A/N: First part is Uhura's POV but then we get a scene with Jim/McCoy/Spock...with a little h/c thrown in, too. :)
Nyota peered through the xenozoology department doorway, looking for Dr. Jahnas. A sliver of light that flickered in the rear of the room barely pierced the darkness. Dr. Jahnas had begged to visit Jim upon his return to the Enterprise days earlier but McCoy had denied the request. Her insistence only increased two days ago when the news spread like wildfire that the captain had emerged from his catatonic state. And now, now that the captain had 'awakened,' the xenozoologist latest request hinted of desperation or possibly regret and bordered on insubordination. Because neither Nyota nor Spock could make sense of her extreme reaction they concluded it made sense to have Nyota speak with Dr. Jahnas and help settle any concerns she may have.
She expected to meet only Aleyah, as many others in the department were enjoying their time on shore leave, but Soona stood next to her. The women were quietly watching the Re'an snakes that had been collected from the planet for observation. Aleyah wore gloves along with her labcoat. As Nyota approached the women she immediately noticed not all twelve creatures were contained within the large glass box.
"Where are the others?" Although Nyota did not jump to conclusions that the xenozoologist had mishandled the snakes, her eyes darted around the room looking for the missing, poisonous creatures.
"Of the twelve we brought on board, only these seven remain." Aleyah'a eyes narrowed as she kept watch over the creatures. "Initially their symptoms mimicked a virus or indicated a reaction to the new environment, but further tests revealed that there is nothing medically wrong with them."
Soona touched the glass, her fingertips tracing the line of the snake closest to her. It slithered languidly until jerking in a sudden, grotesque twist as if a hand clutched its body with one powerful squeeze.
Aleyah frowned "See? It shouldn't be doing that. They are elegant creatures, just like the Re'an are elegant beings. That movement is uncharacteristic of them."
"That is one of the symptoms," Soona said quietly.
Aleyah's shoulders stiffened and she, too, pressed a hand to the glass, her expression almost longing.
"Symptoms?" Nyota questioned.
"They are worsening, for some much quicker than for others."
"The snakes are dying," Nyota said in surprise.
Soona's eyes reflected regret. "Those five perished not one hour ago, one right after the other in swift succession. They were the oldest. Each one of these creatures require the Re'an to survive. Their presence...their very powers are connected on a level none of us understood until now." Soona gathered her next words in a painful breath. "I am not a true Re'an. I am not indigenous to their species."
"And neither is Captain Kirk," Nyota murmured.
Soona crossed her arms, staring at the creatures. "I must embrace my human side now. There's nothing left for me to do."
"This is difficult for you. It will be difficult for the captain," Nyota said. If Jim knew about the relationship between the now extinct Re'an and the dying creatures, it could help him embrace what he already was - human. She frowned. No, that wouldn't do. On top of everything else, including the therapy Spock wanted to initiate the next time Kirk was awake, it could prove to be too much. If they pushed too hard and too fast, he would in turn rely completely on his Re'an tendencies and the culture would further imprint in his mind.
"I'm tied to these creatures, and so is he, so yes...it will hurt." Soona pulled her hand away from the glass. "These may survive only two more weeks, at most. One by one the creatures will die, but he and I will not."
Aleyah gave Nyota a hesitant glance. "Being that the captain cares on some level about these creatures, I would think that he needs to know. If he discovers this knowledge was kept from him, it would be even more upsetting to him later on."
Unlike her companions, Nyota was sufficiently informed of Jim's condition to know for a fact that it would deeply upset him. "I don't believe Captain Kirk is even aware that the snakes are aboard the Enterprise."
He's not even aware he is Captain, she added silently. That particular information she kept to herself, per Spock and Dr. McCoy's request. More importantly, very few knew anything of the captain's condition. This was not because of distrust of the crew - there was no distrust - but a decision to meticulously care for the precarious needs of the captain.
Aleyah's eyes softened unexpectedly. "The poor captain. He has endured so much, and I imagine whatever injuries he sustained are serious or we would have heard. I fear I added to his trouble even before he returned to Re'an V."
Nyota arched a brow but the xenozoologist continued without noticing her curiosity. Nyota contemplated that the trouble may have to do with Kirk's decision to keep Aleyah grounded on the Enterprise after the very first day on Re'an V. She decided to press Aleyah for that information later, as well.
Aleyah sighed. "I will log my observations and inform Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy of this development. I'm sure they will then decide the best, appropriate actions."
"Your captain may not ever be ready." Soona shook her head.
"Why not?" Aleyah trained wary eyes on the snakes.
"The Re'an meld effects are difficult to erase completely. I should know. It's been twenty years for me and time has taken care of only so much." Soona took a deep breath, the warning clear in her next words. "The pain from this...all of it...will last. Part of him will always be Re'an."
