A/N: I do not own Twilight, but I do like to poke fun at it a little.

Also, enjoy the two in one day, I don't know what happened, the characters took over and I had to write before I exploded.


I just stood there, nailed to my spot on the floor. James was in my house. James and Psycho Two were in my house. Psychos One and Two were in my house. And as luck would have it, the cop was asleep in the cop car and Edward had just gunned the engine and drove down the street. I was all alone, but not all alone, because two deranged, mental-cases were standing in my living room staring at me. I thought about bolting for the door, but James must have figured that out because he stepped towards me and pulled out a knife. I took another step backwards and he took another towards me. I thought that if we kept this up I could be safe and out the door before he could reach me.

"Don't move, pretty." He took two large steps toward me and pinned me to the wall with the knife to my throat.

I stopped breathing, every time I did the knife skimmed across my neck. I looked around for a weapon and he pushed the tip ever so gently into my skin. Again he did that deranged head-tilt to the side. Part of me wondered if he had some medical disease that made him tilt his head like a confused dog or if he was imagining what he was going to do to me next.

My vision was getting blurry, but not from lack of oxygen. I was fighting hard against the tears that were trying to spill over from my eyes.

"Cry. Do it, please."

I couldn't think of what to do. All I kept thinking was, 'This is the end. I'm screwed, and I never even got a chance to see Edward shirtless.' Which felt completely inappropriate to be thinking about at that time. But the thought helped me to choke back the tears and clear my head. I began looking around again and I saw Psycho Two standing by the couch. Her face made her look terrified and I wondered if she didn't exactly know what she was getting herself into. I looked to my left and then I saw it, it wasn't great, but it would help.

Standing next to me in the umbrella holder by the door was a wooden baseball bat. It struck me as ironic that a gun carrying police officer would have a wooden bat by his door, but I thanked God at that moment that Charlie did. I decided that if I was going to have any chance of getting out of here I would have to distract Psycho One long enough to grab the bat and give him a good whack.

"You're girlfriend sure is pretty. What's her name?"

"Shut up."

"What? Can't I just know her name? I mean, if she's going to help you kill me I want to at least know her name."

"James, you never said anything about killing her."

"Shut up!"

"What is your name?" I asked Psycho Two.

"Don't answer." Psycho One said.

"Why not? I just want her name. I mean, for the past few hours I've just been calling her Psycho Two." She looked miffed at that. "Yeah, sorry honey, you're not important enough to be known as Psycho One. You're just an accomplice, but this guy here, he's the mastermind." I didn't know where my strength came from, but I liked it. Psycho Two was starting to turn red and Psycho One's hold on me was slackening.

"Ignore her." Psycho One said.

"She can't ignore me…you're paying too much attention to me and that bothers her. Right? That bothers you doesn't it?"

"I said Shut Up!"

"At least, it should bother you. I mean, you felt all special when he dragged you out here, but now you find out that I'm the true object of his desire. That's just got to kill you!" She looked furious at that and her eyes flashed like a female cat before a fight.

"James, you shut her up or I'm going to do it for you."

"Victoria, shut it!"

"Victoria! So that's your name. Victoria. Victoria, Victoria, Victoria. It's kind of an old lady name. Why do you have an old lady name Victoria? Are you old? You don't look old, but it's hard to tell. Maybe we should cut you in half and count the rings. Do you know how old she is James? I bet you don't. You've probably being shagging a middle-aged woman for the last few weeks and didn't even know it!"

At that point Psycho Two lunged for me and knocked Psycho One out of the way. She grabbed me and threw me against the door and then slapped me across the face. The slap burned, but I had been expecting it so I wasn't as thrown off. I delivered a swift kick to her shins and then lunged for the baseball bat. I didn't quite reach it though, just as I wrapped my fingers around the handle, some fingers wrapped in my hair and pulled me back. I let out a shriek and then came face to face, again, with Psycho One. He looked about ready to thrust the knife into my chest when the bell rang.

I looked to the door and opened my mouth.

"You say one word and you'll be dead before you can open the door."

We all stood there silent as statues while the person outside waited for an answer. No one came to the door and the bell went off again. I hoped to God that it was the cop, but doubted Sleepy had noticed anything going on. After a few more seconds the person outside started pounding on the door.

"Bella! Bella! I know you're in there, I saw you go in when Cullen dropped you off! Open the door Bella!"

I looked to Psycho One and he looked like he couldn't decide what to do.

"He knows I'm here. If I don't answer he's going to go wake up the cop that's parked outside and tell him something's wrong. And then you'll have a cop and his gun to worry about."

I looked at him like I meant business.

"You open the door, poke you're head out, say you're fine, tell him to leave, then shut the door. Got it?"

He let go of my hair but grabbed the back of my t-shirt and made sure I knew that the knife was pressed to my back. I slowly opened the door and looked outside.

"Bella, jeez, what took you so long? I heard about the prowler that you guys had out here the other day and thought I would stop by and make sure you were okay. Are you okay? You have a big welt on the side of your face."

