If I owned DGM, Klaud Nine would be shown more often, because she is awesome!
Bruise
Chapter 16: Exposed
"Give me a real answer!" I demand, staring up at him determinedly. Turning his gaze back to focus on me, Kanda moves one of his hands that had been on the wall beside me to my cheek, cupping it affectionately, and he leans closer to me slowly until I can feel his breath on my lips. His eyes watch me carefully, waiting for some type of objection while his bangs make him look like he was trying to seduce me, and as I close my eyes, he whispers, "Because of this."
After so much waiting, his lips finally come down on mine, sweet like fresh dew and rough like tree bark, and yet, I loved the feel of them. Maybe that's masochistic, but I couldn't care less as I let myself melt in his arms that had somehow gotten around my waist. My fingers twist themselves into Kanda's hair, pulling out the hair tie, and I grab at the locks cascading down his back and shoulders. I feel the bluenette smirk into the kiss when I let out a tiny whimper, moving my lips against his with equal intensity, and I attempt to push us closer together, though it wasn't physically possible.
A sharp pain in my bottom lip causes me to gasp, and Kanda doesn't waste the opportunity to dart his tongue into my mouth quickly. His slick muscle slides against mine, pushing it back like it was in the way, but I refuse to give up that easily, fighting back fiercely. Apparently Kanda found that hot, because he let out a deep moan into the kiss, trying harder to win dominance over me, and after another minute of battling, he successfully forces me to surrender.
His tongue explores my mouth greedily while I continue messing with his hair, pulling on it lightly and waiting for his reaction. After a moment, I try it again, jerking harder on the tresses, and Kanda's breath hitched, his body unconsciously driving me into the wall, causing both of us to moan loudly.
Kanda pulls away first, panting hard as I gasp for breath, and he quickly looks away ashamedly. Momentarily, I don't understand, my oxygen supply still desperately trying to replenish itself, and I lean against the wall for support. Not saying anything, the bluenette rushes out the door, leaving me flushed and panting all alone in the bathroom as the weight of what I had just done finally plummets full-force onto me.
I cheated. I just cheated on Lavi! Falling to the floor, I let my head heavily drop into my crossed arms on my knees, and I let tears slip down my cheeks. We'd made the promise that neither of us would ever cheat on each other, and even though Lavi's broken it twice, I've forgiven and forgotten, but now I went and kissed Kanda! What kind of boyfriend was I?!
Reaching up to touch my lips, I smile and blush when I remember how it felt for Kanda's lips to be on mine, even though I slightly hated myself for it. It felt right for him to be holding me while he kissed me like if he stopped, the world would go down in flames. But I couldn't stand the thought of cheating on Lavi! How could have I done something so awful?!
And if it was so awful, why did feel so good?
oO_Oo_oO_Oo
Kanda and I didn't speak at all throughout the mission except if it concerned the case, and even then we used as few words as possible to communicate. After two weeks in Turkey, the two of us and our finder are on the train back to the Order.
Pulling out my headphones and iPod, I begin listening to my music silently, not looking at Kanda. "And don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not. Oh baby, when I know you're only sorry you got caught.
"But you put on quite a show, really had me going. Now it's time to go, curtains finally closing. That was quite a show, very entertaining, but it's over now. So go on and take a bow."
Shaking my head quickly, I switch the songs, not really in the mood for that kind of music at the moment for obvious reasons. Even though I was curled up on the seat, facing the back, I could feel Kanda's gaze boring into my from behind, and I glance over my shoulder. He doesn't even try to hide his staring, and I mutter uncaringly, "What do you want?"
"Are you ever going to speak to me again?" he asked in reply, our eyes fighting some sort of battle. Removing my headphones, I roll over onto my back, gazing at the ceiling of the train compartment, "Why would I?"
"Moyashi."
"It's Allen."
"Moyashi."
"Good gosh, Kanda, what?!"
"Why are you so mad at me?" he asked, and I glare at him. He knew the answer. I knew that, and he knew I knew that. So why on Earth would he ask? Scowling, I mutter, "You know full well why I'm angry."
