If I owned DGM, there would be more Komui moments.

Got Own?

Bruise

Chapter 15: Research

My eyes felt heavy as I woke up, and I had to struggle to open them. When did I lie down on a bed in the infirmary? Glancing around, I notice bandages on my right arm over where I had cut, and a needle and tube were inserted on the same appendage higher up.

"Finally awake," a voice says beside me. To my surprise, Kanda was sitting in a plastic chair next to my bed, an open book in his hands, and I ask, "What happened?"

Taking a short glimpse at me, the samurai replies, "You passed out from anemia, and I brought you here. Be happy Marie is your blood type."

"Wait," I say, sitting up, "you mean I had to have a transfusion?!"

"Yes, moron, that's exactly what I mean. Lavi is on a mission, so he couldn't contribute, and neither Lenalee nor I are blood type O."

Staring at my lap, I say, "I'm sorry."

Scoffing, Kanda growls, "No, you aren't."

"Yes, I am!"

"Then why do it?"

I don't reply, because the next thing I heard was, "Allen! You're awake!"

Looking at the door, I see Lenalee running towards me, worry and happiness written all over her face. When she gets to my bed, she says, "Are you feeling okay? Are you nauseous? Do you have a headache?"

"Lenalee, I'm fine! Really," I assure, giving her a smile.

"Brother told me that Kanda carried you here after you had a training accident, and I was so worried! You should be more careful around the woods. There's glass, obviously!" she chided, gesturing to my arm.

Training accident? Glass? Confusion set in until I realize one thing. Kanda lied about where my cuts came from to protect me. Kanda protected me, not to mention the fact that he gotten his brother to give blood for my transfusion.

"Right, I'll be more careful next time!" I say. Nodding, Lenalee continued, "Lavi was really worried, too. He almost forced the Order to let him board another train to come back to see you."

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

Glancing at Kanda later on that night, I ask, "Shouldn't you go back to your room and get some sleep? I mean, you don't have to stay."

"I know I don't have to stay. Are you trying to run me off?" he replied, looking away from his book. Shaking my head quickly, I say, "No! Nothing like that, but I thought…aren't you…mad at me?"

Closing the book in his hand, the bluenette sets it on the nightstand and moves his chair to the edge of the left side of the bed, taking my black hand in both of his as he looked at me, "Listen. I wasn't mad at you. I've never been mad at you."

"B-But you always yell at me and stuff," I murmur, looking down at our clasped hands.

"It wasn't anger. Not really. I have a tendency to act like that when I'm frustrated and…worried. Getting mad at you would be counterproductive, and I don't want you to think that I don't care," he says slowly, and I was shocked. Kanda just admitted that he cared about me―and a lot, for that matter.

"Ka―Yu, why didn't you tell the nurse and Lenalee the truth?"

His thumb gently rubbed circles into the back of my hand, and he answers, "It wasn't my place to tell them. Besides, I didn't want you to regret trusting me even more."

For a moment, I simply sit there, processing his words carefully before, still not looking at him, I say, "I didn't mean it. Really, I didn't. And Lavi isn't hurting me, so when you brought it up, it made me feel like you didn't trust me."

"And as much as I want to, you know that I don't believe that."

"I know, and you don't have to. All you have to do is stay out of that part of my life," I say.

"Why won't you let me protect you?" Kanda asks, using a hand on my cheek to direct my gaze to his. Firmly holding my ground, I stare into his eyes and reply, "I don't need you to protect me. I can take care of myself."

"If you can take care of yourself, why are you shaking?" he asks, and I realize that I was doing just that. Trembles were surging through my body, and even his hand was shaking from the tremors of my body. Since the tube was out of my arm now, I roll over to face him, but shrug out of his grasp, pulling the blankets over me completely. Through the sheet, I could make out Kanda's silhouette, and he says, "I can't help you if you won't tell me, but I won't force you."

Peeking out of the blankets, I see him move the chair back to its original position before beginning to read his book again, and I ask, "How long have I been unconscious?"

"Since I brought you here."

"Which was?"

"This is your third night."

I was slightly caught off guard by the answer, but I continue, "Yu?"

"Hm?"

Bringing the sheet over my nose shyly, I peer at him curiously, "How long have you been here?"

Glancing at me momentarily before looking back at his book, he's silent for a moment. I was about to repeat the question, but he replies, "Other than the time I took to eat and bathe, the whole time."

Staring at him in astonishment, I ask, "Y-You have?"

"Shut up and sleep, Moyashi," he growled, but I knew he wasn't ticked, just slightly embarrassed. Smiling widely, I whisper, "Goodnight, Yu."