"I'm fine Jacob. But I'm not feeling so well, maybe you could come by later." The sound had stopped, but I continued to move my mouth. 'Get help.' I mouthed to The Kid.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Jacob, I said I'm fine. But seriously, if you want me to hurl on you I will." Again I mouthed. 'Get help!'

He tried to look in the door but I closed it a little more.

"Okay, I'll leave, but first I have to ask you something. Do you want to come down to La Push sometime and maybe hang out?" Then he mouthed. 'Are you okay?'

"That sounds fun. When?" I asked, but then continued. 'Fine, get help.'

"Probably next weekend." He then mouthed, 'Is someone in there? Do they have a gun?'

"That sounds wonderful." I then mouthed, 'No, knife.'

He nodded his head. "Sweet, okay, see ya later." Then mouthed. 'Hold on.'

"Bye." I said, then mouthed 'Hurry,' before a hand pulled me in the door.

James whipped me around and forced me into the living room. Psycho Two was sitting in Charlie's recliner and she looked mellower than she had before. She actually looked almost dazed. That's when I smelt it, she was smoking pot in our living room.

"Are you seriously smoking pot in our living room? What is wrong with you? Don't you have any respect for a person's house?"

She just flipped me the bird and took another hit on her marijuana cigarette.

Psycho One was pushing me towards the stairs now, but I had no desire to climb the stairs.

"James, I want to apologize for what I did to you before. I never should have slapped you across the face, I'm sorry." I tried to make myself look remorseful, but I don't think he bought it. He was continuing to push me up the stairs. I was on the third step when the phone rang.

"Don't even think about it." He said.

"But what if it's Charlie; if I don't answer he'll get suspicious."

The phone quit ringing and the machine picked up.

"Isabella Swan, why the hell aren't you answering the phone? I know you're there, I know you're standing right there by the phone laughing at me while I leave this message. But you better pick up the phone or else I'm going to drive over there and bust in the door!"

I looked at Psycho One and he pulled me down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"You tell him anything and I will cut you so deep…"

I picked up the phone and the machine clicked off.

"Hello?"

"Isabella! I know you can't really respond, but try and give me as much information as possible. How many people are in the house?"

"Oh, I'm fine dad, sorry it took me so long to get to the phone, but I was watching Shrek 2. Man that movie is hilarious!"

"Two people, okay. Two men?"

"No dad, it's the one with the man and the woman, well I guess they're ogres, but they come visit the king and lots of stuff happens in between."

"Do they have a gun?"

"No dad, I don't know what I'm going to make for dinner. But I think we'll have bread. And Maybe this time I can cut the bread with the knife and not slice my hand open."

"Okay, they have a knife. Last thing and then I'm hanging up. Are you okay?"

"Yeah dad. I'll make lasagna when you get home. But you have to buy the ingredients. Oh, and Dad. Did you fix the lock on the back door, it was open when I came home today."

"Hold on."

The phone disconnected and I stood there wishing I had said other things. This could be the last time I would get to talk to Charlie.

"Alright, now let's go!" Psycho One said, he was dragging me towards the stairs again. I started to fight him trying to stall as much as I could.

"James, please, don't do this."

"That's right, beg. Plead with me. Convince me not to."

"Why?"

"Because, I get what I want, when I want it. And when I don't get it, well, then this happens."

"Have you done this before?"

"Oh, shut up, will you? I'm not going to tell you everything just because I'm about to kill you! You've been watching too many movies!"

He gave me one more good shove and I pretended to trip and went down to my knees. He grabbed me by the back of my shirt and tried to hoist me up but I pretended to have trouble standing.

"Get up!"

He grabbed me by the hair then continued to pull when we both heard it. Someone was outside. He freaked then, let go of my hair and looked out the window. No one was out there. But while he was looking I started to crawl on my hands and knees to the front door. I was inches away from the door when I felt something go into my right leg. I looked down and there was his knife. I saw the blood, or rather smelt it, and then everything went black.

When I woke up I was in the hospital and Charlie was sitting next to me. He had a cup of coffee in one hand, and my hand in his other. He was staring at my face, waiting for me to wake up.

"Dad?"

His face crinkled into a smile and he leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

"Where's James?"

He lost the smile then, and started frowning.

"He got away Bella. We came in the back door and he heard us and made his way through the front door. We have the girl in custody, but James is still out there somewhere."

I just sat there and stared at the wall. He got away. He broke into my house, stabbed me in the leg, and got away.

"He ran into Jacob on the way out, but knocked Jacob over before Jacob even knew what was coming."

"Is Jacob okay?"

"Oh yeah, kid's sturdy as a wall, didn't break a thing. Bella, you should get some rest, you lost quite a bit of blood."

I just nodded and then closed my eyes. The next time I woke up, Edward was in my room.

"Edward? What are you doing here?"

"I felt bad. I wanted to apologize. I got so mad and then just left. I should have walked you to your door. I should have made sure it was safe. I'm sorry."

I just looked at him. I really wanted to like him, but at the same time, I didn't. I couldn't even explain it; there was a part of me that wanted to be with him, but then this part of me that thought I didn't deserve him. Then there was the part of me that thought he was a jackass. And the other part of me that thought he would look damn fine naked. I felt like a die, throw me and see what side of me landed up. I hoped to God it was the side that wanted to see him naked.