Quicker than I blink he was over me, trapping me under him as I squirm in a desperate attempt to free myself and escape the intoxicating scent of autumn woods. Eventually, I push against his chest in a last-ditch effort before giving up, lying limply under him, and I turn my head to the side, staring at the booth he had been sitting in a moment ago. A shiver runs through me, alerting me that Kanda's lips were millimeters away from my ear, and he whispers, "You may be supposedly angry, but you can't look me in the eyes and tell me that you didn't like it."
"Didn't like what?" I say coldly, still not facing him. I wish that I had never let him in, that I had never let him know how exposed I felt like this, and the closeness of our bodies wasn't helping that. Not only was it impossible to escape, but I wasn't even sure if I wanted to, and that's what really scared me.
"Don't play dumb with me," he says sternly yet seductively, and I couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to be like this. Absolutely irresistibly dominant over me, and I didn't mind like I would if it was someone else.
"Why not? Seems like a good idea," I reply, closing my eyes to try and my rid myself of the devastatingly obvious erection I was getting. Can anyone say disaster?
Another shiver courses through me as Kanda presses his lips to the juncture of my jaw and neck, and I allow him to do it as he continues to my ear, licking the shell of it before biting lightly. Every part of my brain screams at me to make him stop, that this was just as bad as kissing him lips-to-lips, and I was cheating on Lavi again, but my body wouldn't react. Well, it did, but I don't want to discuss what was happening to me there. Kanda smirks when I can't stop a small moan from passing through my lips, and he asks evocatively, "I told you that you liked it."
"No, I don't! It's wrong! I have a boyfriend!" I protest, once again thrashing in order to get out from under him. Patiently, the bluenette waits for me to surrender, and I do just that a few minutes later, growling, "Get off."
Gripping my chin gently but firmly, he says, "I don't think so. Lately, I've been acting like you wanted me to, but I think that I should get a reward for being the good puppy you've been treating me as."
"What on Earth are you talking about?" I ask, staring defiantly though curiously into his cobalt orbs. "I thought you liked Ally."
He gives me a "you should be given the idiot of the year award" look before shaking his head, "I really thought that the Moyashi would understand something at this point. I should rethink things."
"Tell it to me straight, dang it!"
Glaring almost dangerously at me, Kanda says, "Fine. What name sounds like Ally?"
"I don't know. Alex. Alec. Allen…."
He raises an eyebrow at me as the light bulb above my head lit up, and I stare at him, speechless. Ally is me? Then Karou must be…Kanda, and Luke is Lavi. Wait, what does this have to do anything?!
"Okay, I'm Ally. Why was I a girl?"
"Moron! Is that the only thing that you're concerned about?!" he says as if I should know why he's so ticked at this moment. Staring at him, I say, "Yeah, it is. I don't understand what the deal is. Luke is Lavi and you're Karou. Again, what's the issue?"
As I finish saying this, my mind actually begins working for once.
"No, I gave her cute nickname instead."
"Though, when she acts like that, it doesn't matter if you've had an awful day, because you just have to smile."
"She's convinced herself that she's not worth anything, and it really worries me, but I can't do much about it."
"I think that Karou has loved Ally for a really long time, but he just doesn't really know how to tell her, even though she seems to feel the same way."
"What would you suggest to Karou for admitting his love for Ally then? I'm curious to see how you would handle it."
"Anyways, I think Karou should heed your advice."
"You know all of them very well, so if I told you one person, you'd know everyone. All I'll say is that there's only one love triangle going on at the Order, you know about it whether you realize it or not."
"My Baka Moyashi."
"I'm the only one you've let in."
"Listen. I wasn't mad at you. I've never been mad at you."
"It wasn't anger. Not really. I have a tendency to act like that when I'm frustrated and…worried. Getting mad at you would be counterproductive, and I don't want you to think that I don't care."
"Why won't you let me protect you?"