"Jim, the glove is fitted to your hand even when you sleep. It works on the hour. Right now it's working, and if...if ya happen to feel something pulling or hurting you, please let me know right away."
Jim weighed the words of the doctor in his mind. He wanted to ask if his adoptive father knew about this small detail, but considering the silence which he met after inquiring about such things a moment before, he decided to refrain. He also wanted to know how he sustained the injury, since Bones had glossed over that fact. He was only told that the broken bones and torn ligaments in his arm and hand had required aggressive treatment and now he required physical therapy. With his current limitations and ensuing recovery of several other injuries Bones had not explained, Jim was flat on his back and at the mercy of the very one who had abandoned him when he needed it most. It was the second day since he awoke, and it may have been only the fourth time that he'd opened his blinded eyes and spoken to Bones - but he wasn't sure. Jim continued to feel very confused and very alone and honestly a little frightened during the little time he was actually awake. He was thankful that other than the therapy they subjected him to, they had let him sleep most of the time, for time awake meant time spent thinking - altogether too much.
"Jim," Bones' voice held strain, just like it had each time Jim did awake. It was all Jim needed to hear to decide that the doctor had not told the truth. Bones really didn't want him here in his sickbay. "Did ya hear me?"
"Yes. It's fine." He couldn't feel it of course, but understood the doctor's cautioning.
More silence.
Even then, he did wrong. He took a deep breath. "Tell Mr. Scott thank you."
As soon as the words left his mouth, they hit his ears awkwardly. 'Scott' did not seem quite right. Was he supposed to call the engineer by something else?
"I will, Jim," Bones replied, Jim detecting a hint of forced cheeriness in the doctor's voice. "Now, I'm going to let Spock talk with ya about the other therapy."
"You're leaving?" He was slightly frightened of Bones and terrified of being yelled at again, but ironically, he didn't want the doctor to leave. He felt like a stranger on this ship, a ship he didn't even know why he was on in the first place. The Re'an couldn't help him right now is what they'd said. Although he recognized that friends surrounded him, Bones was the most familiar person and he was leaving. Jim's heart raced for the first time since he'd awakened. It was not a good feeling. In fact, whatever else was happening to his body didn't feel too good, either.
Pain slammed into his chest, all becoming hot and heavy as he heard Bones in the distance.
"No, no, no. Hey, Buddy, stay with me." The words were rushed, accompanied by ringing in his ears and the sounds of alarms. In seconds, he felt as if water rushed over him, dragging him down to a deep, deep floor, his body slowly but surely sinking.
Bones's voice was raised but Jim was unable to decipher what was said as he sank deeper and further away. The ache in his chest expanded, the feeling so terrifying the ability to take a single breath eluded him. Jim felt himself quickly losing the battle and time stretched as he strained. A voiceless plea escaped from his throat as the air thinned from his chest.
"Jim, I'm not leaving. I promise," the doctor soothed in his ear. Jim gave a stuttered gasp. "I gave you tri-ox. It's gonna be okay. You'll be breathing fine again in no time."
A priceless wave of air filtered through his body. "That...hurt," Jim strangled out as the water and pain receded.
"Your chest?"
"Yes." He wheezed, sucking in another breath.
"I'm sorry, buddy. You were having a panic attack."
"Jim, do you feel pain anywhere else?" Spock's voice surprised him. Jim had almost forgotten he was there. "Your right hand, perhaps?"
"My hand?" Breathing almost evenly now, he attempted to check, focusing on his hand as the Vulcan seemed to suggest without actually suggesting to do it...and grew confused. "Why would my hand..."
His voice trailed off as something like an ax seemed to hit his right arm and splinter down to his fingertips. A string of vulgar words he didn't realize he even knew fell from his lips. He squeezed his eyes shut, tears springing from their corners. He alternated between panting shallow breaths and cursing anything he could think of.
"Spock? His pain's off the charts! What the hell just happened! Jim, I'm sorry. Up until now, you couldn't feel the pain from your arm and hand at all." Bones voice grew distant. Jim whimpered, helpless as the only person who could help him was leaving right when the pain intensified. "I know you're getting this pain in a concentrated dose, Jim. I'm gonna give ya as much pain medication to you as I can safely. You're allergic to this one in higher dosages, but it's all I got for ya. Spock, if that was what I thought it was..."
"No...please...don't...go..," Jim said, rasping and instantly remorseful when he realized he should not be so assertive in his demands as a Re'an. Prince Lequa did well to teach him.
"Dr. McCoy will return." Spock's voice came quietly from his right side.
Unable to reply or even know if he was nodding or not, Jim attempted to work through pain that was even stronger than he'd had moments ago.
"I can help you work through your discomfort while we wait for Dr. McCoy."
Jim's face twisted into a grimace.
"Will you trust me?"