"Edward, it's okay. Really. You couldn't have known. I didn't even know. The person who is really to blame is that dumb ass police officer that was sitting outside the house. He was sleeping when he should have been protecting me."

"Yeah, I think I know who you're talking about. I saw your dad chewing out some guy in a police uniform out in the hall. I was afraid someone would have to restrain Charlie."

I just laughed and then sighed.

"Bella, can I ask you a question?"

"Only if I can ask you one."

"Fine." He paused

"Okay…"

"Why do you hate me?"

I stared at him for a moment. He looked like a little kid at that one second in time. He looked like the little boy that always got picked last in dodgeball. My heart gave a lurch for him and I had to stop myself from reaching out and stroking his face.

"I don't hate you Edward. It's just, it's complicated."

"What's complicated?"

"Well, it's just, you see. Hey! I said I'd A question, not some questions. It's my turn."

"But Bella—"

"Nope, my turn!" He just shook his head at me. I thought about what I wanted to ask him. I wasn't sure how to phrase it so I just opened my mouth and hoped it came out right. "Why did you say yes when Carlisle asked you to look out for me?"

It was a question I really needed answered. Because since I met Edward he hadn't been very keen on me. He acted like I was such a hindrance to him and that he never wanted to be around me. Like a week ago when he was getting mad at me for being in his sister's car. Wait, that wasn't a week ago, was it. That was earlier today, or was it yesterday, had a day passed already?

"I don't know."

I just sighed. Lame answer for lame answer. "What day is it?"

"It's Saturday."

We sat there looking at each other for a few minutes. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but he looked like he was trying to read my thoughts. He looked me deep in the eyes and for a second I saw the little boy again.

"Edward, where are you parents?"

He looked at me and the little boy was fighting for the surface. But the man in Edward was trying to hold him back. I wanted to yell at Edward to let the little boy go, but then he'd think I was crazy and we couldn't have that now could we?

"First answer my question. Why is it complicated?"

"Because…well, it's a lot of reasons. I don't hate you, but hating you is easier than loving you. That first day I saw you, I thought you were…attractive…" I blushed, remembering the thoughts about him and his body on that first day. "But then, I found out you were Carlisle's son and I didn't want to date 'The Shrink's Son.' Plus, its better if I hate you, because then we won't be friends. Because, and trust me on this, you don't want to be friends with me. I'm trouble, and I'm not worth it. As we've seen today, I'm way more trouble than I'm worth."

He looked about to refute this answer, but then stopped.

"14 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days ago my parents were murdered. I was staying at a friend's house and we were smoking pot and being reckless. I was not all there when his parents came in and told me that I needed to go to the hospital. Apparently this man broke into our house and was trying to steal some stuff. My dad heard him and came out to investigate and the man shot him. My mother heard the shot and then crept out of her room to see what had happened. She was coming around the corner when the man shot her too. A neighbor heard the shots and called the cops. When the cops got there the man was already gone." He paused at this and when I looked at him I realized the man was gone and the little boy sat before me. "They got my mom to the hospital, but my dad was dead before the cops even got there. They rushed her into surgery and did what they could, but they didn't think she would make it through the night. I got there and saw my mom lying on the bed. She looked so weak and pale." A stray tear slid down his cheek. "I was freaking high when I sat by my mother and held her hand. She looked at me and told me she loved me, then she passed away. I just sat there holding her hand for an hour. I didn't want to let go. I couldn't let go."

He stopped and hung his head.

"My mom married Phil." He looked up at me and I had to look away. I needed to tell him this story, but I couldn't do it with him looking at me. "My mom married Phil. When they were dating he seemed like a great guy, but the second the honeymoon was over he surgically attached a beer bottle to his hand. Some days I would get home from school and find him passed out drunk on the couch. Other days he would be fixing my bike, or building my mom a new shelf in the bathroom. One night I pissed him off and he threw me by the hair into my bedroom mirror. He liked to beat on my mom and I kept on trying to convince her to leave him. But she wouldn't." I stopped then, I couldn't breathe. Edward grabbed my hand and I tried to continue. "They were going out to celebrate their one year anniversary. I told my mom to be safe and to have fun. She called me at 8:30 from the car and told me that Phil had had a little too much to drink and that they were coming home early. I told her to drive safe. I waited up two hours, I was confused as to why they hadn't come home yet. I was about to call the cops when they showed up on my doorstep. They told me that there had been...had b…b…been an accident and that my mom." Again I paused, I couldn't say it. I looked at him now and I saw fresh tears on his face. "The bastard had swerved and gone off the road. He slammed on the breaks and my mom had gone flying through the windshield, but the car didn't stop. So she ended up pinned between a tree and the car. And that asshole, that freaking asshole was unscratched."

I started to sob then and couldn't stop. The nurse came in and asked Edward to step aside, that I was going into shock. I wanted to yell at the nurse that I wasn't going into shock, that I was finally feeling everything that I should. But before I could open my mouth she was injecting me with a sedative and the world was slowly melting away.

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