"Che," was the closest thing to an answer I got, but I still felt better. I wasn't alone, because Kanda was here, protecting me, and that made me feel safe.

Just as sleep was about to claim me, I felt a large, warm hand in my hair, followed by Kanda whispering, "Goodnight, Allen. Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Why won't you let me help you? Baka Moyashi, you're so narrow-minded sometimes."

Narrow-minded? I repeat mentally, wanting to ask him what he meant, but I was stopped when I felt rough lips on my forehead for several seconds. My heartbeat raced as the bluenette pulled away, taking his hand with him, and I hear the click of the lamp being switched off.

Did Kanda just kiss me while he thought I was asleep? Silently, I crack open my eyes, finding the samurai to be lying in the empty bed next to me, and he turns his back to my bed. Smiling, I try to go back to sleep. It was a dream.

Yeah, a really, really good dream.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

Karou walked silently through the towering shelves, eyes darting around for a book he wanted in the mental health section, and he finally found exactly what he needed.

He glanced at the back of the book by the title of "Signs of Abuse and How to Help". It covered domestic violence, self-harm, emotional abuse, eating disorders, sexual abuse, and even suicide warnings.

Ally was in her room, having been there since she was released from the infirmary early this morning, and Karou had promised to take her to lunch which was in about an hour.

Sitting in a fluffy chair, Karou opened the book, flipping through the different sections, and he carefully read the advice and reactions. Maybe he couldn't stop all the crap that was happening with Ally, but he could certainly help.

Unfortunately, the more he read, the more he realized that the whitette hadn't been eating very much. And Karou had noticed that his toothpaste seemed to be running out a lot more quickly than a normal person's.

Oh gosh, don't tell me he has purging anorexia!? The samurai internally screamed, trying to find something to convince him otherwise. His eyes found the sentence that said that people who purge generally have unusually wide necks, and he skeptically eyed it, but decided to look into it.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

"Come on, Moyashi," Kanda grunted as I hastily applied my makeup, trying to ignore his oddly attentive gaze. Looking at him through the mirror, I ask, "Can you please wait by the door?"

Raising an eyebrow at me, the bluenette moved from where he had been leaning against the doorframe, propping himself with one hand against the vanity, and he lightly takes my wrist, pulling my hand away from my face, "Why do you want me to do that?"

Averting my gaze from his, I mutter, "You always look aggravated when I put on my makeup, and I don't like to think that you're disapproving of it."

"Why do you care about my opinion?" he asked, slowly releasing my wrist, and I begin on my foundation again. Blushing, I stammer, "Well, I…I guess that… um…."

"Spit it out!"

Under his harsh gaze and annoyed voice, I blurt, "I respect your opinion!"

Eyes widening, I quickly busy myself with my powder after I finish the first step, avoiding Kanda's slightly aghast expression, but then he snaps out of it, continuing to look indifferent as he told me to hurry up, walking back into my bedroom. It doesn't take long for me to finish, and since we were going to train after lunch, I slip a box of strong breath mints into my pocket.

When Kanda and I get to the cafeteria, the line was relatively short, which made me happy as I ordered my dozen plates of food, and in less than five minutes, the bluenette and I sat down at our usual table towards the back of the dining room. Lenalee hadn't come yet, and Lavi was on another mission.

"Hey, Kanda, Allen!"

I turn around while Kanda just looks forward, finding Reever walking towards us quickly, and he says, "Komui wants to see the two of you when you're done eating. It's about a mission."

We nod simultaneously, watching the blond man walk out of the cafeteria, and I turn back to my food, eating quickly. Granted, I could easily eat double this amount, but the more I eat, the more I vomit, and the thought didn't exactly encourage such behavior. Glancing up at Kanda, I find the older teen to be lost in thought as he eats his soba, staring at the space between us absently, and I ask, "Yu?"

"Hm?" he replies somewhat distantly, not looking at me.

"Are you okay?"

This catches his attention, and he moves his gaze up to mine, "Yeah, I was just thinking."

"About?" I press curiously, finishing my food. Sighing, Kanda says, "I'm worried about Ally."

Now it was my attention that was grabbed, "What happened?"

"Well," he begins, "Karou told me that he thinks she has an eating disorder."

This girl was so much like me it was scary, but I mean, I don't have an eating disorder, do I? Maybe I didn't eat much anymore and forced myself to vomit it back out of my system, but it wasn't an eating disorder, right? "What kind? I don't really know much about them."

Glancing at me, he raises an eyebrow, "There are three main types: anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating."