The back of his eyes stung with emotion he should push aside, and he felt a wave of darkness pulling him under with the pain. Would he forget to breathe again? Lose consciousness before Bones returned? It wouldn't be helpful to either Bones and Spock; he'd be more of a burden. Bones could still be angry with him. Jim wasn't entirely certain, despite the doctor's apology, but he selfishly wanted someone to trust completely. Bones had failed Jim when ...when he ...yelled at him because...because...Jim groaned with pain and frustration, unable to recall any specifics now, but it had been important and altogether, a heart-wrenching experience. He remembered Bones' anger and it struck his heart like a piercing arrow even now.
"Jim, I have never lied to you. You can trust me."
He chose to trust Spock. "Mmph," he groaned through gritted teeth.
"Open your mind. It is part of the therapy Dr. McCoy mentioned."
He obeyed, for that is what the Re'an did and so must he. He obeyed without truly understanding what exactly Spock had asked him to do, believing that cooperation the only appropriate action in this circumstance.
Something familiar trickled into his mind. Something familiar...and soothing. Jim wanted more and what was familiar urged him to take it. Little by little the soothing sensation grew larger than what had so destructively settled in his hand. Soon, Jim decided he was floating, the ax that had seemed to be tearing his hand apart no longer in sight.
"That's good," he whispered. Anything was better than feeling like a dull blade worked at sawing off his arm at the elbow or his hand.
"Can you feel your hand as you do when you are on the bridge? Without discomfort?"
The bridge? Jim blinked. What was the bridge?
"It is where you make important decisions, Jim," Spock said gently. "Trust me, as you always have. I've turned off the glove's capabilities to see how you can flex your fingers on your own. Can you clench your hand without feeling any pain?"
Jim still didn't understand, especially when Spock answered a question he hadn't even voiced, but he listened. He tried to squeeze his hand. It wouldn't cooperate. "No. I can't squeeze it."
"That is correct, Jim. You cannot, not without assistance from the therapeutic glove. Can you feel anything else other than pain in your hand?"
"Some type of...cloth?" Jim licked his lips, his mouth as dry as sand. This was work. Hard work. He needed water. Something smooth rubbed against his fingertips, and he spread his fingers the best he could to touch what felt like cool satin.
"Dr. McCoy will bring you water in a moment, Jim." Spock's voice, still gentle, now came from his left side. "That cloth is the glove touching your hand. It is smooth, as you already sensed."
"I'm feeling? With my hand?" Jim whispered.
"Yes, Jim."
"And I'm feeling my hand. And...my arm?" He hesitated. "And...that is okay?"
"Yes, it is perfectly fine. Jim?"
Vulcans didn't lie, so Jim allowed himself the satisfaction that he'd done well. And more than that, it was okay to feel. His hand at least. Just his hand and arm.
"Yes?"
"You can trust Dr. McCoy."
Jim frowned, waiting for clarification but a voice startled him.
"I'm back, Jim. I have your water."
Jim blinked in surprise at the doctor's silent return. The rim of a glass touched his lips and Jim allowed the straw to be placed in his mouth. He sipped, but in seconds was too exhausted to do more.
"The pain med is working as we speak, Jim. It'll take the edge off and you will soon be able to relax. After ya rest for awhile, we will see about gettin' ya some real food to eat." The doctor hesitated. "Jim, I'm glad you can feel your hand and arm. Ya did good. That's a huge step."
After Bones informed Jim he was adjusting the pillow under Jim's head and reiterated that it was time again to take a break, Jim didn't even mind that a twinge of the previous pain settled into his hand again. He could feel it - and that was all that mattered. It was a good thing to feel it - Spock said so and it seemed to please Bones. As Jim reveled in feeling the glove which molded to his hand, bickering began between the doctor and Vulcan that was oddly comforting.
"Spock, ya conveniently forgot to mention the possibility of that happening," McCoy hissed. "For Jim's sake, a little forewarning would've been nice."
"It was quite unintentional." Spock said, with an indignant air. "Do not forget the meeting in fifty-two minutes, doctor."
"Oh, don't you dare try and change the subject, Spock. And don't you dare stalk your green alien body outta this sickbay! We aren't finished. Unintentional? That's what you said the first time, ya hobgoblin..."
Jim decided they could figure out whatever it was that they needed to figure out without him and proceeded to ignore them both completely. Closing his eyes in the anticipation of sleeping, Jim unknowingly gave his physician and first officer a small but wonderful smile.
Author's Note: Hope you've enjoyed this posting. Although this will be explained in a chapter later on, I'm going with the idea that Jim is easily broadcasting his thoughts to Spock. I base this on the fact that Jim suffered greatly during the meld and does not have the mental control. Plus, I believe that some control in a bond must be learned anyways.
Thank you so much for your reviews - they are greatly appreciated! DLB48, thank you for beta-ing!
Happy New Year!