"Goodnight, Allen. Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Why won't you let me help you? Baka Moyashi, you're so narrow-minded sometimes."
"You really are narrow-minded."
"I want you to call me by my given name."
"K-Kanda…" I whisper, eyes wide with shock as he continues to look down at me like I was a moron. And I agree at this point. I am a moron. "I-I'm sorry. Y-You tried s-so hard to ma-make it obvious, and I j-just…."
"Just shut up," Kanda growled, moving off of me to sit in his seat on the other side of the compartment, and I don't move. For the next hour, I lay in utter shock of the realization I had had. After that, I go to the bathroom and get ready to sleep before lying on my seat with my exorcist jacket draped over me. Kanda and I didn't speak at all that night. Or the next morning. Or the next week.
Oo_oO_Oo_oO
Luckily, Lavi got back from his mission and was given time to rest for a while. I spent most my time with him, eating and training together before we sleep in my bed, his arms wrapped protectively around me.
It had to be past midnight, and I could feel Lavi's chest rising and falling steadily against my back as I lay with my eyes open, staring up at the painting Kanda had pinned over my bed. We hadn't talked in almost two weeks, and it was starting to annoy me. The bluenette was constantly asking to go on new missions, and Komui didn't mind assigning them to him since Lavi was staying at the Order more often.
Sighing, I pry myself out of my boyfriend's arms, crawling around him before standing, and I make my way to the bathroom.
"All…Allen?" Lavi slurred, blinking with sleepiness from his eyes. Giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, I whisper, "Go back to sleep. I'm just going to take a shower."
More awake now, he sits up, "Is something wrong? You can tell me."
Shaking my head, I say, "No, I'm fine. I just need to be by myself for a while."
"Okay," he says sleepily, lying back down, and quiet snores can be heard from him before I even close the bathroom door. Flipping on the light, I step out of my underwear quickly and turn on the water to the shower while a small growl erupted from my stomach. Not only had I missed breakfast and dinner, I also purged to rid myself of my measly lunch, but Lavi had said that I looked better, so it was worth it. I step under the showerhead that was pouring water, pulling the curtain behind me, and I let the nearly scalding liquid hit my face.
Sitting in the bottom of the tub, I let out a long sigh, my hand feeling around in the corner of the wall and porcelain until the clatter of plastic falling into the tub echoes through the bathroom. For a moment after picking it up, I simply stare dumbly at the razor and then at the dozen cuts on my legs, because if Kanda ever did start caring again, the first thing he would check would be my arms. At least this way he won't find them.
Pressing the razor to the flesh of my leg, I grit my teeth as I push on it and drag it slowly, gasping at the pain, but I still cut as deep as possible without hitting something important. I repeat the step twice before washing the blood from the cutting device and setting it back in its place.
For some reason, I find myself expecting the door to burst open, revealing a distraught Kanda as he ran to my aid, worriedly shouting at me and asking why I would cut myself.
Part of me still couldn't comprehend that he loves me, and the other part was still in shock, but there wasn't really anything I could do about it. Lavi is my boyfriend, and just because Kanda loves me too doesn't mean I'm going to dump the redhead. The arrogant bluenette can learn to deal with it.
But why do I feel so empty? Every day when I walk into the cafeteria, I look at the table he normally sits at, waiting for him to be there eating his soba silently before he scowls when I sit across from him. Every day when I train with Lavi, I can hear the sound of metal slashing through the air in the next room, and I remember the day we played in the rain together, Kanda angrily chasing me as I ran for my life with his hair band. Every day when I walk into the bathroom, I look at the words on the mirror and wait for him to slip his arms around me from behind, saying that I'm beautiful.
Tears fall from my eyes and I wait for his thumb to wipe them away before he pulls me into a tight embrace, stroking my hair as I nuzzle into his chest.
I never feel like this when Lavi is on a mission, so why do I feel like I'm not complete without Kanda beside me?
Author Note: Okay, so no cliffhanger this time! Such a bore! Anyways, please, Please, PLEASE R/R!