"What are those? I mean, I know what anorexia is, but…." I trail off. Nodding, Kanda explains, "Binge eating is where you simply can't stop eating, and you became severely overweight. Bulimia nervosa is better known as binging and purging. First, you would binge eat until you nearly become sick, and then you would do something to force yourself to vomit, followed by taking laxatives."

"There are other types, aren't there?" I ask. Maybe I do have an eating disorder, but it wasn't classified.

Watching me curiously, the samurai continues, "Those are just the main types. Some people have parts of two different ones. If I'm not mistaken, one of the most popular types is purging anorexia."

"Purging anorexia?" I repeat, slightly unnerved by the definition my brain was developing.

"Someone with purging anorexia will starve themselves, but not as drastically as someone with anorexia, and then purge, or force themselves to vomit."

Kanda seemingly was waiting for my reaction, staring at me as I found my lap very interesting. So according to him, I have purging anorexia, which is an eating disorder. "Nothing bad happens from it, right?"

When I look up, the bluenette's expression was a mix between shock and mocking, and he gazes at me seriously, "Are you a moron? Of course it's bad!"

"Why? What could happen?"

Sarcastically, he says, "Let me think. Oh, there's malnutrition, dehydration, paralysis, edema, muscle atrophy, tearing of the esophagus, gastric rupture, gastrointestinal bleeding, reflux disorders, cancer, insomnia, hyperactivity, diabetes, several types of hypotension, kidney failure, anemia, osteoporosis, arthritis, your teeth can fall out, seizures, liver failure, and death. Those are just the ones I remember."

"I get the point," I say, holding up a hand, so he doesn't try to remember another slew of disorders and diseases I've never heard, but the ones I did know were scaring me. How could things like that happen just by simple eating disorders? And that's exactly what I asked.

"Simple? There's nothing simple about it," he growled. After a moment, he added in a lower voice, so only I could hear, "It's just as self-destructive as cutting is, Moyashi."

I don't mention the name, and soon we head to Komui's office after getting rid of our plates. Truthfully, I was thinking about what Kanda had said about it being self-destructive. Part of me couldn't help but feel like he directed that comment at me, but how could he have? He doesn't know that I have so-called "purging anorexia", and he won't know, but that still was aggravating me.

"Yu, why did you tell me all that?" I ask, finally giving into my curiosity. Glancing at me before looking back at the hall we were walking down, he replies, "When you don't know the effects of something, there isn't a reason not to do it. I just don't want you to get an eating disorder. It's the same with cutting."

I force my face to continue looking interested even though I was freaking out internally, "And why do you think I would do something like that?"

"I don't," he mutters bluntly. "I didn't think you'd become a cutter, either, and I didn't―"

"Shut up! For the last time, Lavi isn't abusing me!" I hiss, glaring heatedly at the samurai as his facial expression doesn't falter. Looking at me callously, Kanda mutters, "And for the last time, I don't believe it."

Stepping in front of him, I hold my ground, staring angrily at him, "You say that it's supposedly obvious. What's so obvious? You have no proof."

Grabbing my wrist, he roughly pulls me out of the hallway and into the conveniently placed men's bathroom that no one ever uses since the Order installed the ones in our rooms. After he closes and locks the door, the bluenette presses my back to the wall beside the sinks, but even though I know he's livid―not that his face gives it away or anything―, I notice that he's being extremely careful with me as if I was fine china.

"Look at me," he growls, staring me in the eyes, and I'm slightly surprised that he knew that I was about to turn my head. He takes a breath, slowly letting it as his features soften somewhat, "I can remember when you were the guy that was constantly protecting his friends, never giving up on anything, even if it was impossible. And I can still see that in you, but the problem is that you put others' happiness before your own."

Our bodies were very close. Almost too close for someone else, but I found myself drawn to his body like it was mitarashi dango. Okay, maybe that was a weird analogy, but you get the point!

"Why do you care about my happiness?" I ask quietly, unable to avert my gaze from Kanda's sapphire eyes, but they weren't as hard as a real gem. "What's changed? You used to hate me…."

"You really are narrow-minded," he says nearly inaudibly and looks away, but I'm not going to take that answer, because it's not one.

"Give me a real answer!" I demand, staring up at him determinedly. Turning his gaze back to focus on me, Kanda moves one of his hands that had been on the wall beside me to my cheek, cupping it affectionately, and he leans closer to me slowly until I can feel his breath on my lips. His eyes watch me carefully, waiting for some type of objection while his bangs make him look like he was trying to seduce me, and as I close my eyes, he whispers, "Because of this."

Author Note: Oh, so many people probably hate me right now! Next chapter will be out Sunday, and until then, please, Please, PLEASE R/R!