in the pilot seat, the attack wouldn't have kept the commander from entering the pod. If he-

Jeff stopped himself from falling too far down that particular rabbit hole. Shepard was here in front of him and very much alive. Now wasn't the time to be wallowing in self-pity.

The two stepped through the door to the now empty waiting room.

"It's good to see you, Joker. I can't believe you're here," Shepard said as they walked.

"Look who's talking. I had a front row seat to you getting spaced. If anyone should be surprised, it should be me."

That earned him a small smile. "Got lucky, with a lot of strings attached. How'd you get here?"

The question brought back memories, ones he wasn't particularly fond off. "It all fell apart without you, Commander. Everything you stirred up, the Council just wanted it gone. The team was broken up, records sealed. Hell, I was grounded because I wouldn't play ball."

"Wait, they grounded you? Why would they do that?"

More memories came. The hours spent in a small room with some big time officer telling him he couldn't leave until he signed some bogus statement. The compromises and promotions they offered when he wouldn't. The threats of being court-martialed for insubordination once they lost their patience. When he still refused, they took away his wings and sent him on his way. There wasn't much more they could do against one of Shepard's crew.

"You know how I said they wanted everything you found gone? Well, I wouldn't let them forget. When I wouldn't agree to their conditions, they did the only thing they could. They stripped my flight privileges."

"Someone should have told them getting you to shut it is harder than getting the turians and krogan to like each other."

Jeff smiled at that. "Yeah, well it didn't stop the Alliance from trying. They took the one thing that mattered to me. So when Cerberus came and asked if I wanted to be a pilot for them, I told them, 'Hell yeah I'll join up.'"

There was a long, pensive pause before Shepard asked, "You really trust them? You trust the Illusive Man?"

He shrugged. "Well, I don't trust anyone who makes more than I do. But they aren't all bad. Saved your life. Let me fly…" They approached the dry dock that held the new ship. "And there's this."

Both men moved to the window. Lights shown over the sleek new frigate. The design still held some semblance of their old Normandy, but it was much larger and more intimidating. Its wings were fixed with twin vertical stabilizers to help accommodate the additional mass while in atmo. The engines pulsed with pent up energy. She was a beautiful ship.

"They only told me last night," Jeff continued. "It's good to be home, huh, Commander?"

Shepard didn't share his enthusiasm. "It's not the same, Joker. There's nothing there that was even part of the real Normandy."

"There's us. I have to take what I can get. The last two years sucked. Even if Cerberus stocked the place with hidden cameras, there's no way they would invest this much just to screw us over. It'll be even better than the old days. You'll see."

"I hope so. I died," he answered.

"Geez. Morbid much? You're being a buzz kill, Commander."

"You should stop calling me that," Shepard said. His outward calm was betrayed by the heat in his voice. "I'm not an Alliance marine anymore."

Stupid, Jeff thought. Of course Shepard would be in a sour mood. He was practically forced into working with Cerberus. Sure they probably gave him the same spiel they gave Jeff, how he didn't have to agree if he didn't want to, but they knew what buttons to push to get him to join. Jeff doubted they pulled any punches with the commander. He was the lynchpin in their plans after all.

But Jeff wasn't exactly the best with the emotional stuff or baggage. "Then why don't you head back to the Alliance? Why are you still here?"

"They would take too long," Shepard answered without much thought. "They would hold me, try to figure out where I've been for two years or if I really was me, and wonder what Cerberus' motivations were for bring me back. If they even believed me about the Collectors, they would need to substantiate the claims. During all this, more human colonists would be abducted for who-knows-what, abductions I could have stopped."

"So you're doing this for the right reasons, even though you have to work with not the best people."

Shepard gave him a weary look.

Jeff held up his hands in a surrender. "Fine, fine. Work with horrible people. Working with Cerberus doesn't change the fact that you're Commander Shepard, Survivor of Akuze, Savior of the Citadel." He noticed Shepard's hand heading to where his scar used to be. "And don't think for a second your squad would blame you for working with them. If they knew you as well as we do, they would understand."

Shepard turned back to the viewport, but he didn't look like he was inspecting the new ship. They waited like that for a while before the commander spoke again.

"You give quite the effective pep talks, Joker. I don't care what the others said, you're a good guy."

Jeff shrugged. "Yeah, well I've just filled my emotional conversations quota for the ye…" He finally caught the second part of what Shepard just said. "Wait. What others? What did they say about me? Who's talking about me behind my back?" he asked, somewhat frantic.

Shepard laughed. His attention was now back on the new ship "I guess we'll have to give her a name."